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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I was raped last year by a man who i didn't know.. i saw him around like twice but i had always told my best friend and this childs protection woman i didn't know the man..
I am Fourteen...
It is so hard i have lack of confidence.. i get stressed way too easily and i just am not worthy of anything.. i hate my body and i feel ugly on the inside and outside. I feel dead on the inside infact ... I am pretty sure i suffer with depression (like my mum) but i haven't spoken to the doctors .. for about a month i would eat and make myself sick.. I got a throat infection from doing it too much..
And i refuse a councellor because im ashamed... How do i recover?
I am sorry this has happened to you. Please listen to what I am about to say as I am old enough to be your grandfather and I have worked in the field of emergency services for a long time.
First and most important you did nothing to cause your rape. You are the victim. Feeling as you do, embarrassed and depressed is what the man who raped you counts on to stay out of jail. The man who raped you is not only a rapist he is a pedophile who belongs in jail so lets put him where he belongs.
You know who he is, that's great. The fact that you said you didn't know him is not a problem. Actually it is not unusual when a women is raped by someone they know.
Being raped is the worst thing that can happen to someone. They feel it is there fault, they are embarrassed and they become depressed. These are the things rapists count on. But you can change this.
The first thing you need to do is to call the police or the lady from child protective service and tell them you have seen the man who raped you. Tell them where and when you might have seen him. Don't worry about the fact that you might have seen him before you were raped. Just tell them the truth, you were to embarrassed and depressed.
I would also like you to call the following hotline number. It is operated 24/7 by an organization called RAINN which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. The people who answer the phones are trained to listen to you and then help you get the help you need to deal with what has happened to you. To deal with the depression it has caused and the embarrassment. Dealing with this is the only way to move beyond it and have a normal life. They will find the professional people in your town who will help you deal with everything. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call them, it is the right thing to do and you need their help.
But most of all please remember this. You are a victim. No one asks to be raped. You did not ask to be raped and did nothing to cause your rape. This is the definition of a victim. Please remember this. As the victim you have a right to justice. Justice is seeing this man sent to prison so that you can feel safe again. Call the people at RAINN they will get you help and those people will help you with making the right decisions and who to file reports with.
I am a 24-year-old virgin. I'd never met a man previously that interested me in that way, but recently I have started seeing someone who does. We have fooled around a bit and I told him that I was a virgin, he said he didn't think it was weird or anything, but... I'm curious about the general opinions guys have for virgins, especially at an older age (24)? Does this negatively effect how you would perceive them? Does it positively effect your perception?
Also, I'd like to mention that I am not a virgin for religious reasons. I've had opportunities to have sex and wouldn't have felt guilty about it because I think it's wrong or anything. I am just choosy, I guess.
This question depends on the man as to how to answer it.
For me I would think that your saving your most precious gift for me is a most wonderful thing you could give me. To allow me to show you the wonders of what sex has to offer tells me of the trust and faith that you place in me. For sex is the most intimate act between man and women.
That is me, other men may feel differently. They may question why you have remained a virgin for so long. They may fear you are a non sexual person or frigid. They would be wrong and they would be men who have low opinions of women.
Our sexuality is just that, ours. How and when we choose to have our first intercourse is our choice not anyone else. If you choose to wait until marriage then that is your choice and I respect that.
I caution much younger women who write to us not to throw their virginity away. To wait until they find a loving man. Not just some young teenager that wants to put another notch on his headboard. Sex is not a sport to see how many men or girls you can bed before you marry. It is an intimate act that should come between two loving individuals who at the very least are looking at a long term relationship. Not something that is done in a wham, bam thank you mam way.
So the short answer to your questions is this. I and others like me do and will respect you for choosing to wait for the right man. For those that don't respect this, who may think less of of you for choosing to wait are not worthy of you.
Stay with your feeling they are the correct ones. Don't let anyone tell you different or pressure you into giving in to them.
I'm a woman in my late 20's. I recently went on a first date with a guy, and we really hit it off. We ended up making out and going back to his place, where after more making out, I ended up initiating sex and spending the night (which is something I surprised myself by doing). I confided in him about my first negative sexual experience (at age 19), my lack of experience dating men, and what it's meant for my sexuality and dating life. He seemed taken aback and concerned, but we talked in the morning and had a somewhat normal, though awkward conversation. I told him how it wasn't easy saying such personal things. I left his place, texted to thank him for being so respectful, and invited him out for an event that night (I already told him about it during the date). He texted me, saying that he enjoyed my company as well, and that he could maybe join me that night. I got no response till the next day, when he said he was sorry he couldn't make it, and asked me how it was. He didn't ask for a second date, and hasn't texted me in three days. I haven't texted him since-I feel if he were interested, he'd do more. I am concerned that my personal information (about my sexual/dating history) made him back off. I think I sabotaged any chances of things developing between us, by jumping in too quickly and telling him too much, too soon. Any thoughts or advice on this?
Not knowing either of you personally it makes this a little hard to give advice. I will go out on a limb so to speak and offer that your openness and not the sex on the first date is at the root here.
The fact that he is still texting you I believe is a plus; meaning there is still some interest on his part or he would not be texting at all. Since I cannot know what exactly his feelings are but that he must have some feelings toward you. Your openness has not exactly scared him but caused him to be cautious.
I cannot be sure exactly what he is feeling though I am fairly certain among those feelings are that he may feel you felt he took advantage of you somehow. If this is true he may be waiting for some sign from you that a second date is something you desire with him.
I think what I'm trying to say is that sex on the first date is not all that unusual,it happens a lot and it is what men are seeking after all. What may be causing any regret or caution on his part was your openness with him. This is something we don't see from someone we have sex with until well into a relationship.
If I were him I think I would be feeling somewhat confused, scared of what you may think of me, did I unknowingly take advantage of you? For yes I was hoping for and possibly pushing towards having sex that night. Then came your openness with me the next morning. I am probably not sure what to make of this.
If you two are close to the same age this is something that he has never experienced with a women before and I'm sure he is having a hard time processing it. Another thing I may be questioning is? Do you feel safe with me?
The quick answer to all of this is, in my estimation, for you to make the next move. Yes you would be being forward but right now you two are stuck in neutral. Their are a variety of ways to make this move.
If you live on your own or with roommates you could invite him to your place for dinner, even if it is just pizza. You could meet after work at a neutral environment, since you are too young to drink that leaves out bars. You could go bowling, for a walk in the park, skating, bike riding or even a hike what ever provides an environment that you feel he might agree to.
Then talk to each other. Tell him you like him. Tell him you feel you may have scared him and you apologize but felt you had to say something for you didn't want him to think badly of you for having sex on the first date. If you enjoyed the sex with him say so.
If you feel you two got off on the wrong foot ask him if you two can start over again. Frankly speaking I See this as a nothing to loose and everything to gain type option for you.
One other thing you can do is if you have his phone number try calling him. Texting has its place but it cannot replace talking to each other. What you have written about and are asking for suggestions requires you two to communicate directly to each other, either face to face or by phone.
He had me pinned down on the couch. Holding my wrist with his firm grip, holding it with just enough pressure to hold me prisoner. The feeling was oddly comforting.
I felt my rushing pulse next to his steady slow one. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew. I knew what was about to happen and I knew after that one moment nothing would ever be the same for me.
I never fully processed what was happening until later that night and even then it didn’t feel real. The way I waited a lifetime of a few seconds as his head dropped, eyes never leaving mine, plunging into an unfamiliar world together. His warm breath spreading over my lips was the only thing I felt. The way the smell of his crisp after shave drafted to my nose. It made me shiver.
I felt frozen as he pressed his lips against mine. Feeding an unknown hunger and taking away my breath in an entirely different way. I felt his smile against my lips as I finally began to react. He knew all too well the reaction only he could emanate. He knew no other man could make me feel like this. He felt possession the way a man would knowing that I couldn’t control myself with him the way I do with the others. I'm sure it was probably another dick move of his but, in this moment that was the last thing on my mind, 'cause I didn’t even care. It felt good and I didn’t want him to stop. All too soon he released me. He started to move away but I didn't want it to end. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back to my impatient lips. He gripped my hips teasing the sensitive skin there. His feather like skims across my skin tingled wherever his gifted fingers made contact, searing. His touch, his smell, his confidence, or smugness I didn’t honestly care to find which it was he felt. I just felt him, all of him. Then he rested his head in the crook of my neck and whispered, "Later."
Not bad, I do some writing myself. If you do not mind some constructive criticism: this line "I'm sure it was probably another dick move of his but, in this moment that was the last thing on my mind, 'cause I didn't even care." I would rewrite it some as it is not properly set up in the preceding writing. Try to find another word for dick it seems out of place. Also cause should really be because as it is the proper tense for the tense you are writing in.
Something is missing here: "His feather like{What} skims". You need to fill in the what. I think "touch" may fit nicely.
fix these two things and it is a great paragraph. If your writing a book or a short story your off to a good start. What I've done is what an editor would normally do. It is really hard to edit your own work. If this is not a project for school or even if it is find someone o read it over. Let them ask questions or make suggestions to improve.
Bff's that what i thought me and my friends were, me and my ex-best friend had been friends for 3-4 years we were really close told each other everything and never lied to each other. recently i fund out that she has been spreading rumors about me and lying to my face about everything in a journal i found in her room she wrote i want a new best friend. After all this i told her i don't want to be friends now should i still keep her secrets or get revenge by spilling her secrets like she did with mines
Help
Ever hear the adage; "Two wrongs don't make a right." This is just the right situation for the adage. I know you have been hurt by her and whatever rumors or lies she has been spreading.
This is an opportunity for you to be the bigger person and just ignore her while going about your business. Your friend will she this and while you may think otherwise they will eventually see who is right and who is wrong.
By not doing things to hurt or embarrass her she will also see you are being the bigger person and by be this she will stop what ever it is she is doing for it will make her look bad in the eyes of your friends and hers. If asked why you do not retaliate against her in kind, as it is called. Simply answer, I am not going to stoop to her level. That very simply says it all and places you above her in the eyes of anyone who understands what you said.
I hope I have helped.
Hello, I'm a 15 year old female, currently a Sophmore in Highschool. I have a HUGE dilemma. Let me just say how this all started(sorry for this being a long question):
In 8th grade, a new girl came to school and we became good friends. I llater found out she had a boyfriend 5 years older than her. She introduced me to him and all 3 of us became really good friends. Last year in Freshman year, I realized she treated him like shit and I didn't really like that.. I started noticing how much it bothered me, and I knew she had cheated on him about 3 times. She finally told him, and she broke up with him. Her and I's relationship faded because I realized how much of a bitch she is. But me and her ex-boyfriend stayed really good friends. 3 months after this, he told me he loved me and I realized I loved him too(I know how cheesy this sounds). So we dated for about 6 months, when I accidentally left my Skype open at home and my father read everything we ever said to each other on it. Of course, him being 19 and me 14 at the time, he flipped out. So he gave me a decision to either call the police for sagitory rape and he goes to jail, or call him on speaker phone while he listens to me break up with him. Of course, I chose the breaking up option. A week after, I learned that my old friend(his ex)contacted him and told him lies about me like I never loved him and stuff like that. He didn't talk to me for 3 months and I finally ran into him walking to school. I stopped him and told him everything and he forgave me. So we just recently started dating again, and I think all these events have just made us love each other more. We talk on the phone all night, every night. We always talk about our future together like getting married and having kids. But something is really bothering me. You see, a couple days ago I told him I considered dropping out of school and just getting my GED and going to community college instead of University, so that we could live with each other sooner. And he took this seriously even though I was only thinking about it. I know he's much older than me, which is why he's thinking this, but he told me he's ready to start our life together. I'm not ready yet, but he said that if I did decide to wait to move in with him after senior year, there would be a chance he would leave me because he's not getting any younger and he wants to start his life. I love him more than anything in the world, and I would do anything for him and I don't want to lose him. My life dream has been to get a Master's degree in graphics design at the University of Oregon. But he's pretty much made it clear that there's two decisions: Him, GED, and Community college. Or University, my life's dream, and MAYBE him. This is a huge decision for me though. I really want to drop out and move in with him because I love him so much. But I'm also worried about what my parents will think about it all. But he also promised me that he would never leave me if I decided to drop out, so it wouldn't be for nothing. But my mind is still clouded.
Please, please help me I need assistance.
Alright lets take this from a different angle, the legal facts of life, which you have not explored or addressed.
At 15 years of age you do not have the option of dropping out of school even with parental permission. In most states at one time you had to be at least 16 years of age to drop out. In many state that has changed to the legal age of consent which is 18 years of age in most states.
Not knowing where you live, not knowing the laws concerning education where you live though being aware of the universal push in this country to leave no student behind. I will go out on a limb here and say your chances of dropping out of school are two; slim and none. You will be a senior before you are old enough to legally drop out of school in most states.
Now as to your boyfriend: Again as to the laws. He is 5 years older and your father is correct about the Statutory Rape charges. These charges remain valid until you reach the age of consent.
Now there is away around both of these problems by asking the court to declare you an emancipate minor. If granted you have all the rights of an adult granted to you by the courts. Based on what you have written you do not have grounds to request emancipation and I am guessing your parents would also object. I would say this is not an option for you and if your father finds out you are dating this man again he will end up in Jail possibly for life; depending on the laws of your state. The fact that you two MAY wish to marry is not relevant in court.
The there is the fact of young love which can be attributed to both boys and girls your age. Young loves or first loves if you want are always precious. They feel as if they are the perfect thing for you. First time love I think is suppose to feel this way. Just why I'm not sure. Young love though generally does not last as you grow older and mature. It starts to feel like it did when you played house as a young child. The why of it is because as you grow older and mature your personal values change. You decide you want more from life than what is there right then. It is hard to explain though it is something we have all gone through.
Last is your boyfriend himself. He is wrong making you chose between him and what you have planned for yourself. If you were to marry at some point you may grow to resent him for prohibiting you from taking or getting the opportunities that were out there for you. By making you choose between him and your plans he is also attempting to control you. That makes him a controller. Something else you will grow to dislike.
If you look at everything I have written in a logical an open manner you have to see that choosing his option has the deck stack against you. If he is truly in love with you and respects you as a women he can wait 3 years or 8 years and allow you your dreams.
At the same time I would suggest to you that you encourage him to get a higher education than he presently has. In today's world a High school or GED Diploma puts you in the ranks of forever seeking minimum and low paying jobs. To have the type of life we all desire you need the type of Education you have dreamed of with a Masters degree.
Over your life time the difference in earnings presently projected is between $1.5 & $3 million over the earnings of someone with a high school Diploma. If you divide the higher number by the number of years until you would retire that extra amount each year amounts to $63,829.79 or about double what you can expect to earn in a low paying job and this amount is the extra earnings. You still have to add in the lower paying earnings which gives you and estimated annual income in a 6 figure bracket. Do the math yourself.
Staying in school and getting the degree you desire at University means the difference between living from paycheck to paycheck or living comfortably as you most likely do now.
I cannot and will not tell you what to do. I have provided you with information I believe you need to make an informed decision. I hope you make the right one. Listen with your brain and not your heart for this is important.
Well basically there is this guy at my skl and he's asked my best friend a couple of times if I would give him head,or a hand job ,so after skl my friend deliberately planned for us all to play dirty dares( basically 21 dares but the dares are sexual) and she sort of kept bringing up that this boy wanted me to wank him off, to sort of force us into it anyways so he got all shy coz he thinks his dick is too small etc. But he says he wants to do it and I sort of want to but he has a girl friend in another school and he wants me do it in the park? If I did do in the woods in the park and he has a girl friend would this make me a slut? And did I mention I'm only 13 and so is he we only just got into yr 9 , any tips on hand jobs?
First let me say I do not like the word slut. To me the word does not exist for it has no meaning and is only said to demean a person.
Next you are only 13 and by asking this question I am of the opinion you are really asking if you should be indulging in this type of sex play. To this my answer is a definite no for several reasons.
1) No one should ever force or shame you into doing something sexual that you feel you are not ready for or do not want to do. It is my feeling and at least the feeling of one other advisor I read that you are being coerced by your friend into doing this. This is definitely not something to be done on a dare.
2) Sex, as you will learn as you get older and more mature. Is a very private and personal act not to be done as sport. Any sexual act should be done in a place that is comfortable and secure from intrusion. Wanking him off in the park does not meet either of these requirements. Obtaining these requirements will be near impossible at your ages.
3) You are just to young to be engaging in any type of sex acts. This is made clear to us by the fact you are asking how to do this. This will all come more naturally to both of you as you mature and grow older.
My advice is not to do anything on a dare and specifically not to engage in sex on a dare. What if the dare was to have intercourse with him? Would you even consider the dare? Remember this; people that dare you to do something are asking you to do something they themselves would never do so just say no.
Okay so this guy is really showing he is intrested in me. He walks me to classes and is always telling me that im preety and stuff like that.. Im a 15year old girl and Honestly i dont want a boyfriend. Im not into the whole relationship thing.To tell you the truth it kind of scares me.. I like being single. Dont get me wrong, this guy is actually super nice and a gentleman but i dont want him to be anything more than a friend. How do i tell him im not intrested in the nicest way possible? Im a person who doesn't like hurting others so i really need help on how to tell him that im not the person that likes all that Relationship stuff. Im too young for that. Please help thanks (:
I believe the best way to tell him is to take advantage of your age. Which is to tell him that at the present time you feel you are not ready to have a steady relationship with anyone. That you concentrations at this time are on other things such as school work and after school activities. You just don't have time for a relation ship know. If he wants to be just friends that's fine but anything more is out of the question as you do not date.
That's the truth as I read what you say. You are not alone in how you feel. There are many girls your age who feel the same way. These girls like you feel they are to young for a relationship and all the groping and fighting off the physical advances young boys make. Many these girls also have life plans and dating just isn't in the plan at this time. There is nothing wrong with this and no one should think anything different of you because of this.
I admire your maturity for knowing what you are capable of and staying away from those situations you are not ready for. Stay with these principals as they will always keep you safe.
Okay, I have a pretty messed up life and I've been abused mentally and physically by my parents and other kids, in that order. I'm 12 years old and have depression and PTSD. I am required to see a councilor by my school. Take into consideration that these are very little details of what actually goes in my life. Whenever I get sad, I cut, write in my diary, and then I listen to really sad music and write poems for hours. Is this an abnormal way of responding?
There is a fine line between normal and abnormal. What is normal for one person may not be normal for another. At times circumstances dictate normal.
What is never normal is cutting, it is dangerous and life threatening as you can easily cut to deep or in the wrong place. Does your therapist know you cut?
I realize you are giving us a snapshot of what your life is about. Being just the words "ohysically abused by parents," leaves open a host of what type of abuse you have suffered. Most if not all are grounds for criminal charges.
The fact that the school is requiring you to see a therapist and may be supplying this service tells me that some adult or state agency is aware of your circumstances.
What concerns me is the cutting and the fact that there may be a lack of follow through on the part of the school or agency that has referred you for therapy. I am also concerned that your therapist is not aware of your cutting. If your therapist is not aware of your cutting you must tell the therapist about your cutting immediately so that the proper help can be given you.
PTSD and depression go hand in hand. Depression hurts, I know as I have suffered from it. As much as I would like to give you more advice I cannot do so without more information on the type of abuse you have suffered from you parents and any physical abuse at school.
On thing I will advice you of is this; If you have suffered any type of sexual abuse from your parents and have not made this clear to your therapist you must do so. If you are still suffering this type of abuse you must tell the police as this is criminal child abuse.
Most schools have a police resource officers. Speak with this officer or dial 911. If you cannot do so safely then either go to the police station or any fire station for help. These places are safe havens for children.
im ready to quit construction and find a differant job a job that will allow non smoke breaks and a day off as in not going to work everyday so please what kind of jobs are there ps no construction jobs thank you
The expression; "A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush" is very appropriate to your question. It is much easier to find a job if you have a job then if you are unemployed. Even in today's job market with the number of people who are unemployed through no fault of their own there is a stigma attached to someone who is unemployed. So keep your present job while searching for a new one.
As far as jobs offering non smoke breaks. Most states require a 15 minute break during the first 4 hours of work. A 30 minute lunch break between the third and fifth hour of day and another 15 minute break during the last 4 hours of work. This break has nothing to do with smoking or not smoking,it is a rest period. Time to get a soda, cup of coffee, make a phone call or use the rest room. In most states it is mandatory to provide. Check with your local state labor board for their regulations on this.
As to time off from the job. Some states do mandate vacation and sick time, but not all. Union jobs have contractual agreements as to sick time and vacation time. Most employers expect that you will report to work everyday without fail unless you are sick or have requested vacation time in advance. Here again just what protections you have by state labor regulations is another question to ask of the state labor board.
As to what kind of job to look for; I agree with the others. Sit down and write out a list of jobs you think would interest you. Then research those jobs, you can do this on the web, to see what qualifications are needed for them. For the jobs you are qualified for prepare a resume to submit to companies offering those positions.
You can mail off what is called an unsolicited resume. Meaning the company is not advertising for any openings. You provide a cover letter stating (briefly) that you have looked into or researched information on their company and you are submitting your resume as you interested in working for them. Ask them to keep it on file for the next opening you are qualified for. You could even state what those jobs may be.
You can also mail off resumes to jobs that are being advertised. This is how you job search while still employed. The people looking for new help will understand you are only available before or after working hours or by phone for an initial interview and will work around your schedule. Just as they will over look you showing up for what might be an office job dressed for your construction job.
Just as I said there is a stigma attached to being unemployed their is a benefit to being employed and looking for work. This is you must work harder than the unemployed person to find a new job. This may not mean much to you though it speaks volumes to a future employer.
I hope I have helped.
Good luck.
To start off My boyfriend and I have been together for a little less then a year, he has a little girl who is three that I adore and spend a lot of time with. He's 22, he told me before we got together has was snipped so if I was expecting to have kids with someone someday he was not the guy. I was fine with this, seeing as I don't want kids, and if I do, not anytime soon, I'm fine with having just his little girl around if things do work out with us. When I spoke with my parents about him a while back my mom asked if we were being safe, seeing as I moved in just a few months after we started dating. I informed her she had nothing to worry about.
Well, now I am not so sure, I've missed two periods, it's normal for me to miss one every now and then, but never two in a row.
I trust my boyfriend wouldn't lie to me about getting a vasectomy, but in the off chance he did, I have no idea how to feel or what to do.
I'm taking a test later today(I informed him of this) He's fine with me taking it and says better safe than sorry.
If I am pregnant though, I'm not sure what to do, I have a minimum wage job and he can barely afford child support for his daughter as it is. I don't know to yell and be mad that he lied, or be hurt that he told me he loved me and knowingly lied to me every time we had sex.
On the other hand I'll feel like a complete bitch if I call him a liar and than I am shown physical proof he had a vasectomy.
How do I confront him if I am pregnant?
I don't know what to do.
First; vasectomies have been known to reverse themselves. Especially if the doctor does the type of vasectomy that might allow for a reversal, which a doctor might chose to do or offer to a younger man.
Second; if you want to check to see if your boyfriend did in deed have a vasectomy you are going to have to look at his scrotum for two small incisions. They will be high up on the scrotum at the base of the penis I believe probably in a skin crease to try and hide the scar.
This; there are other reasons for missing your
period. If the home test is negative you need to see a doctor to find out why you have missed your periods. There is something else going on that needs to found. Even if the home test is positive it could be a false positive and you need confirmation by a medical test.
If you are pregnant you do have options. It is your body, your choice.
If you are pregnant you do have choices
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and his parents ( his mom especially) doesn't even like hearing my name. She changes the topic each time her son mentions my name. I've never met her. I don't think she'd want to see me to have a normal conversation so I was thinking maybe writing a letter?
I feel this is the only way I can reach her
Please advise
I'm 25 bf is 29
He's White and I'm Black
I think you have a problem that writing a letter will not solve. I believe the problem has much to do with your race and his mothers problem with racism.
Now she may not consider herself to be a racist and maybe she didn't raise her son to be a racist. With her never meeting you and assuming she has no other knowledge of you other then your race. I can see no reason other than race for her problem. I'm sure you don't want to see it this way; frankly without you giving any other reason I can see no other cause for her stance.
There are many people out there who do not consider themselves racist yet they do not want their children to marry out of their race or out of their religion.
By ignoring your existence she is sending a not so subtle message to her son. If you decide to marry this women you are going to have to choose between her and your mother. Now boys are for the most part very close to their mothers. Even in today's society it is mom who is the primary care giver and the parent who is responsible for raising the children.
If marriage is on the horizon for you and your boyfriend then this is something the two of you need to discuss. If I am correct in my assumption and you two marry his mother will always be a wedge between you and a point of contention. This is not away to start a marriage. In fact after two years of dating I would think he would have addressed this problem by now with his mother.
My advice to you is: Before you invest anymore time in this relationship the situation with his mom has to be resolved. It is not up to you to resolve, it is for your boyfriend to resolve by stating his intentions and his feelings towards you to her. As much as he may not want to have to make a choice, his mother does not in her eyes have him make the wrong choice. So for now as matters stand she has not lost anything but stands to loose as much as you do if he is forced to make a choice.
I think it is in your best interest to find out where he stands and have him declare himself to his mother. He's in a comfort zone right now where he has the best of both worlds. It is my belief that he is being selfish and wrong to you by not forcing the issue with his mom.
So I'm a Pharmacy Technician student currently in a 9 month program at a community college. My school offers a 2 year degree program and for a while I've been contemplating if I should do it or just get the certification.
Reasons for it: I wanna be more qualified. I wanna have a better chance at getting jobs in the future. Not just tech jobs, but like management tech jobs...stuff like that.
Reasons against it: As much as I like school, I wanna work. School is expensive. And frankly, I don't wanna continue more schooling when I don't have to. Oh and the program I'm in is nationally accredited, if that helps for some reason.
I don't want any preaching about college, please. I just want honest opinions concerning money, time, and if you think extra schooling is worth the time, effort, and of course, cost.
Thanks :)
I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I am retired which may give me a unique insight into your question. During my career I have at times had the opportunity to interview applicants for positions and to make recommendations to the managers making the final selections.
My take on your question is this. At the moment the job market is not the greatest. While jobs in the medical field are more available then in other fields there are more applicants than jobs.
Just how one candidate is selected over all others has a lot to do with how the candidate interviews with the initial interviewer and then the all important second interview. A lot has to do with the chemistry between the two, the qualifications for the job and some things that just cannot be quantified. Still there are times when there are two or more equally qualified and equally acceptable candidates for the position.
How is the selection of the one candidate made? EDUCATION. We look at the candidates education; who has the better education? Who studied in a field or has the higher level of education in our field or one most closely related? Sometimes it comes down to who had to work harder to get their education.
National Certification is good and in some fields even required. My son is a Paramedic/Firefighter. He was in the first class to receive National Certification. On advice of his advisers he also received a 2 year degree in Emergency Medical Services. With these two on his resume every job he has applied for he has gotten. Applications for firefighter now require that firefighters be paramedics.
His degree in Emergency medicine set him apart from the 100 others that applied for the 4 positions that were available for hire where he now works. He waited 3 or four years for this job to have openings and after he was hired he was told he was the first person approved to test and the first behind a state police officer transferring,cost savings no background check needed, to be sent the conditional offer.
Both as someone who has been an interviewer and a parent of someone who's education has proven to get him the job he has been wanting since his decision to be come a paramedic. It is my opinion that the more education you have the better your chances are of obtaining your{life}goals.
The time and effort is worth it as it means something to your future employer. It tells us something about you. The cost, if need be take a student loans to cover the costs. Then after graduation you will pay it back out of the extra earnings the degree will bring you.
In short my answer is stay in school and get the degree. If need be get a job and finish your degree at night or on-line.
I overestimated my salary for this month and thus, I ended up spending my full pay this past payday. I am wondering if I will be accepted for payday loans when I still have issues with other creditors.
I don't advise taking out a payday loan. They are generally extremely high interest with high penalties for late payments as well. Payday loans are loans of last resort for people who have no other alternative for fast credit type loans.
As to your question: In general payday loans are high risk loan companies thus the reason for the high interest. Each loan center has their own criteria for how much and to whom they will lend. So you really have to apply for the loan to get an answer. I would say your chances of getting a small loan are probably good.
Just make sure to read the find print on the loan documents. Ask questions on anything you do not understand before you sign any document as they are legally binding.
I am 17 years old and I love God with all of my heart. I also love my boyfriend with all of my heart.. In 2 weeks My boyfriend and I will have been dating for 2 whole years. I love him sooo much! And yes, we are intimate. We have been for most of our relationship. But the thing is, I feel REALLY guilty. Because I masterbate... more than a female should. I have this weird desire to watch massage videos. (inappropriate massages) such as a spycam massage and the masseuse is seducing them by rubbing them down there or massaging their boobs. idk why but it turns me on because i love that feeling of being rubbed down there. so then i masterbate while watching it. AND I FEEL GUILTY AS HELL because I have boyfriend!!! My boyfriend tells me that he never masterbates anymore because i basically do it for him. My bf definitely pleases me a lot.. but idk why i'd feel the desire to look up porn and masterbate..? I feel disgusting saying that because if you knew me you would never guess i do that. I'M A GIRL. like wtf. I just pray all the time that the desire to watch massage videos goes away. Because if i didn't watch massage videos, i wouldn't want to masterbate. And for some reason I'm scared that God will take my boyfriend away from me if i keep it up. like punish me or something and it scares me!!! I just want to show God how grateful I am to have my boyfriend! And masterbating is DEF not a way of showing thanks in ANY way. I'm so mad at myself... guys please help me :( I'm desperate. It's just that whenever I picture a massage video in my head or make up a scenario in head, there's no going back! No matter how hard I try, I will have to literally masterbate to get it out of my system... just help me. I wanna show apprectiation to God and my boyfriend. help guys asap
I don't want to mess with your beliefs but there is nothing in the bible that says masturbation is a sin. Most religions including the Christian Faiths do not condemn masturbation.
It is man not god but man that looks down on masturbation, just why does not make any sense when a recent study shows that 85% of us masturbate. That's right only 15 out of 100 don't masturbate or admitted to masturbating. When you consider that mutual masturbation is a large part of foreplay in most peoples lives it is hard to believe that no one doesn't masturbate at sometime.
The only time masturbation is wrong is if it becomes an all encompassing part of your life to the exclusion of everything else. Then you have a problem. Then you need to find away to stop masturbating either with a doctors help or through prayer and devotion.
Now everyone who masturbates does so in different ways and in the number of times. Most require and outside stimuli such as a porno movie. There is nothing wrong with this. Fantasy is part of sex. Masturbating two, three, or even four times a day is acceptable. We all have different sex drives.
For young unmarried people masturbation is a good alternative to having premarital sex. It relieves the sexual tension and stress. Stress of any type is not good. Relieving stress is a good thing.
Stop being scared, god is not going to take your boyfriend. If you need to masturbate do so and enjoy yourself without fear or worry you are doing nothing wrong.
Ok, so I am 13 years old and I liked this guy, so my friend asked what he thought of me and he said he might go out with me. It turns out he was lying. He did it for the fun of it. He then said that I would never have a chance with him. He also said I would never find love or a boyfriend ever. Then what shocked me. He said that I come of very slutty and am a slut. I have NEVER had sex or even had a boyfriend. I was raised by good parents and always wear clothes that don't show too much cleavage or shorts that are too short. I don't wear that much makeup either. Recently I was called a slut again by my friends sister. I am always really nice to people and I don't understand why they all seem to hate me.. Am I a slut?? I am starting to believe it since a lot of people are saying it.
NO; I hate that word there is no such thing as a slut it should be banned from the dictionary.
If this is happening at school you are being bullied and sexually harnessed. You need to report this to a teacher or a principal as this type of interaction between students is not allowed. Schools have a zero tolerance for this even if it is happening off school property.
You should also talk to you parents as bullying and sexual harassment, regardless of age is against the law. The kids that are saying this to you need to learn a lesson. The sooner they do the better off they will be.
Regardless of your age you are responsible for your actions and words. Now because of their age the penalty that the law may require is different than that of an adult. Still standing before a judge in juvenile court can be very sobering even for a 13 year old.
You have done nothing wrong. You are by no means a slut. Your so called friends are sexually harassing you and having fun at your expense. This is very, very wrong. They need to be taught a lesson as in what is acceptable and what is not acceptable even in jest or fun.
There is a right way and a wrong way to teach them they are wrong. In the society we live in we tell the proper authorities and allow them to do the teaching. The way to do this is to tell your parents and let them contact the school and or the police. You should not have to be harassed in this manner.
Long story short, my son and daughter in law left the country some time ago and left their children with me. I became their legal guardian shortly afterwards knowing that it would be a permanent arrangement as their parents don't plan to be back until after their on their own. My grandson is hard to upset and acts fine with everything, but my granddaughter has all of these mother- daughter things to go to and since I'm the one who'll always go with her to those, as well as the person who takes care of her and is legally responsible for her, she wants to know if she is my kid now. I've explained to her that her mom and dad will always be just that and she will always be their daughter, but she wants to know if she is my kid too. Is she? Legally she is, and I have always considered most of my grandchildren to be mine, as I've done a lot to help raise them and take care of them, but am I thinking that she's mine in the same way she is? What do I tell her?
She is not your daughter she is your granddaughter. You are her legal guardian not her adoptive parent, there in lies the difference.
Not knowing how the guardianship is set up, the children's parents can return at anytime and revoke your guardianship. You only have the rights granted you in the guardianship papers. Now it is possible that full parental rights have been granted; that does not make you their parent. You are still legally the grandparent with custody and guardianship rights.
Your granddaughter needs to understand this especially to understand that her parents have not abandoned her or her brother. I know of a few places in the world that will not accept American or western children in the country with their parents who may have accepted jobs there.
For whatever the reason your son and daughter in-law have left their children in your care needs to be explained and understood by the children. If necessary a child psychologist should be consulted and even asked to work with the children to help them understand.
The short answer to your question is: Unless you adopt the children you are the grandparent and they are your grandchildren and it remains that way.
How do u get ur bf to be all lovey dovey with you
There are a lot of factors that go into how a guy reacts in a relationship. Age, background, upbringing and even if he is introverted or extroverted around girls.
The first three have the most solid effect on how a guy acts around a girls. If by chance you two are young teenagers, which I suspect you are. Then how his mother raised him to act around a girl is at play here.
Calling a girl babe is considered by many to be disrespectful. If his parents, specifically his mother who is most responsible for teaching manners in most families, is someone who feels this is disrespectful. Then this is what she has taught him.
The flip side of the coin is that he may be waiting for you to give into something he wants from you. Like having sex with him before he will call you babe or refer to you as his babe. This to my mind is not a reason to have sex with someone. You are probably way to young to be having intercourse in the first place and a boy wanting sex before he will refer to you as his babe is being very shallow and disrespectful on the other end of the scale.
This is all subjective on my part as I don't know either you or him. You really need to talk to him and find out why? Another thing is that boy/men don't get a handbook on dating or what is the best way to treat a girl/women. They get both good and bad ideas from their environment, such as movies, TV and other boys/men.
You,the girls/women, need to teach the boys/men how you wish to be treated if you want to be treated properly and respectfully. While we men only think we rule the world it is actually the women who allow us to rule while telling us how to do so. If you don't believe me just ask your mom.
I'm Camilla I'm 21 my boyfriend 21 as well. We been together for a year and 9 months. It's been the same issue he would talk to another girl. Lie say he not in a relationship we would breakup. Get back together talk it out then have good days. Then the issue would just repeat. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me?
They will kick me out of the boys club for this but you asked.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is keeping his options open. In other words he has not yet made up his mind that you are the girl he wants to make a life with, for whatever his reasons may be. In other words if he hasn't cheated on you yet he will in the future if he finds someone he wants to get to know better.
To me this say he is a very immature 21 year old. At his age he should know if he is ready to settle down and he should know after 21 months with the same women if you and he are compatible in all the ways. Instead he is still looking still wondering what he may be missing. He is not ready for a life relationship.
In other words he is not husband material. If you two were to somehow make it down the isle together he would most likely continue to look. Nothing wrong with looking. As my wife has told me looking is fine reordering or sampling from the menu could be cause for certain body parts to be come separated from me. (lol)
My advice is that you two could talk about this and he may for a while toe the line. I believe he will continue to wonder and wander until he is ready or feels he has not missed anything. You have been down the talking road, broken up and gotten back together. I believe you deserve better.
You deserve someone who will honor his commitment to you even if it is just a loving relationship for a start. If you don't mind my additional advice; you need to find someone with whom you can have more than a physical relationship. Someone who shares your interests and life goals.
As I tell some others who ask a different type of question: There is more to life than sex. One day you are going to wake up and need to talk to each other. This is when you know if you have a real relationship. When you can talk to each other on subjects other than sex and food.
My advice is give this guy his walking papers. As my mother always said their are more fish in the sea. So bait your hook and go fishing again. Just remember to throw back the ones that don't meet your standards.
i am 32. I loved a girl and considered her the Goddess of my life, never looked at any other girl but later we(she and myself) discovered that i have erectile dysfuncion. She says i knew it and i did not tell her. She says i cheated her. So she left me. I am devastated. Want to end my life because
1. I don't know whether my ED is curable or not
2. Even if it is, my life is worthless because she doesn't love me anymore she hates me and loves somebody else. So without her, i cannot even think of life
I have no hopes left other than killing myself
I agree with NinjaNeer about both the ED problem and the girl, your better off with out her. She did not love you if your ED problem was enough to send her into the arms of someone else. If she truly loved you she would have stayed and helped you with the ED problem.
There are a host of reasons why a man suffers from Erectile Dysfunction stemming from the organic to non organic. Most are easily corrected with medication or surgery. Only a doctor can tell you why you are suffering with this problem so you need to see a BOARD CERTIFIED UROLOGIST.
Suicide is not an answer it is the wrong solution to a correctable problem. The girl does not deserve you and you deserve better than her. Relationships are built on more than just sex. One day you wake up and you have to talk to each other. If all you have is sex you don't have a relationship you have a booty call. These relationships never last. In my view you are better off without her for she would have eventually broken your heart anyway.
There are two things I would like you to do the first is I would like you to call the following organization. They are the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they can help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you will be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. They are far more qualified then I am to help you and they can help you.
The second is to see a Urologist about the ED problem. Make sure the doctor you chose is Board Certified in Urology as this means this doctor has been specifically trained, did a Fellowship and passed all the requirements to be certified in the practice of Urology. While any doctor can treat you a doctor who is Board Certified in a specialty is the best and most qualified to help you.
Please write back and let me know how you are doing. I'm sure once you see a doctor and know what can be done about the ED you feel feel better. I know this girl has hurt you deeply. She was wrong, very wrong and in my mind and others I'm sure she does not deserve you.