|
An Excerpt from my book. tell me what you think. honestly :)
He had me pinned down on the couch. Holding my wrist with his firm grip, holding it with just enough pressure to hold me prisoner. The feeling was oddly comforting.
I felt my rushing pulse next to his steady slow one. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew. I knew what was about to happen and I knew after that one moment nothing would ever be the same for me.
I never fully processed what was happening until later that night and even then it didn’t feel real. The way I waited a lifetime of a few seconds as his head dropped, eyes never leaving mine, plunging into an unfamiliar world together. His warm breath spreading over my lips was the only thing I felt. The way the smell of his crisp after shave drafted to my nose. It made me shiver.
I felt frozen as he pressed his lips against mine. Feeding an unknown hunger and taking away my breath in an entirely different way. I felt his smile against my lips as I finally began to react. He knew all too well the reaction only he could emanate. He knew no other man could make me feel like this. He felt possession the way a man would knowing that I couldn’t control myself with him the way I do with the others. I'm sure it was probably another dick move of his but, in this moment that was the last thing on my mind, 'cause I didn’t even care. It felt good and I didn’t want him to stop. All too soon he released me. He started to move away but I didn't want it to end. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back to my impatient lips. He gripped my hips teasing the sensitive skin there. His feather like skims across my skin tingled wherever his gifted fingers made contact, searing. His touch, his smell, his confidence, or smugness I didn’t honestly care to find which it was he felt. I just felt him, all of him. Then he rested his head in the crook of my neck and whispered, "Later."
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
you have to ask love questions
]
I'm a writer too, and I found this interesting. I would definately buy it if you published it. It seems a lot like one of those teen romance books :)
Good luck with your book!
Bella xoxo
]
Not bad, I do some writing myself. If you do not mind some constructive criticism: this line "I'm sure it was probably another dick move of his but, in this moment that was the last thing on my mind, 'cause I didn't even care." I would rewrite it some as it is not properly set up in the preceding writing. Try to find another word for dick it seems out of place. Also cause should really be because as it is the proper tense for the tense you are writing in.
Something is missing here: "His feather like{What} skims". You need to fill in the what. I think "touch" may fit nicely.
fix these two things and it is a great paragraph. If your writing a book or a short story your off to a good start. What I've done is what an editor would normally do. It is really hard to edit your own work. If this is not a project for school or even if it is find someone o read it over. Let them ask questions or make suggestions to improve.
]
I'm a writer myself, and I found this to be quite enjoyable. You have a wonderful way with words. I just picture them pouring out of your fingers onto the keyboard with little effort. Obviously, there are a few grammatical errors. They are very minor, though. And I know you know how to fix them.
You have quite a talent, here. And the story sounds very steamy. :) I would love to read the finished product. Keep up the good work! Work on punctuation a bit. You asked for honesty.
Good luck! I hope I helped.
]
I thought I was reading an excerpt from 50 Shades of Gray! Good job! Lots of emotions and details. Keep it up!
]
More Questions: |