Ask hailebop!




Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams




Advice Column | Ask a Question | View Feedback |

hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 39151



Advicenators.com



if someone were to have sex 1-2 days right before her period, is there a big or small chance she would have gotten pregnant?



Short answer: there is a small chance.

Longer answer: the average woman has a 28 day cycle, with her most fertile 'window' on day 14 of her cycle (day 1 being the first day of her period). You are considering sex on day 26 or 27 of a cycle, which is a long way from the most fertile window, which means that there is a relatively low chance of fertilisation.

However, these are *average* figures, which means that whilst they are true for many, they are also *not* representative of a great number of women. Women can and have become pregnant on every day of their menstrual cycle when statistically the odds were stacked against them.

Fertilisation is statistically most likely to happen in the middle of a menstrual cycle, but it can happen at any time because you may have ovulated earlier or later in your cycle, and your cycle may be shorter or longer than average.

Ovulation and the menstrual cycle can be affected by illness, stress, travel and a myriad of other factors. Unless you are very carefully monitoring your own body (signs examined include the position of the cervix, internal body temperature, cervical mucus and others: I stress, this is not a simple process!) you do not know when you have ovulated and cannot accurately predict your fertility window. Even with these signs monitored closely and rigorously, the method of having sex only on 'safe' days is simply not that reliable to use in place of contraception.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/naturalfamilyplanning.htm , which details some 'natural' family planning methods of examining the menstrual cycle, states that none of these methods are recommended for women for whom pregnancy is totally unacceptable.

This is not to deny the statistical average, but to acknowledge that there is enough of an error margin here that it is simply not worth taking chances unless you are willing to become pregnant.

I hope this is useful information. I don't wish to be alarmist, and hope I have given you a balance between the short answer (statistically you are likely to be okay) and the long answer (this doesn't mean you should do it!).

Ona

[View this question]


is it possible to get pregnant having buttsex


It is possible to get pregnant because semen would not be contained and could potentially reach your vagina. Pregnancy is however highly unlikely, but it is a theoretical possibility, just as it is for somebody to get pregnant without vaginal sex because of having small amounts of semen on their fingers. It's highly unlikely, but it's definitely not safe to do these things without some form of protection.

It's also important to note that if you are having anal sex, condoms are essential because of the risk of STDs. As Ashumms has already pointed out, you are more likely to tear something whilst having anal sex, which increases risk of infection. Using a condom will prevent against these infection and pregnancy.

[View this question]


prom is tonight.
my period ended a couple of days ago, if i decide to have sex will this increase my chances of getting pregnant?
If i do decide to have sex is there something i can take to prevent from getting pregnant like the next morning?
I heard something called the after pill?? what is this? & if this works, do i need a parent to come with me to buy one?

thanks!


For the *average* woman, the most fertile day is day 14 of her cycle, with the first day of her period counting as day 1. So at the moment, assuming you had a 5 day period, you'd be on day 7 or 8. So you might not be at your most fertile window. BUT - these figures are based on the average woman with a settled, 28 day cycle. You probably aren't that woman, and you could very easily be at your most fertile and you have no way of knowing. It is very, very dangerous to gamble that you aren't fertile based on these figures, given how inaccurate they are, especially given that you are young and I imagine as such somebody for whom pregnancy would be no laughing matter.

Sabine has already given you excellent advice on the morning after pill or 'Plan B'. It's not designed to be used as an ordinary contraceptive. It's a very strong dose of hormones designed for use when your ordinary method of contraception goes wrong. You should never plan to use this method: it is a backup only. I should also point out that it is not particularly reliable - if you get it immediately it is 89& effective, and this decrease with time. This website is quite informative on the subject: http://www.go2planb.com/ForConsumers/Index.aspx

As for the ordinary birth control pill, yes, you are too late for this to be effective. In my country they say you are covered after 2 weeks of taking it, but in the US doctors normally recommend taking it for longer than that to ensure it's reliable, so no, taking 1 pill in the middle of your cycle will not offer protection against pregnancy.

The only responsible solution here is to use condoms, or not have sex at all. You are taking your health into your own hands by doing anything else, and I would urge you to think very carefully about how pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection would effect your life before having sex without a condom.

All the best.

[View this question]


Hiya, I was supposed to come on my period on Monday(24th) and i still havent. I did a pregnancy test and it came out negative. So why havent i come on my period? Im still really worried. I have heard you can be a few days late but can you miss a period comepletely? Any advice would be great.


I know it's nerve-wracking when your period is late, but the best thing to do right now is relax a little. Your period was only due four days ago. That seems like a huge amount of time to you because you've been expecting it and worrying and thinking about it a lot, but in reality four days is really not a lot.

Sometimes periods are late. It can be because of stress, large changes in diet, travelling long distances and upsetting your body clock, or many other factors.

If your cycle has been reliable up until now it's easy to dismiss these potential causes, but they can make a lot of difference. The best thing to do is wait and try not to worry about it, because you can get into a nasty cycle where you are in so much stress because your period is late that your body stops your period coming.

I would advice waiting a week or so and if by then your period still hasn't come, taking another pregnancy test. It's worth saying that a test taken four days after your period was due may not be very reliabe unless the test was specifically designed for early detection - but this by no means suggests that you are pregnant, it just means that you may want to take another test for piece of mind later when any hormones would be easier to detect. If you are in a position where you can visit a doctor, you could also get a pregnancy test done there. Doctors are able to do blood tests which give the most reliable results, so that may be an option for you if you really cannot stop worrying about this.

But first and foremost: try not to worry. Four days late is not a huge cause for concern. You may well just need to wait a few days more and then it will come.

All the best.

[View this question]


i am a 14/f. sry this is so long.
my b/f and i have been going out for almost 4 months. his birthday is next month and we have talked about "experimenting". we want to see what it would be like if he were to stick his penis in my vagina. we wouldn't actually have sex so i would still be a virgin. but i know that guys pre-ejaculate and i was wondering if we should get a condom just incase he does pre-ejaculate. but we don't know 'who' to get it from. we have friends who have condoms but we don't want to ask them for one cuz rumors will spread. and we don't want to go buy a whole box 1.) b/c i'd get caught and in trouble 2.) b/c he would get in trouble. What should i do? should we still experiment if we can't get a condom? please help me.
thx


Putting his penis inside you counts as sexual intercourse, whether he ejaculates or not. Although I personally find "virginity" an artificial concept, you would have had sex and by the standard definition you would not be a virgin any more.

Loosing your virginity is a big step that you should be sure you want to commit to and are prepared to take, both emotionally and physically. That means being sure that you are ready and being prepared with adequate information and protection. I know you don't want to hear this, but at 14 you are unlikely to be truely ready to make the best decesion possible because you are unlikely to truely understand the longterm emotional consequences.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do this because you are 14. I do not intend to patronise you - there is is not age when sex suddenly becomes the right thing. All I'm saying is that you are very young and that you don't seem to understand how big a step this is, as you are denying the fact that it is actually sexual intercourse. You should be thinking extremely carefully about what you really want in the long term. Your fears about rumours and being in trouble indicate that you aren't completely sure that this is the right thing at this stage in your life.

If you do go ahead with this, condoms are a must. You can buy a pack of three which shouldn't be too conspicuous from most pharmacies or general stores. I would not advise buying condoms from friends because you will not know how they have been looked after, which could have reduced their effectiveness. Condoms should not be allowed to get too warm, and keeping them in wallets (which guys often keep in their back pockets, and as such get very hot) or other warm places often leads to them decomposing slightly and being less effective, so it is far better to buy from a reputable place like a pharmacy and read the leaflet about how to look after them and use them for maximum effectiveness.

All the best.

[View this question]


hey guys, after your period, when is the best time to have sex if you WANT to get pregnant?
22/f



If you count the first day of your period as day 1 of your cycle, your most fertile window is usually around day 14 of your cycle. Of course it varies from woman to woman depending on the length of your cycle, but generally the middle of your cycle is your most fertile period. Check out http://www.vaginapagina.com

All the best.

[View this question]


Me and my boyfriend had sex 3 times on monday. The first with a condom, and then the second, he started off without a condom (I dunno if there was any pre-mature ejaculation) but then finished that with one on. Then the last time we did have a condom. And he only pulled out the first time. I just got finished having my period Saturday. So I was wondering is there a possibility that I could possibly get pregnant? And know yall say well get a pregnancy test, but how long should I wait to get one?

So my two questions:
1) Could I possibly be pregnant?
2) When to get a pregnancy test?

THANKS!


There is a possibility, as precum can contain viable sperm before ejaculation, especially if your partner has ejaculated recently when you had sex, which it sounds like he had done. However, given the precautions you have taken, I wouldn't worry unless you miss your period, as there is very little (pregnancy-test wise) that can be done before then anyway.

It wasn't a sensible thing to do and there is a risk, but at the moment I don't think there's reason to worry excessively - just wait until your next period, but learn from this lesson. The stress and worry isn't worth it, even if the risk is relatively low. All the best.

[View this question]


ok here is the deal, i had just got my period for the first time on the last week of october or so i thought. well at the same time i thought i got my period i was masturbating. the thing is, i was bleeding for 2 days and now it has been a month and a week and i still havent had my period again. so what i want to know is did i cut myself and i just bled for 2 days or did have my period and it is just late this month?
thanks


It's unlikely that you cut yourself masturbating unless you were particularly rough or have sharp nails (the vagina is pretty resilient - think of what it goes through in childbirth), and if you had you wouldn't bleed for two days, so it's safe to assume you have indeed started your periods. Congratulations! Now, don't worry about your period being late. Your periods will not immediatley settle into a regular cycle - it takes a while for your hormones to settle down. It can anything up to two years for your cycle to regulate itself fully, so there's absolutely no need to worry that it's been a while since your first period - just give it time and it will come.

[View this question]


if it kind of smells down there is that normal? would shaving help?


Your vagina has a natural scent which you shouldn't be ashamed or embarassed about. If you are washing and changing your underwear daily, it shouldn't be a problem. If you do these and it still has a really strong and unpleasant smell, it may be a sign of infection which you should get checked out by a doctor, but if it's not overpowering then it's just the way your vagina is supposed to be.

You may be tempted to use "feminine wash" products to cleanse the area and get rid of the scent, but this is a bad idea. These products are very chemically and can upset the natural acidic balance of your vagina, leading to infections, irritation, discharge and extra smell as your vagina has to work extra hard to cleanse itself. Similarly, avoid anything scented near your vagina. Use gentle, unscented soap on the area - anything perfumed is bound to irritate.

Some women prefer shaving, and hair does trap scent so yes, removing some or all of the hair may help you feel less self concious about how you smell. But there is absolutely no requirement to shave or remove hair - it really is a matter of personal preference. All the best.

[View this question]


I'm 14/f and I'm a virgin. I have only kissed and had a guy feel up my shirt. Recently I have found little white bumps 'down there' and I don't know what they are. It's starting to worry me. It kind of hurts but not really. I sort of look like a white head. The kind you can't pop. Of course I didnt try popping it. I had one between my thigh and it went away. Now I have 1 around my womb and my vagina part. I don't know what to do :-( ... help plz


I second pinky's advice - you do not have an STD if you haven't had any direct sexual contact. The most likely explanation is that it's an ingrown hair - just a folicle that's got slightly infected. Just keep the area clean and try not to aggravate it. If you are still concerned or it doesn't go away, show a doctor, but really, it doesn't sound like there's any need to worry.

I'd also recommend visiting http://www.livejournal.com/community/vaginapagina - it's an excellent online women's community where you can post this kind of question and get really good advice from other women who've been through similar things, which is really reassuring. All the best, and try not to worry.

[View this question]


what POSITIVE effects come from birthcontrol? i heard it lightens your period and helps you lose weight. can you take it even if your not/dont think you are pregnant?


To repeat what others have said already: you shouldn't take birth control if you think you are pregnant or are pregnant. Birth control pills are taken daily to prevent you ovulating, which means that if you are sexually active, you are (98-99%) protected from becoming pregnant. So if you are sexually active and don't want to become pregnant, it's a good idea to take birth control.

Taking birth control, either by taking the pill (the most common method) or by injection or patch means that you're taking extra hormones which prevent you ovulating. These extra hormones have different effects on different women, and some women find it doesn't agree with them. For others, birth control is a saviour, as it can (and I stress can - it really isn't the case for everyone) eliviate menstrual cramps and PMS, and will almost always make your periods shorter and lighter. If you really suffer during your period, having lighter and shorter periods because of the pill can make you feel a lot better. There are other effects that some people enjoy, including improved skin if you suffer from acne and an increase in breast size.

Remember going on the pill or another method of hormonal birth control is a medical decesion. There are beneficial effects, but you should talk to your doctor about whether it's a good idea for you and your circumstances. All the best.

[View this question]


this is out of curiosity, can you get pregnat from water?

thnx


If you have sex in water, you can get pregnant. The fact that you are in water is no protection against pregnancy if you are having sex.

If you are just in water at the pool or seaside and not engaged in any sexual activity than you aren't going to get pregnant.

[View this question]


If your vagina isn't used to a lot of things wouldn't it be common sense if it got irrated, like from toooooooooo much perfume, soap and things like that?



You vagina has a delicate balance, and yes, too much soap and perfume can easily cause it to become irritated. This might not always lead to a full blown infection, but it certainly won't be comfortable for you. Avoid any scented feminine wipes or similar products and treat the area gently with very mild unperfumed soap and water. If the irritation continues, you may need to go to a doctor, but for now just try relaxing with the cleansing.

[View this question]


Do females find guys with ape like hairy chests sexy?



Well, it's the same as anything to do with attraction - it just depends on the woman in question and what she prefers. I'm personally not a huge fan of masses of body hair, but it suits some guys. Some women prefer guys to be smooth, hairless and groomed, but others prefer the natural look as being more raw and sexy - it really does just depend on the individual.

[View this question]


Two questions about pre-marriagal sex... first one, am I spelling it right? I just like to know how to spell things, sorry to waste your time. Second one, before Advicenators, I was always under the impression that pre-marriagal sex was just for the screwed-in-the-head potheads and the sluts/whores. But now I'm looking at these questions, and seriously folks, it's just insane how many people are saying "I've been with my b/f three months and we had sex last night, is that too little time?" or something like that. Are my thoughts on pre-marriagal sex wrong? Note: Smartasses get 1s and will be reported. Give me real advice.


I've lived my whole life in England, and I have a very different experience to you. Where I live, pre-marital sex is the norm. The only people I knew growing up who believed in saving themselves until marriage were strict Muslims or Hindus (although I must point out that I grew up in an extremely multi-cultural part of London, so my experiences aren't totally typical). Before I got online and visited websites like this one where there is a real diversity of opinion, I thought that the only people who still staunchly practised abstinence before marriage where people who were extremists about their religion (I'm apologise for not thinking of a better word - I don't mean extremists in the negative sense that the word is now associated with, but people for whom religion is a major part of their lives and are very specific about the morality their religion entails - my country is much more secular than yours). It's only through the web that I've realised that abstinence before marriage is common, not just by the kind of people who picket planned parenthood clinics and want gay marriage banned, but by a wider section of society.

I believe in sex before marriage. Human beings are by nature sexual beings with sexual desires, and I believe that it's better that that fact is not denied. It is my belief that in cultures where sex before marriage is strongly opposed, sexual feelings become guilty, and lead to lots of negative emotions. This doesn't always happen, but on mass, if people are generally told that they cannot have sex because sex is sinful, this leads to complicated and often negative feelings about the natural sexual desires that they have.

Basically, it's very difficult to have a culture of denying that sexual impulses exist and are natural (which I feel that a very conservative stance on the subject instills in people, although obviously not everyone agrees with this point), and then to expect, upon marriage, couples to instantly be sexually awakened and fulfilled. I think people often underestimate just how important sex is to long term relationships. A huge amount of marriages get into trouble because people suffer from sexual dysfunction or incompatibility that might be prevented if a couple had less guilt about their sexual behaviour or had experimented together and known of any issues before entering in to marriage. I think given that we are sexual creatures, it is best that we are allowed to grow naturally into our sexualities.

That said, I as much as you do find it sad and concerning when young girls feel pressured into sex and grow up far too quickly. Whilst I do strongly because I believe that sex before marriage isn't necessarily wrong, I don't think that all sex is good. I think it's good to be able to make an informed choice about your sexuality when you are ready. For some, that may be when they are married, but for others, they may need to experiment and grow into their sexual selves before they can be truely happy, and to me, that's not wrong, it's just a result of the way we are biologically.

I hope that I've offered some insight into an alternative view. If you have any questions, feel free to buzz me. All the best.

[View this question]


is it true a girl can only get pregnant one day out of the month?



No.

Fertilisation can only occur when there is a viable egg in the uterus. An egg is released when a woman ovulates, typically around day 14 of her cycle (day 1 being the first day of her period). There is then a "window" of time when the egg is both viable (i.e. possible to fertilize) and in the right place that it could implant in the uterus. This window is usually about 2 to 3 days.

However, a man's sperm can survive in the vagina for a suprisingly long time, which means that fertilisation could occur up to several days after you actually had sex, so that even though you had sex before your fertile "window", you could still become pregnant.

It is important that you take this on board in the right way. It is all too easy to imagine that if there is only a window in any given month when you could get pregnant that it's not that likely that you'd get pregnant from one unprotected incidient, or that if you avoid the middle of your cycle and your "window" then there's no way you could get pregnant. Sadly, this isn't true. The figure of day 14 is an average, and your fertile window may be before or after then: there is no time in your cycle when you can have safe unprotected sex unless you know for certain when you have ovulated (which involves tracking the temperature and mucus levels in your vagina).

To summarise, because I know it's a bit sciency: yes, it is true that there is only a comparitively small section of your cycle in which you can pregnant. It is false however to assume that because of this it's safe to have sex at any point in your cycle. All the best.

[View this question]


I am reguardimg my last queation that nobody answered. It was titled websites?? My question is does anyone know any websites that teens can learn about sex?? I'm 13/f. *danielle leigh



http://www.scartletteen.com is a really good website on sex and your body. I'd highly recommend it.

[View this question]


Okay, I'm on birthcontrol. But, when you're on bc do you have to use a condom? And can he cum inside you and you still be safe? I"LL RATE 5's!!!



If you take your birth control reliably, it should leave you fully protected against pregnancy. There are however obviously other risks associated with sex which the birth control pill does not protect against, including STDs such as clahmydia or HIV. If you aren't 100% sure that your partner has a clean bill of sexual health, it's a good idea to use condoms to protect yourself against potential infections.

It is also a good idea to use both condoms and the pill together for added protection against pregnancy, as around 60% of women miss at least one pill a month, which reduces the effectiveness quite drastically. If you are using a condom too then you've got that additional backup and reassurance that you're covered. That said though, if you just use your birth control pills as your sole contraceptive, there is a 98-99% chance you are protected from pregnancy, so do keep things in focus and don't worry too much - yes, you should be sensible and take all the precautions you reasonably can, but don't obsess about that point one of a percent chance, as yes, the pill is designed to be used as a contraceptive on its own.

To answer your question: yes, the birth control pill is designed to protect you from pregnancy without any other contraceptives, so your boyfriend can come inside you and you'll be protected from pregnancy. For the reasons outlined above though, you might think it's worth using condoms in addition to the pill for extra reassurance. All the best.

[View this question]


NEED HELP AND fast!!!!



how long after having sex should you take the morning after pill? is there anything i can take so i dont get pregnant because i had sex last night and he accidentally "went" in me and the condom broke.. please try and help as soon as possible!



You should take the emergency contraceptive ("morning after") pill as soon as you can after having unprotected sex. It's most effective if you take it within 24 hours, but it can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, it just becomes less effective with time.

[View this question]


There is a long story behind this, but basically I had drunken sex that I didnt want to happen so it could be called rape, but its a whole messy story.

But anyway, onto my question. I was on the last day of my period. My period had stopped earlier on in the day. I don't even know whether the boy wrapped it up or not, and just the THOUGHT of him makes me want to vomit, so I'm not asking him. I wasnt on any birth control because I use the ring - and you take that out for the week you're on your period. I've been vomitting and feeling sick to stomach all the time since then (which was Friday night) and I can't eat. How possible do you guys think it is that I'm pregnant? And should I wait to take a pregnancy test or should I just take one now? 17/F


The ring is a form of birth control. Like the birth control Pill, you have a week break from the hormones, but you are still covered during that period as long as you restart as normal after 7 days. If you were using the ring as prescribed, which it sounds as if you were, then it's unlikely you are pregnant.

However, given your symptoms I would say that it would be good to take a pregnancy test for your own piece of mind in around 2 weeks (before then would be unreliable), although I would stress that pregnancy seems unlikely in your scenario, and that your symptoms could likely be explained by the stress you are under following this extremely unpleasant and stressful experience. You've taken all the right steps with calling your gynaecologist and arranging a sensible appointment time (some STDs have even longer incubation periods - the HIV virus can not show up in tests for up to 8 months), so all you can do now is wait until then. I might also suggest seeking some counselling, as this has obviously been very difficult for you, and it would probably help you to have some additional help in dealing with the after period and waiting for your tests and results. All the best.

ETA - Here's where I got the information on you being protected by the NuvaRing during your off week from - http://www.nuvaring.com/Authfiles/Images/309_76063.pdf

[View this question]





eXTReMe Tracker