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I feel God Hates me
*I apologize in advance for the long explanation and thank you for reading it.* Of course I'm a born again Christian, but I feel Like God hates me. Anybody may ask.
I was born into a loving family which only lasted for two years. It quickly turned into a disaster where one parent (a) abused the other (b). B refused to beat a. I always had to take my brother and hide.
At nine my grandparent died and the day before Christmas my uncle died. At ten my parents got a divorce and my sibling (c) went crazy, but I'd learned at this age to keep my feelings bottled in. At twelve, c got taken away and do I got another one (d) at thirteen.
I turned to friends online at fourteen but parent b didn't like it. By this point I've learned their bipolar. I thought I lost the doll my grandparent gave me (I kept it even though I got it at 4 because it was all I had to remember them by) but parent b threw it away when I was asleep because it was torn up and was on it's last legs.
At fifteen parent b got married and we moved in with my stepparent. Kids picked on me and called me ugly. I did things I'm not proud of to parent b, but I repented and apologize 100 times from the bottom of my heart, but they keep bringing it up even though they pulled my hair, called me ugly, and said I would never be able to keep a guy. I went into a group home to get away from them. At sixteen I came back.
I met boyfriend #3. Parent be kept saying he wouldn't last. It's the last thing you want a parent to say. Turns out he had a bf still and I was like his mistress.
At seventeen I moved in with my aunt because I couldn't take bipolar parent anymore. It only lasted two months. At eighteen. I moved in with parent a. That stepparent hated me too. Lied on me in many ways. I moved out.
Boyfriend #4 took my virginity without permission (we were foreplaying. Please don't call me stupid. I didn't know. Really.)
Etc.
I'm hoping even though parent b still hates me and parent a wants nothing wants nothing to do with me with all the bad past and all that boyfriend #5 will be a turn around for me, but because of my bad past and low self esteem (thanks parent b), etc., that this is my time to shine, but every time I think about it I believe God hates me. Please give me a reason why or why not he may hate me. Thanks. Sorry for the long explanation.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First off, I am truly sorry to hear about the hard times and serious struggles you have faced in your life. No child, or adult of that matter, should have to go through such things.
To answer your main question first, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God DOES NOT hate you. Given your situation, you may wonder why I am so confident about this. Actually, it's quite simple. God is love and as such does not and never will hate. Sadly, sometimes our religious leaders and institutions give mixed messages about this but the truth is the truth.
Think about it, while I think that all religions and types of spirituality have something to offer, I will approach this from a Christian basis. If God hated anyone at all, being that He knows all that has happened, is happening and every will happen, why would he even bother sending a savior?
The bottom line is God does love you, period.
Now, as far as your specific issues, I know about self esteem problems. The first thing you have to realize is that these things that are happening are not your fault. And the people you mistreat you are the ones who have the problem, not you.
I suggest finding yourself a good, positive mantra and repeating it to yourself whenever you feel down. There's also a great book called "Felling Good: The New Mood Therapy" which I highly recommend. Take time out of your day to learn and practice meditation, you'd be surprised how much this can help. And last but not least, don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist. They can help you move on to a better place in your life.
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It sounds like you've had a very tough life. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. The one thing you can be 100% sure of though is that God loves you. He has loved you through it all and there is nothing you can do to make him stop loving you.
Have you been to counselling at all? It can be very difficult trying to deal with all these issues alone. You may want to check out a local church and see if they have a youth group you can attend. These usually accept ages 13 to about 23. You need some people in your life who can encourage you and help you walk whatever path you choose.
Just remember that God is the one that you can count on to always, always be there for you, no matter what. He loves you so much more than you will ever know.
I wish you all the best. Hope this helps :)
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I can understand why you feel God is against you, with your past and family life being so disorganised and broken. The main thing for you to get hold of is that your life is yours, to do with as you wish. If you want to train to be a nurse, stay in bed all day, argue with your parents, sleep on the streets, go to college and study for a degree, help out in a charity shop or play football is up to you. Your parents and step-parents sound as if they are in a bad place and suffering from it. You can try to make peace with them but it might not work. That's the most you can do, just leave the door open in case they change their minds and move on. You're young and have the rest of your life to plan for. Find a small realistic goal and go for it;today is the first day of the rest of your life. Change starts now. Leave the bad stuff behind, look after yourself and those you love who love you back.
All this sounds very easy and (hopefully) the right things to say but only you can do it. I hope it works. If you need any further advice you can always contact me or someone similar on this site for help. Best wishes x
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I believe that if you accept Christianity, one of the most basic ideas is that God does not hate or punish anybody. Nobody obtains redemption through their own acts, only through the grace of Christ (who acted as a mediator and died for our sins, that any who accept Christ have eternal life). As far as I can see (I have no religious conviction at all myself, so I'm completely unbiased) the idea of it being God who is punishing you is contrary to the whole doctrine of Christianity itself. I think you have to ask for Gods help to get you through these unhappy events rather than suspect him of causing them and blaming him for them? Acting positively and trying to direct your life in more favourable directions is a good idea too. None of us can choose what happens to us all the time, as contributing factors may be outside our sphere of influence and/or control. But how you react to these events and handle them is, and will always be YOUR CHOICE. Why not try a mixture of religious faith and positive self-determination? And see if things start to turn in your favour? Best wishes.
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