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wht do i do when my boyfriend is touchy with girls but mostly my bestfriend
I dont know wht to do because my boyfriend is very touchy with other girls even with my bestfriend he tells mostly everything to my bestfriend instead of me and the most part tht bothers me is hes touchy with other girls and whenever my friend thts a boy talks to me or hug me my boyfriend would get mad at the person or like say im his and tht no one gets to touch me but then hes touchy with my bestfriend thts his bestfriend and to other girls but mostly her and i dont want to seem like kinda a jealous girlfriend do i talk to him or wht cause whenever i see him touchy with mostly my bestfriend (shes a girl and she bestfriends with the two of us) feel uncomfortable and i look away or sometimes i fake a laugh wht do i do?
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Well, some open honest discussion between you two is needed where both are allowed to share their feelings and point of view without being called, "wrong".
the word touchy can be interpreted different ways depending on who's reading this. Most girls assume a male will only pay attention to them and not to other females. Lots depends on their age, lack of years (as in decade or longer) in experience with females and relationships, dating. Also perhaps a different cultural background, is more a part of their personality and can't be changed, or he may have some emotional issues of not feeling on par with other guys, low self image, inferiority complex and this will result in a male exhibiting the kind of behavior you see, hanging out with a group of females and paying attention to, flirting with all and getting jealous if another male pays attention to you. Jealousy is a fear of losing something. He may simply fear losing his status or position which is the only thing making him feel like a real male so yes, losing you and the company of other females would feel scary to him so he gets jealous.
As to what I think you meant by 'touchy' means to you, I can't begin to know. It could be a part of his personality type. Yes, there are touchy-feely men out there. However to keep things in balance, if these men, like my very own husband, know the top priorities in his life are very important and get his attention first, then you as his girlfriend, or mate or marriage partner, become one of his top 3 priorities. School or work will take another spot in equal importance. However, paying more attention to other females, neglecting you is not normal and should never fall into his top 3 priorities. It could be merely due to being young, (teens or early 20's) that he doesnt realize what he is doing is hurtful, and neglecting you if he really does have feelings for you. Perhaps he doesnt have feelings for you and asked you to be his girlfriend just for the 'social status' that many young people thinks is important, that it is more important to be able to say you are part of a couple than being single, wearing that as some kind of badge of honor, when in fact they care nothing more for you than any other female, you're only called a girlfriend, and thus---not treated as one because you merely serve as his badge of honor, to make him feel good about himself. And that brings me to males with an inferiority complex, low self image and thus act jealous if they fear losing the 'fake' self image they've wrapped themself in. It's one thing for a mature male to pay his lady all the attention she requires to be sure of his love for her and yet have that ability to sense what other people need to feel noticed. Many women go ignored by their males. My husband will compliment a woman on her jewelry or outfit or something as he comes across her in public, and I am with him. Women react either with fear, thinking I will go ballistic and jealous or they react with a smile and an honest thank you. Females can sense when it is genuine interest in what he complimented on or whether he is flirting and making the moves on them blatantly with me there...which is not the case. The female may not even be visually to his liking, but he does have a good eye for quality jewelry and will ask what the stones are or guess and ask where they got it. He's more into jewelry than I. LOL. But then, the difference here, He takes care of what I need, his attitude is wanting me to go places with him so he can proudly show society in general that I am his mate, and he treats me as a princess, I get all the flirting, the looks, the loving touches from him all day long. Thats quite a difference from what you describe but yes that can exist in dating too. Even young people. But since it doesn't, I'd have to question WHY he feels the need to touch other girls. Is it a part of his personality? Maybe. But if he asked you to be his girlfriend, it would be reasonable to expect it meant he has romantic feelings for you. If he is paying more attention to other females and neglecting you, that's wrong. If you got attention first and foremost and he treats you like a princess and then gave hugs to other females or a pat on the shoulder, those kinds of touches are okay.
So when you say touchy with your girlfriend, I must assume you meant that any stranger passing by who didn't know anyone in the group would naturally assume that she is his girlfriend instead of you by how he hovers around her, holds hands with, kisses, puts around around her leaving it there, etc...that is behavior only for a male who is crazy about a female. Can a guy feel that way for more than one? Generally, most humans are not able to be in love with and able to love completely and fully two people at once so in dating, I would say its the same, even if the feelings aren't quite 'love'. So if he is paying more than what is normal attention and neglecting you on top of it, then he's doing what he does for him and how it makes him feel, not with any concern for how it makes you or the other females feel. He's getting something out of it. The clue to me is that you say he gets jealous if another guys pays any attention to you.
Let me explain jealousy and you'll have a clearer idea of whats going on.
Jealousy is an emotion that comes up, like a warning light on a cars dashboard alerting you of an unknown problem thats there, running low on oil, gas, a door ajar, a part giving out. Jealousy is the 'indicator light' in a human signaling that the person has an inferiority complex, low self image and subconscious without even being aware of it is trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by taking actions that cater to what they feel they lack. Such a guy will get jealous because, jealousy is a fear of losing something...in his case, a fear of losing that which he wears like a cloak to make him feel like more than a man, like the ultimate male because he is surrounded by so many females, his paying attention to them that belongs solely to you is an indication that this is not a matter of it being his personality type, as he is doing this without thinking, without any concern for your feelings or needs. And he also fears losing this position of false 'self esteem' by losing you or any of your girlfriends to any threat from another male who might win you away. Can he change for the better? Not until he realizes he has a problem, own up to it, be able to admit he has a problem and also WANT to change for the better. Some men never do that in their entire lifetime and we don't know if he'll end up being one of them. If he is though, he'll become more controlling, at some point women in a relationship with such a guy are not allowed to leave the house and shut off from all their friends, are verbally if not physically abused, etc. by controlling immature adult men who never grew up and still have a low self image, and feel inferior as a male for some reason only of their own thinking.
It sounds to me like more than something that a good talk will cure but you're welcome to try.
If a talk with him doesn't help, I'd say it would be much better for you if another guy came along who won you away from him. In fact, there's no reason if you're unhappy with him to start looking for someone else, someone a step better than him, and go after that guy. Girls can ask guys out these days, its perfectly normal.
Good luck.
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Honestly, he doesn't care to tell you how he feels when other guys are touchy with you so you should also tell him how you feel. I feel that it's wrong of him to get jealous over the same things he does to you. I would just talk to him about it, maybe he doesn't realize it bothers you… but if he does't change then don't settle. Good luck, I hope you're able to work things out.
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Hey there!
I, too, have had a boyfriend who was splat in the middle of four girls. We were all very close and even when I started dating him, we were all very close. So close, that he would hold hands with some of the girls, or take pictures with them while I would stand to the side waiting to be paid attention.
Honestly, at first I didn't want to seem like a jealous girlfriend either so I stayed quiet but if you actually love this person and want to keep the relationship, you're going to have to open up to him. Just tell him exactly what you typed above. You think it's unfair that he gets to have such freedom with other girls and you don't. You would give up your freedom happily if it meant that he would too.
Best of luck.
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