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Have Custody of Grandchildren. Important Question About Raising Them
Long story short, my son and daughter in law left the country some time ago and left their children with me. I became their legal guardian shortly afterwards knowing that it would be a permanent arrangement as their parents don't plan to be back until after their on their own. My grandson is hard to upset and acts fine with everything, but my granddaughter has all of these mother- daughter things to go to and since I'm the one who'll always go with her to those, as well as the person who takes care of her and is legally responsible for her, she wants to know if she is my kid now. I've explained to her that her mom and dad will always be just that and she will always be their daughter, but she wants to know if she is my kid too. Is she? Legally she is, and I have always considered most of my grandchildren to be mine, as I've done a lot to help raise them and take care of them, but am I thinking that she's mine in the same way she is? What do I tell her?
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You have to think -
Just because you are not their actual mum doesn't make you any less of a "real" mum - because you have brought these kids up... you are LEGAL responsible for them. if your son and daughter in law don't have regular contact - what makes them their "real" parents..
On the other hand you have to tell them that their mum and dad are not around but you are like their second mummy ?
Its hard - depending on their age don't be brutal... be suttle and just be honest... <3
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She is not your daughter she is your granddaughter. You are her legal guardian not her adoptive parent, there in lies the difference.
Not knowing how the guardianship is set up, the children's parents can return at anytime and revoke your guardianship. You only have the rights granted you in the guardianship papers. Now it is possible that full parental rights have been granted; that does not make you their parent. You are still legally the grandparent with custody and guardianship rights.
Your granddaughter needs to understand this especially to understand that her parents have not abandoned her or her brother. I know of a few places in the world that will not accept American or western children in the country with their parents who may have accepted jobs there.
For whatever the reason your son and daughter in-law have left their children in your care needs to be explained and understood by the children. If necessary a child psychologist should be consulted and even asked to work with the children to help them understand.
The short answer to your question is: Unless you adopt the children you are the grandparent and they are your grandchildren and it remains that way.
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