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Child Abuse?
Ok, well I've already posted a question for help with my family, and recently some more has happened. My mom thinks i'm dating 2 guys at once, and she read my Diary again. This time, we were moving things from one house to another. So, she asked me to ride with her to unload the stuff. I of course said I would help, but once we got into the truck, she asked me if I was still with my Boyfriend. Whenever I replied that yes, Yes I was, she exploded and told me that I don't apreciate her, and that I have no remorse over the fact that she has cancer. I tried to tell her that they won't take her whole breast, and she told me I was too young to know anything. So, when she read my Diary, it basicly said that the moment I get a good job, and get into College, i'm getting a dorm, and i'm out of the house for good because my dad won't do anything about the way she talks, and treats me. She got defensive again, and asked me why I wanted to hurt her so bad. I said,"Mom, I never asked you to seek out my diary, and read it. It's your own fault for not liking what I have to say, but i'm not going to keep things from the one place I have that should be private." and she got mad at me, and punched me. I couldn't believe it! She's threatened to hit me before, and whenever I was about 4-5 she used to pull my hair and shove me whenever I made her angry, but I never in my wildest dreams that she would ever hit me! I threatened to call CPS, but I didn't because I don't want to leave. I have too much here, and if I call they'll take me away, not her. And she's told my whole family that i'm lying about her all the time. She told an older lady who I respect so much that i'm a horrible child, that i'm a dirty whore, and i'm selfish. The truth is, yes I am VERY selfish, and no i'm not the perfect child, but i'm NOT with 2 different people, i've NEVER been sexually active, and i've made it clear to every guy to ever put a move on me that I have a boyfriend, and I won't tolerate any unfaithfulness! But, whenever we got to this lady's house, the woman who I respect deeply, she basicaly told me that i'm blowing it way out of proportion, and that I probably deserved it...And she tells me that I provoked it by backtalking my mother...I've tried to look up teen privacy rights online, and child abuse to figure out if maybe i'm just having a hard time dealing with what's coming to me, or if this is truely something I should be worried about.
Also, my parents are getting a divorce, and my mom says it's because of me. It's my fault because I try to lock her out of my life, and the only person I talk to is my dad. She asks why I locked her out, but the truth isn't good enough for her. I lock her out because anytime I let her in more drama happens and we wind up hurting each other. Anytime I try to talk to her it's always,"Break up with Logan, he's a bad bad kid. He'll influence you wrong. It's his fault we're fighting, and his fault you locked me out."
Logan has his own set of issues right now. And like everyone else God made, he's not perfect. But I think he's turned out quite fine considering his past. To go into detail, his dad murdered his mom, and the people he's living with now beat him. o.O So I don't exactly blame him for not being a part of a Beaver Cleaver atmosphere. I've always been told that there is always someone for everyone. Well, if every girl would dump him because of his past, and his current issues, he wouldn't have someone for him. We've been together for over a year now, and he's never done anything wrong to me! He's never hurt me, anytime he upsets me he apologizes, and he truely wants the best for me...
Aye, well, this is long, but basicaly, I need to know if I need to change, or my mom does. We used to get along, but everytime we talk now she threatens me, cries, and tells me she hates me. Am I just an immature teen not realizing that my mom just wants the best for me, or is she immature and doesn't want me to be with Logan because she thought me and him were having sex?
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Theres nothing wrong with you. Its all you mom's fault! NO mother should EVER EVER EVER say that she hates her daughter/son. Its the worst thing you could ever hear from a parent. If she beats you, the right thing to do is call CPS... You need to get away from her... Get away from the abuse.... Do anything it takes to get away from her emotional, and phisical abuse.... She has no right to be reading your Diary. Your Diary is only to be seen by YOU.... A Diary is where you express your deepest thoughts, and your mom shouldnt be looking through it.... You dont desearve to be treated like this! Especially from your mom!
Im sure your a very good person, and you dont have to take this from her. I know you dont want to go away, but you need to get away from her. Its ruining your self esteem.
You shouldnt get use to this because your not supposed to be treated this way... If this goes on, your not going to be to happy.
What Im trying to say is, you should probably call CPS... Unless a friend is willing to take you into their home. Maybe your gradparents would let you stay with them... Either way, your getting away fromyour mom, wich is good. You shouldnt be around her if she's treating you like this. You dont desearve to be treated so low!
You desearve better!
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Your mom has cancer? Maybe she's insecure right now considering that cancer can kill, having to go through a divorce, not knowing what's going in her kids life. As for your diary, write what you want but always keep it hidden. Or after you write it, tear the page out and rip it up to shreds and throw it away so your mom can't get to your writings. Or make an online blog or journal that NO ONE knows about. If you can make it private...type in there. (Find and go to a site where you can do this..NOT MYSPACE..in google or yahoo and clickt he link from there so you don't leave a mark behind in the address bar and then after you're done, erase the google or yeahoo search and the site you went to form your history---I know that sounds not fun but it's really worht it)
Your mom is verbally, mentaly, emotionaly, and physicaly abusing and hurting you right now. Sure, one can blame it on her situation but one can also blame it on her level of maturity and motherliness (if that's even a word). As for me, I think it's both and you guys need to take a time out from each other for a while. Let things sort out naturally. (If possible) If your dad is still going to live close by where you can still go to the same school, stay with him. If there is a relative close by, stay with them. Stay with your friend if possible.
Family counsling is good. Have your mom and dad be there. Not just one of them but both of them along with you. You guys relaly need to talk about this instead of keeping emotions and thoughts sealed up and hidden away.
The best thing you can do right now is to forget about yourself. Forget what mean and rude things your mom has done or said. Don't lock her out and be ther for her because her going through a divorce and having cancer is causing her a lot of stress and having to add "I don't know anything about my child" is going to cause her to snap sooner or later. Just be there for her although you may loathe it. It doesn't have to be sincere but you have to act well enough to make it seem like one.
Of none of these ideas are working for you, go to safeyouth.org and talk to someone on there. They'll really be good help for deciding on what to do about your mom's action..
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Wow! You sound like a very intelligent young woman and are trying to hang on to your identity, despite the fact that your mom is trying just as hard to destroy it. You do have rights that are being violated and or ignored right now. Among them, are the rights to have your internal thoughts as your own and some privacy in expressing them, which was violated when your mom read your diary. Unless a parent has a good reason, suspects drug abuse or something like that, it is a rotten thing to read someone else's diary. Also, you have the legal right to be safe from all physical abuse...which of course is up to a proper authoriy to help you figure out what crosses the line between discipline to abuse. I would suggest talking to child protective services or your local police, school teacher, physician, etc...not the lady you talked to about it before, the next time something questionable happens, or if you have any fears of abuse now. Only an adult who is educated in the legal rights of children and experienced with troubled family situations can support you in a helpful way and possibly get you and your mom some counseling. Even if she is not technically abusive, the CPS department or social services may offer some resources or counseling opportunities to handle stress in a healthier fashion.
Your mom is under stress, and may lack the skills and support to handle it in a way that is appropriate and healthy. However, you are also in need of help in your current situation. The issue is not so much about the boyfriend, but about the emotional manipulation and guilting that your mom is putting on you, and physical outburts as well. You should not have to put up with that. Of course you are not a fully matured adult, but you sound very capable and mature for a teenager. Keep any private thoughts private, but continue to express yourself. Write out your feelings, but destroy the paper or erase the words, so they are not used against you. Others have been through what you are facing, so take courage and keep making positive plans for yourself. It is good to be selfish, that is to protect yourself and have a sense of what makes you a worthy individual. Somehow your strength may be threatening to your mother, who may not have the courage in her own situation. Let her know that you would like to be more supportive of her, but that you have a right to be respected as a human being, also. Get support and more advice from a school counselor if you can right away. Good luck and keep in touch.
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I can see that your mom has turned out to be very abbuseive. But have u ever thought that she's got 2 much on her plate 2 handle right now?. She has cancer...and is about 2 get a divorce. She's your mom. She's trying to protect you. She loves you. But apperantly she doesn't think you do. You have to talk to her and ask her why she's being so aggeresive to you. Tell her you don't like it. Tell her you'll try to be better as a duaghther but that she needs to better as a mother also. Yes what she did was wrong(reading your diary). I understand.that's the only private place a teen actually has. But you have to forgive her. Explain to her that your not a whore. That you love your boyfriend. Tell her you love him and he makes you happy. I can tell your mom is going threw a hard time right now. You need to help her. Let her know you're there for her. Try not to argue with her and eventually everything will turn out fine. Goodluck hope I helped!. :o)
Ps if ur mom doesn't want to be the big person in this situation..u be the big person be the first to say you're sorry.
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Mom and daughters in most cases can't be friends. I actually know where you are coming from, except my mom was divorcing my stepdad.
Your diary reflects emotions at a particular moment in time and yes, it is private. You mom does not have the right to read it or discuss it with you.
You mom needs to change. You're not doing anything wrong, you don't insult her, you don't hit her and yet, she continues to abuse you.
You lock her out to protect yourself. Locking her out, when she hurts you or calls you name, its almost like you're not paying attention and doesn't affect you more negatively if you dished it right back at her.
More than likely it will get worse. You mentioned you have to move there, but experiencing that everything wears you down. You need an escape route:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (look on the left, choose your state and find a phone number)
You mentioned your dad is unresponsive/does nothing. Your next step is to tell a trusted teacher or the guidance counsler. Divorce is rough and you need someone to talk to - also, during the process - you may be able to talk to a judge. They can either apply custody to your dad or mandate your mom to take parenting classes or anger management classes.
On my end, my mom moved out last summer. I'm still living with my stepdad. The courts had her take a pyschological exam and it turns out - she's not crazy, just mean. I only keep communication via email/mail so I don't have to listen to her rants and raves.
Good Luck!
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