Hey everyone!
I'm usually that friend everyone goes to for advice. (I'm also the one who gives good advice but doesn't apply it to herself, lol.) Whether I've been in your shoes, or know little of your situation I'll answer honestly and truthfully. I'm here to help.
Some background info for you guys: My parents are divorced. My mother's remarried. I have two older sisters, one with two boys. I'm a Senior in High School.
So go ahead, ask away!
Gender: Female
Location: Paradise ^-^
Occupation: Accounting Clerk
Age: 17
Member Since: July 3, 2012
Answers: 94
Last Update: December 5, 2015
Visitors: 7094
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I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
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Hey there,
First of all, if that were cheating then everyone cheats. It's normal to want a second opinion and talk about it. Sometimes that's the only way we can come to a decision. If your talking to a guy pal made him "not be in love with you" (which is bull, you don't fall in and out of love like that.) then he wasn't in love to begin with. Love can forgive lots of things, I've seen it happen. I don't believe in soul mates, but I do understand your point. If it'll make you feel better, apologize for talking about it with another pal and explain why you did it (a second neutral opinion). If he doesn't forgive you, let it go and move on. You don't need to forgive yourself, as you did nothing wrong. He apparently thinks you did, so let him be mad at nothing.
Best of luck!
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Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this. (link)
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Hey there,
I've never been in your situation but I will say that people change. Constantly. Maybe your boyfriend satisfied all of your needs before, but now you want someone who will care for you in bad times and good times. With time, you get to know a person more and more. Your boyfriend has qualities you dislike, but are they enough to be a deal breaker? Only you can decide that. Try not to compare your boyfriend to this new guy because at the end of the day, it is very likely that this new guy has qualities you dislike as well. You'll find out in due time. Just think about what you consider a deal breaker and what you can tolerate. No one's perfect, and if the person makes you feel good about yourself and manages to make you feel secure/protected, then I think it can work.
Best of luck!
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I apologize in advance for the long post. But, bless you for taking the time to read this and answer my question. I am a 24 year old female. I was 20 when I met my current boyfriend and 21 when we started dating. Lets call him Bob. When Bob and I were about 3 months into the relationship, my mom, out of all people, rented a hotel room for us to stay in after a big party. I pictured that this was going to be the night that I would lose my virginity. But, as the night progressed, I started to feel like this wasn't the right decision. Firstly, we hadn't even had the talk about us being official. Second, he hadn't even told me that he loved me yet. So, losing my virginity to him, after I had been waiting that long seemed like something I really didn't want to do. But, I was confused, scared, and he basically said "are we going to do this or not? it's 4 in the morning?" and i caved in... but he didn't actually get it in. We tried a few times after that, and it was just terrible. He was never able to get it inside.I never looked forward to it. And most of all... both of us still lived at home, so we had only been able to "try" in the car. It was just awful.
About a year into dating, I became a Christian and gave my life to Christ. In doing so, I decided that I would wait until marriage to have sex and that whatever we were doing had to stop unless he decided to marry me. I could no longer continue a intimate physical relationship in good consciousness. To symbolize this new promise that I had made, I bought a ring that said "true love waits." Now, before people start making fun of me... because I have encountered immature people who do, please remember that this is MY decision. I don't make fun people who decide to have sex before marriage, so I hope you can refrain from making fun of me regarding my own decisions. Thank you. So, when he became aware of the ring, he said "If you are a virgin, then a prostitute on 8th street is a virgin." Now, that really hurt. I don't care what he meant by it, but comparing your girlfriend, who has only been intimate with ONE person who she is in a committed relationship with, to a prostitute who sleeps with countless men without commitment, seems off and just plain mean. This was the start of really starting to dislike him.
Now, my mom, since about a year into the relationship, decided that she hated him and forced me to break up with him. Since I was still living at home at the time, I couldn't take the fighting, nitpicking, etc. anymore. It got to a point that I just couldn't breathe. I had no peace in my life. At that point, I hated my mom with a passion because I felt like she was ruining my life. I didn't understand how the same person who got us a hotel room was now forcing me to break up with him. It seemed crazy. So, I told her, back in August of 2014, that I broke up with him while he was out of the country. Since then, the relationship has been kept a secret. This past January, I thought that I had mustered up the courage to finally break up with him. My birthday is in January... and he didn't even call me until 3pm on my birthday to say happy birthday! So, the next day, my best friend, who new that the secret relationship had been going on, sent a letter on my behalf breaking up with him. She said that she had taken enough of his abusive behavior. She was referring to this one time that he dislocated my finger at a party because I walked nearby him and another guy while they were debating about politics.
The next day, I was suicidal. I wrote notes to nearly everyone in my family saying goodbye. My other option was to run away. But, since I didn't have the money, I felt that killing myself would be easier. I almost got into a car accident that day (not on purpose). I told my boyfriend what I was planning. And he called the police. Never in my life had I felt so low. I felt that I was just so tired of people making decisions for me. First my mom. Now my friends. I pictured getting on a plane to Europe and having everyone think that i just died. But, I was broke. And controlled by everyone around me. So, I told my boyfriend that I really didn't want to break up and since then, we have been together.
Now, lately, I don't want to be with him anymore for several reasons. Firstly, he has no ambition. He graduated with his masters degree six months ago and still does not have a job. He still lives with his parents at 26. All of our friends are getting engaged and married, and we've been together for years without a proposal in sight. I'm not one of those crazy people who is crazy about getting married lol. But, you do gotta see if the relationship is going somewhere! There's no ambition on his part to grow up. And I need a man in my life, not a boy. I want someone who is interested in getting married, starting a family, etc. I am a successful woman with a career and I need someone who is on the same playing field as I.
Also, it's worthy of noting that since January, NO ONE knows about the secret relationship. Not my mom. Not my friends. I'm so tired of living in fear that someone will find out. But, I'm SO scared. I'm scared of that feeling I felt back in January. That I will once again be suicidal. That I would seriously consider taking my own life again. I can't get support from anyone because no one knows. I really need help. I'm extending my story in hopes that someone can help me!
xoxo (link)
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Hey there,
I'm sorry about the way you've been feeling. Sometimes, it can all just feel overwhelming. I understand. I think you're just clinging to the wrong thing now. If he's insulted you (with the prostitute remark), and has no plans to move forward I think you need to move on. You're a grown woman who seems to have a great load of potential and ambition, and you need someone like that for your life. Someone who will help you grow as a person, and who'll support your decisions career-wise and otherwise. It was so very wrong of your friend to take matters into her own hands, even if she thought she was helping. All of this contributed to the overwhelmed feeling you had, but now it's time for you to take your life back and decide who's worthy of your attention.
Best of luck!
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hey i an from Limpopo.im in a new relationship.me n my bf we a naw datin for 1month n 3days.i love my bf so much n i try to make him happy but dat doesnt hide de fact dat my bf is still inlove wth his ex who has died.wen he need me i go n be wth him.on saturday it was his bdae n i made a suprise party for him n i invited his friends n ada gals.he was very happy n i was happy to see him happy.but dat dae at nyt he said i shuld not leave i shuld sleep ova n i did so.he started talking abt his ex who died n his ex was buried on saturday on his bdae.he told me dat he is over her n he dnt luv her anymore but his actions was telling me another story.he evn cried for his ex infront of me n didnt wt tu du or wat to say.my heart was heavy wen he was kissing me he suddenly stopped n he said he cant.yesterdae he removed de status on watsap he wrote abt me n write dat he love his ex n he change a profile pic n put his ex.i cried alone n my hurt was heavy realising dat im truly,madly n deeply inlove wth him.what do i have to do? (link)
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Hey there.
It's hard to beat the competition when she's dead, huh? I say you give him time. Take a break, break up or whatever you like to call it. He's obviously not over her, and if it hurts you so much to see him like that the best thing is to keep your distance. I mean it, block him off everywhere except for your phone so he can text or call in case of an emergency but don't stalk his social media or torture yourself while reading about his ex. Just stay away, do your own thing. In that time apart, he'll have time to get over his ex and maybe realize his feelings for you, and you'll have time to explore your feelings about him and make sure they're true. Remember, if you love something let it go. If it comes back, good, if it doesn't then it wasn't yours to begin with.
Best of luck.
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Is it possible at all for an asexual to date a bisexual? (link)
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This might sound cheesy but anything is possible. If you want to do this then I say go for it. You should sit down with the person and talk about your feelings. Say you want to try it out to see how it goes but that you're not sure. Make sure they understand before getting into anything. You never know!
Best of luck.
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Okay. I'm fifteen. I have trouble making friends, I've always been around adults so I adjust and talk better with them rather than people my age.
I have four (people who I would consider) friends... N, B, L, A.
N- Seventeen, different school,can talk to on facebook (rarely) only see at church.
B- had a falling out. Has depression and wont come over anymore despite my massive attempts to help.
L- Different school, always busy, strict parents.
R- only see at church, except when r comes over. (once in a blue moon.)
Me: Major social anxiety, suffer from panic attacks.. And I'm going into college next year.
How can I make friends, and get out of the house, and overall just be happy? I need help. (link)
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Well this is a tricky question. Truthfully, picking friends is not as easy as you may think. First you need to know what you want in a friend (honesty, loyalty, stability, etc.) to find them. Usually you can find friends at school, at summer camps, and other experiences that forces you to socialize with people for a longer period of time than just a few minutes. Either way, the best friends usually just sort of fall into your lap. How about volunteering somewhere? Helping others is a great way to distract yourself, and you can focus your energy on that. You'll meet new people and I'm sure you'll find people with common interests.
Best of luck!
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I dont know wht to do because my boyfriend is very touchy with other girls even with my bestfriend he tells mostly everything to my bestfriend instead of me and the most part tht bothers me is hes touchy with other girls and whenever my friend thts a boy talks to me or hug me my boyfriend would get mad at the person or like say im his and tht no one gets to touch me but then hes touchy with my bestfriend thts his bestfriend and to other girls but mostly her and i dont want to seem like kinda a jealous girlfriend do i talk to him or wht cause whenever i see him touchy with mostly my bestfriend (shes a girl and she bestfriends with the two of us) feel uncomfortable and i look away or sometimes i fake a laugh wht do i do? (link)
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Hey there!
I, too, have had a boyfriend who was splat in the middle of four girls. We were all very close and even when I started dating him, we were all very close. So close, that he would hold hands with some of the girls, or take pictures with them while I would stand to the side waiting to be paid attention.
Honestly, at first I didn't want to seem like a jealous girlfriend either so I stayed quiet but if you actually love this person and want to keep the relationship, you're going to have to open up to him. Just tell him exactly what you typed above. You think it's unfair that he gets to have such freedom with other girls and you don't. You would give up your freedom happily if it meant that he would too.
Best of luck.
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It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it. (link)
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Hey there.
I think we've all felt the awkwardness of witnessing a "private" moment of a couple. I think most people have seen couples who are very into PDA, some people are bothered and some aren't. I, personally, grew up with parents who didn't even hold hands. To see people kissing or hugging or anything in public would make me squirm with awkwardness.
I respect that these people have such love for their partners that they wish to express it publicly. What I don't respect is when they take it too far (groping, heavily making out, etc.) when other people are around. It's disrespectful to everyone around.
When this happens, it's just best to ignore it. Honestly, if they don't have enough self-respect to keep their private moments private, you won't be able to phase them.
Best of luck.
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hi hope you can help me i'm a 15 year old male i'm a devout christian i love god with all my heart and i wanna be a better christian and devote my life to god i want to help people to get closer to god i wantto start to spread god's word i'm a bit nervous not sure where to start but i want to start talkinhg to people about god maybe start with people that i know not sure how do i go about it? (link)
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Hey there.
Well, I'm agnostic. But I have a few ideas for spreading the good news around in a lot of different ways, my young friend.
You're young. You probably use your computer a lot, and enjoy surfing the internet. You could use all these skills for spreading god's word. I've heard the best way to reach people's hearts is by using a personal story, a testimony. I think a good idea would be to start a blog. A blog about being a young, male, christian in a world where christian values are being lost every day.
Another good idea would be starting groups at school. How about instead of talking to people you know, you reach out to people who you think may need the help? Kids with problems often need a helping hand and you can talk to them about your experience with god and how he's helped you, the things he can do for these kids.
I think it's admirable what you're doing. Best of luck.
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Me and my crush are both 15 years old and in the same year. We started to know each other when joining the same club in our school and we interaction every now and then. Before I got out of a relationship a month ago, my crush would play with my hair and tease me now and then. After the breakup, he would do things like touching my face, hugging me from behind, playing with my hair, once he found out I finish lunch early and hang out at a spot alone, he would start finishing his lunch early and "happens" to be hanging out at that spot too. I never see him flirting with other girls lile that. But when there are people around and he happens to see me, we would stare at each other then he proceeded to ignore me, texting with each other doesn't go well because he'd ignore my messages. Today, he texted me and we started off having a really sweet conversation, then I mentioned a very dirty as a joke and he started to talk really dirty to me. I joked dirty with him for a while then tried to change the subject, but he kept talking dirty to me. He said things like "Ima pound your *****" or ask if he could touch my boobs then said he was joking. He also told me he was going to masturbate to some of his pretty girl-friends. I just want to know whether he likes me or he's just trying to get into my pants. I know it's long but I'd really appreciate it if you van give me some advice.
Thank you in advance. (link)
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Alright. Hey there sweetie.
My mom always says: men go only as far as you let them go. So the fact that you initiated a dirty topic, even as a joke, means that you let him think it was okay to talk about that.
Seeing as you both are young, he's not mature enough to just take the joke and go back to the sweet subject. He saw the opportunity to "release the hormones" and jumped for it. Honestly, there may be a chance that he does like you but not for a serious relationship in the future.
The fact that he couldn't go back to the normal conversation, means that he either was consumed by hormones or he just wants you for one thing. A young man who likes you for serious motives, would respect you enough to let go of the subject and not to bring up those topics unless you are ready.
Keep your eyes open! Be safe.
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Should I stay with my boyfriend? I'm 13 and he's 16 but he lives all the way in London. I know some of his friends and that's how I met him. We started back talking a few days ago. I found out that he signed up for the army and he has three years of training. He did it so he wouldn't have to be with me anymore but he wont break up with me and he says that he wants to be with me.
I'm so confused and I need to know if I should break up with him. (link)
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Hey there sweetie. First off, I'd like to say that you're too young to be dating. I was thirteen when I had my first boyfriend and boy, do I regret it. I'm 18 right now, and I still don't feel ready for all the responsabilities of being in a relationship. It's not just hand-holding and long conversations. It's unity, it's becoming one, it's being a team. It's fighting through rough times, it's understanding one another and finally, it's being intimate in more than the obvious way. So yeah, I think letting him go is just best. Firstly, because you're too young to be putting yourself through all the trouble and pressure a relationship brings. And second, because he doesn't seem truly invested. So just enjoy your teen years and wait for the right one to come along.
Best of luck!
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22/f
In an ldr for around 2 months now.My boyfriend is moody..he retreats into his cave.
I last spoke to him day before yesterday and he was all lovey dovey.
And yesterday he didn't reply to my messages and later when I asked him if he's busy, he said he's not but unhappy with his uni.
He moved there 2 months back. Things have been hectic for him I'm assuming.
He skypes often.Usually initiates it all the time.
Talks to me well and all that's there.
I do not like the fact that his mood swings get to me.
I asked him if hes unhappy with the relationship, he said not at all,and he had mood swings last week as well (so I asked him if it was me,he assured it wasn't)
So I dunno if this is a way of signalling that hes donw wit the relationship.
I am totally paranoid when it comes to this.
I asked him "if this changes things between us"
Him : no not the relationship
Me : it eventually would,if you stop talking to me.
Him : I wouldn't stop talking to u,my feelings for you haven't changed
I'm having a bad day.
What am I supposed to assume from this?
I'm confused!:(
(link)
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Hey sweetie. You need to calm down. If you had a bad day at school, work or at home you'd feel very annoyed or upset at the world. So it's okay for him to want to be alone. You need to grant him some space so he can get his schoolwork done and whatnot. Everyone needs "me time". There's a little phrase that goes : absence makes the heart grow fonder. Which is usually true. I don't think he's done with the relationship, he just needs to blow off some steam. It's normal. If you push him too much, he might snap at you and we don't want that so let him be.
Best of luck!
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I am a 17 year old girl, a senior in hs now and all through high school I have liked guys and everytime I have liked a guy I'd end up getting jealous at other girls they would talk to, and I would beat myself up for not being good enough for those guys and that I would never be able to compare to another girl, I'd never be number one if someone better came along. And I have grown tremendously learning that I am better than that and if they cannot see my worth then they are not worth my time...but I still have issues. I've been friends with this guys for more than a year now, and he is like my best friend. I have never thought of him more than a friend till recently, at the end of last year..and I have been convinced by other people and his behavior that he likes me too.. although I have been denying it and giving him every benefit of the doubt that hes just a nice boy lol. I used to be creeeped out at the thought of him liking me..and now thats just what I want. But I'm afraid if he doesnt like me im just going to get hurt and feel so stupid. And I have this gorgeous friend that he just started talking to and now I'm scared he is going to start liking her. And I just feel so bad about myself because its like I am never good enough and I know if he starts liking her its going to break my heart. And I just want to know why I can't just love myself and why I always have to go to guys to get attention and why I feel so damn shitty. I try loving myself and I do but then a guy comes along and treats another girl like he likes her or another girl thats better comes along and gets me worried and I just feel awful and I don't know what to do. sorry if this didnt make sense but please help ah (link)
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Hey sweetie. I'm also a 17 year old girl, senior in HS. I've always been teased and taunted because I don't have the "perfect body", everything from not-so-big-breasts, to flat ass. I used to be so self-conscious that all I wore were skirts or dresses. My family would be part of that teasing, which I think made it worse. After I entered High School, I learned that guys care much for much more than we give them credit for. I don't need to have the perfect teeth, the perfect hair, the perfect body parts or the perfect walk to get someone to like me. And I've also learned to accept that there will always be someone better. It's not a bad thing to accept that, it's not that you think less of yourself but that you learn to not compete constantly. You should always take of yourself and try to look and be your best but you can't compare yourself to every other woman or you'll die of jealousy or envy. Yeah, this other friend of yours may be gorgeous but that doesn't mean he automatically likes her.
If you think he might like you, you should act right now. Tell him how you feel. Now I'm not saying he might not feel the same way, but if you do that now and he ever had some feelings for you he'll consider giving you a chance. Sometimes guys aren't sure we like them, so they move on. By telling him how you feel you lose nothing. If he likes you, great. If he doesn't, great. Why great? Because this way you can move on also. It's worst to just stay there, wondering what if or think about the wouldabeens, shouldabeens, couldabeens. It's better to get that out of the way and start loving yourself.
Best of luck!
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So there's this guy I've been crushing on so hard for the past while now. I'm in the US and he's in... Australia (fml). I really like him. Don't know if he sees me the same way. People think I'm crazy. But I was gonna like take it REALLY slow, get to know him a lot then tell him if I still like him as much or even more. Because if you truly like someone and want to be with them, it doesn't matter the distance, how much time you have with them, or how long it'll take to meet them, right? Btw, he said he's going to move to the UK or US when he graduates university. So there's a good chance with that, right? (link)
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Hey there!
Well, if you took a lot at my profile you'd know I was in a LDR (long distance relationship), and yes, contrary to popular belief, they do work out. It took me 7 months to tell the guy I was with that I liked him, and I wanted more than a friendship with him. I thought he'd say no because of the distance but we tried it. Skype was our best friend!
We would make dinner on our own and then sit down and have a dinner date on Skype. It was great. So having an LDR with this guy is possible, if he's up for it. I'd say wait a little longer to judge whether he likes you or not. And then, wait some more to tell him how you feel. Don't rush anything! Relationships are hard enough, but ldr's are very complicated.
Best of luck!
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'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
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Took ipill? Not sure if you're talking about the pill, or the morning after pill. Either way, chances of her getting pregnant with precum from your finger are highly unlikely. Short answer: no.
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So I had been a Wiccan for months, and my dad had the bad idea of it. That every Wiccan was a witch. That witches are evil. That the Horned God is associated with Satan because he has horns/antlers. I have never felt comfortable in Christianity, but felt comfortable in Wicca, like I was 100% safe and nothing would ever hurt me. I'll be turning 18 in a few months. Should I just light candles in my room, try to tell the Horned God that I'm sorry and that I'll move in with my friend when I turn 18 and become a Wiccan again? (link)
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Hey there!
Firstly, I respect that you're brave enough to believe in what you do, and stand up for it. I think your father needs to mind his own business. Of course he wants to protect you and I've found that most parents wants us to follow them in whatever religion they choose to be. But like so many other things, it's something everyone must choose for themselves. You're almost 18! You have the power to decide what you want to believe, and whatever you want to do. He cannot force you into christianity or any other religion. Just tell him to respect your choices as you respect his. Religion is something personal to each and everyone of us. So go ahead, & believe in what you feel like believing.
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You answered my question about making a job change recently. After initially accepting the offer, I recanted and turned it down. Later that day the HR Manager left me a voicemail stating management really liked me and wanted to sweeten the offer. I called this morning. Instead of making an offer, she asked me what it would take to get me to come. I gave her a number that was 6% more than what Iwas offered, but still well within the stated salary range. She later sent an email saying she gave the proposal to management and that they were going to pursue other candidates. They didn't even make a counter offer, and said they really didn't think I wanted the job. I thought it was bizarre. (link)
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Well, I understand why they sort of gave up on you. I think you should've just accepted and once they saw your working abilities and your (hopefully good) skills, then you might've been able to compromise.
Best of luck!
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My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own. (link)
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hey there sweetie!
Seems like you're going through a very tough time, but I wanted to say that I admire you because other people would've broke down and not been able to do what you're doing: looking for a solution.
I come from a hispanic home, so my mother was always very strict when it came to my sisters and I moving out. (I'm 17 y.o. btw, will be 18 in a few months). My sisters both left the day they turned 18, and I'm looking for apartments currently. My mother helped my sisters look for an apartment and before that, get a job to pay for it. I think that's why when I come across situations like this I can understand where mom's coming from.
I think you should save up some money, forget about your mother and your sister. They seem to be worrying about themselves enough. Worry about you. I don't think you should beg your "deadbeat dad" to do anything, I think this is a time where you can break out and leave "the nest".
So as I was saying, save up some money. Make a budget for yourself, write down: in one week I'll have this amount, in two weeks I'll have this amount, and so forth so you know how much money you can invest in an apartment. Also try to take away the aproximate amount that would go to food, transportation and any other necessity. Try to cut down as much as you can, and look for studio apartments. Studio apartments are usually cheaper and I'm sure there's something out there within your price range. Also, some people rent out rooms when they can't pay the full rent so that's a good option too.
If you can't find anything else then I suggest you speak to your boss, let them know the situation and ask for more hours. Or ask if they know anywhere you could stay for a few weeks while you get your stuff together. Or if you're extended hotel is within your budget, stay there.
As soon as you find a place to stay, I suggest you keep saving up. Try not to waste that much money on small stuff, buy only what you need. I don't think you'd need a car now that you're starting out. Trust me, with gas and maintence costs I think you're better off taking the bus for now. After you get settled and start saving, then I think it would be time for you to look for another job (if you're current one cannot give you more hours) so you can start looking for a bigger place or a car if that's what you want. I personally think having an apartment, even a small one, should go first. After all, there is public transport.
I know it sounds like a lot, but it's not. It'll take some time, sure, but I'm positive you can do this. It's all about taking risks, and learning to be independent. This is a big step, but it's also a very necessary one for our maturity and growth. I really hope everything goes well.
Best of luck!
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@xx-me-xx
Thank you for your precise answer. It makes so much sense.
I spoke to him and I gathered that the problem is me and why I had such a strong reaction to him being out for lunch with a female friend. He then said he will talk to me later.. no specific period, just later.
The best thing to do now is to give him that space, while I also think about this relationship and how to handle such people. (link)
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Keep me updated!
Best of luck.
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Dear Vikki
I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.
Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!
Thanks!
(link)
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Hey there!
First of all, what an ass you're ex was. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone is at least a little clingy. We all want our partners to want us, to want to talk to us, to say we're beautiful and gorgeous all the time.
Unfortunately, this happens to be the cupcake phase. After that four or five month, things start to cool down and maybe he won't call you beautiful as much, but he'll still think it. Maybe he won't call you five times a day, but he still texts or makes sure you're reminded of him.
As I've said before in other answers, I was in a long distance relation for a long time. When my ex-partner didn't contact me for the whole day, I started to freak out thinking maybe he was with someone else. And every time he talked to me, there was this little voice in the back of my head saying 'maybe he's afaid of telling you he found someone else'.
It came to a point where it began to bring problems between us, because I would get randomly angry and I wouldn't tell him it was because I felt this way. When he told me he loved me, we promised each other that if we ever felt something for someone else we'd tell each other straight up. And that did make most of my insecurities go away. But then, when I feel comfortable with a partner i get really clingy and I want them around me all the time. I want them to talk to me all day, which is normal at first. So when he said he was working, or that he was busy I kind of felt lonely. I would literally stare at the phone until I got a text or a call from him.
It isn't a healthy behavior, and we got over that together. As I said, after that four or five month, we got used to each other. I knew he found me attractive, and he tried to call me every day or Skype before bed so we could catch up.
I kept busy by working out, getting a job, doing things around the house, hanging out with friends and then at night, I'd wait for his call a little bit. Sometimes it came, sometimes it didn't. When it didn't, it meant he'd fall asleep. And he'd apologize the morning after. I began to accept that sometimes he's just like me, tired and drained and needing a break.
So my advice to you is: try to keep busy. Maybe make that promise I told you about, tell him that if he has feelings for someone else to tell you and vice-versa. Then, set a time for him to contact you so you guys can get into a routine. When it's not time for him to contact you: keep busy. Go work out, hang out with other friends, do some chores. Anything and everything that will keep you busy. At the end of the day you'll feel satisified and you'll even have new things to talk about.
Best of luck!
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