I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172818
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ok i always talk about how i want kids right now.. and im 17 female and my bf is going to be 18. he told me at least wait til im 18 so our parents cant tell us anything cause they already tell us stuff and were both still virgins! so they just act stupid! well anyways i have a baby brother that is going to be 4 in december..everytime he is around when my boyfriend is wich is like every single time! my boyfriend gives him like 98% of his time and attention wile i only get like 2%. it super sucks and ive already tried talking to him abotu it. and he says well hes a kid he needs attention too!
well when my baby brother is with me and were by ourselves hes all nice and loving and cute! then once he gets with me and my boyfriend of almost 11 months then hes all mean to me and stays in his arms the entire time! and he bees mean to me so i be mean back then my bf starts telling me crap. well he never fails to mention.. "and u want kids? you cant even handle your own baby brother" and i say well its cause hes my brother! its suposed to be like that. any other kid i can. he doesnt believe me. but when i try to be nice and sweet to my baby brother to show him my baby brother keeps acting up with me. so its super hard. what can i do to prove to him i can handle kids. i want them id be a good mom, and i want to live my life with him and our future kids?! someone please help me. (link)
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I waited until I was 30 to get pregnant, and I've just had twins. I own my own home and car. I've got several degrees and a good career. I was absolutely ready for kids.
And you know what? It's hard. Really hard. Much harder than dealing with a sibling, though I do understand that siblings can annoy us like no other people!! However, you are completely and totally responsible for a baby. It is an incredible stress on a relationship, and the divorce/seperation rate for couples with babies under one is quite high.
If you want to do yourself, your boyfriend, and your future kids a favour - wait. Wait until you are financially and emotionally solvent. I am sure your desire to have kids and create a family means you'll be a good mom, but you'll be an even better mom if you do your best to eliminate any extra worries beforehand.
Once you have a baby, you can never go back to just being your boyfriend and you. There will ALWAYS be a third person there, and unlike with your brother, you can't get rid of him or her. Cherish this time with your boyfriend. You have years and years of time to have kids - why not spend a few years really enjoying each others company, solidifying your relationship, getting an education.
Babies are special, yes. I love mine. But I would not have traded a minute of my 'me' and 'couple' time before I had them. They are perfect for me, right now and right here, and I would not have been ready for them even five years earlier (though I certainly thought I was).
I wish you guys the best.
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16/f
'Symptoms of stress include, feeling anxious, feeling scared, irritable or moody. Stress affects thoughts. Thoughts of low self-esteem, fear of failure, inability to concentrate, worrying about the future, preoccupation with thoughts/tasks and forgetfulness can be present. Stress affects behavior.'
that pretty much describes how i have been feelin lately. im around 6 months pregnant, and i feel like im in a deep depression.
i feel like no one likes me anymore. i feel very socially awkward in situations that id never feel that way in normally. i feel worried about every single thing people might think about me. i feel like im always on the verge of a panic attack (which ive had one and totally scared of it happenin again).
before, this was never me. i was very out goin, easy to get along with, always the one to calm down others, always laughin and havin a good time. now i feel like no matter where i go im out of place. even chillin with my girl-friends who ive been friends with for 4 years now.
especially when i try to talk to guys, its like i forgot how to talk to them ! its so weird, because i can usually flirt and get along great with guys, but now i cant even talk to them because i feel like theres no point :/
someone please give me some tips or ways to cope with this, i feel like im goin crazy. thanks (link)
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That little blurb you've got about stress? All if those things are symptomatic of pregnancy as well.
Your body is going through huge changes, even if your bump isn't that big. Your baby is taking vitamins and nutrients from your system. You are flooded with hormones that can really mess with your emotions.
As far as your friends go, I'm not sure if anyone else is pregnant, but if not - you are going through something they can't understand. This can create a distance between even the best friends - you've got a lot more to worry about than they do. Try talking to them about this. You are in a constant state of flux, and the changes will only continue once the baby is born. Eventually, though, things will settle down and you'll start to feel like yourself again.
As for the boys, you may be feeling a bit weird about being pregnant and flirting. That's normal. And I hate to say it, but that baby is your priority now. Once they arrive, you'll have even less opportunity to date. But trust me- when your baby smiles at you it'll all be worth it.
You're pregnant. You are allowed to be emotional, insecure, worried, distracted. You're supposed to be. But don't let those feelings get in the way of enjoying your baby already - talk to it, sing to it, rub your tummy. There are lots of good things about pregnancy and motherhood, even though there is no denying your life is different forever.
I wish you the best.
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15/f
I am dating this girl Lexi and I really don't want to lose her. I have done some things recently that aren't good choices when I wasn't with her. She knows what I did though. And I think that they scare her a little and she is worried that I would do something like cheat on her or break her heart. And I love her from the bottom of my heart and my whole being. I couldn't stand to lose her. She's already almost left me once because our best friend Tuesday made her believe that I was going to leave her for a guy. I had to convince her other wise, and I was scared the whole time. Do you have any advice on what I should do to help her trust me and help her believe I won't break her heart? (link)
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One of the hardest things in a relationship, once you're past the initial excitement of finding the other person, is figuring out how to build up a solid foundation.
If trust is the issue, there is really only one solution: Don't do anything to break her trust. Trust, true faith in another person, can take a long time to build - even when in a fresh relationship. People have all sorts of reasons to doubt others - past actions of their partner, their own history with people, etc.
Being open and honest goes a long way towards proving your commitment, as do your actions.
I wish you both the best!
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so obviously, me and my boyfriend had sex. my period isn't very regular, especially now.. because two months ago, i took plan b and it said it was make my period irregular. usually, i would've gotten my period around the last week of the month. and ever since i took plan b, i started my period on the 23rd of september. it's almost been a month now since i ended my period.
yes, me and my boyfriend used a condom.. and whenever we think something might go wrong, we changed it. we checked it in between sex and after sex. and nothing happened, is it maybe because i'm stressed about school or worried about being pregnant? or maybe the plan b?
my boyfriend told me a thousand times is that he is absolutely positive that nothing happened and that i am not pregnant, and if something did happen, he would've told me. but nothing happened.
but i'm still worried because it's the end of october.... any advice? (link)
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Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to effect whether or not you are pregnant now.
It sounds like you are playing it very safe and trying to use condoms the correct way (yay!). Now it's a waiting game.
I hear that your cycle has been messed up, but how many days does it usually last? It's been quite a long cycle this time, and you may want to consider taking a pregnancy test. If it is negative and your period doesn't come in a week, test again. If it is positive, then you need to see a medical professional who can walk you through your options.
Lots of things can wreak havoc on periods - stress, long distance travel, too much exercise. All of this worry about pregnancy probably isn't helping! Try to take a few deep breaths.
I wish you the best.
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I Think I am getting my First period, and was wanting to know if brown discharge is normal? (link)
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That brown 'discharge' is actually blood. Blood turns brown pretty quickly after hitting the air, so don't expect your period to always be bright red!
Periods can start and finish with spotting, with the heavier bleeding in the middle. Or they can start heavy and end light. Every girl's body is different.
It'll take yours a few months to establish a more regular pattern. In the meantimes, congrats.
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I have another question for you.
Today when I went to the bathroom I spotted blood with the discharge. Could it be that my hymen has been broken when my bf fingered me?? He fingered me last tuesday and today is thursday, could it be that or could I be pregnant?? :S
My period came on the 15th october. (link)
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The blood is really probably a separate issue from the discharge. I stand by my advice that you need to get checked out for the discharge!
In relation to the blood, it COULD be from being fingered. Most bleeding from fingering, though, would be really light and happen during or immediately after the event. That's not to say it couldn't be related - I really need more info. Has he fingered you before? Have you ever had spotting between periods before?
If your boyfriend fingered you without touching himself, then there was no semen on his fingers when he went inside you. This would mean you cannot be pregnant...unless you have done more than this one act this one time! For example, if he HAS touched himself earlier this month and then touched you.
Please feel free to write follow up questions if you need more info!! And the more detailed you are about things, the better I can answer your questions.
I wish you the best.
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17/F
I have had my period for 2 years and it finally started to become regular for the most part. the only problem is i have so much discharge in between periods that i have to wear a full on pad and by the end of the day that is full. i know its bad, but anymore i just put in a tampon and go because then i dont have to sit in it. i put in a regular when i wake up and by the end of the day its full and leaking with discharge. should i go to the gynocologist? help! (link)
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Yes, you should.
Every female has discharge. Most get by with a few marks in their underwear, or possibly wear a pantyliner if it is particularly heavy.
It is not a good idea to wear tampons if you aren't bleeding. It's not healthy to leave a tampon in for long periods of time. It could irritate your skin or cause an infection - which is, incidentally, one cause of a lot of discharge.
If you are genuinely having this much leakage, it is best to see a doctor. While it may be nothing (and therefore your mind gets some reassurance!), it may be an infection which is very treatable.
I wish you the best.
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hey! im 16/f.
my boyfriend and i had rough unprotected sex (dont worry i'm on the birth control pill) ... he lasted much longer then he usually does, we used some KY jelly and it was like warming ahha. idkkkk. like ive never had such rough sex in my life ahah, and no it wasnt my first time i lost my virginity a year ago.
well. the day after.. i have a slight pain in my vagina, and a light bleeding. its not like redredred. its like a pinkish red. i just ended my period the morning before but it was completely over by the time we had intercourse.
is everything okay with me? i know for a fact im not pregnant he didnt "let out" inside of me. i know that doesnt mean im preg. but im on birth control so im okayyy i rarely use condoms with him.
but is this normal? did he tear something? idkk whats going on im a little bit worried.
thanks in advance=] (link)
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If you repeatedly and roughly rubbed your arm for a longish period of time, it would become red and uncomfortable. The same thing applies to your vagina!
You had sex for longer than usual, it was rougher than usual. Your skin inside your vagina is sensitive, and this is probably quite a normal reaction to the sort of sex you had. It was a good thing you used lube, or you might have been even more uncomfortable.
As for the bleeding, I'd keep an eye on it. It COULD be the very end of your period - I know you said you were done, but there might have been some blood hanging out near the top of your vagina. It could also be that your skin was irritated enough that the skin broke. If the bleeding gets heavier or doesn't stop, you'll want to see a medical professional.
While your body is healing, make sure any sex you have is a good deal more gentle! Wait until you feel things are back to normal before you resume anything rougher, otherwise you run the risk of further irritating the area.
I wish you the best.
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Hi. 17/f.
I never had sex with my boyfriend by hee might have touched his agaisnt mineee but he never camee.
its been 32 days and i stil haven't gotten my period.
and my stomach is feeling weird..and i feel nauseous.
what could this mean? am i getting it mixed up with period symptoms??
please help me, i'm kind of freaking out. (link)
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I totally get why you're freaking out, and also that this is causing you some stress. Did you know that stress can affect your period - sometimes causing it to be late?
Nerves can also cause nausea.
Chances are you have nothing to worry about. I won't tell you to relax, because that will probably be quite hard to do until you get your period! When your period comes, heave that sigh of relief....and then take some time to figure out how you can avoid this situation in the future.
Even without sex, it's wise to use a condom if you and your boyfriend will be bumping up against each other. There are STDs that are transferred from skin-to-skin contact, after all. And this way you can save yourself all this worry the next time you are in a similar situation!
I wish you the best.
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Hi Alison,
Since your advice was the most gentle and...well "forgiving", so to speak, I want to go a tad further and ask you some specifics.Not being eager to air my linen in the most public of forums I chose to contact the person that I considered to give the best advise and then ask on a more personal level. To be honest my queston goes a little beyond the "MIld" public forum version. My ex-wife was bi-sexual and we enjoyed many MMF sessions, which we both enjoyed, Her probably more so than me whereas she eventually left me and moved to Cali with one of her female lovers....OOPS! Anyway, when she employed toys and prothetics to engage in butt play with me, I'm ashamned to sy it was incredible!!! She insisted this made me Bi as well and for the sake of fairness, I consented to a MMF. The sex was o.k. but not nearly as arousing as it was with the toys and strap-ons. I suppose it was guilt or hangups on my part, so she said, but I just wasn't as into it with another guy. Am I bi? or uptight? or just a regular guy that lies an occasional butt drubbing? Is this common? (link)
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First things first: I don't think you should be 'ashamed' you like what you like. Especially as what you like doesn't hurt you or anyone else.
Now that we've got that out of the way, none of this makes you bisexual. I'm not saying you AREN'T bisexual, because only you know that - but there is nothing odd about a straight guy liking to play with sex toys. The prostrate gland is reached by a finger (or toy!) up your bum, and this is provides a physiological reaction that feels pleasureable. It's normal and natural.
If you aren't that into sex with other guys, don't have sex with other guys. If you change your mind about this at some point, then that's okay too.
Many, many straight guys like sex with toys, anal play, etc. It's common. I often think that people think they are weird simply because they don't realise other people have the same thoughts, feelings, or fantasies.
Your ex certainly seemed in a hurry to label you as things: bi, guilty, hung up. And it seems to me she did this in order to serve her own desires. She's out of the picture now, so it's a great opportunity for you to rediscover yourself and understand that the only person who really knows you is you.
I wish you the best.
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I recently discovered, at the doctors office oddly enough, that a finger in the butt excites me. A lot. Does this mean I have repressed homosexual feelings or does it just mean I like wierd stuff? (link)
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On the scale of sexual weirdness, a finger in the butt doesn't score that high. Many, many guys enjoy the feeling of things in their butt: you are not alone.
Congrats on finding something else that rocks your boat. As to your sexuality, enjoying the sensation of things in your butt doesn't make you gay - some gay guys don't even enjoy this! Your sexuality is part of who you are, and if you are questioning, it's a healthy thing.
I wish you the best.
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I have 2 questions to ask you.
1.) I have 2 ulcers on the inside of my upper lip. My bf told me that they came out because of kissing, is it true that if you frenchkiss you can have ulcers? (he doesn't have ulcers in his mouth, so they couldn't be spread from his mouth).
2.) Yesterday my bf fingered me for the first time. He was with the clothes on and he didn't touch his penis, so he couldn't have sperm on his fingers right? His nails were a bit long and he hurt me and also he didn't wash his hands before!!
Next time i'll tell him to cut his nails and wash his hands. What do you think? He only did it once! (link)
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Ulcers can happen for a lot of reasons, some of which are: stress, biting your cheeks/lips, lacking certain vitamins, certain medications, etc. They are very common, particularly in children and young people.
Chances are it had nothing to do with the kissing. However, be aware that ulcers are open sores, so if your boyfriend has any nasty bugs floating around in his system you are at increased risk if you kiss him while you've still got them.
Good idea with the short nails and clean hands!! If he didn't touch his penis, and he didn't ejaculate through his pants and then touch them, there was so sperm on his hands. It's a good thing you are thinking about this - and it's always best to try to think things through before you actually get ito the heat of the moment!
It's worth considering why he hurt you - was it just the long nails, or something else? It's common for fingering to be quite sore the first few times, but there are things that can be done to minimize any discomfort. After all, these things are supposed to feel good! Examples are making sure you are really ready (physically and emotionally), using lube, etc.
I wish you the best.
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i am 19, from texas. i was just wondering if it is normal to havethe urge to poop on my partner during intercourse? i know its very strange but the idea turns me on so much! i really want to sometime, then i would just die if he touched it and rubbed it all over himself.... am i weird? are there people out there like me???? HAVE YOU EVER SHIT ON YOUR PARTNERRRR????? (link)
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Everybody likes different things, and you certainly aren't the only person in the world who is into this. The question is, is your partner?
If it's something you want to pursue, you'll need to talk to him. Otherwise, save it for your fantasies.
When the time comes that you do act on this, keep a few things in mind. Namely that poop isn't the cleanest substance on earth. You will need to make sure you both thoroughly wash any part of your bodies that have touched the poop when the sex is done. You may consider using latex barriers between skin and poop.
Make sure poop does not enter the equation when either of you has broken skin (cuts, scrapes, etc) as this can provide a way for germs to enter your body.
There are probably many more things I could say, but all point to safety. There is the physical side of it - making sure that you are keeping things clean and sanitary as much as possible. Safety, though, also means emotionally. Don't force your partner to do anything he feels uncomfortable with.
I wish you the best.
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so about a month ago, my dad called the police and had them go to my ex's house and tell him he could not contact me in any way possible or he would be arrested. we're both 16, by the way.
so as my dad was telling me this, he told me i cant contact him either. so i was like okay
so about 2 days later, he IMs me. and for a while he started to talk to me. i talked to him too but that was only me saying that he shouldnt be talking.
so whenever he does talk to me, hes always like leave me alone and blah blah blah. so he has a few things of mine that ive been asking my friend to get back from him (since they're good friends)
so he has a gf now and just yesterday he IMs me and starts like yelling at me saying im bugging his gf when im not doing anything. i ask for my stuff back and he says "my mom will give it to you" i said why not so and so and hes like because. and he wouldnt tell me why.
I feel like i should tell my dad whats been going on but im scared of what the outcome will be. like if i will get in trouble also
wat would you do? (link)
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I'm not sure what I would do. It's very easy to give advice, and more difficult to take it.
Either way, is there a good reason that your dad has asked him to stop contacting you? If this guy has threatened or harassed you - verbally, physically, sexually, emotionally - he's bad news. Replying to his IMs is like saying, 'Yeah, I know I said I wasn't going to talk to you, but I was full of crap.'
What stuff of yours does he have? Is it really that important?
If not, I would say cut your losses. Forget about getting your stuff back and move on. I wonder if you really DO want to stop talking to him, because needing your stuff is a convenient way to keep the communication lines open. Just a thought.
Either way, you need to look at the big picture and decide what is best for you. To talk to this guy or not to talk? To wonder about what happened to his friendship with your mutual friend or not? Is the stuff you want back worth more than not talking to him? These are questions only you can answer.
If you feel uncomfortable enough about it that you are thinking of talking to your dad, I think you SHOULD talk to your dad. Obviously things are making you feel weird, and part of your dad's job is protect you. You may get in a bit of trouble for talking to this guy, but ultimately your dad would probably rather know. Especially now that your ex is contacting you and yelling at you.
You are the only one who can stand up for you, and part of that is getting the support of people who love you. Tell your dad.
I hope it all works out for you.
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When performing foreplay with the clothes on, can you get pregnant?? (link)
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This depends on what you mean by foreplay.
Pregnancy happens when semen comes into contact with the vagina. It is highly unlikely for it to happen when there are clothes in between, but it is better to be safe than sorry (plus, things can get messy!).
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So, my bf and I were lying on the bed side by side facing each other and we were hugging etc. with our clothes on and he had an orgasm and I don't know if he had ejaculated. If he had so, could sperm go through clothes? He had boxers and a pair of jeans and I had underwear and shorts.
Then I went to the bathroom and I found that my underwear was wet with discharge. Could it be sperm or just discharge as I was sexually aroused? (link)
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Most males ejaculate at the exact time they have an orgasm. So chances are your boyfriend did ejaculate.
It is highly unlikey that any sperm would make it through that many layers, so you're safe! Keep in mind if he touched his semen then touched you without washing his hands, you're not so safe.
Your panties could simply have been the wetness of being sexually aroused; this is completely normal.
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do you have to take a tampon out every time you pee? and doesn't it hurt if you take it out too early when its not fully absorbedyet? jw causei want to use tampons but i pee alot. (link)
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Pee comes out of a different hole than blood does. Not only do you not have to take the tampon out every time you pee, but you really shouldn't.
The little sheet of folded up info that comes in the tampon box will tell you how often it recommends you change them. Just like you shouldn't leave them in for days, you shouldn't change them every couple of hours, either (unless your flow is super heavy!).
When a tampon is dryish, it can feel uncomfortable coming out. When it has more blood in it, it slides out quite easily.
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im 18 and have been 'doing it' with my boyfriend for a year. i'm not gonna chance it, but i was wondering if a woman can get pregnant during her menstural cycle? (link)
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Every woman has a slightly different cycle (and by 'cycle,' I mean the ENTIRE month - not just your period).
It is possible to get pregnant from unprotected sex while you are still bleeding. Sperm can live in the human body for up to seven days. So if you have sex while on your period, the sperm could still be hanging around when your body releases an egg.
Always best to keep it safe!
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I just heard this from a friend of mine and she is having problems with her boyfriend While she was on a cycle, her boyfriend told her that he could have sex with her unprotected during that time, because she is basically letting the ''baby'' flow out of her and she can't really get pregnant. She asked me and I decided to ask you? Is that true? She told him no that 1. She didn't know if that was really true and 2. She told me that when she met this guy, they both lost their virginity to each other, but she told him she still didn't know if that still meant that she and him could possibly get a STD. She has been dating this guy since she was 12 and they have been dating for six years. She lost her virginity to him five years later. So she asked me these two questions. Can she get an STD even with them both being virgins at the same time they lost it and is it true that she could not get pregnant if he had sex with her unprotected? Please let me know. Thank You! (link)
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STDs enter your body when you have contact with another person who is infected. This can be unprotected sex - including anal or oral sex. Infections can also be passed on through contact with blood.
If your friend is 100% sure her boyfriend has never cheated or had sexual contact with anyone else, chances are he does not have an STD. However, some things can also be passed on by merely kissing (kissing someone with an open blister on their lips can transfer the herpes virus, for example). If she's in doubt, they can always have a full screening for STDs to put her mind at ease.
Next, pregnancy.
I COULD give you a giant lesson in what is going on in the female body at different points of the month, but I'm not sure you're interested in that! However, I will say that sperm can live in the female body for up to seven days. Having unprotected sex during your period means that sperm can still be hanging around when you ovulate (release an egg).
Every woman's cycle is unique and different - everyone can ovulate at different times, have different length periods, etc. You can in theory get pregnant from unprotected sex at ANY time in the month, particularly if you don't know a lot about your own particular cycle.
When in doubt, use protection. Better safe than sorry - and better to put up with a slightly grouchy bf who doesn't want to use condoms than putting up with a cranky baby 24/7!
I wish you and your friend the best.
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so i'm supposed to get my period next week, and i havent had any pms symptoms, but my breasts are sore and i've had nausea. I'm thinking I might be pregnant, but I'm on the birth control pill, and I haven't missed any. Is it even a possibility that I'm pregnant? (link)
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Sore breasts are a PMS symptom (as well as a symptom of pregnany. Most early pregnancy symtpoms, including cramps, are the same as PMS!). Not everyone has every single PMS symptom every month, or as you age you may find different ones affect you.
It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, but if you are using them correctly, it is a very low chance.
With regard to your nausea, you would probably not be experiencing this as a pregnancy symptom a week before your period is due. I'm pregnant with twins and was horrifically sick, and that didn't even start until a bit later. The pregnancy hormones simply wouldn't have built up enough in your blood to be producing nausea as a symptom.
Many people can worry themselves into being sick, or suddenly attribute any symptoms they have to being pregnant. I'd like to congratulate you on being responsible enough to use the birth control pill - well done. If you are unsure if you are using it correctly, the little folded paper bit that comes with it is a wealth of information!
Best of luck.
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