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What if your boyfriend mom refuses to meet you
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and his parents ( his mom especially) doesn't even like hearing my name. She changes the topic each time her son mentions my name. I've never met her. I don't think she'd want to see me to have a normal conversation so I was thinking maybe writing a letter?
I feel this is the only way I can reach her
Please advise
I'm 25 bf is 29
He's White and I'm Black
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Ah I know the feeling! My roles are reversed however, being the white girl with the black boyfriends my family have never cared for. I feel like it is the same race issue with you as our generation is really the first to fully appreciate diversity; before it was practically a crime to fall for anyone who didn't look like you. Unfortunately the older generations still have that mindset and it does make mixed relationships hard.
The best thing to do is let your boyfriend handle it, be prepared to make the best impression possible! I speak from experience but my family has this image of an over controlling man with a chequered past and a criminal record! Not really accurate but they go by the media tbh so I'm sure (though you're lovely) they have their stereotypical image of you as well which i'm afraid you have to work hard at to prove them wrong.
See if your boyfriend has one family member who will accept you and help get you in with the rest. For me my mother decided to meet my boyfriend and now she will defend him to my grandparents telling them he's actually very sweet and they should meet him. If your boyfriend has a sibling or close relative that is willing to give you the chance go for it. Obviously you want his mother to like you but she may need convincing by a few people first.
The more people you can win over with your charm and love for your boyfriend the better standing you'll have. I'm sure it won't be easy for you but you can always turn to your boyfriend when it gets too much, he's going through it with you as well :) And don't complain about his mother being closed minded, tell them it upsets you as expected but all you can do is hope she will give you a chance to prove to her the kind of woman you are :)
Goodluck! xxx
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I think you have a problem that writing a letter will not solve. I believe the problem has much to do with your race and his mothers problem with racism.
Now she may not consider herself to be a racist and maybe she didn't raise her son to be a racist. With her never meeting you and assuming she has no other knowledge of you other then your race. I can see no reason other than race for her problem. I'm sure you don't want to see it this way; frankly without you giving any other reason I can see no other cause for her stance.
There are many people out there who do not consider themselves racist yet they do not want their children to marry out of their race or out of their religion.
By ignoring your existence she is sending a not so subtle message to her son. If you decide to marry this women you are going to have to choose between her and your mother. Now boys are for the most part very close to their mothers. Even in today's society it is mom who is the primary care giver and the parent who is responsible for raising the children.
If marriage is on the horizon for you and your boyfriend then this is something the two of you need to discuss. If I am correct in my assumption and you two marry his mother will always be a wedge between you and a point of contention. This is not away to start a marriage. In fact after two years of dating I would think he would have addressed this problem by now with his mother.
My advice to you is: Before you invest anymore time in this relationship the situation with his mom has to be resolved. It is not up to you to resolve, it is for your boyfriend to resolve by stating his intentions and his feelings towards you to her. As much as he may not want to have to make a choice, his mother does not in her eyes have him make the wrong choice. So for now as matters stand she has not lost anything but stands to loose as much as you do if he is forced to make a choice.
I think it is in your best interest to find out where he stands and have him declare himself to his mother. He's in a comfort zone right now where he has the best of both worlds. It is my belief that he is being selfish and wrong to you by not forcing the issue with his mom.
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