|
How to get over a best friend
Aright, so a few weeks ago I snapped and told my best friend that I really really bloody liked her. Her response was that she knew that I liked her and had done for a while but still wanted the friendship. This hit me hard and so i asked for some space for a few days and she agreed. Its a few weeks from that and things are back to normal really, we talk like we did ect but im not sure if im over her if not what do i do? I dont want to end the friendship as you dont come across good friends often....
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey there, I need to know the exact words of her response, not just your paraphrasing them because the way you presented it, I see a totally different possibility.
If she actually said, "I know you've liked me for quite a while now but I don't want to lose the friendship." These particular words doesnt necessarily mean you are stuck in the 'friend zone'. She could be fearing that once you both take the relationship to the next level of romance, dating and eventually sex, that it would become only about that and the friendship part would be affected and change.
two important foundations to any healthy dating relationship or marriage is being best friends, and having that spark and chemistry for romance. In dating, if we haven't dated much yet, it's hard to make a comparison and even know what that romantic spark is supposed to feel like. I hear this often from male/female best friends. One or the other did not feel a big attraction with strong feelings the moment they first laid eyes on their friend so they assume there is no possibility of love ever. That isn't true. Some starts to a friendship also come with the instant explosion of feelings and in others it takes both some time to get there, it builds up slowly over time to become as strong as the other type. Too often though, the guy recognizes the love part and the female doesn't.
I don't know your age so its hard to to say anything more specific. If you are teens, try to bring this up and take what she says and reword it to feed back to her and ask if this is what she is saying. As teens we tend to go through many dating partners before we find the right one. If she actually says she had no romantic feelings about you, then she should have no problem with you dating other girls. Since you care about her, she hasn't had opportunity to be tested this way.
Its a classic tale I have come across several times now. Once the guy agrees to just be her friend and reluctantly starts dating, all of a sudden her 'best friend' isn't as available as before, another girl is getting his attention and all of a sudden she feels jealous which jolts her into realizing she has feelings for him after all, or as a teen she may do the silly thing and stop talking to him or avoiding him in which case, you will know something is affecting her and most likely this dating others is it and you need to get her to open up and share and discuss things with you.
If you are college age and of an age when some are seriously looking for marriage partners, you may want to bring up the fact that someday you are going to marry and you want the person you marry to be not just someone you have mutual romantic feelings with but someone who is your best friend, so if that day comes and you meet the girl you marry, she will no longer be your best friend, your wife will be as should be for a healthy marriage and she falls down to just a friend and she will not see or hear from you much because the majority of time is invested into the marriage. If you moved away for a job, she may not see you at all. Then ask her if she could handle that? If she still feels only as a best friend and you're both young, you'll need to broaden your horizons as far as experience and start dating other girls, even though you still have feelings for her. If its a no, then you need to move on, but not until you have truly clarified, and had the best 'what if' discussion of future scenerios if you are marriageable age.
Hope this helps.
]
You need more time. Just wait and do your best to move on. Go out with other friends, meet girls, try new things. Just get your mind off her for awhile and eventually you'll meet someone new.
Being friends with someone means being ok when they like someone else or start dating someone else. If you're not over her, you won't be ok with it. You'll try being ok with it but you won't be.
So you need to wait it out and give yourself more time to move on.
]
You are obviously not over her and it will probably take quite some time. It sounds like you guys have a great friendship and you've decided to put that friendship first which is very difficult to do.
Your feelings for her won't go away just because she doesn't feel the same though. You'll have to live with those feelings while you remain friends and maybe there will be a time down the road when the feelings will be mutual. If not, the heartache will subside over time and when you meet another girl you're attracted to who feels the same way, the heartache will be replaced with feelings of infatuation and happiness.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
]
More Questions: |