Gender: Female Location: Spain Occupation: Law Student Age: 20 Member Since: April 11, 2013 Answers: 12 Last Update: June 16, 2014 Visitors: 1362
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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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So, to recap, you've dated your girlfriend for two years, and the last half of it she's been cheating on you and only staying because of the benefits of being your partner has to offer to her. Do you see the problem, right?
I have no doubt she's not just plain evil, that she's probably stuck in a bad situation where she has fallen out of love but her dream job is at the reach of her hand, but you know what? That's not your problem anymore. You seem like you've fallen out of love from her too, and you clearly don't have to keep up with a situation that's clearly hurting you.
Things could have been different if she was straight with the truth. Maybe you two could have reached an agreement where you could help her with her visa. Maybe you still can, but that's up to you.
What you should clearly know are your priorities. Your priority. And as selfish as this sounds, your priority is you. Just you. You're well being. Even if she wasn't cheating anymore, wich you don't believe, you've reached a place where you can't trust her, so the relationship seems over.
What you should and shouldn't do it's your choice, and only yours. I can't, or want to, tell you what to do. But if I were on your position I would finish my exams first (good luck, by the way) and then I would break up with her and talk about her Visa (if you want to help her, of course).
I'm not saying it will be nice, or that it won't hurt. I'm saying that on the long run you will be happy to go on with your life and don't have to keep up with something that's making you so unhappy.
I really hope everything turns out ok. Keep me posted if you want to. And if there's any kind of mispell I'm sorry, I'm Spanish and trying my best to help. Good luck!
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Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help (link)
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Contact police. Try to press charges against him. If he does something with you're photos it's a violation of privacy.
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I am a 22 yr. old female who lives on her own in the US. I rent and live with my boyfriend of three and a half years. The guy I’ve been with has put me through hell in the last three years we have been together but I stuck by his side fearing that I would be alone. He has abandoned me several times even on our anniversary and I know deep down I deserve better. I go to school PT and I work FT. To give you a vague idea of what life has been like for me, I do everything- tend to his needs, clean up after him because he won’t clean up at all, buy all the food, he treats me poorly- has no consideration for my feelings at all, doesn’t acknowledge anything that I do, is jealous that I’ve got a better job than him, refuses to work FT, won’t help out at all around the house without complaining about it, he has no interest completing his college education, and now he’s asking his job to cut back his hours so he can play card games all day. I’ve asked him nicely to pursue counseling, offered to pursue counseling with him as a couple, and he is being stubborn about it. He thinks he doesn’t need it at all. He has been talking lately about quitting his job because he doesn’t want to be work for retail all his life, and recently, dropped the only class he was taking at college. He has Asperger’s so he sees the world a bit differently than you and I, but I’ll be damned, he’s very manipulative and super quick to create conflict if things do not go his way.
That said, I’m in a pickle and I’m growing very unhappy with him. My heart genuinely loves and cares about him and his overall well being but am I in love with him? I don’t think so. We don’t connect like we used to, I am not attracted to him anymore (been over a year since we’ve done anything sexual), and I do a lot of things on my own. I feel like he’s my child literally. Because his name is on the lease, I am reluctant to say how I really feel because I am worried it would create a mess of problems that I do not need at this time. I have been saving up for a down-payment on a house of my own and I’m very close to being able to get one. My goal is to drop him when the lease is up if things do not get better.
As silly as it is going to sound, I think I have found someone who I really enjoy talking to. I met him through eBay of all the places but we immediately clicked. We like almost all of the same things and we can talk non-stop for six hours. We have so much to relate to it isn’t even funny. He is attractive, a bit older, and he happens to live in Arkansas, which is very far away from New York, but I guess it could be worse. We are discussing meeting sometime this year presumably if all goes well. He seems like my other half and I get very giddy when I hear from him (sometimes anyway). Although I don’t know him as well as I would like to, I do have a strong gravitation towards this person and I’m not fully sure why exactly. Maybe it is because we are so alike. He is a college graduate and has been a dept manager at a retail store for five years. He was studying graphic design and has even done a few book covers for local authors. I find it impressive that he has done so much at his age. If you believe in Astrology, his sign is Gemini (air) and I am Leo (fire), it says we are highly compatible. He is highly skilled in many areas including photography and art. I could go on and on about how wonderful this guy is but I’ll stop it right there.
Anyways, I told him my disposition with my boyfriend a few months back and recently told him how I started feeling about him. I was scared to bring the topic up mainly because I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way but I also did not want there to be a relationship between him & I- at least not until I have successfully ended the relationship I am currently in and after he and I have met in person first. The more I have talked to him, the more I feel like I am falling for this person, but I will say this feeling comes and goes and fades away when he isn’t talking to me as much. I think I take it personal or something, assuming it’ll never happen and that he is not interested anymore. It sucks having a pessimistic mind. There have been spouts where this person just disappears for days and I grow concerned, I don’t understand why it happens and when I try to reach out, I don’t get any response back. He tells me there is something there for me but has forgotten the feeling of love. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you don’t do that to the person who has feelings for you.
Maybe my thinking is off or I’m taking way too much to heart so soon when I hardly even know this person. It has been a while since he has been in a relationship and while he has forgotten the feeling, what do you think this feeling could be? Did he just say that because he did not know what to say? Anyways, I can understand being busy but at least tell the person you are interested in or who is interested in you what is going on in your life so they know you are OK. If I stop talking to him, he does try to initiate conversations which confuse me. It seems the more attention I give him the more he runs away but the less I give, the more he comes back for more. He will on occasion send me text messages in the morning or call randomly to chat. And no matter how much that guy is on my mind or not, I do dream of meeting him when I am asleep even if he hasn’t been on my mind at all. I sometimes smile myself to sleep when I’ve talked to him and had a great conversation. But in these dreams, I am subconsciously trying to hide it away from my current relationship. I guess the conscious is playing a part. I’ve had maybe 2 or 3 dreams where I’ve come close to telling the person I am with now about this guy. I don’t believe in cheating and that is why I am stuck, I can’t move on until the relationship I am with is done entirely, but it seems I’ve felt alone for so long my heart is ready to love again. I’m worried of the situation altogether backfiring. I don’t know what to do. Do I have genuine feelings for this guy? Is this just a crush? Will it subside? Am I a complete nut-case? Am I putting things in my head that should not be there? Should I just stop talking to this person or view him more as a friend? What would you do in my shoes?
(link)
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That was long!!! I will give you my opinion, my point of view and how I would try to handle your situation.
First and foremost I don't doubt you really care and love your boyfriend but you should break up with him as soon as possible. I know you want to do this in your mind but it's been a while since you thought about it and you are still with him, am I right?
Also, the fear of being alone at 22 are pointless and not a reason to stay with him. Besides, I'm pretty sure you've already figured out that it's not a healthy relationship, so get the hell out of there!
As for the new guy in your life, I'm going to say it again and louder: YOU ARE 22. All your life ahead of you, plenty of guys to meet closer than Arkansas, emotionally available and easier to meet in person.
That said, if the new guy is still in your mind and you really think it's worth a try, try it. Meet him, BUT, please, meet him with a friend of yours, you never know who's on the other line of the internet, ok? I'm serious about this, please do not meet him alone until you know for sure you're safe with him.
But I want you to ask yourself a question: why are you considering a guy who's telling you for starters he has "forgotten the feeling of love"? Do you see you're entering a relationship already on the rocks?
It could turn out fine, I don't know, I'm just saying: don't close doors and keep your eyes opened.
Good Luck!!!
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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Wow, that was long. OK. Let's break this step by step:
- There are a few things you both have to consider. Does she have any plans for the future? A job? Keep on studying? Because she has to start thinking about it. Why? Because if the situation is that impossible to escape she needs to break free. It sounds tough, I know, but if the police is really not going to help I see it as the only way.
- I don't know much about the law of your country because I'm Spanish, so I would like you to search every possible way of reporting this abuses (via other police stations, centers...ANYTHING) and everything that could be offered for her situation, I'm sorry I can't be of any help in that area.
I'm sorry, that's everything I can do for you. Please, keep posted, I really care.
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So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do? (link)
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Hi, I\'m going to try to help you as clearly as I can.
Here\'s the thing: you are fourteen years old, and yes, your parents are a little overprotective. But it\'s mostly fine. There is no right way to teach your son, each parent has its own path.
There are things you\'ve told me you will be grateful when you grow up, things you\'re learning to value because of the limitations your parents are putting you through.
Rules like schedules are going to help you be organised in your life and you have to learn them from a young age, and as for the trips to other cities I\'m sorry to tell you that you can\'t do anything but accept it, I\'m sure you will go eventually.
But here\'s the thing: as much as your parents are aloud to control in some ways your life, they shouldn\'t read your texts or tell you who you can be friends with. No doubt here. You have to surrender in the camp of schedules and trips, but not on this. They have to trust you as you trust them. This is a two way relationship, and even though they are doing it in what they consider your best interest I really think it\'s not. Fourteen or forty everyone has the right to privacy. So I really encourage you to talk with your parents (and see that I\'m saying talk and not yell), to make them see that yes, you are a teenager, and yes, you are a minor and they are your parents, but they have to trust you.
I know you\'re probably thinking talking is not going to help, but you have to try, I\'m sure they will come to accept it eventually.
And, please, contact me and tell me how is it going.
You can count on me :)
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my heart has been doing weird stuff so i was looking what can be wrong with the heart and it said "coronary artery disease" but i don't know what that means. can some one please explain so a 16 year old can understand? (link)
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Look, I\'m sorry I can\'t really help you to understand what \"coronary artery disease\" is, because I myself have no idea. What I can tell you it\'s, first and foremost that you don\'t have to worry because you are young and you are probably perfectly fine, but if the problem persists the worst thing to do is search the symptons on the internet, tell your parents and go to the doctor to check your heart.
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If a doctor checks if a girl is a virgin can he tell if she has had anal sex or will he only see vaginal sex? (link)
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I'm not 100% sure about it, but I think it's impossible to tell if someone has had anal sex if it has been consensual. A doctor can check if a girl is a virgin because when she has sex for the first time there's something called hymen that breaks, and that's how the girl loses her virginity. Well, there's not such thing in anal sex so I don't think so.
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Okay so me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 3 months or so now, and my best friend was there the first night I met him. I sound so stupid but I feel like he looked at her instead of me the first night we met. I've confronted him on this and he says he wanted me that night, it was the first night we kissed too. We started a relationship about 3 weeks later, she said she was happy for us and seemed happy. We hang out together, Me, My boyfriend, Her, she's my best friend and everything and i trust her i just feel like whenever i want to spend time with him, she always has to be there, I feel so stupid when i ask my boyfriend about this. When me and my boyfriend started going out she messaged him just jokingly about me and him and they put a lot kisses to eachother...I just thought it was friendly at first now it sticks at the back of my mind all the time, they always talk, I dont like it and i've told my boyfriend that, and tried to confront my best friend but she just gets pissed and says it doesn't mean anything. Can anybody give me advice? I really do love this boy but I don't like having my best friend around him. I don't want to sound like a bad best friend. (link)
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Sounds like you friend likes him and he likes you both. Try to make all of you face it because if you don't, at the end, you will probably lose them both.
You could talk to her about it without arguing, just to know how she really feels and then try together to find a way to solve the problem.
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Okay, I REALL REALLY like this guy I have known since aorund OCtober. I'm thirteen. I read sometime online and it gave me a crazy idea...He moves near the end of April, I want to see him before then, but i want him to remember me. SHould I give him a good bye kiss if he likes me? I plan to telll him how I feel when I see him... PLEASE HELP! (link)
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I think that could be very sweet, and if he's moving out you don't have anything to lose. Just think if you're ready for a possible heartbreak if he doesn't feel the same way. If you want to take the risk, go for it!
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I have this friend and she's really nice and she's quiet a lot to other people besides me. She doesn't hav many real friends cause she's not as social I guess. Well u you nderstand she might want to fit in but she lies A LOT. She lies bout stuff like she beat her brother y up or she stabbed him and he's in college. And idk y cause I'm her friend she doesn't need to lie to me. And sometimes she lies about stupid stuff. Like today she said "her pen wasn't working" but I think she only says that to use my pen that she likes. What do I do? (link)
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People that lie to get attention usually do it for self protection. Hiding behind the lie it's easier than facing the truth. As she's a friend of yours I think you should point it out to her that her behaviour it's not ok. But try to do it as if you were half-joking and hopefully she'll get it. Like: "hey, I know you love my pen, don't lie about it" with a smile on your face.
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I met this guy at church during the summer and I feel in love with him (literally but not at the same time). Then school started and he was saying hi to me almost everytime he saw me. I was loving it but then it stopped happening. Then he started only talkin to me at church. He's in a relationship right now but today we had a really good time with our friends. We talked and laughed and played around and stuff. I have a feelin that it doesn't mean ANYTHING but I want some comment on what I should do or how I should handle it or your opinion. (link)
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Well, I think that now that he's in a relationship you shouldn't really get in between. So my advice is just to become friends with him. Get to really know him and you will see the most important thing: if you're really in love with him.
As for how he feels, you can only hope and time will tell. Good luck!
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A girl told me I had a mustache so i shaved my upper lip which was a BIG MISTAKE! will waxing my upper lip get rid of the greenish shadow or do i have to do something else? will the hairs be uncomfortable the rest of my life? i'm SCARED!
BY THE WAY, I AM A GIRL AND 12 YEARS OLD (link)
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Don't panic. All you have to do is wax it and you will get rid of that greenish shadow you're talking about, though you will have to wax it regularly it's perfectly fine.
Just be careful with the hot wax and if you're not sure about how to do it ask for help.
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