Member Since: May 28, 2011
Answers: 46
Last Update: July 28, 2014
Visitors: 3787
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Dear Vikki
I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.
Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!
Thanks!
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Ok girl listen to me if he choose to be with you and you know him well he won't cheat. I now what its like I was cheated on before then my best guy friend became my boyfriend and it ended up being a long distance relationship. Yes it is hard but we make it work and you know he is busy. And he wouldn't make time for u at all if he didn't love you. So stop worrying! You need to know no one would have ever been in a relationship with you unless they thought you were beautiful and had a great personality.and as for the previous guy he was so insecure in himself he couldn't accept and love you because he was jealous of you.
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I havnent been able to sleep very well for the past week, and when I do it's maybe 5 hours a night with me waking up every 45 minutes in that time span. What should I do to get some sleep? (link)
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Its sounds like A. You are either way to stressed I would make a list of things you are thinking about and try and release some stress by working out during the day. Or do things until you feel like if your head was on the pillow you would be sleeping then go to bed Or B. You may have insomnia so I would check with my doctor.
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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Well several things can happen
1. I would say it is imperative to call child services and tell them of the mental abuse along with the physical. Mental abuse is in many cases worse than a physical trauma as shown with many veterans that have PTSD the mental trauma they cannot overcome as easily as saying learn9ing how to compensate with losing a limb.
2. Get a really GOOD LAWYER and get her to get and Emancipation letter from her parents because of the abusiveness.
3. You need to have your parents contact child services.
4. She is going to need a good psychologist to help her mentally heal.
5. DON'T GIVE UP KEEP TALKING UNTIL SOMEONE HEARS! And if people keep sweeping you under the rug I would alert a local news station they love that sort of stuff.
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this is odd but i need someone who knows a little something about when it comes to hiring plumbers.
I rent a two bed, two bath place and we continually have plumbing issues. we have the standard low flush/low consumption toilets which clog ALL THE TIME, even to the point to where even a standard plunger cannot unclog it. Well ive had a leaking tub faucet for the past month and called my management company to fix the leaking THAT, but also asked to have the plumber check out one of my toilets as well (just a quick look to make sure theres nothing legitimately wrong with that toilet ) my question is, it is normal or fair for the property management to charge ME for the plumber to come out to fix the faucet?
last time i called to have management send a plumber to unclog my toilet, (cause my son flushed the toilet paper spinner down it) i got charge 400 bucks! just for that! and he did the same thing i just asked this guy to do. i soooo dont wanna get charged 400 bucks because i also asked him to check out my toilet while he was here fixing the leaky faucet. = / i cant afford that.
can they do that?? i know that theres certain things that THEY have to cover, but idk if they can try to pin the toilet thing on me, there was nothing wrong with the toilet, he said he would let them know that. The toilet just has a small throat and clogs easier then the better toilets. (link)
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It depends what is in the contract that you signed. But normally that should be covered under your renters agreement. So if you have a copy I would look over that but if you do not have a copy then ask to see the original. If they do not give you the original to see it is your right to see it so then you can take them to court.
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My friend found a baby kitten at her work and I ended up taking it because she couldn't. It looks about no more than 2 weeks. It can bearly hold its head up and shakes when it walks, its eyes are fully open and it fits in the palm of your hand. I have a bottle for it and it takes a few drinks then pushes away. How do you know how much to feed it? Do you know exactly how old it i? Do you know what I need to do for a kitten this young? Please help!!! (link)
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Ok well I'm pretty sure you should look how much to feed it up online. But you should take it to a vet for sure because it may need special nutrients that cows milk does not give it and the cat mom's milk also helps to fight off an infection so you should definitely take it to a vet.
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My brother keeps yelling at me. What do I do? (link)
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Either A. ask him calmly why he is yelling. B. Ignore him until he asks you calmly. or C. Tell him you will not do or respond to anything he says until he asks you nicely and calmly.
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26/f
This is a bit of a strange question I suppose.
I'm going into psychology. I intend to work with people. I'm very, very good at my job, which is involves social work. I got into the school I wanted, I raised a wonderful, sweet cat who's a fantastic companion, I'm happily single, headed toward my dream career, independent, etc...
But I never fit in. I don't connect with my age group at all. I look young for my age, but I feel like I'm closer to 40 than 30, and my body is falling apart inside - I'm a medical mess (crohn's disease, chronic pain, arthritis, history of anorexia, PTSD, depression, chronic insomnia, and formerly nightmare disorder). I have an affinity for classical music, I get piano sonatas stuck in my head and people I consider close friends laughed at me when I excitedly showed them a new book of arias I'm working on learning.
Even in my own friend group I'm not part of the group. I always feel like I'm observing from the outside, even when I make an attempt to be part of the crowd. It's not that these people exclude me at all. They make efforts to INCLUDE me, if anything.
I just don't feel like I fit in my own skin somehow.
I'm not really sure what my question is... does anyone have thoughts on this? Suggestions? Experiences?
Thanks to everyone who responds. (link)
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I was this way but I found me. I realized as you will need to who you are and who you want to be day to day... Me personally I want to be a great doctor who is confident but quirky and friendly and makes people smile at my witty jokes. So that\'s who I allow myself to be I allow myself to be in the moment and not think about the future like when I am with my friends I am not thinking about the grocery shopping or things I have to do I think about having fun in that moment. Also being around people who are Confident in themselves will make you more confident. I hope this helps.
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So, this weekend just gone I had sex with a guy. Him and his girlfriend were split up at the time and he said they weren't getting back together so I didn't see much of a problem. But the next day he said they sorted things out but he didn't tell her about me and him.
I'm really not comfortable about this as I'm friends with alot of her friends so I'm gunna see her about alot and I hate keeping secrets and lying.
I've tried persuading him, but said I won't say a word until he says something to her 'cause she should really hear it from him not me or someone else. But this also means I can't talk to any of my friends about it, which sucks.
He won't tell her though as she has alot of family problems at the moment and doesn't think she'd be able to handle it and isn't sure what she'd do (guessing he means self harm etc).
Some sort of help would be great as I'm really not keen on this situation and can't chat to anyone! Thank you! (link)
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Honestly I actually was in your shoes except for I only made out with him but honestly tell her the sooner the better! Because I waited and she found out by him cracking an inside joke about that night and it was months later but then she asked me to tell her the whole truth so I did. And long story short I lost a really good friend because of it. And honestly you need to tell her together that it was a serious mistake and that you value her to much to lose her as a friend.
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So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do? (link)
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This is a perfect thing for me. This same thing sort of happened to me. But I would talk to them about joining a school club or activity. It is important not to whine when you ask. Just bring it up like, \"Hey mom and dad could I possibly join school club or a sport?\" Ask them what they are afraid of and to ask them, \"How can I show you that I am responsible and deserve your trust?\" And ask them if they could try to give you a little space like read your texts every other day while you promise not to erase them. And ask that when you turn 15 if you can get one of the social networks that you really want. Remember that you must approach this topic with your parents with an even tone and must not wine complain, shout or get angry you want to prove that you are RESPONSIBLE!!!! And ask to have your friends over, things will get better trust me. your parents are protecting you because they are plenty of dangerous people out there. Check the Meghan\'s law website you would be surprised.
Plus I am in college and only really use Facebook and twitter on a regular basis.
P.S. Just a suggestion but next time do not write up were you live because then creepy people can find you.
P.S.S. Yes your parents are over protective but they should be trust me. In this day and age i would be the same too, actually probably worse because I would use the kids pone to track where they are or like me my kids wouldn\'t get a phone until they could afford the bill or were 16.
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I am being intimidated and i dont know what to do.
I cant give you the specifics because it seems so unbelievable.
and everyone I know has turned a blind eye to this issue so I don't know how to complain about it.
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Generally more specifics are needed but if you re being physically intimidated or threatened get the police involved. Mentally they can only intimidate you if you let them. They say stuff to intimidate you because a. they have a problem, b.they believe that you are better than them and need to knock you down, c. they are jealous, and d. they are cruel at heart which in that case rest assured they will get theirs in the end. And also see if they go and intimidate anyone else and then talk to them.
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So, me and my boyfriend get along really well, we've had our ups and downs but we've stayed together. I'm 14 and he is 16, is this bad? I've got a feeling it is, he's giving me hints that he wants sex with me and I know this from another question I've asked on here, I'm not going to have sex with him until I'm ready and it is legal but I'm just not sure if it's right...
I probably sound crazy. (link)
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Well yeah you should wait obviously because of legal but if you are questioning whether thou should or not you are not ready.Because when you are ready you know and you will get there eventually. And when you do there will be no doubts. I am in college and my friend is still in love with her boyfriend but still hasn\'t had sex yet and they have been together since eighth grade. They say that they are in love but they have plenty of time for that. But when you do remember be safe.
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So, I'm 14 and he is 16, we've been talk for a while now and we met up yesterday. He asked me out because everything went trails well and we'd both admitted we liked eachother, we sat by these toilets and spoke for hours. We were just cuddling and we kissed a few times but he asked me if I wanted to go In the toilets with him... Obviously I knew what he meant by that and I did say no as I'm 14.
Later on in the evening he text me saying that he think we rushed things a bit, I did agree but I don't see why it was a problem as we were both fine in he day. He also said he still wants to meet me, does this mean he's using me?
I don't know where I went wrong, he said I hadn't done anything...
Help! (link)
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No he sounds like actually a gentlemen. Both of you got caught up in the moment. And he realized that and like the earlier people suggested he would be pushing for sex. And you should want to take it slow taking it fast makes things happen to quickly.
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my heart has been doing weird stuff so i was looking what can be wrong with the heart and it said "coronary artery disease" but i don't know what that means. can some one please explain so a 16 year old can understand? (link)
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A 16yr old should never have coronary artery disease but you could have a murmur. But if anything is wrong with your heart you should go directly to a doctor because something could seriously be wrong and you could catch the problem early. So go to the doctor tell them ur symptoms and keep a time record of when you feel your symptoms and how severe.
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Hi, Before using Trigestrel I used to have a 31 day cycle I only used it for a month, I stopped using Trigestrel in February. Last month I had a 26 day cycle (got my period the 7th March) and my period lasted 2 days. I had ovulation spotting on the 20th March but up until today the 10th April I still have no period even though I had all the pms signs, I even had the cramps. I did a pregnancy test and it showed negative. Is this a side effect of leaving Trigestrel? (link)
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I think its possible but I would check WebMD to see the side affects.
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okay, like..we talk everyday afterschool and he always tells me to go visit him during his break at work since i live like right across the street from his job, so i do. but like,at school we'll see each other and we'll only say hi , and then when we arent at school and we're hanging out he's like, a complete flirt and he's super sweet and stuff. i feel like he's hiding me or something. but then i dont because his cousin knows about me and since me and his cousin are good friends he tells me that he (the guy i have a thing with) always talks about me and says im amazing , and that he really , really likes me and all this other cute stuff.
so i really am considering your previous advice because he makes me like the happiest person ever and like, straight up makes everything more fun and entertaining, but uggghh why doesnt he show it at school!? haha (link)
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Ok I would ask his cousin why he treats you like he doesn't know who you are at school. And tell the guy that friends is where you draw the line if he wants to play games. Because girls get broken of they try to play the game because girls lose because we are more in tune with feelings.
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18/m .M and my girlfriend,we had sex last night for the 1st time.I pulled it out on time.I was not using a condom.And in few minutes we did it again.Now i am scared whether she should take birth controlling tablets. (link)
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I had that happen to me but take plan B within 3 days and you have a 72% chance of not getting her pregnant. Every day you wait not to have her take it sucks because you are just praying for her to have her period. And net time condom first
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how should i ask my mom to put me on birth control. she has talked it about butting me on it becouse she found out that i have done stuff but never taken me to a doc or anything. im 16 and my boy friend is 18 we havent talked about even having sex but i want to be on the safe side and be on birth control. (link)
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If you mention to your mom you are having irregular periods and like periods lasting 14 days then normally they will get you on birth control. But thats just my experience and tell her your back hurts like someone cutting into it so this way you have more of a push to get on it.
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i told my boyfriend it was over and i broke up with him because i was mad and i told him alot of nasty stuff, now i want to take everything back and i want him back but i dont know what to say. what do i do (link)
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I know you say you want him back but do you because if you broke up with him in the first place there must be a reason. But if you believe you two can talk this reason you broke up with him out then I don't see why you couldn't get him back all it is in your way then is you. I hope it all works out for you and I hope you do get what your looking for. :)
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Okay, I am 18, female. I've known this girl all my life, basically. We went to elementary, middle and senior high school together and were put in the same home room every year because our last names both start with an S. She has been dating this guy for about two years. This guy and I talk a little, we have each other's numbers and text sometimes, rarely. I don't talk to this girl much, though. As we entered high school, she got to be popular and forgot her friends from elementary school (me.) However, tonight I went to a party. I saw her boyfriend kissing another girl, Not once, not twice, but many times and they were grinding on each other. His best friend was there and saw it all happening and didn't try to stop it. I texted my roommate and asked if she could ask the best friend if the couple is still together and he said that they were. He covered up for them and everything! As per me, I have a guilty conscience, but I don't talk to the girlfriend at all, I talk to the lying boyfriend more. I just don't know what to do. I don't think the girlfriend would believe me if I told her but I think the girlfriend has a right to know. I haven't talked to the boyfriend much lately because he's turning into a douschebag (I guess college does that to you).
I just don't know what to do. I know I would want someone to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating on me but, honestly, I don't think that I would believe the girlfriend if she just talked to me completely out of the blue and told me..
Help, please! (link)
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Honestly I would have taken a picture and shown it to the girlfriend a picture means a thousand words. But don't do anything this time but if you catch him again then take a picture and tell her only!
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got a little sunburn and it ruined my perfect snowy skin and now its tannish.how can i fix this (link)
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Tan is beautiful and it will fade like everything it takes time
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