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Life screwed up,what do I do and where do I go from here?
My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm incredibly sorry that your mother has treated you this way for so long. Do you have a high school diploma/GED? If so, this is a good start to getting on your own two feet. A few options you have is:
1) Getting help from the state. I'm not sure what state you are from but some have options that can help you get food, housing, etc. See what you are eligible for (I would start with google!) and apply.
2) As far as housing goes, if you think starting off at your dad's is a good TEMPORARY place then start there. You know your dad and yourself better than me so be wise about this decision and if you think it's a good stepping stone--also look at his State and see what it can offer, if its cheaper, is there employment opportunities in that area, etc.
3) This is my fav (because I'm in it) but you can always try and join the military. Hopefully it doesn't sound scary to you but its always a good way to get on your feet, gain responsibility and learn a new job while traveling and getting a steady paycheck with benefits. Its not a crazy or scary lifestyle at all. I've been in the military for 8 years now and its been the best career choice I could have made. I grew up in a decent family but I saw myself living at home, going to college and living off of mommy and daddy for as long as I could. Joining at 17 made me independent and now I could never go back to living at home--I like my space and money too much!
If you have any questions or none of these options work for you, let me know and I'll rack my brain some more. Good luck to you! Stay strong.
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Don't go running to your dad. It's not worth it. And if your mom is a crazy person that degrades you, then let her be your grandmother and sister's problem.
Everything, right now, is about you. YOU can do this.
First, you need a cheaper place to live. I know it's unappealing, but you could stay at a cheaper motel. I lived in one when I first moved to a new state, for six months. It was crap, and a little scary because it was essentially a hooker motel, but nothing bad happened to me. You keep to yourself, and nothing bad will happen to you.
Alternatively, you can check Craigslist or a venue of your choosing, for people seeking roommates. Sometimes, you can find 4-5 people living in a house together, and they're paying very little per person. It's not always the best condition... sometimes you don't get a ROOM, but you get SPACE... This is only for a short time, though, so you do what you have to right now.
Second, you need a better job, or a different job. I recommend finding a second job. A, it's easier to get a second job that a better job. 2, you can pull more hours working two jobs than one job. D, with your current schedule, you'd be a ringer for working overnights at a grocery store or something, and graveyard shifts, depending on field, will pay just a little more.
If you find yourself with free time, you can even get a third job with a flexible work schedule. The aim is to put in a lot of hours, and save as much of your income as humanly possible.
GET A BANK ACCOUNT. If you have one jointed to family, don't use that one. You want one that's just you, and you want your places of employment to do direct deposit. Straight into the bank. You pull out ONLY what you need for rent and food, and you save the rest. Also... get a public transportation pass. It seems hard to get one, because it seems expensive at the moment, but over the course of the year, you'll actually spend LESS and be able to save MORE because of the pass.
This is going to be hard work, but at the end of it, is that you can save, assuming you budget correctly and have no vices, enough to get a studio apt, all to yourself, in a lower middle class area in a short amount of time. It's not going to be the best place you'll live, but it will be JUST yours. It's home base. It's a safe haven.
Also, with all the work experience you can accrue in that amount of time, you can write a proper resume and hand it out to better places of employment. What your resume will reflect is that you can work hard, and that you don't give up. Whenever possible, include a cover letter with your resume that talks about WHY you hold so many jobs at once, and how your main goal is to be able to have one job. Also, talk about how you'd like to work for that company, etc. Go to a library, ask for a book on resumes and cover letters... also check the internet...
It's not going to be easy, and it's going to suck for a few months... but this can be done. I've done it, I've watched other people do it, and at the end of it all people are so much stronger than they would give themselves credit for. You have to think of you... And remember that YOU are what's important, and that you have no limitations.
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Wow let me say that I am sorry you are going through that. You are not worthless and I am sure you will do many great things with your life. Your mom is probably being so ill because she doesn't have her medication. Have you talked to your grandmother?? It's her house therefore your mom and sister cannot pick and chose who is welcome there. If your grandmother is as caring as you stated then, she won't let yu be homeless. If any way possible ask for more hours at your job or get another job working a later shift. You only work 10-4 so that leaves from 4-? For another shift somewhere else. In order to do great things with your life you have to scarifice. I go to school for nursing from 8-5 4 days a week and I work from 11pm-7am. It's not easybut it is worth it. Stay positive and talk with your grandmother and don't hesitate to come to me. I will help you every step of the way.
Xoxo Kaci
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Hi, your question and story are very touching. Under the circumstances... I am from Canada so I don't quite know the legal system or welfare system in the US however, depending on your age - if you are legally able to move - I recommend it. You do not need to go through the mental and emotional abuse both your sister and your mother put you through. I have just been in a recent situation where I had to watch my family fall apart and my own mother locks herself in her room and "gives up on being a mother" to her three kids currently staying at home. I am 23 so I live in my own home with my boyfriend. I understand it is difficult, trust me. I'm not sure if you voice your opinion or stand up to your mother but that is what I did and it didn't get me anywhere really. I have lost touch with both her and my abusive father - not that I really care - but in doing so I gained full trust, respect and the leadership role that was never instilled in my family by my parents - and my siblings and I stay very close. What I am saying is you have many options that you can choose from to be a better person and whatever works for you; you will find it. Every decision you make will lead up to where you're supposed to be - so, that being said - forgiveness and gratitude are the utmost important things in our lives. Your mother is mentally ill - forgive her for being an emotional night are yet THANK her and be grateful for being aware of what you never want to become. Thank her for raising you to be nothing like her and then move on. Be honest with your work - ell them it is very crucial to your health and safety that you require a full-time position even if it is temporary until you can find another job. Being honest with people will make you feel good too. If that doesn't work - call your father, speak to him - stay calm and find out why he left and took everything. Parents will use their kids as buffers meaning the anger or hatred they have for their spouse will bounce off onto the kids literally brainwashing them. Also, think of the legal stand point. Maybe your dad recognized that you and your sister can legally live on your own, leave the abusive relationship at your current situation and be free of negativity. Perhaps he was hoping that you would do the same and be responsible for yourselves? I am only making suggestions here. I believe in always having a way out. Look into apartment buildings, being a superintendent - free rent, but you got to know how to change a lightbulb :P. or perhaps moving somewhere to start fresh. Save up what you can, if you can legally rent a car - do it. Drive until you find the place you want to be then apply for welfare until you can establish yourself with an apartment and good job. Look into shared housing so the rent is split is a lot cheaper. I am not telling you to run away but it is possible to make your life without the help from your parents. If you're old enough, as in legal age to be on your own - then why would you want to depend on others all the time? It's much more gratifying to get something done all by yourself. Chin up - I know what it's like to live with someone who has a mental illness and you feel like walking on eggshells all the time. Do what is right for you. I believe you're strong enough, you're in a bad situation and yore still alive. Go you! :) just keep moving forward. I hope I gave you some insight, I would like to stay posted but it's your choice, your life. Good luck!
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Hey there, OP. I'm so sorry you're in this situation...you seem to be the only 'adult' in the family, so to speak. I would try and get on Obama care if you can. If you are able to do that, I would strongly encourage your mother to see a psychiatrist. It really is too bad that you don't have family to go to. However, if you have their emails, I would try and contact them to explain that your mother is very ill and that you need help encouraging her to seek the help she needs. I would try and ask your dad for help and support. If he cares enough, then hopefully he'll man up and support.
Unfortunately, if your mother is completely unwilling, then there is nothing you can do. If she is going to get help, she is going to want to be ok again. It's up to her.
Your sister seems to be no help whatsoever In fact, she seems to be an enabler which is very unhealthy. She can probably use some therapy too.
Now, if there is absolutely no one you can reach out to, I would see if anyone is looking for a roommate. I really don't think quitting your job and living on the streets is going to help. :p You would be susceptible to disease and hunger. I think you really should get out of your house; it is not a healthy environment for you. Even if your efforts of getting your mom help are successful, I would be on the look out for someone who is looking for a roommate. You can check Craigslist. :) You need to get out of that environment though.
Being independent can be scary, but you have your whole life ahead of you to learn and grow. You can't be taking care of your mom for the rest of your life. You can support and love her, but you can't be her mom. And you certainly can't make your sister grow up. She's gotta get her lady balls and do that herself. And being on the streets isn't going to change anything. It will probably make things worse.
You seem to be a bright and mature person. You need to be in a healthy environment with people who are support and love you.
Best of luck, sweet cheeks xx
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First of all,I'm sorry for everything that you have had to go through,and is still going through. And your mother is wrong for the things she says to you.And they aren't true,so don't you dare believe them. You will be something in life,and if you choose to go to college,you won't fail at it,and if a husband/boyfriend is what you want,then you will get one.
If you choose to go live with your dad,you shouldn't have to beg. Hopefully sitting down and talking with him will help. You can just let him know that you just need to stay with him until you get on your feet,and have everything fixed and sorted out.
Hope I helped <3
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If I were you,I would go and try to live with your father. From what you've written here,I consider that you should in no circumstance follow your mother and sister. Unfortunately, just because someone is your family doesn't mean they will love you. For example, my family loves me only as much as I am educated. No college,no love. So if your dad is willing to take you in,go and try to start your life anew. You don't need anyone who makes you feel like you are worth less than others. Go girl,I'm rooting for you. And feel free to ask a question anytime.
Best wishes,
Luchia94
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If you're at least 15 you can emancipate yourself. Basically you'd be on your own, but everything you'd have would be yours. If not that, there are shelters and programs to help you get on your feet. Do you have any adults you can look up to for help? I'm sorry about your family, I've been in a similar place with my mom. If you work less than 35 hours a week you're considered part time, which sucks. The only thing I can suggest is to get a full time job if you aren't in school or try to find one that pays better. I hoped I have helped you somewhat. I wish I could do more. Hope everything works out for you!
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It seems to me your mother and sister are holding you back from life. You need to leave that situation now. Do whatever it takes to get on your own. A second job may be necessary , even if it is in the evening.
Get a paper route if you are able to; you might be surprised at how well a paper route can pay. Scratch and claw and do whatever it takes (within the law) to make yourself a success. Don't make any excuses for yourself about how life dealt you a bad hand or how you can't get another job. Your life is in your hands, take control. If you can do it sooner before your mother and sister are able to get to your grandmothers that would be best.
Right now they are relying on you as you are them. Its time to teach them a lesson and pull the rug out. You should always honor your parents for if it weren't for them you wouldn't be here. However right now it is time for your action. You only have one shot at life and your time is now. Don't let your family hold you down any longer. "With the weight on his shoulders Atlas Shrugged."
Make your own path. Good luck.
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While I believe family is important, I do not believe it is worth the cost of emotional turmoil. If the problems with your father are resolvable, than that could be a possibility (you should not have to resort to begging him though). However, I would recommend looking into low income apartment complexes. They're are complexes that participate in HUD housing and charge a percentage of your income. Based on your income, you should be able to qualify for public assistance programs as well. It may be time for you to set out on your own and develop your life in a way that makes you happy.
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This isn't going to be easy but it is time to spread your wings and fly!As long as your mom is not under treatment for her mental illness it is a very toxic relationship and you are FAR better off to be on your own. I would like to commend you for holding down a job and dealing with all of this at the same time. You are a very strong young woman! I would say that you have the strength of character to do just about anything you put your mind to. You know in your heart those things your mother says are not true, she is sick and she is lashing out, which is why you need to be out of the picture. I don't know what state you live in so it is very difficult to give you specific advice about where to turn for help. One suggestion might be to try to get in to college and live on campus. Yes, you would have to take out student loans but it would be worth it in the long run.I know you are upset with your dad right now but maybe it is time to step back and look at the big picture. If your mom is mentally ill and verbally abusive perhaps he was going through more than you realize. At any rate perhaps he would be willing to help you if you choose to go back to school. Maybe moving to a new state and starting college there would give you a whole new perspective on life because you seriously need to distance yourself from your mom and your sister! Otherwise you could find out if you qualify for public housing but this is based on income. There are also boarding houses and rooming houses for people who are alone and on limited income. You could check the local paper to see if anyone is advertising for a room mate but that can be risky. If you go that route make sure you do a lot of background checking first. You could ask some local churches or agencies that help the needy if they have any suggestions.Once you are out on your own you will have some extra time so perhaps you could find a another part time job or do some volunteer work(just to meet some new people). You need to make some friends and get out and have some fun. Change is scary and sometimes fear of the unknown makes us stay where we are until we are forced to make a move. Then we often wonder, "Wow, why didn't I do this sooner!" I think that will be the case with you. Good luck!
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You say you are old enough to be on your own. Now is the opportunity for you to do so. Starting over May be the thing you are being forced (by the universe) to do.The best part about it is that you can do it YOUR way without all those negative voices telling you you can't.
It's frightening to be on our own for the first time, especially if we had no previous experience with making our own choices. You have it in you to ask for help and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Check out your local community youth programs. Most cities and towns have programs set up for youth on the street who have no place to go. They teach them basic life skills like how to budget their money, pay bills, and basically just be responsible adults. My own daughter went through something like this when I was going through some stressful times. She was 17. The youth shelter in our city set her up with her own apartment and she was to participate in all the programs they offered. She also had a job she was working at. She was on her own since graduating high school and is now 24 yrs old, married, working at a job she loves and is relatively happy.
All it takes is some faith in yourself, some trust in other people, and the willingness to succeed. Whatever you lose or sacrifice in the event of starting over will return to you tenfold, I wish you all the best in whatever direction you choose.
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I M very sorry you are going through this. You don't deserve this treatment. I was actually in a similar situation and got kicked out of my own home too early and had to fend for myself. I want to ask a serious question. Are you able to join the military? When I was going through rough times, I went and talked to a recruiter. I met a guy there and he became my boyfriend. My boyfriend ended up joining and we got married and now we have everything we could ever want. The military pays for you to live in your room, gives you free meals and pays you decent wages. You get to meet lots of people and travel. And you also get the GI Bill which pays for college. Please consider it. So many people are scared or intimidated by the military but it is actually a wonderful thing. We are only 25 years old but have bought a house, drive nice cars, and are living very comfortably, which is amazing considering a few years ago I was out on the street. My email is Steph 2 k 10@hotmail.com if you ever want to talk!
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Sounds like a very difficult situation all round. I'd say your mother is a very controlling type and the constant negativity and put-downs are meant to undermine your confidence and so keep her in the position of dominance and control. And it usually succeeds, despite our efforts. There's almost certainly a link with her psychiatric condition, even if it is only one of intensifying everything. But your problem here is of course one of practicalities and logistics. You must indeed 'go on your own' to some extent I think, even though you have not been prepared for it in any helpful way by the controlling and volatile behaviour of your mother. Do not leave your job until you have something else. It might look like a tempting first move towards the 'new you' but I think you'd just be picking on something relatively easy to change, as a sort of 'statement of intent'. Any income is better than none and you will keep some stability to build around. OK, how much of a deadbeat is your dad? Have you kept in touch? Do you feel you might have a lot more in common than you think? It may not have been easy for him living with your mother, maybe he'd exhausted all other attempts at the relationship and leaving was the last throw of the dice for him? Maybe you should open-up a frank and up-front dialogue with him. I think that somehow you need to buy some time and point out to your mother that she must not cut you out of her new plans without giving you some time to arrange things. Whatever has been said and done between you, she is still your mother and quite honestly when I hear terms like 'take my chances on the street' it makes ME (who does not know you) shudder and worry about your prospects... so I cannot believe your mother would simply cut you off so abruptly without any pangs of conscience. You need a little time to prepare. Either securing some income and having a roof over your head, or to see if there is enough common ground between you and your father to make a go of things. Chat with your sister too. Open and honest. The encouragement to call out at work strikes me another example of your mothers controlling and rather manipulative behaviour. To me she seems to be playing a subtle and contrived 'game of favourites' with the the two of you (intending to divide you and set you against each other)...while actually only favouring and promoting her own ends. I doubt your sister is any better equipped to deal with life beyond your mums control than you? Try asking her that had the favour been reversed, and SHE was not welcome at your grandma's home...would SHE be able to cope? And were neither of you welcome, would she be any more secure? Maybe a good open and honest meeting and discussion would benefit both of you and help break the rather unpleasant and unfair dependency your mum seems to have engineered. Please do not consider letting things ride and simply taking your chance on the street. So many are forced into this, and maybe even have some vague hope that it will turn ou to be a brave and good move. It hardly ever is. You will become the prey of some real low-life, and some clever enough to make it look like they are helping you at first. They are looking only to help themselves. I hope I may have helped in a way. Best wishes. CJB. X
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Well, out in the street is out of the question.
Going with dad sounds alright, as long as he isn't abusive and if he has a job and is willing to care for you.
However, it sounds like you are the major supporter of your mother and sister, and without you, they may struggle.
Overall, it's all up to you. this situation sounds ike it sucks and I'm sorry.
hope I helped
-scotish gal
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well what I will do if I was you is to sell some things and save my salary to get a house. I know is not easy to stay on the street but you have to endure till you save up to an extent that can get a house. start making friends to so you will see someone to help some other day. you should also start looking for a better job.
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Firstly, the financial situation you're in. I'm not from the US so I'm not sure how your welfare system works but are you able to find out if there are any benefits/help you would be entitled to if you find yourself on your own. Research all possibilities that do not involve you borrowing money as that is going to make things worse for you. I'm sure there must be some sort of assistance available to keep you off the streets.
Secondly, your family. Your mother does seem to have some quite serious issues going on there and she's dragging you and your sister into them. She sounds rather bitter about life so I'm guessing she's feeling very let down by it and is taking out her internal rage on you both. However, you do need to understand that regardless of what life throws at us it is up to us how we deal with it. Your mother and sister are not dealing with it in a positive way but you sound as though you're smart, tough and resourceful. I think you really can make it on your own and do well. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but I think you're up to the challenge. It actually sounds as though taking some time away from both of them will do you the world of good, enabling you to build up your battered self esteem and show yourself and everyone else just what you're made of. Bear in mind that there are people who make themselves feel better by making those around them feel worse about themselves, you do not need that negativity.
It has to be your decision as it's your life, no one should be telling you how to live it so decide what it is that you want and go for it. In time you'll meet people who will appreciate you for who you are rather than knocking you all the time. The same goes for your mother and sister, it's their lives and they have to make their own decisions, good or bad, but you don't have to be involved in it.
Before you do anything though, find out what help you can get and then make your choice. I wish you the best of luck.
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I'm sorry that this situation has happened to you. You seem like a wonderful person and do not deserve this. Have you tried talking with your grandmother yourself? Since it is her place she decides who stays in it, not your mom.
Maybe you can work out a deal with your grandmother where you help pay for your stay and still save up and try to get a place of your own. Or you could stay with your dad and work in the other state until you can save up enough to be on your own. If not, there isn't a single friend or cousin even that you could try to stay with?
I believe things will work out in your favor in time. Just try to stay positive and try every possible option there is. Just try to look out for YOU and no one else. Worry about supporting yourself and getting into a better situation.
I wish you the best of luck
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Try to find another job that will pay enough to support you and you alone. Once you have that, move away from your mother and sister and into your own place. If you struggle to find a job that will support you then contact your dad and see if he will take you in while you sort yourself out.
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Hi there! Wow life seems tough for you now. I've been in that situation before. I would actually say the best idea would be to go with your dad and live with him in another state. Don't go out alone till you know you are ready. And your mom needs to take a chill pill or something because she doesn't know how you feel when she is yelling at you. Don't get down when people say you can't. I learned my lesson with that. Everyone in my grade thinks I can't do color guard and I should quit and all I do is prove them right. Well actually, I don't suck at it. And when people tell me I can't, I prove them wrong. But when I say I can't and let people influence me from their words, life will get hard. Don't let your mom say those things to you and believe it. You're yourself and no one can control you. They can only throw suggestions out. I'm praying for you! I hope this works out. Ask me anything else if needed!
~glasses
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I am sorry you have been through all this. However,
I think you should take some professional help. Maybe you and your mother visit a psychiatrist.
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I would get away from your mother. Even if it's with deadbeat dad, it's a chance to get on your feet, even if he's not the greatest. Don't live on the streets, its not helpful. You'd be putting yourself at risk for harm. If you need a friend in life, someone to talk to, let me know. I like talking to people and would be willing to help more if I'm able.
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Personally I feel ,you better go with your mom to grandma s house and you find the job there mainly for your security . Your mother is mentally ill so dont take it personally .talk with your sister and tell her about your situation. Explain to your mother when she is in good mood. After while once you well established in ur job, you can stand alone.
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Hey i know its tough at your place now but keep your head up whatever it happens life is just giving you an opportunity to become stronger.I know it sounds cheezy but start reframing everything that you dont like.For example your mother doing this to you she is challenging you to become better frame it like that and you dont need to be proving anything to HER just prove it to YOURSELF that you are a strong woman.I advice you to go try something new change everything since there is no place with them i know they give you something otherwise you would not be there.BUT you should move on RIght NOW because this is your life dont lose your time living a life you dont like.DESIGN it yourself and listen to inspirational people who have helped thousands like Anthony Robbins if you dont have money try downloading Personal Power by him.IT will give you the tools to change everything into the positive and will help you find out why do you want to change your life not only how BUT THE WHY is very important. 80%WHY , 20%HOW is in life.APPLY IT NOW
and keep me updated here or on email:ni3koto@abv.bg im honored i can help you. STAY STRONG
NICK
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hey there sweetie!
Seems like you're going through a very tough time, but I wanted to say that I admire you because other people would've broke down and not been able to do what you're doing: looking for a solution.
I come from a hispanic home, so my mother was always very strict when it came to my sisters and I moving out. (I'm 17 y.o. btw, will be 18 in a few months). My sisters both left the day they turned 18, and I'm looking for apartments currently. My mother helped my sisters look for an apartment and before that, get a job to pay for it. I think that's why when I come across situations like this I can understand where mom's coming from.
I think you should save up some money, forget about your mother and your sister. They seem to be worrying about themselves enough. Worry about you. I don't think you should beg your "deadbeat dad" to do anything, I think this is a time where you can break out and leave "the nest".
So as I was saying, save up some money. Make a budget for yourself, write down: in one week I'll have this amount, in two weeks I'll have this amount, and so forth so you know how much money you can invest in an apartment. Also try to take away the aproximate amount that would go to food, transportation and any other necessity. Try to cut down as much as you can, and look for studio apartments. Studio apartments are usually cheaper and I'm sure there's something out there within your price range. Also, some people rent out rooms when they can't pay the full rent so that's a good option too.
If you can't find anything else then I suggest you speak to your boss, let them know the situation and ask for more hours. Or ask if they know anywhere you could stay for a few weeks while you get your stuff together. Or if you're extended hotel is within your budget, stay there.
As soon as you find a place to stay, I suggest you keep saving up. Try not to waste that much money on small stuff, buy only what you need. I don't think you'd need a car now that you're starting out. Trust me, with gas and maintence costs I think you're better off taking the bus for now. After you get settled and start saving, then I think it would be time for you to look for another job (if you're current one cannot give you more hours) so you can start looking for a bigger place or a car if that's what you want. I personally think having an apartment, even a small one, should go first. After all, there is public transport.
I know it sounds like a lot, but it's not. It'll take some time, sure, but I'm positive you can do this. It's all about taking risks, and learning to be independent. This is a big step, but it's also a very necessary one for our maturity and growth. I really hope everything goes well.
Best of luck!
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I think the best thing to do is to start looking for a full time job, save a little and move out. If your not wanted or respected why bother living there. It may not be easy but i'm sure you can handle it. Your now an adult so you dont need to rely on people who arent really there for you so dont go and live with your dad either. With a little hard work you can make things happen for yourself. So start by getting a full time job and even if you cant afford to live on your own find a roommate. Good luck :)
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Hi sweetheart! Oh my! Im sorry for your situation and your broken heart!! I sense your spirit wants to do the right thing and wants this big mess to go away!
I will tell you,I have been in your situation and alot of getting out of it was by prayer.
Now then,let's walk this one step at a time
I will let you know,my dad walked out on me,took the house and the truck and we were stuck,me and my sis,plus my 3 dogs to boot!
Let's start with your emotional being right now
Right now,your body in a sense has gone into shock and is unsure what to do.You have put the impossible pressure on yourself and that cant be done.
Your mother is also going through this shock and pressure,and Im sure all 3 of you ladies are all in that and have fear that you dont know what will happen to you.It will turn out fine dear one.
Now them,your mother is off her meds,find out,if any way,she can get her meds at Wal-Mart were they can be as low as $4. Call or see them and be sure if your mum can transfer her prescription.
2nd,don't believe in the words she tells you,she is speaking out in anger,because she herself is very very angry and Im so sorry for that.
Now,your sister,your sister is getting too comfy and is being babied and is leaving it all to you! Thats no good.I do not what your ages are,but your family needs to put drama aside and work for a solution. Your sister if she is 16 and over can surely get a job.Now,youre at a hotel.Ask the hotel if they can give you a cheap rate on a weekly basis,rather than charging by the day and it can get expensive.All else fails,see if you can get them to bill your dad,yes,they can do that.I did that even to my own dad,and he had no choice but to pay. What kind of stores and areas are around the hotel? Any easy convinience shops Perhaps a gas station? Start asking for applications withing a walking distance of you as it would be easier.Maybe get a job at the hotel youre staying at!
So mama wants to pack and go to Grandmas and leave you behind? Oh pfff!! Now she is being childish! Let's just say that she does do this,and takes off,she will feel the loss of not having you around,and she will regret it.
Do Not go into the street sweetheart.Its too dangerous! You can run into the wrong people and they give you drugs or make you sell drugs.Worse you could be a prostute and that road is so dangerous darling! Please,dont do it! I can sense alot of fear,you dont wanna leave your mama,and this situation has put you in an impossible place.
Let's go over a few options
Look at your stuff: Anything of value? Anything gold or silver? Head over to a pawn shop or a place that can buy it from you.
GRAB A PHONEBOOK TO LOOK UP THESE PLACES!!
See if you can find a halfway house or a Woman's Shelter.They can help set you up with a place to stay.Check Union Gospel Missions,or Goodwill,or any Thrift Store that proceeds to go the poor and needy.Also,places do offer 3 meals day soup kitchen.I dont want you to feel any shame sweetheart.These places can help you.
You will need to decide if you want to stay in the area,or relocate.DO NOT GO TO YOUR DADS!! Your dad,heaven knows what he's gotten himself into!
People at these shelters can definately make connections for a job,clothes and food.Check a food bank and they help you with food also!!
They can offer you spiritual guidance also.
Im not telling you to go to church,or anything
But believe that God (Yahuwah) loves you and he is watching you and knows what is going on in your life! Call on HIM and do pray,I don't know what your beliefs are,but call on HIM and pray,and HE will help you!!
If you need anymore advice,please feel free to write me here or my email ladykayuralove@yahoo.com
I will be here for you! Be blessed and let me know how its all going!
The Boogeylady!
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I can't imagine what you must be going through. This is an awful lot for a 20 year old to go through! If you have an okay relationship with your father, maybe see if he would be willing to take you in for a couple months till you are able to save up money. But that's if you can find a job in his state!
If your sister and mother are going to your grandmas...do you have an okay relationship with your grandma? If you asked her to stay would she allow you? It seems ridiculous that your mother would rather have you live on the streets then live with her.
I know that both of these options probably don't sound amazing to you, but you can't live on the streets and keep a job. Both of these can be thought if as temporary! Do you have any work friends who are looking for a roommate? Maybe try checking on craigslist and see if anyone is looking for a roommate (beware that Craigslist can be dangerous though!) if you are working that often, you should be able to struggle through renting an apartment or atleast having a roommate and an apartment. But since you only make around $560 a month, you will have to be very frugal with your money . But the key is to find something temporary for now. Keep yourself going and keep reminding yourself that this isn't permanent. One day you will be more financially stable. You just have to keep working.
As for your sister and mom, they don't seem to want to work and that's a rough life to live. I'm happy that you aren't just calling in sick all the time. And that WILL benefit you in the future! You sound like a very strong person and I feel for you because I know this is a rough time! I hope my advice helped a little and you can lessen your stresses. I hope the job you have will eventually become full time or has ways of moving up in the company.
If you need anything at all, feel free to ask!
Good luck!!
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First off, I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly can't imagine how you must feel and what you go through on a daily basis. But nonetheless, I will try by best to help you out in some way.
As far a the job situation goes, I wouldn't quit. $150 per week is infinity better than nothing. However, I would keep an eye out for other opportunities.
Even with limited availability, there may be some ways to make some additional cash. For example, if the job you work at uses ink for printers and normally throws out empty cartridges, you can hold onto them and send them in for cash to a company like [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). Same goes for collecting sada cans from your co-workers and taking them to a recycling center for cash.
Make use of the talents you have and be creative. Here are some additional suggestions: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I wouldn't recommend all of them and not all even apply to you but this may give you some ideas.
If you can sign up for market research studies in your area, they often take place outside of typical work hours and pay pretty good. Sometimes as much as $75-$150 per a few hours.
When it comes to the living situation, just because your mother says your not welcome to live with your grandma don't mean anything if it's your grandma's home and she's willing to take you in. Take to her yourself and see if she's OK with it.
Another option is to sign up with a site like Begslist at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) in which people can donate to help you out. There is a category specifically for rent.
If worse comes to worse, seek out a local shelter. I'm sure that taking your income on it's own you would not be turned away.
Keep your head up. I know it's hard now but I really do believe things will get better.
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Don't stay with your mom any more. If you go live with your dad, it might not be as bad, but if you're going to end up supporting him you'd be better off on your own. I'd suggest you start looking on craigslist for roomshares. You need a peaceful place to live, many of them are furnished. I don't know what part of the country you live in, but in the towns I've been in, there's usually something decent for less than $350 a month if you live in a house with a lot of people. I understand that's three weeks of your earnings and it won't let you with a lot left over. The good thing is you can establish yourself with a lower income as independent of your parents when you don't live with them, and my roommates have always become my best friends, and it sounds like you could use some friends.
When talking about losing everything you own, you might want to consider selling anything of value. You're going to need to be more financially liquid no matter what you do. Selling it on craigslist or eBay will get you a better price than a pawn shop. But a pawn shop is still better than getting hooked on credit card debt. You will probably need to apply for some line of credit to pay for some of your expenses while you're getting on your feet, but be extremely cautious and don't carry expenses couldn't pay off within 3 months.
Another rooming situation that might earn you more money would be as some kind of live-in caretaker. There may be a family that would pay you to stay with their children or aging parent. It might be worth a pay cut to have your room and board taken care of. And it would cut down on travel expenses.
Opportunities are out there, and there are people who will be glad to have you around as a roommate or a caretaker. Best of luck.
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Getting away from your mom is worth any price.
How do you know your dad is a "deadbeat"? Because your mom tells you that he never pays his child support, right?
Mothers have been known to lie about this. It's called "parental alientation". Move in with your dad, and apply for a change in child support. You might find he's not such a broke deadbeat after all if he isn't paying every cent he owns to your mom.
If that isn't an option, sell all this stuff you are so scared of losing, and find somewhere closer to work - a pallet in someone's basement, anything. Save cash: work at finishing each week with $10 or $20 more than you had saved the previous week. Google "living on $50 a week".
Without having to deal with your crazy mom, you will be able to work better, sleep better. Your main goal is to get yourself into a better job, either where you are now or somewhere else.
Your dad really is probably your best bet. Like I said - move in, and go for a change in CS arrangements.
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This is a tough situation because you're in a place in your life where you could use the extra support from the ones you love. Pretty much your family. The number one thing you have to remember right now is--it's your own life your living right now. It's always been that way. You're going to enter adulthood fast and with this situation, it's all up to you to take charge. I say do it! Apply to college because no one can ever take your education away from you! Don't quit your job because it might be hard to find another one! You should find your own apartment so you don't have to live with an abusive, negative family anymore. I'm sorry about your parents by the way... You really are in a tough spot.
Don't let anyone ever tell you what you can or can't do! Only YOU can determine what YOU are capable of. If your family isn't going to support you--summon your own support for yourself and always be strong! Being independent is a great thing and takes the weight off your shoulders of having to look out for others. What ever you do, don't give up to fight for independency and your own life! I suggest you move out as soon as you can so you can get yourself together and become a better person! You will find friends and a significant other who will understand you in due time. All you've gotta do is believe in yourself! Believe you can do this! Good Luck!
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The best thing to do is go find a full time job. The job you have right now even working full time isn't enough to support yourself, unless you live somewhere you can find an apartment for less than 400 a month.
Once you find a full time job you should start looking into a career to better support yourself. If you want to go to college go; when you don't make very much money you can apply for financial aid and chances are get it, if you don't then you can always get a student loan ( only if you know you can do it and know what you want to be). If college isn't for your then there's other careers out there that you can get through other types of schooling such as the techs that work in hospitals, some get certificated in less than 6 months, police, armed forces. There's a lot to choose from all you have to do is ask yourself what is realistic for me to achieve and then go do it, gl
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Hi,
Thanks for writing and I hope by the time you read this you are doing better. What I tell you here is just an idea of what I would do and think about before you decide what to really do. Only you know what is best.
First, do the people you love with love you? I'd say no.
They have their own reasons for feeling the way they do. But not to worry. You can do anything you set your mind into. I guarantee it. Give it a shot. Eg. My father did not think I was smart enough to do anything in life. Yes, he was comparing me to his failed decisions. No, I never believed that guy, although if did cross my mind and he was a drunk. But he was my father you ask? That does not give him the right to devalue me... period. Let alone strangers like your boss or any other human you loose respect for. Follow me?
If I were in your shoes I would leave these people, your family. That keep in mind does not respect you
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How old are you exactly??
If your of age, you should NOT leave your job, try to get more hours, look for a roomate on craigslist or some other website and try to work out something so that you can have a roof over your head and save up money just for now until you can get your own place.
About the friend thing: are you SURE you dont have any friends? none of them you could reach out to that you havnt seen in a long time that always cared about you and maybe you dont realize?? if so try reaching out to them and telling them your situation. see if they offer help. Alot of times people dont realize that there ARE people that care about them and would take you in, in a time of need and you just have lost touch with them. so give that statement "i have no friends because im too busy" a second though before you say that. you probably do, you just havnt spoken in a while and they might be totally happy that you got back in touch and not only that but offer to help in some small way.
If your mother is threatening to leave with your sister then say "just go then and stop talking about it" because in all honesty it could just be a threat because she knows it will upset you. Alot of times when you just stay calm, and not let them see that your upset, they will realize that whatever it is their doing isnt working anymore on you and become scared that they no longer have as much power over you as they thought they did. this can inspire them to change on their own, because people change given enough time.
I say, take it upon yourself to get out. your mother obviously thinks she has things figured out, so what might be best for you is to find someone you can stay with just for right now so you can work, save up, and get out on your own or find a roomate. the dysfuntion here sounds like its on a large scale and being there isnt benefiting you at all. even if your struggling you may be mentally healthier and strong given some time if your AWAY from your mother.
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