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Its only been a month and I want out of my relationship, but I don't? ah
So I'm 17/f and im in a relationship with this incredible guy. He treats me better than any other guy has ever did. He tells me how much he loves me all the time and all the details as to why and hes always there to help and support me. Hes amazing. But ever since we got into a relationship a month ago, I feel trapped. Before we started going out I already felt as if we belonged to each other and we talked everyday and it felt great and everything. But now I feel like all I do is think about being with other guys.. and how sad it is that it didnt work out with other guys I really liked. Its absolutely awful and theres no reason for the way im feeling. I think it might be an immaturity thing? Or I have committment issues possibly? Im not sure. For the past week or so I feel like its been getting worse. I was on the phone with him one day and he was going on and on about something and I was just getting so annoyed and fed up. I kept thinking, I could just hang up and never call him back..it could be that easy. And this guy who Ive liked the last two years has been out of school for a while and he just started coming to school recently, the day after my boyfriend and I got together. And ive been so sad seeing him around and thinking how that never worked out and how it wouldnt anyway and how its the end of my senior year and I probably wont see him after high school and its just been devastating me. And I just feel so bad because I know I shouldnt be thinking about other guys like that. Ah I dont know what to do. The way this relationship happened with my bf was so weird, i just know ot was meant to be. And I know he loves me more than anything so I dont know why I feel like I iust want to be free from him. Its really stupid and awful and I just want to get myself out of this funk so I can be committed and happy in my relationship. And hes been noticing that ive been feeling down and thats somethings bothering me but I cant tell him why because itll hurt him and because im hoping this is fixable and that itll pass. But not being able to tell him has been upsetting him because all he wants to do is listen to what im feeling and help me.. so its just been blah. And I just need help so I can fix this problem because I really want this to work. So please help! Thank you.
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Your minds may be divided and working against each other. With your logical, awake, conscious mind, you want to make this work and don't understand why you are dissatified if he's so great.
With your subconscious mind, where all your feelings and emotions are stored, there comes the feeling that you may be missing out on something and so you feel trapped by having made a commitment to one guy. this is actually a very common feeling that many get, a wondering if you're missing something. those who dwell on it too much get stuck with their imagination filling in the unknown details and they are hooked believing 'the grass is always greener on the other side'.
Let me add in at this point that sometimes, even perfect nice guys or gals are not right for someone because they only have the best friend equation of the relationship but lack the romantic chemistry and both are important to keep interest in a relationship. This may be an issue for you, I don't know, but you would. And if so, then staying with him won't change it as our pheremones are involved and we have the ones we're born with and can't change them to be compatible to someone else. Those that aren't compatible end up losing their interest in their partner and wanting the opportunity to find it else where. So if this is the case, there's nothing I can tell you to change how you feel.
I will say something about what I believe dating relationships to be and then you may have an easier way coming to a decision on your own.
I see dating with two purposes. At first, after intitial attraction, there's a need to learn more about the other to see if you still feel the same way. Dating is the natural next step to doing so and dating for just this purpose can be done without making a decision to become a persons bf/gf. If in this information gathering stage, you need to make it clear that you are still in the information gathering stage and not making any commitments to any one person yet. The info gathering stage ends when two people beleive they have found someone they want to commit solely to, not want to date or 'experience' any others. This then becomes what I term the second stage of dating, the committed couple stage. At some point the committed couple stage may move to living together. This is another important stage as there are things about a persons character and personality and how they live at home that can't be discovered in full detail while just dating. So even at this stage, a person may find there are things they simply can't live with or put up with long term in life and break up. The last stage comes naturally from there, being so in love and wanting to be partners for life, with or without a marriage contract.
So some people think that they have to make a commitment to a person when agreeing to date. If it was never agreed upon in the beginning, or ones particular purpose for dating spelled out, then I can see an issue like yours coming up. Especially at your age, all you've experienced is teen relationships. The part of our brain responsible for good judgements and decision making doesnt fully mature until we reach our mid 20's. While there may be some who are very mature as I was earlier, I still lacked experience, and being naive, made some bad life decisions like marrying the wrong guy at age 20.
So really, you have plenty of time and actually likely plenty of need to experience guys at an older age as you get older, I don't mean you dating a 30 or 40 yr old, but as guys in your age range get older, and more mature, you'll find there are more things to learn and fine tune in what you like and don't like about guys.
So really, if you are feeling this way, there's a reason for it, and more likely it's a natural response to being your age, not experienced enough to settle with one guy now who you;ll stay with til you marry. That may be a subconscious fear, and a valid one if you love but are not in love with him. When in love, all doubts disappear, and there's no desire or wish to experience any other. At your age, you don't need to commit to a guy long term unless you really want to. In the end, whatever you do, you need to do it because you want to stay with him, not because you are afraid of hurting him. In the long run, a decade or so after hanging with him and still feeling this way, eventually a guy will come along that tempts you enough to have an affair with. So its better to experience all you want to, wish to and actually need to in gathering experience and information for the future as to what you are wanting in a guy. You want someone who treats you well but theres so much more to learn. It's an indecision in your mind, its your own thoughts that come up. I can't give you a trick to automatically change your thoughts. Only you can do that once you have enough information to know why it is a good idea for you to stay with him. If there are enough reason's deep down inside you that say you're not ready to commit to be anyone's girlfriend, only to date for the experience, then be prepared, if who ever you date with this agreement, gets to do the same and so if he's dating other females at the same time he's seeing you and that may include kissing, flirting and yes even checking out how sex is together as that is an important part of a relationship to have in common if commiting to a person eventually for life. And sometimes, you don't know what you really like until you'v had a chance to try it or taste it. If you've never had caviar for example, how could you know its something you like or not. Same in relationships especially when thinking about the future and long term. Good luck with your decisions.
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just because someone treats you well and loves you doesnt mean you need to be with them. you should be with someone you are excited about and where the love is mutual, dont settle for someone who you are second guessing and still thinking about other guys, with the right person you shoudnt feel trapped or regretful of other relationships that didnt work out, dont feel like you need to stay with this guy just because he likes you. that being said, only end things if this is something you have been feeling for a while because if its just recently and you were very into him before it could just be you being scared.
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