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I never fit in. I don't really know what my question is...
26/f
This is a bit of a strange question I suppose.
I'm going into psychology. I intend to work with people. I'm very, very good at my job, which is involves social work. I got into the school I wanted, I raised a wonderful, sweet cat who's a fantastic companion, I'm happily single, headed toward my dream career, independent, etc...
But I never fit in. I don't connect with my age group at all. I look young for my age, but I feel like I'm closer to 40 than 30, and my body is falling apart inside - I'm a medical mess (crohn's disease, chronic pain, arthritis, history of anorexia, PTSD, depression, chronic insomnia, and formerly nightmare disorder). I have an affinity for classical music, I get piano sonatas stuck in my head and people I consider close friends laughed at me when I excitedly showed them a new book of arias I'm working on learning.
Even in my own friend group I'm not part of the group. I always feel like I'm observing from the outside, even when I make an attempt to be part of the crowd. It's not that these people exclude me at all. They make efforts to INCLUDE me, if anything.
I just don't feel like I fit in my own skin somehow.
I'm not really sure what my question is... does anyone have thoughts on this? Suggestions? Experiences?
Thanks to everyone who responds. <3
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I was this way but I found me. I realized as you will need to who you are and who you want to be day to day... Me personally I want to be a great doctor who is confident but quirky and friendly and makes people smile at my witty jokes. So that's who I allow myself to be I allow myself to be in the moment and not think about the future like when I am with my friends I am not thinking about the grocery shopping or things I have to do I think about having fun in that moment. Also being around people who are Confident in themselves will make you more confident. I hope this helps.
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I am the same way ! How ever mine is confidence and same with what you have been diagnosed with. You can fix so much with walking daily or get into running. Huge confidence builder. Walk while listening to music. Writing makes me feel better making lists. Find something that interests you. Good luck.
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Coming from a person who has had his own issues with "fitting in," I feel for you here. At this point, you are a bit younger than me but we are both, as you say, closer to 30 than 40 as well.
First off, you need to realize that it is OK to be different. Your differences from others in your social group contribute to your uniqueness and individuality, two of the best things about any person. It seems like you are the one putting pressure on yourself and your friends are more than willing to accept and include you. Did you ever stop and think that they might find you interesting because of your uniqueness?
In addition to these friends, you can also try to expand your social circle to people who have similar interests. This way, you can have friends more like yourself and friends who have different interests, both of which are very healthy and can be great. Some ways you can do this is by seeking out clubs in your community or online groups through forums and possibly sites like Meetup.com.
When it comes to the mental ailments, my suggestions would be to take some time to read about cognitive therapy and implement it in your life. It really works. Also, take some time out to relax and maybe even try to learn to meditate. These can do wonders.
As far as physical ailments go, do what you can. Eat healthy, take appropriate meds and follow the advice of healthcare professionals.
Last but not least, focus on the good things in your life more than dwelling on your challenges. Good luck, I'll be puling for you.
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With the exception of your medical problems I believe you have it pretty much all together. No one says we have to fit in within our own peer group. For the longest time I always felt more comfortable with people above my own age group as do many of us. You have put together a rich and invigorating life for yourself. You have your work that you enjoy, your music and you enjoy being independent You do have friends and your working on learning arias; to me that is a rich life.
Classical music is not everyone's style. My own musical tastes are quite eclectic. Depending on my mood I can listen comfortably and enjoy the classics, Jazz, Rock and I'm really into the New Age Music. Depending on what I'm listening to I can drive people away and that's fine for there are times when I just want to be alone with my music. If I want to share my music with people I would join a music club that enjoys the same type of music I do so we could discuss just as they do with book clubs. Something for you to consider if you wish to make friends with people with your taste in music.
As a social worker you know that some of your medical problems are of the type that can be controlled but not totally cured. That you have to learn to live with most of them. I too suffer with chronic pain and was the cause of me experiencing a major depressive episode. With treatment at a major hospital pain center for pain management and with the help of an excellent psychologist. I have learned to live with my pain and the change in lifestyle the reason for my chronic pain brought on.
I have been pronounce cured of my depression, I consider myself in remission since the depression itself and its triggers are something I have to be on guard for. To that end I continue to check in with my psychologist on a monthly basis just to give me and her an opportunity to talk and for her to make sure I haven't slipped back or missed a trigger.
Considering everything you are suffering and have suffered I believe you would do well to continue to see a therapist or to start seeing a therapist again if you have stopped seeing one. It won't hurt and will help you stay the course so to speak and possibly help you with some of the more personal aspects you have written about.
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I think a lot of people feel like this. I know I do.
I think it's possibly because we worry what other people think of us, we change ourselves to suit their needs, forgetting our own.
You do hve a lot of medical problems which must really get you down. But you hold down a demanding job and you have a hobby. enjoying classical music is a minority activity but I love it too. I even take singing lessons to try and improve my voice! So you play the arias and I'll sing them!
to sum up, we're all individuals and we have to rub along together on this planet, doing what we can to help it, each other and ourselves.
I'm nt sure if this answers your 'non-question' but maybe its a start? Hope it helps, best wishes x
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