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Have a huge dilemma about my boyfriend, please help: Should I drop out of school to move in with him? He says he will be with me forever if I do!
Hello, I'm a 15 year old female, currently a Sophmore in Highschool. I have a HUGE dilemma. Let me just say how this all started(sorry for this being a long question):
In 8th grade, a new girl came to school and we became good friends. I llater found out she had a boyfriend 5 years older than her. She introduced me to him and all 3 of us became really good friends. Last year in Freshman year, I realized she treated him like shit and I didn't really like that.. I started noticing how much it bothered me, and I knew she had cheated on him about 3 times. She finally told him, and she broke up with him. Her and I's relationship faded because I realized how much of a bitch she is. But me and her ex-boyfriend stayed really good friends. 3 months after this, he told me he loved me and I realized I loved him too(I know how cheesy this sounds). So we dated for about 6 months, when I accidentally left my Skype open at home and my father read everything we ever said to each other on it. Of course, him being 19 and me 14 at the time, he flipped out. So he gave me a decision to either call the police for sagitory rape and he goes to jail, or call him on speaker phone while he listens to me break up with him. Of course, I chose the breaking up option. A week after, I learned that my old friend(his ex)contacted him and told him lies about me like I never loved him and stuff like that. He didn't talk to me for 3 months and I finally ran into him walking to school. I stopped him and told him everything and he forgave me. So we just recently started dating again, and I think all these events have just made us love each other more. We talk on the phone all night, every night. We always talk about our future together like getting married and having kids. But something is really bothering me. You see, a couple days ago I told him I considered dropping out of school and just getting my GED and going to community college instead of University, so that we could live with each other sooner. And he took this seriously even though I was only thinking about it. I know he's much older than me, which is why he's thinking this, but he told me he's ready to start our life together. I'm not ready yet, but he said that if I did decide to wait to move in with him after senior year, there would be a chance he would leave me because he's not getting any younger and he wants to start his life. I love him more than anything in the world, and I would do anything for him and I don't want to lose him. My life dream has been to get a Master's degree in graphics design at the University of Oregon. But he's pretty much made it clear that there's two decisions: Him, GED, and Community college. Or University, my life's dream, and MAYBE him. This is a huge decision for me though. I really want to drop out and move in with him because I love him so much. But I'm also worried about what my parents will think about it all. But he also promised me that he would never leave me if I decided to drop out, so it wouldn't be for nothing. But my mind is still clouded.
Please, please help me I need assistance.
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what you should do is stay in school for your education and tell him to just wait for you and if he doesn't want to do that than tell him that you need your education and he just can't think about himself he has to think about you 2 instead of just dropping out of school to leave everything you should stay in school for your future .. you might not be with him in the future and you won't have anything and if he can't except the fact than he doesn't care about you or love you...
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Make your decision based on your own life, not something he says. An ultimatum like that is ridiculous. He's not getting any younger? He's only 19-20. That's pretty damn young. Go to school, give your dream a shot and if he actually loves you as much as he said he did, he won't leave. This whole thing makes no sense. He's being monumentally selfish and thinking only about what benefits him, not what benefits you. Think of it this way: Would you ask him to give up on a dream for something like this?
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Alright lets take this from a different angle, the legal facts of life, which you have not explored or addressed.
At 15 years of age you do not have the option of dropping out of school even with parental permission. In most states at one time you had to be at least 16 years of age to drop out. In many state that has changed to the legal age of consent which is 18 years of age in most states.
Not knowing where you live, not knowing the laws concerning education where you live though being aware of the universal push in this country to leave no student behind. I will go out on a limb here and say your chances of dropping out of school are two; slim and none. You will be a senior before you are old enough to legally drop out of school in most states.
Now as to your boyfriend: Again as to the laws. He is 5 years older and your father is correct about the Statutory Rape charges. These charges remain valid until you reach the age of consent.
Now there is away around both of these problems by asking the court to declare you an emancipate minor. If granted you have all the rights of an adult granted to you by the courts. Based on what you have written you do not have grounds to request emancipation and I am guessing your parents would also object. I would say this is not an option for you and if your father finds out you are dating this man again he will end up in Jail possibly for life; depending on the laws of your state. The fact that you two MAY wish to marry is not relevant in court.
The there is the fact of young love which can be attributed to both boys and girls your age. Young loves or first loves if you want are always precious. They feel as if they are the perfect thing for you. First time love I think is suppose to feel this way. Just why I'm not sure. Young love though generally does not last as you grow older and mature. It starts to feel like it did when you played house as a young child. The why of it is because as you grow older and mature your personal values change. You decide you want more from life than what is there right then. It is hard to explain though it is something we have all gone through.
Last is your boyfriend himself. He is wrong making you chose between him and what you have planned for yourself. If you were to marry at some point you may grow to resent him for prohibiting you from taking or getting the opportunities that were out there for you. By making you choose between him and your plans he is also attempting to control you. That makes him a controller. Something else you will grow to dislike.
If you look at everything I have written in a logical an open manner you have to see that choosing his option has the deck stack against you. If he is truly in love with you and respects you as a women he can wait 3 years or 8 years and allow you your dreams.
At the same time I would suggest to you that you encourage him to get a higher education than he presently has. In today's world a High school or GED Diploma puts you in the ranks of forever seeking minimum and low paying jobs. To have the type of life we all desire you need the type of Education you have dreamed of with a Masters degree.
Over your life time the difference in earnings presently projected is between $1.5 & $3 million over the earnings of someone with a high school Diploma. If you divide the higher number by the number of years until you would retire that extra amount each year amounts to $63,829.79 or about double what you can expect to earn in a low paying job and this amount is the extra earnings. You still have to add in the lower paying earnings which gives you and estimated annual income in a 6 figure bracket. Do the math yourself.
Staying in school and getting the degree you desire at University means the difference between living from paycheck to paycheck or living comfortably as you most likely do now.
I cannot and will not tell you what to do. I have provided you with information I believe you need to make an informed decision. I hope you make the right one. Listen with your brain and not your heart for this is important.
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You clearly need assistance. Firstly, you are very young. I'm not trying to be condescending, but you are. Every 15 year old girl thinks that she's found the love of her life and everything will fall into place, but I'm here to tell you it will not. If he actually said to you, "If you wait until Senior year to move in with me, I might leave you because I'm not getting any younger. But if you move in with me now, I'll stay with you forever." This guy is a total moron. There are so many things wrong with these statements. First of all, its a contradiction. If he was really going to "stay with you forever", what is the rush of moving in with him now? Doesn't he realize that that will fuck up your entire life? If he stays with you forever, whats the difference between dating him now and moving in with him in 3 years? That's just stupid. Also, the whole "I'm not getting any younger thing" is a dick statement. He doesn't love you if he's rushing you to do something you're not ready for, just because "he's not getting any younger". Well, doesn't he realize that you aren't either? You have more important things to worry about than whether or not your boyfriend might leave you today or tomorrow because you didn't want to move in with him because "He's not getting any younger". I hope you understand what I'm saying. Love is blinding, and it may seem like he really loves you, but those kinds of ultimatums hint at nothing but insecurity and control. You DO NOT need to drop out of school to be with this boy. And I will guarantee you this: He's not going to stay with you forever, no matter what you choose. He's also young, and he will find someone else. It may be months or even years, but there will be another girl. This is not the boy for you. Throwing your life away to be with him is possibly the dumbest decision you could make, and please, don't make it. Tell him you need to focus on your studies. And if he's not willing to wait for you to graduate, then he doesn't love you and he's not worth it.
I cannot stress this enough: boys lie to get what they want. Do you know how many guys have promised me that they would never make me cry? about 5. You know how many of those 5 made me cry? 5. But that's not just me, and that's not abnormal. All of my friends, as well. 15 is a very confusing age. You're feeling real love for the first time but you're first love will not be your last, I promise. There is someone out there who will wait until you're completely 100% ready to move in with him, and he won't complain at all.
Do you really think you deserve someone who is trying to make you quit school to be with him? You should definitely be worried about what your parents would think because I know they didn't raise you to make impulsive decisions based on a stupid boy's half-promise to love and cherish you forever. It's not real, he doesn't love you, I'm not sure what that is, but love doesn't make you choose. And it definitely doesn't try to make you do what isn't best for you. Please think about what I said.
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Wow. I applaud you for trying to think this through but I feel like you're missing the bigger picture. I don't want to condemn your relationship or your boyfriend but the fact that you asked for assistance shows you know that there is something that's not going right in the relationship and your mind is at a cross-roads between you or your boyfriend. You have to first keep in mind that you are 15. You're still in high school and while it is considered rape, I do understand that you had feelings for this guy. I think your ex-friend and his ex-girlfriend are irrelavent in your decision, or she should be at least. Anyway, I honestly feel that if any man loves a woman, he would not stop her from pursuing her dreams to become whatever she wants. I really do not like that he told you that he won't wait around forever because he's not getting any younger and that he wants to start a life together. I don't think it's wise to drop out of high school and live a potential dangerous life away from your parents without a high school diploma or a college degree either. You should follow your life's dream and become who you want to be first before you try to work a man into your life. That's what I'm doing. I want to secure myself first, financially and of course, emotionally. I feel like, if he really loved you, he wouldn't ask you to start a life together just yet. That means, he's only considering himself and not your situation and your responsibilites as a person/student/daughter. Honestly, when you're in college, you will be open to so many different possibilites and people. Don't make such a drastic life decision at such a young age. I mean, you're already nervous just thinking about it. You have a dream to get a MASTERS, that's WAY beyond commnunity college. That's far much more money than community college. That's far more respect in society than community college or a high school dropout for that matter. Please, don't make such a decision. There is a reason why your parents are concerned. 19-20-21 year old guys, trust me, you would think they would know better at this age, but they only know how to care for themselves. I don't think your boyfriend is thinking about you and your needs. And that's something you need to focus on more. I'm not saying don't have a boyfriend, but don't make such a drastic life decision based on that one guy. Yeah, he's been through a rough time with his ex. But hey, we all only have one life to live, make the most of it. Be the best you can be. :)
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