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Please don't think I'm retarded, but I really need some advice on this!!
So there's this guy I've been crushing on so hard for the past while now. I'm in the US and he's in... Australia (fml). I really like him. Don't know if he sees me the same way. People think I'm crazy. But I was gonna like take it REALLY slow, get to know him a lot then tell him if I still like him as much or even more. Because if you truly like someone and want to be with them, it doesn't matter the distance, how much time you have with them, or how long it'll take to meet them, right? Btw, he said he's going to move to the UK or US when he graduates university. So there's a good chance with that, right?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
How old are you two??
Long distance relationships between two people (Who have already met) is hard.
An online relationship between two people who have never met is even harder.
This isn't always the case, but sometimes people on the internet are not who they say they are! The could change their gender and age online to meet other people. and the thing is, you can never tell.
I'm going to guess that you are either in your late teens- early adolescent years.
Yes you can wait for this guy, but why not look at the boys/men around you? You can have a more personal and intimate relationship when you can be face to face with someone. Not over the internet.
Of course you can have online friends, I've made plenty. But i never tell them : where I'm from, school i go too etc.
SO please, be careful.
- Hardcore-Band-Geek
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I think it's a very smart idea to take this slow. You can never tell with people who you've never met before, in person! Let alone someone from across the globe. If you do want to pursue Prince Charming (which it seems like you totally do) I would get to know him real well. Have an open mind and keep your expectations reasonable. I wouldn't reveal too much personal stuff about yourself unless you feel ready to trust him.
Keep yourself busy too. You don't want your life to revolve around this dude and the fantasies that you may be having. ;D Establish boundaries and trust. Make sure he's a safe person. If he does happen to locate you, it might be worth meeting him in person. You never know what may happen! Online dating is kind of the norm these days. People may think you're crazy but you're just following your feelings which is totally ok.
Again: keep an open mind , don't set your expectations too high, BE SAFE, make sure you're not completely hung up on him, and be aware that your hopes and fantasies are probably unrealistic. If you do decide to meet with this lad, meet in a public place or have a friend go with you. The more the merrier! Of course I don't think you're retarded ;D Being in love makes us a bit crazy and do silly things. We're only human!
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Stop fascinating. Guys like straight talk. If you like him, tell him straight away,else somebody else might ask him out. Maybe distance doesn't matter but Time changes everything.
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All of what you're doing is NOT wrong if he feels the same way that you feel about him. As long as he feels the same way for you then I believe that you should take it slow and do your best till he finally move to the US or UK.
But if he doesn't feel the same way, then why waste your energy? It takes two people to make a relationship work. So, if you're the only one who has feelings for him whilst he doesn't feel anything for you, then it'll be just a waste of your time.
But talk to him about it. See if he feels the same about you. Good luck :)
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Its not stupid at all to feel a connection with someone whether you've met them in person or not, or whether they live in a different country or not. If they are someone you trust, feel comfortable with, can talk to and can't atop thinking about then it can all be worth it.
I'm not sure if you have met him or not but I'm just going to assume you haven't. You have to think about the whole 'catfish' thing. Make sure this guy is real before you let your feelings or anything else go too farm- webcams him!
Also take in to consideration that it IS long distance and long distance relationships are very hard to deal with. Don't hold off dating guys just for this one (if you aren't official) because you could meet someone you dont expect who you like even more and who lives like 20 minutes away. Don't be in such a rush to fall in love.
As for telling this guy though, just make sure you have webcamed before. And remember that you ARENT crazy for feeling a connection with someone. There is a possibility that you guys could work out if you both put in the effort.
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I don't think you're retarded. There is a chance but you will have to work for it. And if it doesn't work out by any chance,don't get disappointed.
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I'm guessing you two met online? Just be careful with this guy and make sure he's not really a creepy old man behind a computer. I agree though--if you do really like someone--distance doesn't matter. Sometimes love is really worth waiting for. I also have a penpal myself that I'm hoping to meet one day. Make sure he's honest with you once you get to know each other more--that way it'll make it easier for you to know the real him. A great relationship is built on honesty and communication if you two are hoping to hit it off in the near future.
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Hey there!
Well, if you took a lot at my profile you'd know I was in a LDR (long distance relationship), and yes, contrary to popular belief, they do work out. It took me 7 months to tell the guy I was with that I liked him, and I wanted more than a friendship with him. I thought he'd say no because of the distance but we tried it. Skype was our best friend!
We would make dinner on our own and then sit down and have a dinner date on Skype. It was great. So having an LDR with this guy is possible, if he's up for it. I'd say wait a little longer to judge whether he likes you or not. And then, wait some more to tell him how you feel. Don't rush anything! Relationships are hard enough, but ldr's are very complicated.
Best of luck!
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Sweetheart you are not crazy at all.You know distance doesn't matter when your feelings are so strong.Reading this I have a feeling that may be you are not sure that you are doing right or wrong! May be many people tell you that this type of crush or relationship never works bla bla. But the people do not know how you feel. Only you know how actually you feel for him. And I think you have a strong feeling for him.If you really have then go with it. Let me tell you,you are doing absolutely right. Follow your heart.
Good luck dear.
If you need any help let me know :)
Take care.
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I know you may feel that this is the only option right now, but trust me when I say that in a few months you're really not going to care. A long distance relationship requires a lot of maintenance and lets not forget that it's in another country! This guy, I'm sorry to say, will eventually meet somebody, especially because he doesn't know you're feelings, he might find it rather odd too, and you're only going to be heart broken. Move on and meet other guys and when you find the one for you, you're going to look back at this and laugh
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Your title states you need advice. But you never asked us what kind of advice you want. The only thing is that at the end,you ask if we think there's a good chance of this guy moving to the US or UK after he graduates. There's just as good a chance of him finding work in Australia as there is in the UK or US. Employment has always taken a bearing as to where a person ends up living. If that's all you wanted, you need not read further. If you want more of my opinion regarding your crushing on someone you met on line, then read on.
I remember a daughters first on line crush. He lived 2 states away. She was 14, him 13.
Whether in person or on line, the being attracted to a person and wanting to get to know them better is a normal thing. It's what we do after that, which isn't always normal and productive and may be a good reason why most everyone you know thinks you're crazy. People tend to skip ahead a couple steps in their mind, very easy to do when its an on line person. Our imagination tends to skip ahead and imagine or fill in the stuff we don't know. It's what i call theater of the mind. Like watching a good movie, you can get drawn in and your emotions involved but that doesn't make it any more real or any more or good possibility.
My daughter was 'counting her chicken's before they hatched', so the saying goes. Meaning she was making plans to meet this guy soon in person and had figured out how they would date long distance until he turned 18 and could come to our state and be with her and they would marry. She told me what was up cus at once point, the two kids talking to their parents, something was worked out. His parents had relatives in our state and took a family trip that summer to visit family and while here, came by our house so the kids could meet. They took the daughter with them for a day to our local beach. When she came home it was all, "Mom, it was wonderful. He really liked me and we held hands and kissed and we're gonna be together forever." After he returned home, they hardly wrote and eventually didn't talk anymore. Sometimes just the experience of wanting something is way better than when you actually get something. think of the Beautifully wrapped Christmas gift and based on what in your mind you wanted and made known you wanted, you expect it to be great. Anticipation has you so tied up in knots and feeling such a variety of emotions. Have you ever opened a gift and found it to not be as special as you thought it would be once you had it? yEAH. It happens to all of us. the waiting time for it was more special than the end result. That's what happened with my daughter and that's what happens to many young teens and college age people as well. Often, if there hasn't been a serious relationship or two yet, the one on line can have all your hopes & dreams riding on it, when in reality there is very little chance of anything coming of it.
But it is still important and here's why: All of us need to learn what we like and don't like in the opposite sex, not just in looks, but in behavior, personality traits...and maybe any hidden traits that are harmful or destructive to a relationship. This starts as soon as puberty hits and hopefully we have it figured out by time we're in our 20's, old enough to marry or choose a long term partner. You are attracted to certain things, someone who writes or calls when they promised, meaning they know how to keep promises, they compliment and encourage you, etc... just a couple examples. In real life, not all couples who meet as friends will feel anything more than friendship interest. One can fall in love and the other won't. No romantic spark or chemistry which by the way can't be determined in a LDR, long distance relationship where the two have not met in person yet. I did on line dating to find my 2nd husband. I made sure to not spend too much time building an interest on line without meeting the guy in person. A week max of talking nightly. Too many times, I was so excited. I loved everything about the guy from what i could gather on line. It was important to meet to learn more, like did we have that chemistry in person, the kind where you both feel romantic, sexual desire for each other. I may be older and more experienced as to what it feels like if its there or not but everyone can learn. It's there if when kissing you both feel attraction in the kiss rather than like your'e kissing a sibling that way. Yuk gross...i know. Either you feel that or just nothing if its wrong. No matter how many other things you liked about the person before.
Love is like a tender seedling, it needs lots of loving care to grow. Good intent is well but no, it's not enough if two people love each other but do not have enough time together in person. Until then, a relationship possibility is on hold. If one got to meet but must return home and you're apart again, no matter how much love you feel, it's human nature, the odds are against you. If the two of you don't have a daily relationship where both are putting in equal effort to make it work and grow, then it will eventually die, like the young seedling that cant survive without sun and water and some weeding. Love that isn't fed, nurtured which is best done in person, will die at some point. I loved the first husband when I married him. He was abusive. I still loved him for a while but eventually with him not giving me the very basics I needed for my love to survive and relationship to grow, it eventually died and i felt nothing for him anymore. He was just a roommate, nothing romantic or loving. I hope this gives you something to think about. Enjoy the experience, make notes as to what you like and don't think about or plan the future already. Doing that will cause you to not pay as close attention to what you can pick up and learn daily.
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