I love helping people. I've always been a good listener and people often come to me for advice.
I am a married mother of 5 children 11 yrs-27 yrs.
2 are step-children in case you checked my age, I didn't start when I was 12 :)
Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Occupation: Realtor
Age: 39
Member Since: March 31, 2014
Answers: 29
Last Update: June 26, 2014
Visitors: 3409
Main Categories:
Love Life
Spirituality
View All
|
| |
|
Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed) (link)
|
In purely technical terms yes. If you still have your hymen in tact then you are still a virgin.
|
Jist of what happened in the past
- I liked his best friend, same college
- We met and even though things got messed up ended up liking each other
- Started dating when he passed out (im still doing my undergrad)
- we have been dating a year. I'm 19 he's 22
- our parents know about us and we have met both sides
- we met in college and then he passed out and started giving exams
- he couldn't clear the exams he gave so his parents got paranoid about him going on the wrong path or getting distracted because of me
- he promised his mom hed clear the last exam for us to prove to her he can do something
- he started working with this ngo in town so we would see each very often
- our friends knew and he even told his best buds that he'd marry me if we continue dating for a while
- we never had any problems even though he is a bit flirtatious with other women he was loyal to me
- Had a few fights because of the guys friends I had but it was all sorted out
A week back since I'm on vacation across the country he texted me saying that his result came out and he didn't clear it so he had to break up to concentrate on his career
He said he still loved me but he had to let this go since we were mad about each other. He said he hoped we got back together but couldn't promise anything for the future and didn't want to give me false hopes.
He said I was the best thing that happened to him. He also said his parents raised him and he needs to make them proud by achieving something in life and hence he needs to give up all the distractions in his life.
Its been a week and he wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages and has completely cut off. He told his friends he called it off and didn't give a reason and he wouldn't reply back to my friends at all.
I don't know what to do. I want him back because I love him even if it involves waiting but I don't know what is going on in his mind. I am also scared out of stupidity hed go any do something really reckless to get over me.
I don't know what to say to him when we meet when I get back but I am willing to do anything to rectify this. Do you have any advice as to why this happened and it could truly get him back? Or am I living in a dream world where fairytales exist and he is truly over me? (link)
|
It sounds like he just wants a break to focus on his studies and make his parents proud. If they feel you are a distraction to him then they are probably pushing him to focus his life.
It sounds like you both love each other.
Write him a letter maybe? Tell him how you feel and that you understand his decision and you'll wait for him. Enjoy your time away and try to get together and talk with him when you get back.
If you both really love each other, you will find a way to make it work.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
I am a girl,age 23. my father has died in 2009, my mom is alive but she never take care of me. i live with my elder sister,she has 3 kids. she always quarreled with me. if i don't do any household work, she got angry with me. i have boyfriend,who never let me cry,he love me so much.i didn't meet with him for last 3month because my sister never allowed me to meet with him. i stay my room whole day lonely.nobody of my family call me or ask me anything. my study is also hampering day by day. for my condition my boy friend also feeling very bad for me and his study also destroying day by day.i cant tolerate this anymore.it is seem to me that my death is the nice solution for all.my family will get rid of me and my boyfriend will get a better life.i have no way to live.what should i do beyond this?
(link)
|
Your boyfriend would not have a better life without you. You are an adult, why can you not just move out of the family home? You deserve to be treated well.
Suicide is never an answer. You are special. The world needs you :)
|
|
My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
|
It is not just your husband moving so should not be just your husband's decision. Maybe write up a list of the pros and cons of moving back and go over them as a couple. Think of some alternatives that may appeal to both of you. Is there maybe a middle ground such as moving to somewhere just outside of your hometown? Far enough away that you won't see your family very often but close enough that it will be just a short distance for him to see his family.
Try to remember that you are a team, it's not a his decision or her decision but a combination of both your needs should be met.
Hope that helps.
Good luck :)
|
|
Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help (link)
|
Unfortunately when you send things like that online or via cell, they never disappear. You cannot control when and where they show up after you press the send button. Do not send another photo as this person will only use that one to continue to blackmail you as well. I would suggest you completely stop all contact with this person and block them on your kik account. If they do end up posting the photo you sent then you will have to deal with it at that point. Let your friends and family know that you did something you're not proud of, you made a mistake and trusted someone you shouldn't have. And, please don't send photos like this to anyone unless you know and trust them.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
|
i am 13 and my boyfriend is 19. he wants to have sex with me ? what should i do ? (link)
|
I\'m very concerned about the age difference between you two. I\'m sorry to say this but there is something not right about a 19 year old man wanting to have sex with a 13 year old girl. At 13, your not emotionally ready for that kind of relationship. Not to mention that it is illegal in most places and considered statutory rape for a 19 year old to have sex with a 13 year old.
It may seem really cool to have an older boyfriend but trust me, this is not the right relationship for you. Let me tell you a story...
When I was 16, I dated a man who was 24. I ended up marrying him at 17 and having a baby at 18. The marriage lasted 3 years. As I grew older, I realized that it\'s just not normal for a grown man to want a girl who is still basically a child. At the end of marriage, I found out that he had been having sex with many other women and also a man while we were married. He was not mature enough to handle a committed relationship. I worry that you will find the same thing. I don\'t want to see you hurt and you really don\'t need to end up having a baby to look after at 14 or 15 years old.
Stay in school, have fun, be a kid for as long as you can. Growing up is great but you can never get your childhood back.
Tell this guy you\'re not ready for sex and if he keeps pushing you then just break up with him.
That\'s my advice. Hope it helps. Good luck.
|
So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do? (link)
|
I have a 14 year old son who feels the same way although I am much more lenient with him than your parents by the sound of it.
Have you sat down and talked to your parents? I mean when you\'re not upset and yelling at them. Make a list of the privileges you would like and think of some ways that you can show your parents you\'re responsible.For instance, see if maybe they would be open to allowing you a trial period to stay out later. Don\'t ask to stay out till 10pm or something but start with maybe 5pm or 5:30pm. Check in by phone or text if that makes them feel better. Make sure you are home on time though or it won\'t work. As far as the ipad and phone hours, it sounds like they are just concerned that using these electronic devices instead of real socialization will be damaging to you, which unfortunately I agree with. However, it doesn\'t make much sense for them to want you to socialize outside of computer apps but they won\'t let you stay out later than 4pm so you can actually socialize with real people.
Parents worry about their children, it\'s our job. At 14 years old, you are becoming a young lady, no longer a child. Show your parents that they can trust you, show them that you are responsible and talk to them honestly and calmly about how you feel. Most parents are reasonable and when they see you acting responsibly they are generally open to increasing your independence.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Let me know how it goes..
|
|
I mean is it all like "unholy"? I know that black magic is like witchcraft but whats white magic? Will it get you sent to hell? I have been thinking about this since I read "Jays Journal". Also are spells considered witchcraft? (link)
|
That\'s a tough question. I guess it depends on what you consider magic. God performs miracles, which can look like magic but the difference is always in the source. If God has given you a gift, some Christians have visions or prophesy or they can heal but they have not gone out and learned how to do these things. The power comes directly from God. These are good things.
The magic that you are talking about, witchcraft, black or white magic, and spells. All of these find their source from the Devil. The devil wanted to be like God which is why he was kicked out of heaven. When we search out ways to make ourselves spiritually powerful, look for ways to be in control of what happens to another human through magic, we are trying to control things that only God should have control over. We need to leave those things in God\'s hands and trust him to take care of things.
That being said, if you have practiced witchcraft and spells and such, it does not mean you will go to hell. If you repent (pray to God for forgiveness and decide to change your ways) He is gracious and will forgive you.
Hope this helps. Feel free to message me with any further questions :)
|
|
Hi i need some advice i want to find god i'm 13 male and have had a few family problems and feel lonely sometimes and i do want to become a christian a couple of months ago i started going to church i go every week i pray to god twice everyday i feel good after praying god has really helped me i have started reading the bible i want to give my life to god what else do i need to do to be a christian? (link)
|
Hi there, I\'m so glad that you\'ve decided to become a Christian.Praying is definitely a good thing to do when you\'re lonely or having rough times or even when you\'re happy. God is always there to listen.All you need to do to become a Christian is to love Jesus, to know that Jesus died for your sins so that you may live eternally and be baptized. Since you are going to church it would be a good idea to speak to the pastor or youth pastor and let them know that you want to be a Christian and they can explain the process better and help you with the baptism.
If for some reason you can\'t speak to your pastor, message me back and I\'ll see if I can assist you at all.
Hope this helps. God bless you :)
|
|
My sister hates me, has all my life. I'm a lady in my late 50's and she a couple years younger. We have lived different lives but I am as nice as I can be to her. Anyway, she is turning every friend I have against me. She even turns family from me if she can. I think she must lie about me. She tells my facebook friends things I done 10-20 years ago when I was young and single but dumb stuff, you know. I barely have a friend left. What in the world do I do. I'm on a chemo pill 4 times a week and have alot of health problems. I have nobody but my brother and she is working on him. I just don't get it. She is married to a husband with a good job, she doesn't have to work, has 3 grown up kids that are doing good and 3 grandkids. I live alone in a one bedroom apt in a big city with no family of my own. The major difference in us though is that I'm always happy. She broods all the time. I really wish she would look at all she has. I just don't get it. (link)
|
Block her on your Facebook and just let your friends know ahead of time what your sister might say or do and explain what's been going on all your life. Some people just feel good about making others miserable. Don't worry, it'll come back to her one day. Do your best to stay away from her and if you have good friends then they will tell her where to go when she starts talking bad about you.
Keep being your happy self and try your best not to let her ruin that for you.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
|
It's a silly fear I'm embarrassed to admit… I'm afraid of demons and evil spirits. It's really embarising,I practice white magic and am an altar server! But they haunt my worst nightmares and cause me panic attacks. I'd say what I'm afraid of is being hurt by them. I know God is much more powerful, but for some reason I'm still scared. I really feel I need to get rid of this, or it'll rule my life, it's the fear that makes me bite my nails, and I have a crucifix over my bed, pray the rosary when I get demon dreams. They all lead to nothing. I must eliminate this. How can I overcome this fear without telling anyone? Please, I'm ashamed of it. I once tried to hint it to my mom, and she laughed telling me it was silly. (link)
|
Well, when I was young I dabbled with witchcraft and ouija boards and tarot cards and all that stuff. Let me tell you what I know.
You cannot serve more than one master. (biblical scripture) You say that you have a crucifix and you pray to God but you also practice wicca which is basically worshiping many gods. It may seem like "white magic" is ok but God wants all of your heart and not just a piece of it. You are allowing the demonic realm access to you through the door that witchcraft opens. Stop practicing white magic and ask God to be your Saviour. When God's Holy Spirit is taking care of you then all that demonic stuff will be a thing of the past.
I know I probably sound a bit judgmental but I'm not. Like I said, I was into white magic and other things before I became a Christian. I knew that demonic spirits were 100% real through experiences that I am glad I had but never wish to repeat. If it weren't for those experiences I probably wouldn't have believed in God. I now have had experience with both spiritual realms and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are both real and you really want to be on God's side.
Listen to a song called "A Witch's Invitation" by Carman. It really put things into perspective for me. It's kind of humourous too.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
|
Aright, so a few weeks ago I snapped and told my best friend that I really really bloody liked her. Her response was that she knew that I liked her and had done for a while but still wanted the friendship. This hit me hard and so i asked for some space for a few days and she agreed. Its a few weeks from that and things are back to normal really, we talk like we did ect but im not sure if im over her if not what do i do? I dont want to end the friendship as you dont come across good friends often.... (link)
|
You are obviously not over her and it will probably take quite some time. It sounds like you guys have a great friendship and you've decided to put that friendship first which is very difficult to do.
Your feelings for her won't go away just because she doesn't feel the same though. You'll have to live with those feelings while you remain friends and maybe there will be a time down the road when the feelings will be mutual. If not, the heartache will subside over time and when you meet another girl you're attracted to who feels the same way, the heartache will be replaced with feelings of infatuation and happiness.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
I met a new guy at my college who happens to go to another college in another state. It's not far from me but we met and clicked really well. We did hook up, minus the sex, and got each other's numbers. He even slept in my bed the night we met. Quick, I know, but it happened and I don't regret it. However, before anything happened and we were just laying in my bed, cuddling, I asked him how many girls he hooked up with at my school and he told me it was only one. I ask because the friend he was visiting, his roommate had made me think he hooked up with many more in just the way he was saying things to him and I knew something was going to happen and I didn't just want to be another number for him, so I asked. I guess after he told me it was only one, I seemed skeptical so he told me I think too much and to just trust him. He said "let me explain something to you, I stayed awake til five in the morning with you waiting for your shift for work to be over, I let you paint my nails because you were complaining you were bored, for the first half hour we were together in your bed, we just cuddled and I don't do that and you were the only girl that I actually gave me real number to tonight."
I just don't know how to approach this now, I do like him and he was very sweet and kind and I would love to keep talking to him but he does go to school in another state and when we text, it seems as if I bother him. After he left this morning, he told me to text him, though so that must mean he really did want me to.
I just need to know if I'm being crazy, should I keep talking to him? Or was he being a gentlemen in telling me this because he thought of it as a one night stand? Should I just let it go? (link)
|
It sounds like he's interested. There are very few "players" who are willing to put in a full night with a girl and not add sex to the mix. I'd say, keep in touch, go slow. That way you'll get to know him better before you decide to have an intimate relationship with him.
Hope this helps. Good luck :)
|
*I apologize in advance for the long explanation and thank you for reading it.* Of course I'm a born again Christian, but I feel Like God hates me. Anybody may ask.
I was born into a loving family which only lasted for two years. It quickly turned into a disaster where one parent (a) abused the other (b). B refused to beat a. I always had to take my brother and hide.
At nine my grandparent died and the day before Christmas my uncle died. At ten my parents got a divorce and my sibling (c) went crazy, but I'd learned at this age to keep my feelings bottled in. At twelve, c got taken away and do I got another one (d) at thirteen.
I turned to friends online at fourteen but parent b didn't like it. By this point I've learned their bipolar. I thought I lost the doll my grandparent gave me (I kept it even though I got it at 4 because it was all I had to remember them by) but parent b threw it away when I was asleep because it was torn up and was on it's last legs.
At fifteen parent b got married and we moved in with my stepparent. Kids picked on me and called me ugly. I did things I'm not proud of to parent b, but I repented and apologize 100 times from the bottom of my heart, but they keep bringing it up even though they pulled my hair, called me ugly, and said I would never be able to keep a guy. I went into a group home to get away from them. At sixteen I came back.
I met boyfriend #3. Parent be kept saying he wouldn't last. It's the last thing you want a parent to say. Turns out he had a bf still and I was like his mistress.
At seventeen I moved in with my aunt because I couldn't take bipolar parent anymore. It only lasted two months. At eighteen. I moved in with parent a. That stepparent hated me too. Lied on me in many ways. I moved out.
Boyfriend #4 took my virginity without permission (we were foreplaying. Please don't call me stupid. I didn't know. Really.)
Etc.
I'm hoping even though parent b still hates me and parent a wants nothing wants nothing to do with me with all the bad past and all that boyfriend #5 will be a turn around for me, but because of my bad past and low self esteem (thanks parent b), etc., that this is my time to shine, but every time I think about it I believe God hates me. Please give me a reason why or why not he may hate me. Thanks. Sorry for the long explanation. (link)
|
It sounds like you've had a very tough life. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. The one thing you can be 100% sure of though is that God loves you. He has loved you through it all and there is nothing you can do to make him stop loving you.
Have you been to counselling at all? It can be very difficult trying to deal with all these issues alone. You may want to check out a local church and see if they have a youth group you can attend. These usually accept ages 13 to about 23. You need some people in your life who can encourage you and help you walk whatever path you choose.
Just remember that God is the one that you can count on to always, always be there for you, no matter what. He loves you so much more than you will ever know.
I wish you all the best. Hope this helps :)
|
|
my girlfriend of 3 years is constantly looking for fights. she says she gets mad when i don't give her attention and that's why she's always wanting to fight about nothing. when we start fighting she gives me the lowest blows though. she's always reminding me that she can get any guy she wants. which i already know but i don't need to be reminded. she calls me selfish and the worst boyfriend she's ever had. she's constantly telling me that if she wanted a crappy relationship she'd have stayed with her ex. not only that but she's very controlling, anytime i go out i have to pretty much ask permission. i don't like her talking to guys but all of her friends are guys and she knows how much i hate it but does it anyway. what do i do? i've tried so many times to let her go but i can't, i really love her. i just don't know how to get her to stop without starting another fight. (link)
|
I'm sorry to tell you but from the sounds of it, I don't think you'll be able to make this one work no matter how much you love her. If she's telling you that you're a crappy boyfriend and she could get someone else that's kind of a sign that the feelings you have for her aren't mutual. If it was once or twice over the 3 years that this happened then you can just take it as anger speaking during an argument but it sounds like this is routine. You don't deserve that.
If she knows you don't like her talking to other guys but she does anyway and expects you to ask permission before you do anything, it doesn't sound like she has a lot of respect for you.
You say that you love her and can't let her go but do you love yourself? You deserve to have a happy relationship with someone who returns your love and appreciates you. I know the thought of breaking up is painful but you might want to think long and hard about it.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
What's the least painful way to commit suicide?
If I'm gonna do it is not a question. I don't want to waste my time reading more speaches about not doing it.
I just need someone to tell me. Now.
(link)
|
I'm sorry, I don't know what you're going through but I felt I should write to you. I can't tell you what the least painful way to kill yourself would be because I've never tried but what I can tell you is that there has never been a person I've spoken with who wanted to kill themselves but didn't, who wasn't really glad they decided not to.
Life sucks sometimes. I know, I've been through a lot of shit myself. Please don't rid the world of your presence though. I think it would be a huge loss to a lot of people. People who know you now and those who may know you in the future. You mean a lot to a lot of people whether you know it or not. Please message me if you want to talk.
I'd love to talk to you.
|
I am a Christian and I'm working on being a better one, but I'll be the first person to admit that I'm far from perfect. I have debilitating guilt and shame about my past and even the way I came to Christ, even though that sounds strange now that I'm writing it.
I feel like everyone else has really great, inspiring stories and I have kind of a cowardice one. Long story short, I wanted to come to God for years, but thought that I was too bad to do so. Like God wouldn't want someone like me. I didn't have the courage to find out if that was true or not until I was sick and thought I might be dying soon. When I found out that you can be forgiven for anything, I asked Jesus into my heart. (I'm fine now BTW).
Getting to my problem, my dad will not stop judging me, or my family for that matter. He judges us for missing church and any sins we commit. He'll imply or flat out say that we won't go to Heaven because of certain things that he himself does.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being hypocritical and judging him, but he's got problems as well. He talks hatefully to my mom, he does rotten thing to people, he uses filthy language, he lies, he takes our things that don't belong to him and these are the kinds of things he judges us for. He'll come home from church and act this way. I've never habitually done all of these things and I've repented, but when I drop the ball, he's all over me. I'm not saying that my dad's a terrible man or that he's not going to Heaven, but I don't feel that he's in a position to look down his nose at me.
The worst is when he judges me for missing church. I admit that I've been bad about that, but church isn't the only place where I worship God with other Christians. I've heard that you don't have to go to church as long as you worship somewhere. It's not in the Bible. It's not that I don't like church, it's just a long story of why I don't go every single Sunday.
He's confident about his own salvation and that of certain people close to him. He just judges his household. It bothers me that he thinks I might not go to Heaven when he and some of the people close to him are no better than I am. It just plain bothers me that he judges me at all.
One reason I think it bothers me is because it makes me feel like such a loser. It brings back the guilt and shame I mentioned earlier. It also makes me wonder if I'll ever be the Christian I need to be. If my own dad doesn't have confidence in me, how strong of a Christian can I be?
What do you think of this situation? (link)
|
I have been through some of the same issues as you except the way your dad is was the way my ex-husband is. This is a bit of a passionate subject for me so I apologize if I get a bit long in answering.
Firstly let me say that there is no bad way to come to Christ. When you come to Christ, he washes you clan of your sins and makes you a new person. Those past sins that you are feeling guilt and shame about, no longer exist as far as Christ is concerned. Let that go as if you had never done those things and carry on living in Christ from here on. Other people may try to hold your past against you but as long as you know that you've been forgiven then you can just tune them out.
I'd like you to really think on this one thing, just because someone says they are a Christian, does not make them one. I can say I'm a giraffe but if I don't look like one and don't act like one then I'm not, right :)
I don't want to speak badly of your father. I don't know him but he sounds a lot like my ex-husband. A man who claims to be a Christian (often claiming to be a better Christian than others) yet constantly judges others and does not act according to his own standards is actually trying to make others look bad so he can allow himself to believe that he is not bad. Sounds strange but he feels insecure because he knows that what he does is not right but he doesn't want to admit to that so instead of cleaning up his act to make himself a better person, he puts others down so that he can feel he is above them. It's a very difficult thing to live with someone like this.
If he says that you won't go to heaven because of something you did, please don't listen to him. Only Christ can make that call, your father has no idea.
You mentioned that it's not in the Bible that you don't have to go to church, that's true but the Bible also doesn't say that you do have to go to church. What it says is that you should not forsake gathering together in His name to encourage one another (Hebrews 10:24-25) Also in Matthew 10:25 it says that where two or more are gathered in His name, he is there with them. Church is just a place that was designated to gather but is by no means the only place this can be done. As long as you have other Christian people that you get together with to encourage one another then you are doing as the Bible says so don't listen to your father condemn you about that one.
Your relationship with Christ is between the two of you and nobody else can know what he thinks or feels about you. If your father continues to put you down, tell him that you've prayed about that issue and you are confident that Christ is happy with you. Thank him for his opinion but know inside yourself that his opinion is irrelevant because Jesus loves you just as you are and there is NOTHING you could do to make him love you any less.
I could go on forever but I believe that answers your questions. Hope this helps.
Please feel free to message me if you need encouragement or just want to talk.
Blessings to you :)
|
My boyfriend have been together for around 2 and a half years and we moved in together 8/9 months ago. Over the past few months things between us have started to go downhill pretty badly. We argue several times a week (mostly about things like house work and money) and our sex life is terrible! We treat each other horribly and don't show each other any respect.
I love our life together and when we are getting along things are great. Up until this point we were planning our long term future together but now I don't know if we have one at all. It all came to a head last night and we now haven't spoken for around 24 hours, something we have never done before even after arguing. We're at a total stalemate and I don't think either of us knows what to say anymore. Should I just give up on the relationship? (link)
|
All relationships are hard work. If you and he got along really well before you moved in together then I wouldn't just throw it away. Do you two talk to each other about the issues. If not, this might be a good time to start. Just make sure that you stay calm and choose your words wisely. For example, instead of "You know you don't do your fair share of the housework, why can't you just get off your ass and help sometimes!" you could say "I've noticed that we're having a hard time keeping up with the chores around here. Do you think maybe we could make up a chore list or something that we can both agree on?"
If you have a hard time discussing problems then it may be a good idea to see a counselor to help you guys through it.
It's really tough to live with someone. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Put down the toilet seat if he leaves it up, pick up his towel if he leaves it on the ground. If you can't get past the little things he does that bug you then things probably won't work out.
I've been with my husband 10 years now and believe me, he drives me crazy sometimes! The best advice I can give you is to focus on making your partner happy and you'll get the same treatment in return. Sometimes it takes awhile for them to clue in but I haven't seen it fail yet :)
Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
I've always known my dad had bad anger issues, but I didn't know it would get this bad. Yesterday I said something mildly negative about a commercial on eggs (which was playing on the TV at that time), and he thought I was saying it to him, and threw random stuff at me. I don't think most people could've misinterpreted what I said, and when I explained to him, he kept screaming at me to shut up. When he argued why he thought it was about him, he was being really hypocritical, and not making any sense. Usually he's a great debater (we've debated on different topics for fun before when I was younger).
Today, because my table was slightly messy, he kept saying I was a piece of trash. Which didn't really affect me because I'm used to his behavior, but it's been continuing from this morning to now. He hasn't been saying anything except for "rubbish, trash" and random outbursts of gibberish for the entire day now. I know it's directed to me, because he's always tried to be nice to my mom and sister.
I've always told my mom he has anger management issues and stuff, and needs help, but every time she responds with "shut up". She always tells me he's fine, even though recently he told me he was suicidal. When I bring it up to my mom, she immediately puts up a wall, and calls me a smartass, and sometimes stuff like "we don't need you, wish you were never born" but I've stopped caring about what they say.
My dad isn't an alcoholic, doesn't smoke, and I doubt he does drugs. He does have alot of stress because he's in a very stressful job, but nobody in my family even brings up the fact he needs help. I don't know what I should do, and I don't understand what's happening to him. Please help?
(link)
|
I'm sorry that you're going through this, it must be very difficult for you. Please know that the stuff he is saying to you is not your fault and has nothing to do with you.
He definitely needs help. You mentioned that his work is very stressful. It is possible that he may be using drugs of some sort to try to get rid of the stress. Side effects can be as you described.
He may be suffering from depression. It doesn't seem like your family is being very open to discussing the issue. Have you tried talking to your dad about it when he's having a "good" day?
My suggestion would be to call your dad's doctor and explain what's happening. The doctor may be able to force your dad to get treatment.
If your dad gets violent with you please call 911. When the police get there explain to them that you are concerned that your father may have a mental health issue and they will take him to a hospital rather than to jail.
Google search "mental health crisis line" for the area you live in. There will be either online or telephone help for family members having to deal with the issues you're going through. Having someone to talk to always helps.
Hope this helps. Please feel free to message me if you need to chat.
|
|
Im 22, boyfriend is soon to be 26. Been together for 6 months. He by far treats me better than anyone and Im starting to really care for and love him. He's had a very bad past, and used to abuse pills and drugs and a lot of stuff. At the beginning I caught him abusing pills about 3-4 times. I could tell by the way he acted and a couple times he ended up telling me he did take one. He knew I wouldn't wanna be with him if he's doing that. Well, now i am certain he's gotta be doing something. He tells me he smokes weed sometimes, yet for months and months he's said how proud he is that he hasn't smoked at all. I confronted him the other day if he took pills and I told him I notice how sick he looks and gets out of no where and how he can't keep it up during sex. He'll look pale, complain about his heart beating weird, start sweating, sometimes feels cold to touch, and complains about not feeling right. That's when he said no I smoke sometimes though. Anyone know sure tell signs of someone taking pills? The ones he would be taking is like xanax or serious pain killers. He acts sketchy but I have no sure way to find out. What are signs? I don't think smoking the weed he smokes, which is wax (thc wax like marijuana) would do those symptoms? Plus, he's had those symptoms when he's been with me all day and I know he didn't have time to go smoke (I would have smelled it) (link)
|
Xanax for sure would contribute to the issues in the bedroom. The symptoms you mentioned though, looking pale, erratic heart beat, sweating and complaints of not feeling right would have me worried. Either he would be doing a mixture of pills or some harder drugs.
He may treat you really well and you may be falling for him but I warn you that if you choose to stay with him you are setting yourself up for a world of heart ache and worry. He needs to be able to admit what he's doing and want to change. He should definitely see a doctor as the symptoms you describe can be very serious, even life threatening.
You've invested 6 months in this relationship. You're young. Now, I'm not saying people can't change. He may be able to overcome this but only if he gets some professional help. You have a very important decision to make about though. Consider the long term.... You guys move in together and you're saving to buy a home or a car or something and all of a sudden there's a large drop in your savings and he doesn't come home for a few days, has a hard time keeping a job, is habitually late or forgets important dates, you have children together and you're dealing with morning sickness and other issues alone cause he's too stoned to think about your needs,etc... It's a long hard lonely road :(
Talk to him in detail and find out if he's willing to go to rehab or get counselling. If he is then there may be a change of things working. If not I'd suggest you consider moving on.
Sorry, this is probably more than you wanted but I hope it helps. Good luck with your situation.
|
|