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Is it time to break up?
My boyfriend have been together for around 2 and a half years and we moved in together 8/9 months ago. Over the past few months things between us have started to go downhill pretty badly. We argue several times a week (mostly about things like house work and money) and our sex life is terrible! We treat each other horribly and don't show each other any respect.
I love our life together and when we are getting along things are great. Up until this point we were planning our long term future together but now I don't know if we have one at all. It all came to a head last night and we now haven't spoken for around 24 hours, something we have never done before even after arguing. We're at a total stalemate and I don't think either of us knows what to say anymore. Should I just give up on the relationship?
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I would say try and live by yourself first. and not with each other. see if that helps..
Sometimes in a relationship you have to compromise to get anywhere..and its both of you..you can not just compromise and he not. Compromising is when you really don't like something but the other one does ..you would do that one thing to make them happy..but you shouldn't have to compromise all the time.
As far as you'r sex life..have you tried new things.. to spice things up?
sometimes when things get heated.. you need you'r time to your self to think ..
If u still love him..don't give up. and ask him the same. if he loves u.. hope this helped..
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If you both are in love with each other seriously, it just sound like you guys need a little break..its tough living with another person even if you are compatible. Relationships are hard work.
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You have to ask yourself is he the one?
If this relationship is worth fighting for then stick with it. If it's not then I think it's time to break up and move on. You have been together for 2 years and that's big but if you are getting into a lot of arguments and finding that living together isn't the best then I think you have your answer. My fiance and I argue but we make up in a matter of minutes. I don't like going to bed angry so if there is an issue we fix it. Good luck!
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This to me sounds like to people who have or had a great sex life together and thought they were compatible enough to live together. Marriage and living together have a lot in common, about the only difference is there is no paperwork legally joining you.
One of the things I warn against when answering questions on living together is not to base a relationship entirely on sex. Sex will only take you so far. Then one day you wake up and need to talk to each other and do not know how to communicate with each other or cannot communicate on the same plain. I believe this is where you and your boyfriend are at now.
All is not lost as long as both you and your boyfriend wish to try to save the relationship. If you or he is not then it is time to decide who stays and who goes.
Should you decide to try and fix the relationship then this is what I believe needs to be done. Most young men at your age have had their mothers do everything for them. It is somewhat natural when entering into a living arrangement with a female that they would expect the female to take the place of their mother as far as the cooking and cleaning is concerned.
That may have been fine 20 or 30 years ago. Todays female wants a full partner in life in a living arrangement or marriage. I don't believe your boyfriend fully understands this. He may thing taking his dishes from where he watches TV to the sink is doing his share. You need to educate him that it is not fair to expect you to do all the cooking and cleaning and whatever else he expects you to do while he sits and watches sports on TV or goes out with his friends.
You need to make him understand that you have responsibilities outside the home all week just as he has. That you would like to spend some quality time on the weekends and not spend the entire weekend cleaning and doing other house work, that you are not the maid.
Now how you go about this is to take him out of the house to have this discussion. You could plan a picnic or a walk in the park or any place or activity where you can have a discussion without him trying to divert your intentions by getting you in bed.
In your own words you need to explain to him that your idea of a relationship is not being the cook, maid and sex toy. While you enjoy the se you need help with the house work and cooking. There is no reason he can't vacuum, dust, change the beds or clean the toilets.
It is possible he doesn't know how to cook. If so he can learn, I did and so did my son. My son had to learn, he's a firefighter and if he didn't learn to cook there would be no dinner on the nights he is scheduled to cook. It wasn't hard to teach him how to cook. We started with simple things like meat loaf, hamburgers, baked chicken and moved on from there. Today his shift looks forward to the nights he is the chef. To be brutally frank if I can teach myself to cook, then teach my son anyone can learn to cook.
You start by saying I love you and I'm looking at spending a lifetime with you. If we are going to spend a lifetime together there needs to be an understanding that we are a 50/50 couple in everything we do especially if and when children come along. I cannot be expected nor do I want to be the one to do everything. Then explain from there what you expect from him.
I know couples who have even written contracts about what is expect from each other. In the contract it spells out who is responsible for what. Also included are those things that can't be prepared for in which case they have written something to the effect; "whoever is most qualified will handle or supervise repairmen."
You have 2 1/2 years invested in this relationship. Moving in together is a step that lets you see a side of someone you don't see while dating. I think you need to see if adjustments can be made between to correct things before you throw in the towel.
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All relationships are hard work. If you and he got along really well before you moved in together then I wouldn't just throw it away. Do you two talk to each other about the issues. If not, this might be a good time to start. Just make sure that you stay calm and choose your words wisely. For example, instead of "You know you don't do your fair share of the housework, why can't you just get off your ass and help sometimes!" you could say "I've noticed that we're having a hard time keeping up with the chores around here. Do you think maybe we could make up a chore list or something that we can both agree on?"
If you have a hard time discussing problems then it may be a good idea to see a counselor to help you guys through it.
It's really tough to live with someone. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Put down the toilet seat if he leaves it up, pick up his towel if he leaves it on the ground. If you can't get past the little things he does that bug you then things probably won't work out.
I've been with my husband 10 years now and believe me, he drives me crazy sometimes! The best advice I can give you is to focus on making your partner happy and you'll get the same treatment in return. Sometimes it takes awhile for them to clue in but I haven't seen it fail yet :)
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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