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I think that I'm about to be hated by everyone…
So, I'm 10 and in school. So anyway, this might sound crazy but I think people are gonna hate me. I'm not getting invited to much party's lately, and a girl who acts all friendly to me and we are friends but I'm wondering about it not that I don't trust her,I mean, I've been friends with her since I was 2 or 3, but she's been hanging out with this one girl every Saturday, and I don't see why she would like her more than me because she's a cry baby, and she keeps “forgetting" to invite me over when we agree on hanging out. One boy keeps annoying the hell out of me, and one thing I find suspicious, is that a girl asked me to take notes for her when she had to go to orchestra lessons, but then she said before she left,“you don't have to take notes for me anymore" and then whisper-asked a girl to do it for her. Also, in PE, on the traveling rings, everyone got cheered no matter what, but only about 1/3 of the class cheered me. Also, another friend suddenly ditched me. What is happening?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I was never popular in school and in fact I only had three best friend and in high school I only had two. People leave others from boredom to jealousy to hate even to how they look or smell. The thing is hard times will come you will loose friends that will make you cry. The two friends I have are there for me always and I for them. So no matter what I'm sure you will find your true friends. When I was in school and in the band we had this saying "We NEVER walk ALONE" and if you take that to heart and always remember that then you truly will never be alone. There may be a rummer going around or just plain old child drama but it will get better and when it is all said and done what truly matters is not what others did for you but what you did for others. So keep your chin up and hold your chest proud for two reasons. 1st You will NEVER WALK ALONE and 2nd you are ten.
"Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
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I think you shouldn't care so much about other people and how they see you. Just be yourself.
Why would they even hate you for? Reading your message, I don't think you did anything wrong to anyone. But then again, you're 10. And kids around your age doesn't know how to act right yet. So, don't pay them so much mind.
If you're going to be hated for no reason at all, you shouldn't even let that get to you. It'll be pointless to care. And when you give in to their hatred, they seriously have power over you. Never let that happen.
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I've been there and can relate to what you are feeling. I hope to give you a different perspective ons this though, something that I wasn't able to get frt om anyone at your age, but wish I had.
First I'll share an example, in P.E./gym class, on days the class had to split into 2 teams, without fail, every time it came to whatever 2 kids were chosen by the teacher to chose who was on their team, no one chose me, so I went to the next team by default as the left over. So I know how it feels.
Problem is, I did not know that unwittingly, I was doing things that in some ways influenced this problem.
1. Over-thinking things, trying to 'predict' the future outcomes. This is a dangerous practice to take on because if you think you know the future outcome, you basically talk yourself out of trying to make a difference today. “Why bother? It's not going to make any difference “, are the thoughts and feelings you end up having.
2. Negative thinking. In all my imaginings of any other persons look on their face, things said or actions done, when one negative thought is allowed to stay in your mind and is focused on, it will invite another and another negative thought until when strung together they become a whole negative story line in the mind, like watching a sad movie. The multiplying negative thoughts if not stopped can pave the way to feeling depressed. How to stop, the moment you realize you've had a negative thought, mentally or out loud say, I reject that thought, it is not true...whether you feel it or not. It takes a long time and perseverance to break the negative thought cycle, but don't give up.
2. I was too fearful. This is connected to the negative thought process. Fear of not being popular, not fitting in, not being accepted for who you are, fear of ridicule/teasing, fear of people in general, I was so anxious about stuff that hadn't happened, that I was living in the future 'what ifs' rather than living in the present. It's important for all people to feel accepted and this starts around your age and continues through high school being the main issue for all young people. Do people like me? If we feel thats in question, we immediately think the opposite must be true, that we are hated instead. There is a third catagory that young people don't see yet, its the catagory of indifference and it's the largest group of people...those who have no opinion in their mind about you yet, who have not decided one way or the other. They see no obvious reason to dislike you or as you said 'hate' you. But on the other hand, they also don't see any obvious reason to 'like' you yet either.
4. Comparisons: When we compare ourselves to others and feel that others are 'better' than ourselves, we are already on a downhill cycle. Who says one thing is better than another? Some expert? Another kid? An adult? What they are using to base their statement on is personal opinion, some measuring system they came up with in their minds based on their own personal preferences. Unfortunately in this world, some of the more 'outspoken' people who have influential positions in society will end up "Forcing" their personal preferences of what is popular or 'better' than others, onto the public and the worst thing is that most of us fall for it.
Take the beauty and fashion industry. What we are told is the 'beauty' women need to strive for today to be popular and desired by men is so unreasonable and cannot be achieved by anyone because it's mostly camera tricks and computer imaging touchups, Photoshopped. The experts of today on beauty don't apparently have the same opinion as people did in the past. Before photoshop, models and actresses like Marilyn Monroe were the standard of beauty and ended up as popular pinup models. She was full bodied and appeared big boned. Then there was a period where the thin, willowy type was the popular standard, called the Twiggy type. Twigs for arms and legs is just about right, She'd be someone accused of being anorexic today. Before we had camera's and photography, oil paintings of previous centuries show nudes as smaller breasted, big hips with a rounded belly rather than flat belly and big boobs. I hope you see now that comparing is useless, because you and I will never appeal to all of the people, due to personal preferances of those people.
So my personal recommendation for you is to not change anything abut your personality as far as who you are at core, what your hopes and dreams are, your morals, your interests and hobbies. The only thing that needs to change is becoming more friendly, outspoken/vocal. I lived in my own little world, assuming everyone could read my mind and know I wanted their friendship. But I did nothing, not looking at people, not talking to, not smiling.....
I don't know if you are doing these things and if they are forced or how it appears. Check yourself out in a mirror when you are feeling relaxed and yourself. In your normal relaxed mode, what does your face look like. Mine looks too serious and comes across as unfriendly. Those who don't know you won't know that there is actually a fun happy person behind the face. Try smiling at people more often. Compliment others on whatever, people can't help but like to be around people who make them feel good and recognition of their good grade on a test, their choice of shoes, purse, earrings, etc... is a good start. It doesn't work like magic overnight. Remember the "Indifferent group of people? These People will rather want to observe you for a while to see if this really is a tactic you are using or if you truly have made a change. The majority of kids, teens and adults are drawn to people who are more vocal and outspoken, the ones who always start the conversation. I never did in school so I was overlooked a lot. If the indifferent group of kids was all that confident in reality, they'd be starting conversation with you first rather than waiting for you to say something first.
After high school I got a chance to take a class on personality types. I came to learn that the great majority of people fit into two of the most friendly personality types, Promoters, and Supporters. Promoters are the popular kids, the ones who seem to be leaders and supporters are the ones who follow their lead. Very few fall into the other catagories of Controller or Analyst. Analysts are more the bookworms, nerds, hermit type who dont socialize by preferance. A controller is what the word implies, someone who attempts to control others, force them to be someone they are not, have too high an ideal for others to live up to...that sort of thing so they end up not having many friends.
I am giving you a link to see what personality type you are. Its helpful in understanding yourself better and what others may see you as.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Most supporters are all waiting for someone else to approach them first or speak first. If you push yourself a little beyond your comfort zone to talk to others first, 90% of the time I find that people respond favorably. Take my example of bring a batch of homemade cookies to every new person moving into the apts I lived at on the first day or two they were there. Never did anyone take the cookies and say nice to meet you but close the door. They all invited me in and began to thank me for the wonderful greeting into the neighborhood. Conversation just flows from that point. They have kids so they ask if I have kids and what I thought of the local school, etc....
I hope this helps. If you come up with any issues as you work on this, you can let me know by going to my column and writing me from there so i get your question to answer personally. Good luck dear
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