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Due to my illness I can't perform in bed like I used too.
Is it a bad idea if I invite another female into my bed to spice up our sex like since I can't perform like I used to before my illness! I love to please my husband but it's hard to at this point! Would my marriage brake if I do. Need help please! We have been together for 15yrs and married for 10yrs. I'm a 36 year old abd my husband just turned 40 years old.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
What a love to want husband to still get his needs met, even if you can't do so with difficulty. I knew a couple where the husband took his wife to swing clubs because he couldn't perform any more. So she got her needs met there. Not all partners may need this. Discuss it with your husband. Some partners have high sex drives and will be climbing to walls and masturbation just may not be satisfying enough. The two of you need to agree to be willing to try. I've known so many people who tried the open marriage thing...allowing ones partner to take on another person. It worked for some and not for others. Those who had most success had their spouses blessing to take on a sex partner but the spouse did not want to see them together or hear them together. It's one thing for your heart to want to do this. It's entirely another to see it in action such as having a 2nd woman in bed with you there at the same time. Due to the fact you are no longer able to do the same things you could before, it could really hurt to see another able to do that for him. Then again, you may have no problem. Sometimes the best way to find out is to try one way...then discuss it afterwards and if there's issues, try something else.
There's always a chance that it good break up a marriage but for that to happen, both of you would have to be very immature, not willing to discuss it, and any feelings of jealousy.
Jealousy is a fear of loss basically. So what could happen is you beginning to feel you'll lose your husband, he'll divorce you and marry the other woman. You may feel he has developed just as strong a love for her. Some people actually seek this, it's called polyamory...not talking about polygamy. What we need to realize is that someone else is not better than us, just different. So you'd need to be able to handle the fact he may end up caring about her not as a replacement but just for herself and her differences. It truly is possible for people to do this but it certainly stretches a person growth wise.
One last thing, I used to be on a dating site, it's how I found my 2nd husband. I met many guys who sounded great, who claimed to be single and once face to face they admitted to me that they were married, and for various reason, no longer had a sex life and wanted me as his sex partner. I would say, if you both are sexually mismatched and never have been happy together, why not divorce, be single so you can find someone to love. Their answers were, I can't. I love her too much. She's my best friend and I am emotionally attached to her and dont mind that she can't give me sex.3 woman couldn't due to fibromyalgia. My sis has and a friend has so I know that for them it's hit and miss or too painful to endure. The husbands were unwilling to bring it up to the wives. I told them, that until I found the man to marry, I might be willing to get involved for a while IF he'd tell the wife and have her willing to meet me so I can hear from her that she is giving her blessing. That might be a last resort for you. Meeting the woman, approving of her and if you feel too jealous, then allowing him to see her without you around to watch. Good luck. If any other related issues or questions come up, feel free to write me about them.
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The short answer: Given your long history, I think your relationship would endure even if you found yourself hurt by this arrangement, but at the same time your husband's enjoyment out of it might not be worth the pain you feel in the long run. Unless you're into it, I wouldn't do it.
The long answer: Do you find yourself ever jealous of your husband's attraction to other women (if the attraction is evident)? Do you think you're capable of being turned on or in any way excited by your husband being with another woman?
If you aren't the jealous type and can get something out of this arrangement, go for it.
But if you think you could be jealous and won't get anything out of it, perhaps you shouldn't. Keep in mind, the thought of a spouse with someone else hits someone a lot softer than actually seeing and knowing that it's happening. You can't accurately know how it'll feel until you go through it.
A big reason (but certainly not the only reason) why people are hurt when it comes to a spouse cheating on them is a strong fear of being replaced, devalued. Of course, what you're talking about isn't cheating, but I would guess there's a strong chance of you feeling the same fear of being replaced, especially given your inability to perform the way you used to. That feeling will cause far more damage than good in your relationship.
Sex is fun and some could argue that it's important in fresh relationships, but it's far from everything. After 15 years, I'm sure you're husband realizes this and what you can do for him may be enough. Still, I can understand wanting to replace what is missing, so I would advice trying to spice things up in other ways before involving another person. Toys, role-playing, anything new that might appeal to either of you.
That is unless you don't have a jealous bone in your body and/or can get some excitement out of the arrangement yourself. But that's rare.
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I would urge you to talk and discuss the whole issue of your being unable to satisfy him sexually before you attempt to realise the option of recruiting another woman. Is he actually unhappy about the situation as it stands? Or do you just think he is? Are there options of sexual satisfaction for him which you could explore which you are happy about and you find less demanding on yourself? Is it a temporary or long-term condition which limits your performance/enjoyment of sex? In practice, although it seems a reasonably logical and rational thing to do, even if there is full consent and agreement beforehand, the scenario you are considering rarely has a happy ending for anyone involved in the long-term. At best it usually only delays an alternative solution, or breakdown of the relationship where no other solution is workable or acceptable. So it would be best to make sure you have fully explored all and any 'other solutions' first. For lots of reasons asscoiated with emotional entailments, relationship dynamics and self-esteem it's a dangerous card to play. So probably best that it's the LAST one you play. Only when you've exhausted all other options.
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