ductape_n_roses's advice column

:.Hey x3
My name is Emily and blah blah blah.

:.I have a lot of personal, family, and friend issues of my own so a lot of times, I can probably relate to you a lot of times if you have personal, family, and/or friend issues.

:.I can offer a lot of information, help, and advice on family and friend relationships, love lives, depression, stretching/flexibility, weight loss, violin, being organized, dog training, forensics (public speaking), keeping up with school/extracurricular activities, eating disorders, writing (stories and poems), and probably a lot of other random stuff like what to drink when you eat something spicy and why.

:.Although I can help a lot of you guys on the above subjects, I don't tend to take my own advice so it can become quite an awkward/ironic/contradicting situation for me or make myself sound like a complete and utter hypocrite.

:.Hannah Whitall Smith once said, "The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right." I agree 100% of it. Advice is advice and it is given when asked for. I give it and I leave it at that. It's up to the questioner/advice seeker to take it.

:.That point leads onto my philosophies in advice giving:
1. Advice is given when asked and no time else, unless your friend is about to irritate a black bear, then you should definitely advice your friend to back away and run for his or her life.
2. Advice is not critical, not judgmental, and definitely not biased. Advice is advice and should remain neutral.
3. Advice is to help, not to get 5s on every answer. As a result, my advice ends up being quite blunt and frank with a hint of rambling mixed in.

If you have general questions on the topics I can be a lot of help in (as listed above), most likely, they will be in my FORUM

If it is not, you can inbox me to request me to put it up.

:.If you want to ask me a question directly...
a)if it is not urgent and can wait a week or so, inbox me.
b)if it is an urgent question such as "I'm being eaten by a shark! What do I do???" first of all, I'm quite amazed that you can type while being eaten and second of all, e-mail me at cancel.life@gmail.com. I will answer you by midnight of that day (or if it's 11:55PM, probably by 3PM the following day).

advice

Ok, well I've already posted a question for help with my family, and recently some more has happened. My mom thinks i'm dating 2 guys at once, and she read my Diary again. This time, we were moving things from one house to another. So, she asked me to ride with her to unload the stuff. I of course said I would help, but once we got into the truck, she asked me if I was still with my Boyfriend. Whenever I replied that yes, Yes I was, she exploded and told me that I don't apreciate her, and that I have no remorse over the fact that she has cancer. I tried to tell her that they won't take her whole breast, and she told me I was too young to know anything. So, when she read my Diary, it basicly said that the moment I get a good job, and get into College, i'm getting a dorm, and i'm out of the house for good because my dad won't do anything about the way she talks, and treats me. She got defensive again, and asked me why I wanted to hurt her so bad. I said,"Mom, I never asked you to seek out my diary, and read it. It's your own fault for not liking what I have to say, but i'm not going to keep things from the one place I have that should be private." and she got mad at me, and punched me. I couldn't believe it! She's threatened to hit me before, and whenever I was about 4-5 she used to pull my hair and shove me whenever I made her angry, but I never in my wildest dreams that she would ever hit me! I threatened to call CPS, but I didn't because I don't want to leave. I have too much here, and if I call they'll take me away, not her. And she's told my whole family that i'm lying about her all the time. She told an older lady who I respect so much that i'm a horrible child, that i'm a dirty whore, and i'm selfish. The truth is, yes I am VERY selfish, and no i'm not the perfect child, but i'm NOT with 2 different people, i've NEVER been sexually active, and i've made it clear to every guy to ever put a move on me that I have a boyfriend, and I won't tolerate any unfaithfulness! But, whenever we got to this lady's house, the woman who I respect deeply, she basicaly told me that i'm blowing it way out of proportion, and that I probably deserved it...And she tells me that I provoked it by backtalking my mother...I've tried to look up teen privacy rights online, and child abuse to figure out if maybe i'm just having a hard time dealing with what's coming to me, or if this is truely something I should be worried about.

Also, my parents are getting a divorce, and my mom says it's because of me. It's my fault because I try to lock her out of my life, and the only person I talk to is my dad. She asks why I locked her out, but the truth isn't good enough for her. I lock her out because anytime I let her in more drama happens and we wind up hurting each other. Anytime I try to talk to her it's always,"Break up with Logan, he's a bad bad kid. He'll influence you wrong. It's his fault we're fighting, and his fault you locked me out."

Logan has his own set of issues right now. And like everyone else God made, he's not perfect. But I think he's turned out quite fine considering his past. To go into detail, his dad murdered his mom, and the people he's living with now beat him. o.O So I don't exactly blame him for not being a part of a Beaver Cleaver atmosphere. I've always been told that there is always someone for everyone. Well, if every girl would dump him because of his past, and his current issues, he wouldn't have someone for him. We've been together for over a year now, and he's never done anything wrong to me! He's never hurt me, anytime he upsets me he apologizes, and he truely wants the best for me...

Aye, well, this is long, but basicaly, I need to know if I need to change, or my mom does. We used to get along, but everytime we talk now she threatens me, cries, and tells me she hates me. Am I just an immature teen not realizing that my mom just wants the best for me, or is she immature and doesn't want me to be with Logan because she thought me and him were having sex?

Your mom has cancer? Maybe she's insecure right now considering that cancer can kill, having to go through a divorce, not knowing what's going in her kids life. As for your diary, write what you want but always keep it hidden. Or after you write it, tear the page out and rip it up to shreds and throw it away so your mom can't get to your writings. Or make an online blog or journal that NO ONE knows about. If you can make it private...type in there. (Find and go to a site where you can do this..NOT MYSPACE..in google or yahoo and clickt he link from there so you don't leave a mark behind in the address bar and then after you're done, erase the google or yeahoo search and the site you went to form your history---I know that sounds not fun but it's really worht it)

Your mom is verbally, mentaly, emotionaly, and physicaly abusing and hurting you right now. Sure, one can blame it on her situation but one can also blame it on her level of maturity and motherliness (if that's even a word). As for me, I think it's both and you guys need to take a time out from each other for a while. Let things sort out naturally. (If possible) If your dad is still going to live close by where you can still go to the same school, stay with him. If there is a relative close by, stay with them. Stay with your friend if possible.

Family counsling is good. Have your mom and dad be there. Not just one of them but both of them along with you. You guys relaly need to talk about this instead of keeping emotions and thoughts sealed up and hidden away.

The best thing you can do right now is to forget about yourself. Forget what mean and rude things your mom has done or said. Don't lock her out and be ther for her because her going through a divorce and having cancer is causing her a lot of stress and having to add "I don't know anything about my child" is going to cause her to snap sooner or later. Just be there for her although you may loathe it. It doesn't have to be sincere but you have to act well enough to make it seem like one.

Of none of these ideas are working for you, go to safeyouth.org and talk to someone on there. They'll really be good help for deciding on what to do about your mom's action..