Advicenators: Ask hailebop!

Being gay is about sexual preference. None of the things you have listed have anything to do with sexuality or sexual preference. The qualities you have listed are things you might associate with being 'camp', but that all gay men are camp is an unhelpful stereotype. Not all homosexual men are camp. They don't all enjoy dancing, pay excessive attention to their appearances and gossip lots, just as not all hetrosexual males like sports and beer and not all hetrosexual females like makeup and horses. Similarly, not all men who have these interests are homosexual - interests and hobbies do not define your sexuality.

It's not worth guessing about this guy's sexuality. If he is gay it may well be difficult for him to come out to his friends, and having his friends make assumptions about him from his behaviour and sneering at the idea of him being gay will only make things harder for him. Don't think about "signs" and reading into things - just enjoy his company, and if there is ever an issue with his sexuality, just be there for him as a friend.

What exactly do you mean by saying that you've dated him on and off about 20 times?

If you've had numerous attempts to change your relationship from friendship to something more and it's never worked out, or even got off the ground properly there's probably a good reason for that. Perhaps you are both interested in each other as more than friends, but you are stalling because you are afraid of what might happen.

Some of the best romantic relationships start as ordinary friendships, but there are obvious dangers that it won't work out and you not being able to make it through the experience as good friends, or friends at all.

A degree of uncertainty is natural at the start of any romantic relationship especially one which has high risks for a friendship, but if you are so unsure that you are stalling about kissing him and have already rejected him more than once (you've dated on again off again) and, in your own words, it feels "so weird" then maybe it isn't so right after all? You say you love this guy and he certainly seems interested in you, and yet it's not going anywhere at the moment.

I think if you have romantic feelings for a close friend, you need to be absolutely honest with yourself - is it worth the risk? You need to make a decesion and then trust in your own judgement.

If the answer is no, you value your friendship too much and you aren't convinced it would work out, then don't go ahead and be firm with your friend. If however you do decide it's worth the risk, trust your judgement and go for it. It's hard not to keep second-guessing yourself and wondering if this is really the right thing when the odds are high, as they are when you begin dating a friend, but if you've decided to go for it you need to relax and enjoy that decesion.

All the best.

Try putting in your height and weight into a BMI calculator like the one on http://www.am-i-fat.com

BMI calculators are just number-crunchers. As such they aren't perfect - they don't take into account your age, your build or how much muscle you have. They will however give you a general idea of whether you are over or underweight.

I plugged in your data to the calculator on am-i-fat.com, and it said your BMI was 17. The ideal range for a woman is 20-24. This means you are underweight.

As I've said already, the calculator isn't the be all and end all. You may not actually be emaciated as it says you are. Your attitude is however concerning. You are absolutely by no means overweight - the calculator suggests the opposite, that you are veering towards being dangerously underweight. That you feel the desire to loose weight despite being quite possibly underweight is concerning.

I would suggest visiting a dietician. I don't want to scare you, but it seems like you have some issues with your weight, and it is best to confront these head on as early as possible before they snowball. Seeing a dietician will allow you to talk with a professional who'll be able to tell you what a sensible weight is for *you* considering your age, height, build, etc., and will also be able to talk to you about what is sensible and healthy eating. All the best.

Being a mother as a teenager is difficult. That said however, being a mother is difficult and life changing at any age. If you as a woman who is pregnant want to raise this child and are determined to support both yourself and the child, then you should probably stick with your instincts and do just that. It is your body and your child, and if you can love this child and raise it, it shouldn't be up to anybody else whether you do so or not.

Of course it will be difficult, but it is not the end of the world or your life. You are not cursing your child to a terrible or more difficult life just because you give birth to it as a teenager. You might find it more difficult as a young woman than other mothers might, but it simply isn't the case that young mothers are always bad mothers. It is difficult being a young mother because you may not have completed your education, or be at a stage where you have a job that can easily support you and your child, and this may well mean you have to do extra juggling to keep yourself going, and rely on your immediate family more than older women might do, but if you can do that, there is no reason to think you won't be good enough just because you are young.

Have faith in yourself. It is difficult, but you are being brave and taking charge of your life, and you will get through this. All the best.

Hi! I just finished my shift at my job today. This married lady that I work with is trying to set me up with a guy that knows her husband. They met him at a New Years party and he asked her if she knew any cute, nice girls from her work that would want to go out with him She said he is 32 and owns his own computer business. She said he is a really nice guy and wants to date a nice girl who has no kids. He's had problems with on line dating (and so have I)

I am 28 and have never been married or have had children. I told her I am quite shy and havent dated anyone in a long time. She said he is shy too. She is going to phone him and we (me, this guy, her and her huband) are going to meet for coffee.

Do you think he sounds like a nice guy that won't just try to sleep with me?

I rate high!
thanks
p.s it was my new years resolution to get a bf this year!

At the moment you know relatively little about this guy, but this is a great oppertunity to get to know him better.

A person is much more than a list of qualities like "has a good job" and "is shy", so it's difficult to know if you'll be well suited or not without getting to know him. Dating can feel difficult when you are shy and haven't done it for a long time, but this is a great chance to ease yourself back into dating. He might not be your soul-mate, or even somebody particularly suited to you (although there isn't anything from your description of him that would suggest the two of you were incompatible), but getting out there with somebody in a safe enviornment with your friends at your side will probably be really good for you.

Take this oppertunity, but don't put too much pressure on the two of you - you don't have to find a boyfriend straight away. It's better to just relax and enjoy the process of getting to know him without feeling like you have to decide by the end of your first date whether he's boyfriend material or not. All the best.

When you've had long hair all your life it's extremely difficult to let go. Your hair is a sign of your feminity, and it's easy to get into the mindset of the longer, the better, and it can often feel like you spend spend your whole life growing your hair back to the length you want from trims.

In reality, relatively few people can carry off extremely long (as in past the waist) hair. It often only makes you look younger than you - something you don't want as a teenager, and when you are older just makes you seem childish and out of place in an adult environment.

That said however, you may be one of the few who can carry off extremely long hair, and if you love it or think it's one of your best features, why get rid of it?

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to experiment a bit with the length of your hair without doing anything too drastic, just to get yourself out of the rut where you keep the same hairstyle you've had for years because change is scary. If you cut it to midway down your back you'll see what a difference changing the length will make, but you'll still have the feeling of long hair, and it really won't take forever to grow back if you don't like it. All the best.

There are some vegetarian Atkins-friendly recipes, which I'm sure you can find by googling appropriately or searching in your local bookstore. Before you embark on a low-carb diet however, please think carefully.

Most meat-eaters get most of the substance of their meals from meat and something starchy, like bread, rice or potatoes. If you cut out carbohydrate-rich foods and you're a meat eater, you've still got meat to get your basic sustenance from. This is hardly the healthiest way to live, but you'll get by. If you are a vegetarian however, you get most of your energy from vegetables. If you cut out carbohydrate-rich, starchy vegetables, you'll find you have very little left of sustenance, as it's those starchy vegetables, like swedes, potatoes and squashes that are giving you most of your energy. Think of it this way - you could eat all the lettuce you liked, but it's not going to fill you with energy because there's not a whole lot in it. Of course it's not exactly as simple as this, and there are many vegetables between potatoes and lettuce on the carb scale, but I'm sure you can see my point, that it's the vegetables you most rely on as a vegetarian that you're going to be cutting out on a no carb diet.

There are of course some vegetarian and Atkins friendly recipes, and there are ways to cut your carb content whilst maintaining your vegetarian lifestyle, such as swapping potatoes for sweet potatoes, which are delicious as well as lower in carbohydrates then the regular variety. The problem is, there just aren't that many recipes that are low-carb, vegetarian and healthy (although the fact that you eat seafood and dairy should widen your options a little), for the reasons I've discussed above, and that means you might end up eating the same thing over and over - which makes it difficult to stick to a diet, as you get bored very quickly.

Do check out the recipe websites others have suggested, as you're bound to find some creative ideas. But if you do go down this route, do be extra careful that you get enough of all the food groups. All the best.

Six isn't too young to learn about sex.

Children are often curious about sex, either because they wonder where they come from, or are just fascinated by the differences between boys and girls. This is totally normal, and if a child is curious, it's perfectly acceptable, even sensible, to explain the facts to them even though they are quite young.

I'm sure your parents had the best intentions when they told you about sex at a young age. You might have been younger than averge getting "the talk", but there's no reason to worry that this isn't normal or right. All the best.

13/m. I have a sister who is 14. Where we live, stuff happens slowly. It's not like in NYC where everyone loses their virginity at, like 13. My sister finally got her first boyfriend. I'm not too worried about that. But, they're taking everything too fast: one week, they're dating. Another week, they're holding hands. This may not seem like much to you, but where I live it is. And now yesterday---they've been together 2 months, tops---they both had their first kiss.

I've been trying to get more info, but she's really private about this. I asked her if it was just a peck or if she made out, and she said that it was about 5 seconds. Is that long for a first kiss? And I asked her when, and she showed me a ring that she got from him. Unfortunately, I suck at taking hints, so I still don't get it.

She doesn't want to tell anyone about anything that happens. My other sister and my parents are still completely unaware that they've done so much as hold hands, and she doubts she'll tell them about kissing any time soon.

So, I was just wondering, is this too fast, am I worrying too much, will she be turning into a sex-obsessed slut any time soon, and how can I get her to communicate more? "Why do you need to know?" she asks. Well, I intend on getting a girlfriend this year, and I'm gonna have to learn somehow, right? No smartass answers. Thanks! =)

Caring about your sister is extremely admirable. Unfortunately, you are being rather judgemental in the way you are treating her, and I think you need to rethink exactly what it is that bothers you about her behaviour.

You think it's acceptable for you, who are younger than your sister, to have a girlfriend, and your language suggests that you don't object to your sister having a boyfriend in itself, as you say she "finally" has one. Is it then the physical dimension the relationship has taken, or just the speed of it?

I obviously live in quite a different culture from you, so my telling you that two months isn't extremely quick probably won't console you much. What I will say is that relationships are extremely personal, and that there is no universal time when it's right or wrong to kiss somebody, or take your relationship to the next level, whatever that might be. Whether you should or should not depends wholly on whether the people concerned feel ready and want to. In this situation, the people concerned are your sister and her boyfriend, not you: if they felt ready, wanted to and enjoyed the experience together, what exactly is wrong about it?

I sympathise that you might not like the idea of your sister being in any way physical with a guy - she's your sister, and it's difficult to imagine her in this light, and of course, your protective side that doesn't want to see her get hurt kicks in. But you do just have to accept that romantic and sexual desires are a natural part of youth, and that your sisters behaviour is normal and healthy.

Your concern for your sister's wellbeing is understandable, but you do need to take a step back and let her get on with her own life. Incessantly questioning her about exactly what she's done with her boyfriend will only result in annoying her or driving her away so she no longer feels she can confide in you. Let her know that you think she's taking it a bit fast, that you don't want to see her hurt and she should be careful, but then leave it - if she wants your advice, she'll come to you. You seem to have a good relationship at the moment to be able to talk about these things to begin with, so don't ruin it by being excessively nosey - everyone needs their private life and emotions. Trying to force details out of her when she doesn't want to give them will just make her resent you for probing (and this is true pretty much universally), and, to be perfectly honest, the details really aren't any of your buisness anyway.

As a final word - "slut" is vile language to talk about anyone, especially your sister. Think about what you are really saying before you use it again.

My bf is a stubborn jerk, to be blunt. Well for starters he got mad at me the last time I phoned him becuase it was before 6 pm. He moved away to another province 6 weeks ago for a job. He hasnt phoned me or emailed me since then. I also suspect he was annoyed becuase I didnt sound more upset that he was moving.
Everyone has warned me about long distant relationships, and I used to think me and my bf could do it. But now I can see what they were warning me about.
I cannot believe that my bf hasnt even wished me a merry xmas yet! Or bought me a gift and sent it in the mail!!
So my question is should I wait for him to email me or should I?

So, your boyfriend hasn't attempted to make contact with you for six weeks and is, in your own words, a "stubborn jerk".

Why are you still clinging to this relationship? He's either not that bothored about being with you, in which case you should break up with him because you deserve better, or he's playing ridiculous mind games because he's annoyed that you didn't create a ridiculous drama when he moved away, which is frankly pathetic behaviour from a grown man.

The mature thing to do would be to call him and tell him that you are ending things because he is clearly not capable of maintaining your relationship. The tempting thing to do would be to consider yourself a free woman and halt contact the way he's done to you and make him wonder what on earth is going on - it's your call.

Me and my boyfriend had sex 3 times on monday. The first with a condom, and then the second, he started off without a condom (I dunno if there was any pre-mature ejaculation) but then finished that with one on. Then the last time we did have a condom. And he only pulled out the first time. I just got finished having my period Saturday. So I was wondering is there a possibility that I could possibly get pregnant? And know yall say well get a pregnancy test, but how long should I wait to get one?

So my two questions:
1) Could I possibly be pregnant?
2) When to get a pregnancy test?

THANKS!

There is a possibility, as precum can contain viable sperm before ejaculation, especially if your partner has ejaculated recently when you had sex, which it sounds like he had done. However, given the precautions you have taken, I wouldn't worry unless you miss your period, as there is very little (pregnancy-test wise) that can be done before then anyway.

It wasn't a sensible thing to do and there is a risk, but at the moment I don't think there's reason to worry excessively - just wait until your next period, but learn from this lesson. The stress and worry isn't worth it, even if the risk is relatively low. All the best.

Me and my sister are pretty close. She tells me everything, I tell her everything. I'm 15 and she's 17 almost 18. My sister had a boyfriend for almost 3 years. He's completly rude. I never liked him one bit. He pushed my sister into a chair AT OUR HOUSE and she started crying and he ran off. Like..left our house. He always cussed at her and they almost argued everyday. They broke up 11 months ago. Once they broke up, he got another girlfriend , and my sister went balistic on him and he threatened to call the police on her. Again, that was 11 months ago..And they haven't spoken since..

My sister met this one guy who is gorgeous. He's really sweet and i think he's good for her. They've been "talking". I like him and i think she deserves a guy like this.

Two days ago, my sister went to a party and saw her ex there. Near the end of the party, he pulled her over and started asking how she was and all that. When she told me this i got soo mad. She practically said "I hate the way i'm always running to him!"

I don't want her running back to him. Chasing him and then having him make her feel like crap. I think that the new guy that she met is good for her. She realizes it. But after her ex through a couple of pretty words to her, she's wanting to hang out with him. I know i should let my sister do whatever she wants, its her life not mine. But i don't want my sister ending up hurt or anything! I really want her to realize that if she goes back to him, she'll get hurt again. What can i say to her to make her realize that he isn't good for her? Please help me. My family doesn't like him and neither do I. At first, my sister thought he was crap for her, but after she talked to him, she thinks they are going to go out. Please help me.

I think you realise this already, but there's really nothing you can do beyond saying what you've already said to her about how you feel about him. I sympathise with your dilemma - it's horrible to watch somebody you love do something you know isn't going to make them happy in the long term, but life is about making choices, and that entails sometimes making mistakes.

You are lucky that you are close to your sister and can talk to her about this. It is worth trying this route, as she may only need a gentle reminder to remember what this guy is really like. But if she's determined that he's changed or the relationship is worth a second chance the best thing to do is let her do it rather than try to persuade her as strongly as you can. Of course it's tempting to go on and on about his faults and how awful he was to her, but the problem with this strategy is that if she chooses to go back to him anyway and does get hurt as you forsee happening, she might feel too embarassed to come to you for advice or consolation.

Remind her of his faults and the reason for their original breakup, yes, but think less is more so that whatever happens the relationship between the two of you doesn't suffer and she still feels able to come to you for advice. All the best.

One of my friends likes this guys and wants to date him, so we have all been trying to get them together. the thing is whenever we all go to the movies or whatever her best friend is always all over him. her best friend just got out of a relationship and is taking it pretty hard. lately she has been hanging out with my friend's crush (just her and him)
I was wondering whether anyone thinks that she would go for the guy. I mean normally i dont think she would, but she isnt in the best mental state. what do i do?

ps: the guy likes them both

pps: i rate 5s

Thanks!!!

It appears that you have a situation where you have a guy who likes two girls, and both girls like him back to some extent. One seems to have a full blown crush, whereas the other is perhaps just interested short term in some attention or affection from a guy she finds attractive. The details aren't really important - the point is, they both want him and you've put yourself in the middle of it all.

You might think that it's bad of the friend who has only just got out of a relationship to be throwing herself towards this guy or that a relationship would never work out between them, and you may well be right, she probably wouldn't do this normally and it easily might not work out for the best. The problem is, it's not really your buisness to decide who can and can't date this guy. If he likes both of them, well, he's got to make the decesion of who to date for himself. It isn't your job to try to engineer a situation where he chooses the girl you think he's best suited to - he has to make the decesion himself, and if he chooses to date enter into a bad reltaionship with somebody on the rebound, well, that's his problem and not something you could or should attempt to prevent.

You could talk to the girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend about what she's doing - whether she realises her friend was hoping to date this guy, whether she's thought about the consequence for her friendship and whether she really sees this flirtation going somewhere. However, if she wants to persue it, you really can't stop her, and I would advise a hasty retreat.

At this stage the best thing to do is to have a quiet word with the girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend about whether she's really thought everything through, then leave them to it and be there for your friend if everything ends badly. It's all you can do, as something that is between this guy and the two girls about who dates who, and between the two girls themselves about their friendship and some boundaries they possibly need to set up. Intefering futher will only cause more hurt: just be there as a friend when you are needed.

All the best.

I just had my birthday several days ago, and I was wondering if someone could explain to me what this one gift from a guy I really like was supposed to mean.
While we had been friends for a while, but i had been hoping that one day he would be my bf. I thought we were heading in that direction, but since I had my birthday I've been thinking I may be wrong about that.
The gift that he gave me was a little insulting actually. It was a very tacky looking t shirt from Walmart with the words "IF YOU"RE CUTE I"M SINGLE," on the front.
Now does that mean that he is giving me some sort of message? I mean if he really liked me why would he give me a shirt to let other guys know that I was single? Or to attract any other guys at all for that matter.
It really hurt me and embarrassed me. It made me angry because his birthday was the week before and I got him a really nice gift.
Does anyone know what this meant? And do you think he gave me that shirt to let me now he wasnt interested?

The most likely explanation is that he is just clueless.

Lots of people find buying gifts difficult. Teenage boys (I assume you are teenagers) often find this particularly akward, as girls often seem very alien to them. Imagine he did like you and wanted to buy you a present - what would he get you? You might think something that showed he cared, but he might be afraid to show that he really likes you for fear of rejection or being laughed at for being too sensitive by his friends. Or perhaps he really did try to get you something you'd love but just had no idea what would be appropriate.

It's natural to feel dissapointed that his gift didn't live up to your expectations, but I wouldn't assume he doesn't like you because of what he got you. On the contrary, the fact that he made the effort to get you something at all shows he thought of you and tried to get you something you'd like. OK so it wasn't particularly intelligent on his part, but he probably thought it was a fun T-shirt, or something that would make him smile if he saw a girl wearing it. I'm sure he wasn't trying to imply something about you or try to palm you off on other guys.

My boyfriend and I are fairly young, but we've been together for a long time. We have been talking about marriage, and both of our families support us and think it's a good idea.

Here is the problem. We're both from different countries. I don't want to have to choose one country over the other, or in other words, one family over the other. Also, I have never really pictured myself having a big wedding. I am pretty shy, and I know making my wedding a huge show would end up being very stressful for me. I would rather have it be a private ceremony between two people that love each other. Also, if we eloped, it would be more affordable.

So does it sound like a good idea? If you're wondering, he is indifferent about how we would get married.

You should ask yourself: if there were no issue with your families travelling, where and how would you like to get married?

You don't want to elope if that isn't what you want independently of this problem, as you may end up regretting it in later years. From reading your question however, it seems that this is something you'd quite like to do anyway, for a number of reasons - that it's more private, that it's less stressful and that it's more affordable. That it also solves the family issues is a fortunate consequences, and as such, I think it's definitely something you and your partner should look into.

That said however weddings are invariably extremely complicated and some families may be liable to get offended by your decesions, however good your intentions are. If you or your partners family have particularly strong feelings about being invited to the wedding you should discuss it with them first. I'm not suggesting you should allow your families to bully you into a wedding that isn't what you want, merely that you should sit them down and explain the reasons behind your decesion to them beforehand rather than just, say, coming back from Hawaii wearing wedding rings.

Planning weddings is stressful, and it can be difficult to stand up for what you and your partner want in the face of family pressure to have a big or traditional wedding, but your wedding should be your day and it should reflect you and your partners wamt, so be assertive and if you want to elope, do it.

All the best.

If you are worried, talk to your doctor or a dietician about your eating habbits and whether you should be eating more whilst you are growing. Your weight for your heigh is on the low side and actively dieting at this stage may well be harmful to your body for that reason, but I don't think there's any reason to suspect that your weight loss over the last six months will have damaged your body as you did it gradually by sensible gradual changes to your daily routine rather then by crash dieting.

You sound like you have a sensible attitude and you realise that you could affect your health by not eating properly. Be careful not to deprive yourself of too much in your quest to be healthy and I'm sure you'll be fine. All the best.