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boyfriend is always late
I am 23 year old female dating a 27 year old male, We have been together for over a year and a half. I am growing very increasingly frustrated at his lack of time management. He is NEVER on time for anything, in fact he is always at least 30 minutes late. He will tell you he is ready at 1pm but really he isn't till 130pm. This is every single day, and while yet I have learned to tell him a half hour early most of the time, sometimes I can't. I have a very busy life and I work a lot, so when I have a day off I want to plan and do something fun, but it always seems to get ruined or delayed because of him. What does he do that makes him late? He sits on his ass watching tv and lies that he is ready and then rushes to get ready when it's already too late. I have had the most anger building up over this, we have had many discussions and arguments about him being late. I have told him he makes me feel so disrespected and how my time off is important whether it is 30 minutes late or not, I am always waiting on him. He always makes small lies about where he's at, saying he's right on the road on the way there yet he is just leaving his house.
What more can I even do before I finally become so miserable I have to break it off with him. How do you break up with someone you love just because they are never on time and you can't rely on them. Some days I am patient and it's not a big deal but other days I have so much anger and frustration it makes me a person who I have never been. I'm probably mostly writing this just to vent, since I shouldn't message my friends anymore because they can only hear it so many times lol.
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There are two things that could be in play here. He could just be ignorant of the social graces of being where you say you are going to be when you say you will be. This is much different than being lazy. It is also something that is learned. I learned this from my First Commanding Officer who told us all when he took Command, "If you have an appointment with me and you are not 5 minutes early, you are late." This has been my rule of life ever since.
The other is plain poor time management skills. Time management is again something that is learned. Some of us come by it almost naturally others need to set a daily, weekly and monthly calendar with dates and times we need to be places and allotting of time to do things.
You most likely manage you time very well without the aid of a daily calendar and time allotment chart. Your BF on the other hand may need certain crutches to get a handle on his time and possibly a better watch with an alarm to remind him of important times he needs to do things.
If his tardiness is not due to simple laziness I would suggest not throwing the baby out with the bath water. Instead sit him down and explain to him just how frustrating and a deal breaker his tardiness is. Offer to help him get a handle on managing his time.
If he does not own a watch buy him one. Set up alarms on his phone its easy simply down load an alarm clock app. Sit down with pen and paper and list what he needs to do every day and when. Then a lot how much time each takes including travel time. Then put this in to a daily pocket an or a desk calendar for him. A franklin calendar is best for this.
This is a time to be blunt with him and tell him straight out that he could be losing the best thing that ever happened to him. Even at 27 years of age he could be totally ignorant of how devastating tardiness is to others.
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What he does is nothing more than a bad habit. And its hard for a person to break a bad habit until they are personally fed up with being that way and are willing to really apply themselves to finding the right solution to breaking the cycle and willing to stick with it, by their own will, without encouragement from others.
When younger, my middle daughter always waiting til the last minute to take care of things, like handing us a permission slip for a field trip on the morning of that trip, with a need for money to go along with when my wallet was empty and they didnt want checks, just cash. As a result, she didnt get to go and cried up a storm but it was her fault. We began to even call her "last minute (her name)" all the time. Nothing we said or did changed that. What did help her change is learning to have some adult responsibility. Can't say it'll work for your boyfriend. But I do think that telling him that if he doesnt change within a given amount of time (the goal to meet) then you will count it as a deal breaker to staying with him. (the consequence)
For my daughter, she wanted money as a teen, her own money. We were always so poor and couldn't help with even cheap stuff plus Dad lost a few jobs in a row so we were always behind on bills.
So she decided to get a job. With a job, she had to be on time because if she wasn't, she'd be fired. It took getting a paycheck and enjoying the reward of being dependable for her to realize how important it was to not be late or last minute, especially with employment. SHe saw others let go for being consistantly late. She is now at your age, a very punctual person. So it is possible for a person to change with the right motivation. If giving him an ultimatum isnt enough to make the boyfriend change, then perhaps he doesn't care aboout you as deeply as you once thought. He can say I love you all he wants, but if he can't back it up with actions, then his words are meaningless.
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The only other thing you can do is make sure he knows this could be a deal breaker. Don't fight, or argue. Pick a moment you aren't pissed off to let him know that this problem is big enough for you, that it has you asking yourself if you can continue on with this relationship.
He'll probably say he is trying, or that it's not a big deal, and that's fine, he can say whatever he wants. Try not to argue with him, because what is really important is that he hears you clearly: It doesn't matter WHY he is this way. It doesn't matter if he doesn't think it's a big deal. You think it's a big deal, and it's a big enough deal that you are considering ending the relationship over it.
It's not 'giving him an ultimatum' - it's just the truth. If he doesn't choose to change this, there is a very good chance you will choose to end this.
That's really your last hope. Let him know clearly that if this doesn't change, it might kill your relationship. Maybe he thinks it shouldn't or doesn't matter, but he needs to understand that what he thinks doesn't change how you feel.
No one is perfect. You always have to accept certain irritations and limitations from the people you love, but when you can't accept it anymore, then the love starts to die.
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