|
He followed me and still tried to have sex with me... What do I do?
The other night my roommates had a party and one of their co workers was over. I went to bed and the next thing I know is he is coming g into my room asking if he can sleep in my room because his shoulder is out. Feeling sorry for him I said yes but made it clear that I was not gonna have sex with him and that he needed to stay on his side of the bed. The next thing I know he is kissing me and touching me and I told him to stop and said no but he just kept going so I tried to stop him but he them held me down knowing that he was stronger. I kept up with asking him to stop and saying no but of course he kept going. He then pulled down my pants and pinned my legs to were I couldn't move. I tried kicking and my pleas became more but he just kept going. He was telling me I was teasing and that I liked it. Even though I wasn't teasing and I didn't like it. The thing that made him stop for awhile was my daughter waking up. I was able to get up and put her to sleep again making sure she was safe. He followed me and still tried to ha e sex with me. Finally he stopped trying and went to sleep but I feel dirty and ugly and that I put myself in that situation. I don't know what to do or were to turn. All I see is it happening. I can't sleep or eat. I can barely function
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
What you need to do right now is call the police and bring charges against this man for attempted rape, sexual harassment and assault and battery.
If the responding officer says you gave consent by allowing this man to lay next to you ask for the officer's supervisor to respond. Allowing someone to lay next to you to even cuddle with you is not consent to have sex. You must be willing to have sex which you say you were not and said so over and over. This is attempted rape. If he penetrated you in any manner then it is rape. HE doesn't have to complete the act or fully penetrate you for it to be rape. Once penetration occurs the charge goes from attempted rap to rape.
So not let your roommates talk you out of charging this man. If he tried this with you he has done so with others and will do so again.. Lets get this guy off the streets and where he belongs in jail. Any type of rape or attempted rape or forcible type of sex is a horrible crime he belongs in jail. see to it he gets there.
Now to help you I would like you to call an organization called RAIN; which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. They are a national Sexual Assault Hotline. The call is free and confidential. They have counselors who will help you get the help you need to put this in the right perspective so you can get on with your life and take care of your daughter. Please call them they can and will help you.
]
I agree, forcing you even if he didn't end up having sex is intent to rape and you need to report this to police. the reason it is so important is that it works much better for convicting a possible rapist if there is a paper trail. In case he tries something again by stalking you, the police would have this previous offense on record and probably call him in. Also if he has actually done the same to other girls and actually gone all the way thru with it, then the more girls who file a complaint against him makes it all the easier to prosecute him. It is not you who are dirty or ugly.
But i WILL say that you are dangerously naive. And that makes it a danger to your daughter to have a man who is really a stranger to you, stay the night in your home. Just because he was at a friends party doesnt mean the friend knows him alll that well or is a good judge of character. It was a very bad move to do this. I know you love your daughter and wouldnt think of putting her in harms way. But just what if he pretended interest in you but pretended to fall asleep and waited until you were, then if he was a pedophile, he went after your daughter? If you can't be cautious for your own self, at least be so for your child. I know you have learned from this. Do not trust any stranger like this ever again.
]
What happened to you is rape. Any situation where someone tries to have sex without consent is rape. I strongly recommend you go to the police and report him. You don't have to, but it might put him behind bars. If you choose not to, or he doesn't go to jail, stay the hell away from him.
It sounds like you're having trouble dealing with this on your own. Whether you report it or not, you should strongly consider going to therapy. A therapist can help you deal with the aftermath of this, far better than people on this website can. If you can't afford therapy, there are online resources, as well as crisis hotlines you can call. Rainn.org is one I've heard good things about, and there are many others out there.
You could also consider taking self-defense classes, which can help with feeling scared and/or helpless. It helps to know that you can kick ass if you need to.
If this happens again, call 911 or yell as loud as possible.
This is not your fault, and you are never responsible for someone else's actions. He is responsible for what happened. End of story.
]
If you are in the US, you should call 1.800.656.4673. That's the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline, and you'll be able to talk to a trained person from a sexual assault service provider in your area.
He sexually assaulted you and raped you.
You didn't 'put' yourself in any situation. You were a human being who can fairly expect NOT to be raped, even if you danced around naked screaming about sex. You said no, very clearly, and repeatedly. You were raped. There is NOTHING you can ever do that means you deserved to be raped.
Tell your roommate that this coworker may never, ever enter your home again. Not ever. If that person ever enters your home again, you should definitely call the police. You have a right to be safe in your own home, and to never have this person in it again.
You can also press charges, and if that is a path you want to go down, you can talk to people at the hotline about that too.
Don't be alone and isolated anymore. Your daughter needs her mom to get help and be supported right now. Call the hotline, get some help.
]
More Questions: |