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Boyfriend Taking pills? Smoking Weed? What do I do?
Im 22, boyfriend is soon to be 26. Been together for 6 months. He by far treats me better than anyone and Im starting to really care for and love him. He's had a very bad past, and used to abuse pills and drugs and a lot of stuff. At the beginning I caught him abusing pills about 3-4 times. I could tell by the way he acted and a couple times he ended up telling me he did take one. He knew I wouldn't wanna be with him if he's doing that. Well, now i am certain he's gotta be doing something. He tells me he smokes weed sometimes, yet for months and months he's said how proud he is that he hasn't smoked at all. I confronted him the other day if he took pills and I told him I notice how sick he looks and gets out of no where and how he can't keep it up during sex. He'll look pale, complain about his heart beating weird, start sweating, sometimes feels cold to touch, and complains about not feeling right. That's when he said no I smoke sometimes though. Anyone know sure tell signs of someone taking pills? The ones he would be taking is like xanax or serious pain killers. He acts sketchy but I have no sure way to find out. What are signs? I don't think smoking the weed he smokes, which is wax (thc wax like marijuana) would do those symptoms? Plus, he's had those symptoms when he's been with me all day and I know he didn't have time to go smoke (I would have smelled it)
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I'm truly sorry to hear you are going thru this. I know how happy you are to have found a guy that treats you very good and unfortunate that he is feeling this way.
To answer your questions on your bf. There is nothing you can do for him. He needs to want to leave whatever he is taking and only he can do that. Try talking him and asking him why he continues to do this to himself when he feels this bad. See how he responds. Tell him you love him and want to help him, but can only do that if he is willing to put in the work. Don't scream or get angry at him just see how he behaves.
If he continues his ways or doesn't want to change then you need to think of yourself. Are you going to allow this to hurt you or are you going to walk away.
I'm here if you need anything.
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While looking for a good reference for you to look at in answer to your question. I came across a website that offers a toll free hotline for questions and help like the question you are asking. They have trained councilors answering the hotline to help you with your questions. The hotline is not only for the abuser but is for friends. and family of the abuser to call for help or to get answers for questions as well.
Pain Killer Abuse - 24 Hour Addiction Treatment Helpline: 800-559-9503
You may also want to visit there website as it offers a lot of information. For answers to specific questions such as yours I would suggest calling the hotline.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Xanax for sure would contribute to the issues in the bedroom. The symptoms you mentioned though, looking pale, erratic heart beat, sweating and complaints of not feeling right would have me worried. Either he would be doing a mixture of pills or some harder drugs.
He may treat you really well and you may be falling for him but I warn you that if you choose to stay with him you are setting yourself up for a world of heart ache and worry. He needs to be able to admit what he's doing and want to change. He should definitely see a doctor as the symptoms you describe can be very serious, even life threatening.
You've invested 6 months in this relationship. You're young. Now, I'm not saying people can't change. He may be able to overcome this but only if he gets some professional help. You have a very important decision to make about though. Consider the long term.... You guys move in together and you're saving to buy a home or a car or something and all of a sudden there's a large drop in your savings and he doesn't come home for a few days, has a hard time keeping a job, is habitually late or forgets important dates, you have children together and you're dealing with morning sickness and other issues alone cause he's too stoned to think about your needs,etc... It's a long hard lonely road :(
Talk to him in detail and find out if he's willing to go to rehab or get counselling. If he is then there may be a change of things working. If not I'd suggest you consider moving on.
Sorry, this is probably more than you wanted but I hope it helps. Good luck with your situation.
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Some signs you can look for are pasty looking tongues or lips. paleness with bags under the eyes, especially with pain killers. Does he have involuntary lip or jaw movement? Look at his eyes, are they dilated? If his pupils are really small, or really big and glazed over he's most likely high off of something. If he was doing it and quit suddenly, these could also be withdrawal symptoms. There are drug test kits you can buy, and if he's being honest then he should be willing to use one. You may love him, but if he does have a drug abuse problem he needs to get help. This would be out of your hands, this is something he would have to fix himself. The only thing you could do is support his sobriety.
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