Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
128839Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
last month my periods were 12 days late..they came on 8th of october. and lastd for 7 days. just as my normal period does. after that on 16th or 17th i gave my bf a blowjob, there were sperms on my hand which i wiped off.. and then we were sitting for about an half and hour in the ac.. and we didnt do anything.. after that i went to the washroom, washed my hands first with a water then a handwash and then wiped my hands off with tissue paper. after that i peed and cleaned my vagina with tissue paper. i got home and washed my hands thrice and after that didnt touch my vagina..my periods are irregular.but they never come before the date. today on 23rd of october i experienced a brown discharge.. i have fever with neck pain and headache. what could be the reason? am i pregnant? please help.. im 17! and i dont wanna be pregnant. please help.. once the fluid is pinkish then the other moment it is white..what should i do? please reply.. i seriously am scared.
Sometimes when a period is late, the fluid that comes out is brownish. This is normal to see if a period is late due to stress, illness. If you were pregnant, you would not be seeing the brownish fluid of a late period because the lining of the uterus is not going to be shed by used in pregnancy.
Most likely you caught a bug if you have fever and neck and headache. If you see a really pale pinkish tinged liquid, it means your period is getting ready to start. Make sure to carry pads where ever you go.
I was just curious. How much money do you earn on disability? Is it different for everyone? I've already seen doctors for over a year about my anxiety & paranoia. I've had problems in my college classes because of this.
I worked for a while in my state as a caregiver and my clients happened to be disabled mentally. One was both what you have. He was unable to work due to his paranoia. He had tried and it had not worked for him. You need an advocate working with you to help you through the process so that the State pays for your needs if unable to work.
Now it may differ from state to state but a good way to at least get steered in the right direction is to go to your local DSHS, Department of Social and Health Services, get a state assigned counselor. If you already have one, call them and tell them what your issue is, and what you want. These counselors are very over worked and have a very high case load so they may not get to you as soon as you like, but someone from DSHS should be able to check out if this is possible in your case.
Once in a while while having sex my boyfriend will get a thick, white substance on his penis and ive noticed same substance after I have had an orgasm. Is this normal or should I be worried? It doesn't happen all the time and sometimes has an odor and sometimes not. Need a reasonable answer because we are in a female/male monogamous relationship.
Since I have no way of knowing if this 'odor' you mention is normal or not, to be on the safe side, it might be best to talk to your doctor.
There is such a thing as precum, when a man is excited sexually, and it doesn't not show up every time on the tip on the penis. It's for help lubricating for intercourse.
Females also get a thick whitish liquid before sex, while aroused that is to help with lubrication for intercourse. These are normal and because in lots of people it's doesnt always show up regularly, or not enough lubrication, thats why there's such a great market for KY Jelly or other personal lubricants.
Men and Women both have their own musk scent in that region, and perhaps that is what you smell. I really can't detect much odor of any kind from my or hubbys fluids. It's very light and not offensive. If anything smells like rotten garbage, it may be an indication of an infection which you must see a doctor to get antibiotics prescribed for.
If you have a white substance after orgasm, some women, not all, are able to do the female version of ejaculation. In all women, a fluid is released with orgasm just as in men. However in utero, a tiny little duct that carries this orgasm fluid through, connecting to your tube where you pee through to exit, was never developed and so the fluid released goes straight into your bladder instead of bypassing and coming out the urethra. Thats why some women think they are peeing when its actually their cum fluid being released. You can also have more of the lubricating fluid of your own created in the vaginal area.
My entire life, I've been lazy. I'm not stupid, but unmotivated. There were times when I was focused and driven-- but, it was for a mere, temporary moment. I was never consistently passionate. EVER. I've done all activities when I was younger -- martial arts, ballet, and piano. Yet, I disliked them. I had played piano for nearly 8 years, but I wasn't good. Because I hated it. No one pushed me. Grade school to middle school, I've earned average grades-- with a couple C's there. High School, I took challenging courses freshman year, received 2 final average D's. Sophomore year, I took two honors and rest regulars -- hence, I received mostly A's. This year, I stacked up my schedule. Currently, I have 3 C's (the marking period didn't end yet). Honestly, when I attempt to focus, it just dies later on. I feel I could've achieved so much if i were not lazy. I attempted to change myself, but it did not work out. I want to become a marketing/advertising major, I'm creative, but I'm scared whether or not I have the capability to. I'm currently in marching band, but I force myself to do it. I despise it. What is wrong with me? If I were more driven, I could've been more successful than I am today. I'm so angry and bitter.
We don't have to have it all figured out by time we graduate HS. I know, when I was in high school, all you heard about was what college everyone is going to and what they were going to major in and what their talents, strengths or passions are. It seemed like 99% of the teens had their life figured out. I've learned since by chatting with other adults that the greater majority of us had no clue yet when we graduated and that a good chunk of us who thought we did, ended up changing the degree they went after, or never found work in the field of their degree and found their niche accidently much later in life. I myself have only become a writer in the last two years seriously with a completed novel and ideas for 3 more. And I am in my 50's.
You are very intelligent and able to express yourself much better than many teens who write in for advice. I do not believe that you are lazy. Hey we all procrastinate at times and change is scary for all, but lazy, I don't think so. Just call it a sense I have.
Since you say you have trouble focusing, may I suggest it could possibly be attention deficit disorder or something that mimics at. I am not talking about the hyperactive disorder, just the trouble focusing part. You most likely would have been diagnosed long before now if it was truly that. So that leaves me with another thing for you to consider. My 2nd husband has a daughter who when young qualified to go to a Montessori school. What this school did is have parents sign a contract promising to not give their kids in sugar in their diet. Really! Not kidding you. They said since outlawing sugar, two things happened, the youngest of children were well behaved, not acting up and they were also well focused, able to concentrate and thus did well in school. A teacher could tell the next day which child might have had something with sugar the night before, the change was instant. The reason I mention this is that people today are totally unaware of the effects of what they ingest. Popular among young folk today is the energy drinks like Red Bull, stuff with extreme amounts of caffeine and sugar. You might challenge yourself to cut out sugar for a month and see what happens. Probably can't avoid it totally. There's the obvious stuff where grams of sugar are listed but other food items that have no sugar listed also turn to sugar while in your stomach like bread, pastas and rice. So at least, try to cut down. No soda's or energy drinks, candy or baked items. Maybe more fresh veggies and meat. Having some kind of source of protein, if not meat, eggs, peanut butter, fish will provide you with energy. Meats expensive but you don't need much just get it regularly.
If you don't notice a change, check with a doctor to make sure you don't have the ADD that needs medication. If you don't have it, you've ruled out a possibility. Just have patience with yourself and don't worry. I had an A or B but mostly all C's in senior yr H.S. I have no college degree and yet my husband says I am one of the most intelligent people he has ever met. I haven't had a job gotten with degree's where I earned big bucks but success in life isn't measured by money. They want you to believe that but it isn't. I juggled raising children, a job outside the home and pretty much anything to do with running the house and did good at all of that. When the husband started a self proprietor business, I became his part time secretary, office worker as well. He didn't even do a quarter of what I did. I find that to be successful. I discovered over time what my strengths are, that which I am empassioned about. Anything creative, and nurturing. Nurturing covered gardening and child raising and helping out neighbor kids as well as giveing advice. the creative comes out in many ways. Now late in life I know I will become a published author. Some of those famous people who won nobel prizes and did fantastic things for humanity didn't accomplish that until mid life or later in life and many didn't have full college education or much education at all. Chin up, and blessings to you.
'
So my boufriend & I have been dating for about two weeks but known eachother for about 5 months . He and I are both virgins but we love to mess with eachother ex. I'll rub mu butt on him while we are cuddling or brush against his private kinda slowly on purpose and he'll rub mu body & get to this spot that I just bite my lip at when he touches but anyway we made a promise to wait until we both graduate h.s for sex but until then I still want to have fun . Like what are some intimate games that don't require too much money. I want the games to get to the point when he is almost aroused & he's begging for me. (We don't have oral or anal)
If you were an adult or married and wanted intimate games to spice up the sex life, I'd be glad to answer. Here's something you haven't considered and so, it's not what you asked and probably not what you want to hear.
You are playing dangerous if you wish to play intimate games dear. Wanting to get a young man to the point of "almost aroused" doesn't exist. Men skip that. Maybe women can be almost aroused but what you need to know is that younger men go from not aroused to instantly aroused in seconds. And that includes erections. (Older men may slow down as far as getting erect, but they can still feel desire and feel aroused without the erection.) Once there,s the erection, there is no safe buffer zone other than both your will powers to wait until after H.S. And the day will come when most people in the heat of the moment just want to savor the experience and go all the way. And people with your intent to wait, will not be prepared, not have condoms at the ready or her on birth control and then of course is the risk of pregnancy.
If you have a guy begging for you because you worked him all up, virgin or not, the guy can eventually come to the point of resenting that.
Heres my thinking on that using an analogy.
A mom bakes a batch of cookies. They are now done but she tells her child, you can't have any, only after supper. Yet the Mother constantly teases the child by bringing it past the childs nose, Here smell it dear, doesn't it smell good, I bet you want this but you will have to resist and wait until after supper. Next she puts the cookie in her childs hand, saying, you can only hold it but not eat it, not until after supper.
Perhaps an odd child or two may have the willpower to wait, but theres a good chance some children would sneak just one bite, or sneak a whole cookie, so overwhelm by mom's teasing.
If you were witnessing this Mom teasing her child so, and not ready to give him/her the cookie, wouldn't you think it cruel to treat ones child so? Same thing here dear. If you intend to tease him to the point he is ready to have sex with you and not deliver, that is cruel and one day it may backfire on you. I am not saying that you are a cruel person, just that you were thinking more about how you would enjoy the feeling of power women feel being able to do that to their guy and not seeing this from another point of view, mainly the guys. If you go through with this, it won't be long before he's begging for the oral and anal, because the tension is too great. And once there, its to easy to slip past that and without the intention to do so, get pregnant.
If the draw for you to have foreplay, mutual masturbation and sex is too strong for you to wait until graduation, may I suggest he buy condoms for STD protection and you make a visit to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills. They do see teen agers and give out birth control and it's confidential, parents won't know unless you tell them.
What is your opinion with online dating ? Do you think you can start talking to someone online and just feel inside you that this is it. You have so many of the same interest feelings and views especially with family and parenting life. You have been threw a lot of the same things and know those are things you don't want to go threw again.
LDRs
Yes, It's easy to find people on line who from what they say, seem to have things in common with you or meet your criteria for a guy.
BUT (and it's a big but), you are making these assumptions based on what they say. Not everyone tells the truth. And that brings us to problem number 1.
On line, it is even easier than when meeting someone in person to be false just to catch the other persons interest. We can call this being on our best behavior and trying to impress. What really happens is people pretending to be someone they are not. It takes a lot of personal energy to keep up the facade, the mask, and being on the other end of the internet, it's not likely at all for you to see signs of the real person if the mask slips (if there is one to begin with) In person, it is much easier to spot clues by their behavior and inconsistencies.
Let's say that you have found a great guy on line, haven't met yet, but he's for real, (although there's no way to know it) the one thing you can work on, long distance is conversation. But there is one thing you can't work on in an LDR, it's trust. And that brings us to problem number 2.
Trust is important in a relationship. Until a relationship is moved from LDR to face to face, not one visit but consistent, living near, same town so you see each other often enough to begin to grow trust, it's not going to happen. Trust takes a long time to develop. As trust develops it becomes easier to share your deepest secrets, fears, whatever your thoughts or opinions are without fear of ridicule, etc. Without trust, a relationship will be rocky at best.
Being that in an LDR, you can only pick up on some things, not all, all the rest will be fantasies made up by our minds because we hate not having all the knowledge up front. So we get into what I call 'Theater of the Mind'. And one of the things we fantasize about is having great chemistry together among other things. That brings us to problem number 3.
Pheromone's is a face to face thing. You can't pick up whether you have chemistry until face to face. Many times you will find a person perfect in all ways for you, I've been there . . . except that once meeting in person, you find there is no attraction to them despite how gorgeous they look. If the pheromone's between two people are not attracted to each other but rather repelled by each other, then the end result will feel like a sibling attempting to kiss you romantically, it just doesn't work. And yet, sadly, many people still get into relationships, even marriages with someone like that because they are perfect in all other areas. And what they end up with is living with their best friend (an important component) but lacking the romance, sexual attraction part which is the other important part of a long term or life time relationship. People end up settling for less, and unhappy and seeking at some point to get their romance and sex elsewhere or divorcing.
So if you are both adults, then I would suggest asking the guy to plan one short time, long enough to tell if there's chemistry with you. And if so, then move to your area, don't move to him. If a man is seriously looking for a mate and ready to commit to the one he believes is the right one and he hasn't found anyone in his area, he will move to be near you to give the relationship a chance. If you make a move to the guy, you'll never know how serious or ready he really is to commit. Too many woman write in, disappointed after their move to find it all falling apart and they are away from their support--family and friends.
If you are not yet an adult, I would suggest that you keep this person as an internet friend for now and not pin your hopes on anything coming of it and put the majority of your energy into dating in real life, learning what dating is all about, what you like and don't like about guys, knowing what trust feels like and what this mysterious chemistry thing feels like. Chemistry is not so elusive, you'll have chemistry with many over time, and then the object is to find your best friend as well.
I'm 20 years old and had a lot of sex in the past 5 years with over 25 partners, but for some reason I prefer masturbation over sex in the past few months which obviously makes my girlfriend of 6 months furious. Is it normal to prefer masturbation over sex or is there something wrong with me??
Continueing from what the other advicegiver said, we can actually train our bodies to respond only when we masturbate or have better responses when we masturbate. This easily leads to preferring masturbation. What your body learned to prefer, it can unlearn. I am female and once upon a time preferred masturbation over letting the guy work on my clit. It seems to be a long process for a guy, any guy to get used to how to get me to respond. Only once did a guy seem to get it right from the start. First marriage, hubby never got it. Lots boyfriends after, all but one took time, definately not 6 mos to get to know my body, it can take a year or two or more. If one isn't getting as great an orgasm with their partner giving the hand job, then we're more likely to spend time trying to find satisfaction another way.
As for oral sex, I know darn well that most older guys I've been with needed lots more time to be together with me to gain trust and learn to be comfortable and become intimate with me. They were willing to have sex, wanted it so much but they bodies wouldn't cooperate until a certain depth of closeness was established in the relationship. Same for my 2nd husband and I. Even though we enjoy sex, for each of us to manipulate each other with hands, mouth tongue to orgasm hasn't really begun to happen until the past year and we've been married 5.
If you really like this girl, have a talk with her. Any girl who see's a guy going off to look at porn, masturbate or have sex on the side with another girl, is going to think something might be wrong with her deep down whether she admits feeling that or not, that will drive an anger in her. She needs to know it's not her. Let her know, that some peoples bodies take some time to attune to their partner. Trust me, if two people truly have chemistry together, over time it will become easier and easier to get a partner off with less and less work. You need to let her know that you desire her and want her. As long as porn or masturbation doesnt take time away from you making sure she is totally satisfied sexually, then there shouldn't be a problem other than lack of knowledge on her part. Another fact is that a male can have great sex with his partner and due to him being young, is ready to go soon after for more. Its a fact that many young men have a high need for sexual release even if they have a partner and have a good sex life, it is normal and even okay as long as he doesnt obsess and begin to want and prefer only everything but his partner.
So another question is, are you satisfying your girlfriend? Since females are capable of multiple orgasms in one setting, is she getting as many as she wants, to the point where she feels boneless and her legs like noodles, unable to walk? Or is it just intercourse and she has never had an orgasm. Its easier to pretend for a young man who doesnt know any better but older men know when their lady is having an orgasm or not. So have a talk with her. Find out if she is pleased with what you give her.
If she is truly well taken care of and understands your need for more than she may want to give, then the masturbation should be no problem.
I need help, I was put out my aunt and uncles house at 17. I am now 22. I've always had a problem growing up. I struggled with depression for as long as I could remember. I started to get myself together when I was 21. Had A Job Found A Room at But I Lost My Job And Was Still depressed. I find myself always being depressed and always hating them for giving up on me so I gave up on myself. I been jumping from family member to family member I'm depressed and lost. I'm currently unemployed and ready to just really give up this time.
You mention being depressed but nothing about whether you've ever seen a doctor for it. If you haven't, thats the first step, there are lots of depressed people in the world and they were born like that. Their bodies don't produce enough of the NT's (neuro-transmitters) that their brain needs to be able to function at optimum levels...basically the term 'depressed' means that a persons level of NT's are depressed, or too low, not enough to be able to handle all the needs and pressures of daily life. This is what I call a chemically imbalanced NT level and doctors can help it with use of artificially made NT's for you to take.
Some people have bodies quite capable of producing enough NTs on its own but due to a variety of issues, they've let the levels drop and never done anything to raise them back up. The stress of not feeling wanted, family giving up on you, and the whole snowball effect of losing jobs, (likely the depression could be an issue there) all this and more will use up NT's like crazy leaving you totally empty. A car cant run on empty, neither can a human's mind.
I do have a list of ways that a person can raise their own NT levels. Those of us who do not have depression as a constant woe, will feel stress too that uses up our levels of NT's. There is no one immune to or able to avoid stress. Plus what is stressful to one person isn't to another or isnt in their lives. I have used a list I have on line to naturally up those levels which can only be done because I dont have the clinical depression of chemical imbalance born with.
Have a doctor check you out. If they say you don't have depression, you may want to try my list for depression. Just let me know. I must say its not my creation but it seems many psychologists know of it, my daughter went for one free visit through her job and told the guy she was still depressed months after a boyfriend left. Since it was just the one visit, he gave her the same list of things to do I told her about, she just didn't believe mom. Haha. I hope all is worked out and goes better for you. Let me know if I can help anymore.
For break I stayed at my bestfriends house for a week and we had a party last night. .. And normally I sleep with him but on opposite sides of the bed but last night it was cold and he wanted to cuddle and keep warm( neither of us were drunk we had a little alcohol) so we cuddled... And we're really close but we've never cuddled even if he's drunk... Ok! To the story last night after his girlfriend and everyone from the party left he cuddled with me and in that process he was massaging my back rubbing my thigh and leg and basically caressing my body and stuff and I was trying to hog the blankets and we we're "fighting" and we cuddled most the night.. I wake up and I'm still close to him and I get up to pee and I didn't feel good so I told him I didn't feel good so we cuddled more at 12:30 in the afternoon and now he doesn't want his girlfriend to know or anybody... What does the cuddling crap mean?
So you are saying that this is something he has never done before except for that one night and following day? I can guess but I could be so far off. It may mean something and may not mean anything.
You really would have to bring it up if it was new behavior. You just say you've been thinking about that night and cant figure something out so you want to know....." If he truly is your best friend and you are close enough to not feel threatened to share your most secret or intimate thoughts, then he should have no problem answering your questions. Be sure to ask why he doesnt want his girlfriend to find out or anyone else either. What does he fear.Based on what he reveals to you about the cuddling, the 2nd question may already be answered.
Here are a couple of possibilities to mentally prepare your self for.
1.He started out as your best friend, got himself a girlfriend but somewhere along the line he fell in love with you too and now finds himself in love with two girls at the same time, too scared to reveal it to each one for fear of losing them.
2. Same story as above except that he has the girlfriend mainly to take care of some needs, one of which may be sexual. But what he wants with you is not just the friendship but the sexual part as well and is afraid to tell you he's in love with you for fear of losing you as his best friend. You may have to ask point blank questions of him regarding either of these situations.
3. He might be polyamorous. There are people, whether male or female, whether single or married, who are not monogamous and never will be, Its who they are. They are perfectly capable of loving more than one person at a time. Some will deny it, especially if they know nothing about it and actually do the opposite of what should be done, hide the fact from both people, thereby not giving in your case, his girlfriend a chance to decide if she wants to be one of two female partners with him in a triad. All involved must be on the up and up due to disease issues, not take on other partners unless all know about and are okay with it.
4. As a male, he may just have been going over the line and not holding in his body's urges and sexual needs to touch and cuddle. Stroking a partners hair, or their body or just cuddling can be a very satisfying switch from just having straight sex all the time. Hubby and I find it very satisfying as something different to do. To us, it is a very intimate thing and we find it gives us our sexual feelings as well. He may have wanted to check out how it feels with you versus his girlfriend, as he could pick up alot on his side as to how satisfying it is for him on an intimate, sexual way. It could be just he was curious. But depending on how he processed that and what he is thinking, it could happen again and he may want to do more.
What you need to ask him is if he still loves you just as a friend or if his feelings are deeper now, and he desires you as a girlfriend.
I'm guessing the two of you have likely known each other longer and have more history together than him and the girlfriend. So you owe it to yourself to find out. Because even if you don't feel it yet, the flame of love can slowly sneak up on you if you are willing to give it a try.
The fact that she knows both of you makes it hard.
He doesnt want her to know because any female hearing this would think there was something up.
oTHER than bi females, I don't know of any females who would cuddle and stroke their best girlfriend all through the night and into the next day. My guess is he has developed feelings for you. If you don't return the feelings, then after your talk, let him know that such touching and cuddling is inappropriate considering he has a girlfriend. If he;s just not that into his girlfriend, he should let her go.
Good luck!
ok so it might be right to like somone but i like my ex's best friend and i also need help on if i shouldtell him ot not because i think he flirts with me and he has a girlfriend alread and she is one of my best friends.i have gotten mostly over the other one but now i like his best friend help please what should i do?!?!
First, don't feel guilty that you see something, some qualities in the guy. We are wired to be on the lookout for traits we like in other person, not all of the people we see something in that makes us like them are going to be available, some may be dating, and some married, depending on their age. If we're talking teens here, just consider, you'll come across this all your life, even if you are happily married. Admiring wonderful traits in someone of the opposite sex is okay.
What we need to be doing is making a list, keepin a journal of what we like and don't like in a guy. During the years of your own dating experience, you will meet guys who seemed great, and you fall for them over one or two aspects about them but on the other hand, they are rude to you, belittle you, have a quick temper and ignore you alot. You don't like those qualities and don't want to be with someone like that til your dying day. So remember what clues there were that a guy has those bad traits. It should be easier when you meet the next.
So as to telling anyone? No. What purpose would it serve but to make them feel uncomfortable around you. IF by any chance your best girlfriend breaks up with the guy you have a crush on, close female friends seem to have a silent agreement to still ask their friends permission to date the guy they just broke up with. I just want you to be aware of that. Some females don't mind, especially if they are the ones initiating the break up. If they got dumped and are not over it yet, they may not take kindly to you being the immediate new girlfriend, thinking now that perhaps the reason he broke up with her is because he had been seeing you on the side and decided to go for you. It's a tricky situation. If this is the case, you may want to give it a month or two of not going out on dates but at least contacting the guy and letting him know of your interest in him but that you'd like to give your best friend some time to get over the break up before you see him. Otherwise you risk losing your girlfriend over it
BF - "So, this may seem odd, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I came to terms with my bisexuality a few years ago... It took a long time because I was raised in a very "Bible Belt" southern baptist home. It was a big struggle and not many people know. Anyways, I am faced with a dilemma, I feel almost completely fulfilled with my girlfriend, and past girlfriends for that matter. But there is always that longing for a guy... But when I have dated guys it always feels as though something is missing specifically that they can't seem to be as emotionally involved. Generally all they want is sex... I really don't even know what I am trying to say or ask... Also I know we haven't really talked or hung out much if at all in the past... But I just kind of felt like you might be able to give me some insight."
FRIEND - "I honestly came from the exact same situation. Bible Belt, Christian/Conservative household. I had a really hard time accepting that I wanted to be with a woman because I was always told it was wrong.... My advice is to just try to personally truly come to terms with it before dating another guy. You'll never have that connection if you still somehow even POSSIBLY feel that it is wrong. If you feel fulfilled with your girlfriend, then just be with her. If not, maybe approach the idea of an open relationship or possibly a poly relationship. If you think she may be open to it. I don't know her, so it depends. Taylor and I don't share.... But if I ever felt the need to be with a man or vice versa, we would let the other rather than leave them. We just truly want the other to be happy.... Do you want the companionship or do you just enjoy the sex with men? Personal, I know. But it may help me to help you figure this out."
BF - "Well, I guess I want to be able to let go, to feel vulnerable and be able to be protected. I am by nature very effeminate but also very protective. I think maybe it's this duplicitous nature of my mind that plagues me so much. I enjoy sex with women and men. I love ****** to death and everything is fulfilled except my ability to be vulnerable to be the "woman" so to speak. Basically if ****** were a man every single need would be met... I am at a loss. I love her an would never want to lose her, but I worry that I may become unsatisfied years down the road."
That was a conversation between my boyfriend and his friend written January this year. He was dating another girl/referring to another woman in this message. He and I have been dating since February.
He had told me upfront that he was bisexual and of his few bisexual experiences with men/including sex. I did not accept it then and several months later, I am not comfortable with this side of him. Few times since we've been dating I found gay porn on his phone/first time I found it I was not looking for it. We've fought many times over this subject of him being bisexual.
I accept all him but this. I let myself accept him just a few days ago and had seen that I wasn't able to love him all this time because of that side of him. Except that day I was able to love him and I saw that he truly loved me. I'll always have those doubts that he will want for a man instead of me. He told me early on I was different than his other relationships because for the first time he did not want a man. He had also stated that I have a "manly" side to me and he believed that was why he felt as such. Today after he had left for a trip, I shamefully took the opportunity to search his messages/mainly looking for hook up messages from former sex companions whom he still has conversations with. I found nothing in that department. I just found this. I'm on a fence/ would it be in my best interest for my future to breakup with him due to the fact that he's a risk or because he's deep-down fantasying of men and staying with his girlfriend because he's more comfortable with a woman and not entirely sure on how he feels for men? He has told me that he wanted to marry me. Which confuses me more. Could I be all that he needs? Be the "protector", let him cry on my shoulder when he needs to. I don't think that's what I want, I like being the vulnerable one. I like laying my head on his chest with his arms wrapped around me. There have been times when he tried to lay on my chest and I had him move up and switch. I once was with a woman. I know what it feels like to be the dominant one and what it feels like to hold a my significant other. If that was what I wanted I would be with a woman. I chose to be with a man because he's a man. I need him to be the man. Bisexual man is another gender in its self/ being with a bisexual man that is. I know the decision is ultimately up to me, it's very hard to make up my mind. To conclude, I need another standpoint. I fear relying on my senses will come to a decision I may regret.
It's good then that you did ask for advice of others. I am straight but have known many gay or bi-sexual people and also lots of poly-amorous people.
One thing I can say I've learned is that people in those situations need a partner who is okay with who they really are. 100 % okay, no giving it a try and see how you'll feel. Imagine if straight people were the minority and you lived in a world where all the gay, transexual, bisexual, polys, etc... were telling you that your choosing to be straight is wrong and you should change to be like them.
I can tell right now, most humans are predictable and would have issues with someone assuming you are choosing to be straight. Go on and ask yourself right now..."Did I choose to be straight only because my parents are and my friends parents and that's all I know? I bet you know you are straight because you were born that way, you didn't Choose it.
Adopted children being raised by a gay couple, do not turn out Gay just because their legal parents are. But they will at least have a healthy respect of, and understanding and acceptance of those who have different sexual preferences.
I used to attend church and was taught being gay is a sin. Do we honestly think that as Great as God is, that He is more concerned with what ethnic foods we eat, how we choose to dress, the genre of movies or books we like to read and our choices regarding sexuality? Hon, those are just all the trimmings of life, it's your soul he is concerned about. God gave free will to all and will not take it back away because He knows theres a better path for someone. God has eternity to wait for a soul to mature and get it right. So however they mess up in one lifetime, doesnt matter as much as their learing to love others like he does. All souls on this planet right now are our sisters and brothers. It's our spiritual family, related through our creator and its so vast a family, we'll never get to know them all personally. But those who we come into contact with, need to be treated with love.
If you find yourself unable to love this guy totally as he is, you have every much a right to not be ready to accept that. You can choose to be anti bi and gay for the rest of your life and thats who you are and where you are at in your personal soul journey. It's like living at grade levels for souls. If I am in 6th grade and your soul is in 1st grade, I can't expect you to understand what I know. That all said, and I don't mean to sound mean, but what you do not have a right to do is tell him to change for you, to pretend to be something he is not and to pick fights over it. Please let him go. It doesn't matter that he has asked you to marry him. If you both got married, you wouldn't be married long anyhow so why bother and both subject yourself to that kind of grief. He needs to find another girl who has all your attributes and personality that he likes but has the one thing you can't give him, acceptance and support in who he is.
He admitted he is an effeminate man. Besides that fact that you like many things about him, how long have you been with him compared to a couple decades or a lifetime. If marriage is to last, you have to be a perfect match in all things not 75 % OR even 90%. The problem is, many people choose marriage every day with someone who is not 100% perfect for them. I am not being unrealistic...There will always be some minor differences where there is some give and take and compromising needing to be done. But there are major life issues two people must be in total agreement on before marriage otherwise you'd be settling for less. LOOK out for those deal breakers like: if you want kids but he never wants them, you're one religion and he is not yours and wont ever be, you're straight, he's bisexual. It's those big deal breaker issues that cause havoc in a relationship. It will be like living in a pressure cooker, give it enough time and even just One major difference will have its chance to break up the marriage.
Hi. I'm 18, currently at college. There's a boy named Alex in my Sociology 101 class. I decided last week to introduce myself to him. I walked up to him, introduced myself, told him he was cute and asked if he wanted to study for sociology sometime. The only reason I asked him about the studying thing was to have a reason to get his number. Sadly I didn't get his number, but he said if he falls behind in class he would let me know. He also smiled when I said he was cute and he said he would talk to me after we took our test on friday. He was finished with his test before me so he left and I didn't have the chance to talk to him again. I need help, should I talk to him next class, or should I wait for him to approach me? I really want to get to know him and I'm just scared to approach him again. Please give me advice :)
It can't hurt to be honest, tell him why you talked about studying together, it was supposed to be an excuse to get his number and didn't work out quite as you'd hoped. Would he be willing to trade numbers and chat sometimes? It should work. Good luck
18/f
okay so I met this guy a few weeks ago and we talked ALL the time and we ended up messing around a bit but we didn't have sex, and weve done that about 3 times now and he tells me he likes me but whenever I message him about 50% of the time it takes him FOREVER to read them or open them, but like the last time we hungout he wanted me to take a picture with him to snapschat his mom so im soooooooooo confused!! I really like this guy and I just don't want to get hurt again,......
Thanks!
Ask him if he likes texting or not. Some guys hate typing. Some do better with actual phone calls. Lastly, others prefer face to face talk. Just ask him, dont assume its bad news if you dont hear back all the time.
i thought i had feelings for this guy but hes getting clingy and now i dont think i like him as much... i feel like telling him that would make him think i lead him on.. maybe i did in a way, but i cant help how i feel. i care about this guy but maybe not enough for any kind of relationship.. i dont know what to do and i need advice.. i dont want to hurt him
The reason for dating or hanging out with a person more is for the very situation you have here. Its to discover what you like and don't like about the person and you will refine your list until it helps you choose the person you want to spend your life with. Initial attraction is great. Choosing to spend more time with a person you're initially attracted to will help discover more things about them to see if you still like them, like them more, like them less or not at all now. That is not the act of leading them on.
Leading a person on starts the moment you decide you're not interested in them at all anymore and yet you accept dates from them, gifts from them and tell them I love you when really, you've ready got your radar going looking for someone else to replace them with. THAT is leading someone on. So when a dating relationship doesn't work out for someone, of course the partner will be disappointed or maybe even hurt but that is life. People are hurt in break ups all the time. It can't be avoided.
Is it a bad idea if I invite another female into my bed to spice up our sex like since I can't perform like I used to before my illness! I love to please my husband but it's hard to at this point! Would my marriage brake if I do. Need help please! We have been together for 15yrs and married for 10yrs. I'm a 36 year old abd my husband just turned 40 years old.
What a love to want husband to still get his needs met, even if you can't do so with difficulty. I knew a couple where the husband took his wife to swing clubs because he couldn't perform any more. So she got her needs met there. Not all partners may need this. Discuss it with your husband. Some partners have high sex drives and will be climbing to walls and masturbation just may not be satisfying enough. The two of you need to agree to be willing to try. I've known so many people who tried the open marriage thing...allowing ones partner to take on another person. It worked for some and not for others. Those who had most success had their spouses blessing to take on a sex partner but the spouse did not want to see them together or hear them together. It's one thing for your heart to want to do this. It's entirely another to see it in action such as having a 2nd woman in bed with you there at the same time. Due to the fact you are no longer able to do the same things you could before, it could really hurt to see another able to do that for him. Then again, you may have no problem. Sometimes the best way to find out is to try one way...then discuss it afterwards and if there's issues, try something else.
There's always a chance that it good break up a marriage but for that to happen, both of you would have to be very immature, not willing to discuss it, and any feelings of jealousy.
Jealousy is a fear of loss basically. So what could happen is you beginning to feel you'll lose your husband, he'll divorce you and marry the other woman. You may feel he has developed just as strong a love for her. Some people actually seek this, it's called polyamory...not talking about polygamy. What we need to realize is that someone else is not better than us, just different. So you'd need to be able to handle the fact he may end up caring about her not as a replacement but just for herself and her differences. It truly is possible for people to do this but it certainly stretches a person growth wise.
One last thing, I used to be on a dating site, it's how I found my 2nd husband. I met many guys who sounded great, who claimed to be single and once face to face they admitted to me that they were married, and for various reason, no longer had a sex life and wanted me as his sex partner. I would say, if you both are sexually mismatched and never have been happy together, why not divorce, be single so you can find someone to love. Their answers were, I can't. I love her too much. She's my best friend and I am emotionally attached to her and dont mind that she can't give me sex.3 woman couldn't due to fibromyalgia. My sis has and a friend has so I know that for them it's hit and miss or too painful to endure. The husbands were unwilling to bring it up to the wives. I told them, that until I found the man to marry, I might be willing to get involved for a while IF he'd tell the wife and have her willing to meet me so I can hear from her that she is giving her blessing. That might be a last resort for you. Meeting the woman, approving of her and if you feel too jealous, then allowing him to see her without you around to watch. Good luck. If any other related issues or questions come up, feel free to write me about them.
So there is this guy ( Im 13 btw ) and he told a few of my friends that he likes me. He told them he was going to ask me out today, but he got to scared so he didn't. He told them he was going to ask me out monday. I don't know what to say. I like him i just want to know do i say yes or sure? and another thing, how do i make it less awkward? I want to talk to him, but in a fun, flirtish kind of way... help!
Now if this is all for sure, you know he likes you but chickened out, then don't wait for him if he likes you. Take the pressure off for him and you approach him and ask to hang out or go out if there is something specific like going to a movie, a school dance or out to a fast food joint together.
Boys like it when you can honestly laugh at something they say. So if you can get him into conversation and do so , you'll be doing fine.
I'm having constant fights with my best friend. We've been friends for 3 years. All the previous school year and this summer we were seeing each other every day. We were inseparable. Now this school year started and I got a boyfriend. We've been unofficial for a few months and now for half a month we're official. I believe that she is jealous cause she is single for over a year and that she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. But she is showing it wrong. She keeps making scenes of jealousy, she won't talk to me, she is not even calling me to hang out anymore. I only see her at school. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her as a friend but she needs to understand that she's not right and that even though I have a boyfriend I still love her and she's my best friend. What should I do?
Also if reasonable talk and reassurance doesnt work, it may be that on top of jealousy, there's hormonal issues too if we are talking middle school or high school instead of college.
The hormones of going through puberty is hard enough to handle without the extra hormones we pick up living in today's society. I've read that plastics leak hormones into our food and environment so when the Hormones of puberty hit it becomes overload on the emotions and some gals react much deeper and stronger than others do. Once she's at the end of her teen years, if the age is correct, then this should subside.
If she won't talk to you, write a nice email letter or post in private chat window to her Facebook. Just don't post public where everyone can see. And let her know that you still care about her. Then you'll have to just wait for her to come around, it may be weeks, months or even a year but if she values your friendship, eventually she'll come around. Dont try contact too often, it'll just irritate her more if she's jealous, having no boyfriend. Let a couple months go by and try calling and if she wont answer, leave another letter that you're thinking of her, that you will always welcome her back as best friend no matter how much time you haven't been together. When a person excludes you from their life and is in the wrong and too much time goes by, often they will feel to embarassed or sheepish to make the first move at reconcilliation. My sister believed someone else's story about something I said or did and decided not to speak to me for months. I gave her some time and tried contact. Too soon, she didn't answer. It took about 4,5 months before I called one day, she answered and I shared something cute the kids had done. She laughed and continued talking as if nothing ever happened. Never brought up why she stopped talking, and never apologized. I would advise that the day she finally answers you, you start talking about anything but the friendship breakup and do not expect any apology. It doesn't matter. She's your best friend and thats the equivilent of my sis in my story. She's human, bound to make some bad judgements in life, just as you will do. Don't hold it against her, just accept her back when she does come around, always keeping the doors open, that's what a best friend would do, even if wronged by their best friend.
Good luck dear!
I am an 18 year old girl from Edmonds Washington and I am going through a rather confusing time with this certain man that I am with. (he is 22) he is also a sailor in the navy. We have known each other for about 3 and a half months. I really like this guy, he is sweet and funny but i don't know if I want to continue seeing him. You see, he mentioned the military ball too me a few times and eventually he asked me to be his date. Of course, I was thrilled! I went through the trouble of buying the dress and the shoes to look good for him. On the day of the ball, when I was all dolled up, he called and canceled 20 before he was supposed to pick me up. Apparently he brought and reserved tickets from his friend but they were sold to someone else. Then I said that's fine and we were going to hang out instead but he never called me back.... Untill 3 hours later.... (8:00) he said that he fell asleep. We kinda made up over the phone but I don't know if I should continue too see this guy.
The reason you feel uncertain about seeing him could be something other than the fact you didn't go to the ball and he fell asleep instead of calling back. I have ex navy in the family.(son in law) He's out now but I remember him being tired a lot too as a young. They're really worked hard. Do you know what his schedule is like, his shifts he works and time of day? That count account for falling asleep so easily.
At 3 1/2 months, I dont know how often you have seen each other, but I believe that unless a couple has a relationship where they practically most of their days out of the week seeing each other, it's going to be hard to have total trust in that person.
Someone like me late in life remarrying again, I had experience and knew what to look for so I could shorten the experience but even so, when we met, both our work schedules prevented us from seeing each other much but since we really felt we had the right person, we decided to live together to use what ever extra hours we could scrounge to spend together so things like trust could begin to build between us. Still together after over 5 years. I am not saying you have to move in with him, but being that he is in the navy, you will continue to have long times apart each time he's out on assignment on the boat. However you'll want to make good use of the times he is back at the base near you, and try to spend as much of 24/7 together as possible.
You might ask him if he can get contact info. for his boat on a support group for the wives and significant others of the navy men on that boat. My daugther was involve in that and they actual met often. It was helpful to have others who understand the things you face with such a relationship and also the experience of the other women to let you know what has worked for them.
Blessings!
I'm 15/f. I have this best friend that's a guy and I've known him for about 5 years. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer and he's not the best looking either. He's super nice and has always listened to me when I vent and talk. I can always laugh when I'm around him. He has helped me feel better about the disorders I have and about me self harming. He has done drugs before and has smoked ect. I asked him if he wanted to hangout in a week or so and so for the first time ever, I will be doing weed with him. Do not talk me out of it and it is not peer pressure; he would never force me to do anything I didn't want to. I am doing it because it won't leave terrible scars like cutting and burning my skin does. He accepts me for who I am though which is very important to me. Lately, I've been realizing that he's acting a bit flirtatious towards me. We joke around and send kissy faces through text but his seems more sincere and he always compliments me and is very cute with what he says to me. Is he falling for me? Will he take advantage of me when I do drugs with him? Am I gunna end up being his girlfriend?
The title seems an entirely different issues from questions you ask at the end.
The most stable fulfilling relationships are the ones where a guy and gal are best friends, but they also have the right chemistry together (a pheremone thing) where you feel the attraction and there is romantic feelings toward each other. Just because someone is a best friend and the opposite sex doesn't mean that that two can make the other half of the relationship work if it's missing. The pheremone/body chemicals you emit either find they match his, like two jig saw puzzle pieces that fit, or they don't. If you've ever tried to force two puzzle pieces together, you know that you can fake it that its the right one until you're left with a piece in the hand that doesnt go in the last spot.
So if you've never had the romantic feelings for him, just don't go there. Its not a matter if you are hanging out to do weed together or not. He can continue to be a close friend, like a best friend but doesnt need to be at boyfriend status. No one reaches boyfriend status until you have someone you have things in common with who treats you right and there is also that romance between you. You don't want to receive a kiss from a boyfriend where it feels like your brother just kissed you.
I am single,and am a christian. However,I this guy makes me soooo happy,and comfortable,he totally gets me and we can have the most random discussions with each other,he says he likes me,he told me and also my friends,I wud definetly date him but he's 15!!,and am 18 ppl wud talk,my family wud judge,and u know iht wud be ockward, but I like him so much,he makes me happy,and we have innocent fun together.. What should I do??
Age only looks odd to some people when we're in school and separated by different grade levels. Now if the two of you were at the park or at the mall, in general people who saw you together know nothing about you and by appearance would have no idea of a difference in age with you being older.
You mention age difference but I am not quite sure if there is a faith difference. Your parents raised you Christian. so if he isn't I can see issues with the family if you date him for that one reason alone. But this is Your life and you at 18 are an adult. You must make decisions for yourself. Since he is just 15, he may be making lots of big decisions and changes in his life between now and when he turns 18. Even for yourself, there is a lot of big life decisions, changes, growth and self defining decisions yet to come. Our brains are finally mature at 25 to 30 and by 28, 29,30, we are disregarding what any friends or family or society said we are as a person and discovering who we , defining ourselves. Enjoy what you have for now because with the major character growth ahead for both of you, it is possible you may very easily end up on different paths that take you in totally opposite directions where you never see each other again. Then again, the changes may be similar and you end up still being together much later in life. Just enjoy what you have now if you know you can ignore those who are ignorant.