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poets <<< Previous Question
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gay or not gay


Question Posted Tuesday January 17 2006, 9:54 pm

would you consider someone who

*tap, jazz, and hip-hop dances
*used to listen to britney spears, went to 2 of her concerts, owns her autorgrpah and danced to her songs on his porch
*loves pretty woman & thats so raven
*and gets excited when going to the mall or shopping

gay? do all of those things add up to gay also he gets overly excited about gossip. . . do you think hes gay? he denies it but it seems like he is, i want to believe him since hes my friend but theres so many signs!! aghh


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tasuki answered Wednesday January 18 2006, 10:53 pm:
No, I most certainly do not. If he is very happy while he is doing all of this, then until his puppy dies or he fails a test, he is gay. If he is attracted to men, only men, and doesn't feel at all sexually excited when looking at a woman while he is doing all this (and when he isn't) and classifies himself as gay, then he is gay. Nobody is "homosexual", "heterosexual", "bisexual", "transexual" or "other" unless they say so. I personally do not believe in any gender barriers. If a guy wants to wear pink that is fine with me (I think it looks good, also). If a girl wants to wear her hair very short, that is great also. A lot of times we put these classifications on people and we don't even realize it. They are pretty much burned into the backs of our mind. It's good to strive to be conscious of it--for example,when you see a commercial for a cleaning product and it shows a woman cleaning. That's an insult to you, my friend, no matter what gender you are. If you are a woman it is saying that you should be cleaning. If you are a man it is saying that you are too stupid to know how to clean.

I don't think your friend is gay. I think he is himself. I know where you're coming from and I'm not saying you're stupid for thinking this. It's a natural conclusion that people come to. But you only listed four traits of his personality. That's four out of...a bazzillion! You just picked the traits that stand out to you most at the moment. We are fairly complex animals, we have a lot of different levels. I should add that a lot of people who identify themselves as gay do not do any of those things you listed.

To put it simply: maybe he likes Britney Spears and Raven because he thinks they're hot.

If he is going through a sexual identity crisis (I call it a crisis but I prefer to think of it as a re-awakening--I've been through several), then it's his choice when he tells you or even if he tells you at all. Don't try to force it out of him if he doesn't want to talk about it.

PS-Also, I think he's wonderful and really brave for being so open about breaking gender barriers.

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IAmShammay answered Wednesday January 18 2006, 12:46 am:
seems extremely gay.
maybe hes just metro? maybe...
he might not feel comfortable telling you the truth either.

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jesa21 answered Wednesday January 18 2006, 12:18 am:
if he says hes not gay you should belive him, it stands to reason he dances, so he can be into music an not gay, plus alot of guys think britney, julia roberts, and raven are hot...so you cant think hes gay based on those 3, an who doesent love shopping? besides, your his friend right? does it really matter?

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thisxphotobooth answered Tuesday January 17 2006, 11:55 pm:
perhaps he is a metrosexual

basically a man who spends alot of time and money on his life and appearance (ie: supposed feminine traits)

if he tells you that he isnt gay then you should take his word for it but make sure he knows that if he happens to be "in the closet" that he could confide in you.

well all these traits are like feminine i suppose but hey we're in the 21st century. who's to stop him from enjoying supposedly non masculine pastimes?

i dont think that guys need to be complete meatheads to prove that they are manly. pft.

owell

hope i helped lol :]

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TimmyTM answered Tuesday January 17 2006, 11:32 pm:
Sexual orientation is not based on secondary characteristics. If he likes guys, he's gay. If he doesn't, he isn't. Simple as that.

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LadyGoodman answered Tuesday January 17 2006, 11:27 pm:
Well, I know you're really curious and all, but when it comes down to it, it's really none of your business. Besides that, if he's not, it probably hurts his feelings to be asked that. and...if he is, then he's just not ready to come out yet and you shouldn't push it. Yeah, a lot of gay teenagers especially probably like that stuff, but have you ever thought that a lot of straight guys might secretly like some of that stuff and they just don't say anything about it because they're afraid of what other people think? Maybe your friend just doesn't give a shit, and that's a really cool attribute. Whatever it is, it shouldn't matter if he's gay, and if it does, maybe you should reevaluate your own priorities...

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hailebop answered Tuesday January 17 2006, 11:26 pm:
Being gay is about sexual preference. None of the things you have listed have anything to do with sexuality or sexual preference. The qualities you have listed are things you might associate with being 'camp', but that all gay men are camp is an unhelpful stereotype. Not all homosexual men are camp. They don't all enjoy dancing, pay excessive attention to their appearances and gossip lots, just as not all hetrosexual males like sports and beer and not all hetrosexual females like makeup and horses. Similarly, not all men who have these interests are homosexual - interests and hobbies do not define your sexuality.

It's not worth guessing about this guy's sexuality. If he is gay it may well be difficult for him to come out to his friends, and having his friends make assumptions about him from his behaviour and sneering at the idea of him being gay will only make things harder for him. Don't think about "signs" and reading into things - just enjoy his company, and if there is ever an issue with his sexuality, just be there for him as a friend.

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DaNcE_In_ThE_RaIn answered Tuesday January 17 2006, 11:23 pm:
well, he could be and he couldn't be!Not to be rude but why do you need to know so bad?!Personally, im against being homosexual, but that dosen't mean you have to judge the person or think of them any different!

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