Ask hailebop!

Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?

I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.

I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.

I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.

Frequently Asked Questions

Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).

Getting back together with an ex

Difficulty preparing for exams

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Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 39663

Ok when I drink sometimes I can drink a lot and be normal but other times I can drink very little and get wasted. Why does this happen?

How quickly you feel the effects of alcohol depends on a number of things, so it's not suprising that you sometimes feel drunk more or less quickly than you expect. Most people know that how much you've eaten and how recently effects how quickly you feel the effects of drink (if there isn't anything in your stomach the alcohol goes straight through your system with nothing to slow it down), but the types of food you've eaten also have effect, so if you've had a protein and carbohydrate rich meal, you'll get drunk slower than you otherwise might.

What you are drinking also has effect. Wine, for example, always goes straight to my head, as I think it does for most people. If you are drinking spirits with mixers (code, lemonade, etc.) then it's also difficult to judge how much alcohol you are getting. If you are buying from a bar, it should be in standardised units so you know how much you're getting, but at parties it tends to be people just sloshing an amount in, and drinks can be much stronger than you are used to without you really tasting the difference.

Taking medication will also effect your alcohol tolerance, sometimes quite drastically. If you are on any prescription medicine, you should check the directions inside the packet for whether it is safe to drink whilst taking them. Some drugs, such as sleeping pills will seriously effect your ability to deal with alcohol and you'll find yourself feeling absolutely wrecked (not in a good way) on very little. If you are taking anything (or have just finished an antibiotics course) check.

All the best.

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what POSITIVE effects come from birthcontrol? i heard it lightens your period and helps you lose weight. can you take it even if your not/dont think you are pregnant?

To repeat what others have said already: you shouldn't take birth control if you think you are pregnant or are pregnant. Birth control pills are taken daily to prevent you ovulating, which means that if you are sexually active, you are (98-99%) protected from becoming pregnant. So if you are sexually active and don't want to become pregnant, it's a good idea to take birth control.

Taking birth control, either by taking the pill (the most common method) or by injection or patch means that you're taking extra hormones which prevent you ovulating. These extra hormones have different effects on different women, and some women find it doesn't agree with them. For others, birth control is a saviour, as it can (and I stress can - it really isn't the case for everyone) eliviate menstrual cramps and PMS, and will almost always make your periods shorter and lighter. If you really suffer during your period, having lighter and shorter periods because of the pill can make you feel a lot better. There are other effects that some people enjoy, including improved skin if you suffer from acne and an increase in breast size.

Remember going on the pill or another method of hormonal birth control is a medical decesion. There are beneficial effects, but you should talk to your doctor about whether it's a good idea for you and your circumstances. All the best.

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this is out of curiosity, can you get pregnat from water?


If you have sex in water, you can get pregnant. The fact that you are in water is no protection against pregnancy if you are having sex.

If you are just in water at the pool or seaside and not engaged in any sexual activity than you aren't going to get pregnant.

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Well i have this friend lets call him albert.. well okay (SORRY IF THIS IS LONG ILL RATE 5s FOR SERIOUS ANSWERS) so i have known albert since 2nd grade.. and well i need opinions on this.. okay so

1.) Albert is always flirty, touchy, smiley, etc. around me

2.) I asked his friend how he was around people he liked and he said that list above (but thats how he always is around me so im not sure)

3.) Me albert and melinda (other friend not really important) were playing in the snow.. and he always kept tackling me and throwing me in the snow and jumping one me and not letting me get up.

4.) Once i was saying about how no one liked me and stuff and he said thaat i was wrong and i told him he couldnt argue and he said he could etc.

5.) One day albert was preforming in some kind of club and he came over and was talking to me for most of the time and poking me etc. and then hugged me later on.

6.) One morning before school he came up to me and he put his arm around me (lower back not shoulder) and just stood there.

7.) Once when i was mad at him he asked all of my friends why and my one friend told me that he "flipped" out and was asking why he was mad and stuff like that

8.) He complimented me on my earings at my friends party

9.) He kind of kept moving towards me at my friends party and kept poking me and when he was sitting down he kept telling me to sit next to him.

10.) He told me that i should go to my friends party (more than once)

11.) I told him that some kid said to me i hate you you suck and he was like his life and face suck and that he hated him..

12.) He once told me if anything was seriously wrong i would be one of the first to know

13.) Once i asked him who he liked and he told me he couldnt tell me and he said his friend would tell me the next morning and his friend was like can i tell her can i tell her and he was like no.. and then he said something to him and he was like okay.. and he said some girl and then i found out he liked someone else too.. but he wouldnt tell me who that was.


thnx 4 your help

It certainly sounds like he likes you, as he's being touchy-feely with you and trying to spend more time with you. Unless he behaves like this with a lot of people (and there are guys who flirt with all women, seemingly without even realising) then I think it is safe to assume he's interested in more than friendship. It's sometimes easy to get stuck in the flirting stage because it's enjoyable without the threat of rejection that asking out and dating entail, so you may need to make a move or show him that you like him too before your relationship will move forward. All the best.

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Hey guys! I'm writing an essay for english on the theme of loneliness in "Of Mice and Men". I'm trying to come up with a transition between 2 of my paragraphs, but I can't think of a good one. The last sentence in the 1st paragraph is 'He was isolated from everyone else, just by being the oldest person on the ranch' (talking about Candy) -this is where I need the transition- I need the new paragraph to start talking about Curley's wife and the ways that she was lonely. Can anyone help me come up with a good transition between those two things? I suck at english, and I really need help. Thanks!

The idea is for one paragraph to flow sensibly into the next one. It's easy to just stick in "another character who is lonely is...", but ideally you should look a little deeper, as all of the characters in the book are lonely to some extent, and loneliness is the main theme of the essay. You've pointed out yourself that Candy is isolated by his age. Isn't Curley's wife similarly isolated by the fact that she is the only woman on the ranch? I'd connect the paragraphs by pointing out how being isolated is also a factor that drives Curley's wife. You could also tie in your own point that Curley's wife is perhaps the most lonely of all the characters, because she is the most obviously isolated and different as the only woman and the only one who doesn't work, and use this as a springboard to compare her to other characters and their situations on the ranch.

Good luck with your essay.

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I feel so weird asking this but i have no idea how to make out like does it come naturally or how?

I know "it comes naturally" is a frustrating answer to be given, but it really is the truth. In any case, the absolute worst thing you can do is going in thinking 'this is what I have to do' with a mental to-do list, for the simple reason that if you go in with this attitude, you won't enjoy it because you'll be tense and stressed. Part of what makes your first experience so special is that it's about exploring and finding out what feels good for you. Just be relaxed and try to enjoy it, and if you are nervous let your partner take the lead. You'll very soon discover together what you like and want to do more of. All the best.

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is it ok if your boyfriend looks at porn? i thought it was, like i had nothing wrong with it. but today i found out that he sent a message to some girl on myspace asking for pictures of her "down below" is this ok? should i say something to him about it? what should i do? it was some girl that was not from around here.. and you know how like there's a lot of girls on myspace that only have like naughty pictures on there? it was one of those girls. i don't know what to think :-/

People have different attitudes to porn and it's place within relationships, so I think it's something you have to agree between you and your partner. The bottom line is, if it's making you uncomfortable, it's healthy to talk about it with your boyfriend and set up some guidelines that work for you both, such as saying that you don't mind him looking at some images, but you do mind him seeking out things from a particular girl who he's also conversing with. Decide what you want to say and where you want to the lines to be drawn before you talk to him about it: it may well be a touchy subject for him and you want to have a sensible discussion about what is acceptable and what isn't rather than a row where accusations are thrown about, so try to stay calm and stick to your point. Good luck.

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i feel like a HORIBLE friend! One of my best friends...someone who i can tell evrything to even though we hang out with different crowds... told me he was gonna take half a pill of ecstacy... and well i talked to him about and i told him how i felt and he said he would consider it well i found out right now that he did take it since a message on a myspace syas he was doing it right then... and i feel like the worst friend... i dont know what to do.. I mean did i do everything i could. Its like ugh why would u do something so stupid!! I hate my self right now i keep asking myself if I still respect him and i dont know... i need advice cause i feel like the worst friend in the whole entire world since i didnt do a good enough job talking him out of it.

As you said yourself, you did everything you could. That's all you can do. Your friend is morally responsible for himself, and whilst it shows you are a good friend that you worry about him and want him to look after himself, when it comes down to it only he can make decesions about he behaves. If he chooses to take drugs, that's ultimately his decesion and though you can try as you did to reason with him, you can't actually forcibly prevent him from doing so. You shouldn't feel bad, you did all you could to try to help him. All you can do know is to reassure him that whilst you don't condone what he did, you are still his friend and there for him if he needs you.

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ok so theres this guy. lets say his name is Ryan. Well i met Ryan about 5 months ago, at the mall. you know how it is; you see a hott guy at the mall, and you just wanna stalk him. So i decided to make an effort to go and talk to him, and i did. i ended up getting his sn and phonenumber. he told me thing. SWEET things. i really liked it. i like the way he made me feel. and i like HIM a lot too. i really wanted to be with him. he gave me hints that he really wanted to be with me. but he never asked me out. and i remember that one day in specific, he told me he wanted to be with me. 2 days later, he asked out one of my best friends; lets call her Tori. Me and tori lost touch after that. we always had this weird vibe everytime we looked at eachother. i wasnt mad. but i was dissapointed in myself for beliving him. they eventually broke up, but it seemed like they were going out forever. they went out for 5 months in specific. They still remained friends, and flirted with eachother now and then. well anyways, this previous summer, Tori called me one day because she was bored. and we ended up going to the mall. after that day, we hung out everyday for the rest of the summer. and we're best friends again. Ryan claimed that he still like Tori sometimes. but 2 weeks ago, i was at a football game with my Tori and my other friend ashley. and Ryan was there. so we introduced ashley to ryan, and she started liking him, and he starting liking her too. and today, i was on the phone with ashley, but i put her on hold for a sec and i totally forgot about her. so when i got back on, ashley didnt answer, but ray did and he told me that ashley got bored so she called him. me and ray ended up talking for a longggg time about stuff, and ray kept asking me if i liked him as more than a friend. and he told me that he liked me, and that i was way prettier than ashley. and ashley got mad. so about an hour later, ashley called ray again, and asked him if he liked me. turns out that his exact words were "idk, i mean shes cool and everything but i dont know yet." and he told her that he liked her. i hate it. but im falling for him again. i just LOVE the way he makes me feel. and i wanna be with him. but i cant help myself. im trying to build a brick around my heart, but im too easy. PLEASE HELP??

It's very difficult when you can't help but be attracted to somebody who is messing you about, because even though you can rationalise and list the reasons he'd be bad for you, you still feel the pull of attraction.

It's unclear exactly how much this guy does feel for you, but what is clear is that however he feels, he's messing you and your friends about. The best thing for you would probably be to get some physical distance from him - avoid seeing him, and try not to talk about him excessively with your friends even if he is on your mind. If he has real and meaningful feelings for you then you distancing yourself won't drive him away, it will just make him realise that you won't take any rubbish from him. If on the other hand he is just playing with the group of you or only has lukewarm feelings then distancing yourself will at least lessen the temptation and prevent you getting further drawn into his games and getting even more hurt.

All the best.

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If your vagina isn't used to a lot of things wouldn't it be common sense if it got irrated, like from toooooooooo much perfume, soap and things like that?

You vagina has a delicate balance, and yes, too much soap and perfume can easily cause it to become irritated. This might not always lead to a full blown infection, but it certainly won't be comfortable for you. Avoid any scented feminine wipes or similar products and treat the area gently with very mild unperfumed soap and water. If the irritation continues, you may need to go to a doctor, but for now just try relaxing with the cleansing.

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Do females find guys with ape like hairy chests sexy?

Well, it's the same as anything to do with attraction - it just depends on the woman in question and what she prefers. I'm personally not a huge fan of masses of body hair, but it suits some guys. Some women prefer guys to be smooth, hairless and groomed, but others prefer the natural look as being more raw and sexy - it really does just depend on the individual.

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What could be causing blood while urination and pain?

A UTI which has spread to your kidneys would cause you pain whilst urinating and some blood in your urine. Kidney stones are also a possible cause.

The problem is nobody can make a medical diagnosis over the internet. If there is blood in your urine then you must see a doctor, as it's typically a sign of some sort of kidney trouble, which can be very serious and will not benefit from being left untreated. I know it's embarassing to go to the doctors, but it really is for your own good.

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I just moved into Halls a few days ago and whilst the people in my building are very nice, they're all older than me. So far (there are a few more people to come but none of them are freshers) everyone is either a 2nd or 3rd year and most of them will only be here for 1 semester. None of them are doing my course either.

I'm only just 18 (birthday in July) and they're all at least 20. I know I'll meet the other 1st years on my course but a little diversity would be nice. And I don't fancy living in a deserted building for half the year.

Is this normal? I thought it was almost only Fresher's who got places in halls. What do you suggest I do?

I think you have two options here - either make the decesion to stick it out and forge friendships with the people that are around you, or investigate the possibility of moving.

Age is less of an issue at university than it will have been at your school, so don't dismiss everyone you're living with off hand. That said though, I do think it's important for you to find people who can share in your experience of being a fresher, because it is a big thing and it is nice to have a group of people around you who can sympathise and help you through things. You may however find that there are more freshers who are near you but not in your particular building. I don't know how your halls are setup, but if there's another hall very close or you share a JCR, bar or dining room with another hall then it's worth investigating the people there. There must be lots of freshers about, you've just been randomly unlucky in where they've put you. If you can find some people you are happy being friends with near you then I wouldn't advise moving, as it is a big hassle, but if you are going to be very isolated from all other freshers (which I think would be more of an issue when these 2nd and 3rd years you've talked about have moved out) then it's worth investigating if it's possible to move to somewhere else.

Make some enquiries. It's best to start sooner rather than later, even if you aren't 100% sure, because it's all too easy for apathy to set in and then you find yourself regretting not having moved to somewhere else when your building is deserted come January.

Don't worry too much though, it is impossible to go through university without meeting people you get on with!

Good luck.

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I get sharp Pains after I'm done peeing, and blood is coming out, only a little, but still bleeding... And I'm always peeing at least every hours. My period Ended on Thursday and I've been getting the pains since two nights ago.... The pains started getting duller yesterday, but they're back to very painful, sharp pains....

Can anyone tell me what this is and how to treat it? Even better how to treat it without my parents finding out?

That sounds like a UTI (urinary tract infection) that has or is beginning to spread to your kidneys. UTI's are easy to treat with antibiotics, but you do need to see a doctor as soon as possible because if left untreated they turn into full blown kidney infections and make you quite seriously unwell. I know it's embarassing admitting that you have a problem like this, but it's honestly better if you just go to the doctors. They'll probably do a dipstick test on a urine sample, but that's it, so it shouldn't be too embarassing for you.

In the meantime, drink lots of water. This might sound like the last thing you want to do as it will make you go to the toilet even more, but it will help the infection pass. Cranberry juice is also a traditional remedy, but make sure you get the plain variety and not sweetened stuff. All the best.

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I have to get a root canal :-(. I am really scared and i was just wondering if anyone knows what it feels like? Can someone please help! is a good website which explains things for you.

Before I had my root canal treatment I was in a huge amount of pain. The actual procedure however was absolutely fine and no more painful than an ordinary filling.

You are probably having a root canal because the pulp tissue inside the tooth is dying or dead. The good thing for you is that dead nerves cannot transmit pain. With my root canal, because the tooth had totally died, I had no pain relief at all: my dentist was able to drill out the entire inside of my tooth without my needing any injections at all.

Dental work is never pleasant, but I wouldn't worry any more than normal about this particular type of treatment, as it may well be no worse than a normal filling. Talk to your dentist beforehand about what is going to happen (mine took several visit to finalise) and what pain relief is going to be around. If you are extremely anxious you can also talk to him / her about the possibility of sedation. If you talk beforehand and know what's going to happen, you should hopefully go in feeling calm and prepared. I know this is hard, but if you are nervous and tense it will just feel like it's dragging out.

All the best - I hope it's not too bad.

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Two questions about pre-marriagal sex... first one, am I spelling it right? I just like to know how to spell things, sorry to waste your time. Second one, before Advicenators, I was always under the impression that pre-marriagal sex was just for the screwed-in-the-head potheads and the sluts/whores. But now I'm looking at these questions, and seriously folks, it's just insane how many people are saying "I've been with my b/f three months and we had sex last night, is that too little time?" or something like that. Are my thoughts on pre-marriagal sex wrong? Note: Smartasses get 1s and will be reported. Give me real advice.

I've lived my whole life in England, and I have a very different experience to you. Where I live, pre-marital sex is the norm. The only people I knew growing up who believed in saving themselves until marriage were strict Muslims or Hindus (although I must point out that I grew up in an extremely multi-cultural part of London, so my experiences aren't totally typical). Before I got online and visited websites like this one where there is a real diversity of opinion, I thought that the only people who still staunchly practised abstinence before marriage where people who were extremists about their religion (I'm apologise for not thinking of a better word - I don't mean extremists in the negative sense that the word is now associated with, but people for whom religion is a major part of their lives and are very specific about the morality their religion entails - my country is much more secular than yours). It's only through the web that I've realised that abstinence before marriage is common, not just by the kind of people who picket planned parenthood clinics and want gay marriage banned, but by a wider section of society.

I believe in sex before marriage. Human beings are by nature sexual beings with sexual desires, and I believe that it's better that that fact is not denied. It is my belief that in cultures where sex before marriage is strongly opposed, sexual feelings become guilty, and lead to lots of negative emotions. This doesn't always happen, but on mass, if people are generally told that they cannot have sex because sex is sinful, this leads to complicated and often negative feelings about the natural sexual desires that they have.

Basically, it's very difficult to have a culture of denying that sexual impulses exist and are natural (which I feel that a very conservative stance on the subject instills in people, although obviously not everyone agrees with this point), and then to expect, upon marriage, couples to instantly be sexually awakened and fulfilled. I think people often underestimate just how important sex is to long term relationships. A huge amount of marriages get into trouble because people suffer from sexual dysfunction or incompatibility that might be prevented if a couple had less guilt about their sexual behaviour or had experimented together and known of any issues before entering in to marriage. I think given that we are sexual creatures, it is best that we are allowed to grow naturally into our sexualities.

That said, I as much as you do find it sad and concerning when young girls feel pressured into sex and grow up far too quickly. Whilst I do strongly because I believe that sex before marriage isn't necessarily wrong, I don't think that all sex is good. I think it's good to be able to make an informed choice about your sexuality when you are ready. For some, that may be when they are married, but for others, they may need to experiment and grow into their sexual selves before they can be truely happy, and to me, that's not wrong, it's just a result of the way we are biologically.

I hope that I've offered some insight into an alternative view. If you have any questions, feel free to buzz me. All the best.

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is it true a girl can only get pregnant one day out of the month?


Fertilisation can only occur when there is a viable egg in the uterus. An egg is released when a woman ovulates, typically around day 14 of her cycle (day 1 being the first day of her period). There is then a "window" of time when the egg is both viable (i.e. possible to fertilize) and in the right place that it could implant in the uterus. This window is usually about 2 to 3 days.

However, a man's sperm can survive in the vagina for a suprisingly long time, which means that fertilisation could occur up to several days after you actually had sex, so that even though you had sex before your fertile "window", you could still become pregnant.

It is important that you take this on board in the right way. It is all too easy to imagine that if there is only a window in any given month when you could get pregnant that it's not that likely that you'd get pregnant from one unprotected incidient, or that if you avoid the middle of your cycle and your "window" then there's no way you could get pregnant. Sadly, this isn't true. The figure of day 14 is an average, and your fertile window may be before or after then: there is no time in your cycle when you can have safe unprotected sex unless you know for certain when you have ovulated (which involves tracking the temperature and mucus levels in your vagina).

To summarise, because I know it's a bit sciency: yes, it is true that there is only a comparitively small section of your cycle in which you can pregnant. It is false however to assume that because of this it's safe to have sex at any point in your cycle. All the best.

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I am reguardimg my last queation that nobody answered. It was titled websites?? My question is does anyone know any websites that teens can learn about sex?? I'm 13/f. *danielle leigh is a really good website on sex and your body. I'd highly recommend it.

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Is it true that if you drink a lot of water at night you'll look healthier and your eyes will not look so tired in the morning?? there a such think as drinking TOO MUCH water? thanks!

Most people don't drink enough water, and increasing the amount you drink will make you look and feel fresher and healthier. The effect on your skin might not be instant, but if you get a healthier amount of water generally then it will be able to replenish more quickly and you'll see a difference.

The statistic that's thrown around is that you should aim to get at least 8 glasses a day. That sounds a lot, but if you have a bottle of water and are sipping all day you'll get through a lot.

It is possible to drink too much water (in Nazi Germany they did experiments where they force fed people huge amounts of water until they died) but you are highly unlikely to consume a dangerous amount if you are just drinking a few extra glasses a day. You may also find that when you first start drinking extra water you need to go the toilet a lot, but I found that this calmed down after my body got used to it, and it was definitely worth drinking more. All the best.

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Okay, I'm on birthcontrol. But, when you're on bc do you have to use a condom? And can he cum inside you and you still be safe? I"LL RATE 5's!!!

If you take your birth control reliably, it should leave you fully protected against pregnancy. There are however obviously other risks associated with sex which the birth control pill does not protect against, including STDs such as clahmydia or HIV. If you aren't 100% sure that your partner has a clean bill of sexual health, it's a good idea to use condoms to protect yourself against potential infections.

It is also a good idea to use both condoms and the pill together for added protection against pregnancy, as around 60% of women miss at least one pill a month, which reduces the effectiveness quite drastically. If you are using a condom too then you've got that additional backup and reassurance that you're covered. That said though, if you just use your birth control pills as your sole contraceptive, there is a 98-99% chance you are protected from pregnancy, so do keep things in focus and don't worry too much - yes, you should be sensible and take all the precautions you reasonably can, but don't obsess about that point one of a percent chance, as yes, the pill is designed to be used as a contraceptive on its own.

To answer your question: yes, the birth control pill is designed to protect you from pregnancy without any other contraceptives, so your boyfriend can come inside you and you'll be protected from pregnancy. For the reasons outlined above though, you might think it's worth using condoms in addition to the pill for extra reassurance. All the best.

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