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My Parents have bad finances
I have two questions, but I'm going to focus on one major question.
I am an 18 year old female and I live with my parents and my 5 other siblings. So that makes 8 people in the house. In the house I am the second oldest and first oldest female. I have a 20 year old brother.My other siblings are 15,12,12, and 4. I am currently in college at a community college that pay's everything for me, including books. I plan to transfer in 2016. Anyways whatever scholarships I receive I get cash back as long as it doesn't exceed $15,000 each year. This semester I got $4,500 cash back. I'm getting the same next semester. I was working and decided to leave my job because I have to maintain a 3.5 GPA. I want my first year's grades to be great so that I can get many scholarships when I transfer. I also planned a trip to New York as a gift to myself after completing my two years at community college. I will need $1,000 for that.
Now my issue is that my parent's don't know how to control their finances, and ask for large sums of money from me unexpectedly. I have no problem helping out my parents but it seems like they DO NOT want to learn how to fix their finances and live under their means. I would like things better if my parents asked me for a consistent monthly bill. Twice my savings has been depleted by them. They owed $5,000 to the land lord because of 4 months of not paying rent. My mom owes the nursing school that she's attending $3,000. I was saving my cash back money for summer classes that are not paid for by my scholarship, a cheap laptop to help me study, take care of any finances that are not covered when I transfer, help cover my monthly bus pass and monthly cell phone bill.
I borrowed my mom $4,000. She promised to start paying me back $250 each week but every time I ask she tells me to leave it alone. What angers me is the fact that my parents will go on spending sprees. They don't save up for a bill but instead just wait for a paycheck to come in. For instance my phone bill each month is $45. When I was working I'd take $10 3 times from each paycheck and I took out $15 from one paycheck. That way when it's time to pay the bill I don't have to take a large chunk of a paycheck. My parents have a lot of credit card debt. They've been behind on rent several times. I went to Old Navy the other day to get a few tops for the changing whether and sweaters for two of my sisters. My mother bought $100 worth of stuff. I was kind of mad, because she's spending money that she doesn't have. When she's in a rut she comes and ask's for money without trying to change her habits, and DOES NOT budget or try to. I tried helping her find coupons but she doesn't listen. My siblings needed uniform for school, and I had plan to buy it for them, but I had to give the money to her. Again I have no problem helping out my parents but their finances are terrible and they don't try to change it. My mother borrowed my brothers credit card when he was 18 and used it to pay rent many times. She promised to pay the credit card bills but rarely does, and my brother works two jobs now while attending school to pay the debt.
Whenever I buy something for myself like a $6 meal or some clothes that I liked my dad get's mad, and my mom ask's me why didn't I buy for my siblings too. It makes me resent them sometimes. In high school I could never dress in the styles I wanted. I had bad acne and my parents didn't want to pay for things to clear my acne. They kept saying that didn't have money. Yet my dad would keep buying things for his "new" business that has never started. So I started selling candy and doing papers to make money. My dad would take my money. My bank account went into overdraft because of him. Now I'm an adult. I've found ways to clear up my acne by buying stuff after I got a job. I borrowed him $100 and really needed it back to pay for an educational program for my 4 year old sister because they were too busy to sign her up for one. He swore up and down that he'd give me the money that same day, but after I gave him the money he didn't seem to care about getting the money. He got mad and threatened to punch me in my face. He then wrote a $100 check and threw it at me.
I want to be involved in school activities but I see that I can't. I've decided to start looking for another job since the seasons are coming up and rack up some money for my summer classes and just give my parents a monthly check. I also apply to multiple scholarships to get cash back money.
Now I feel like I can't tell my parents anything about my money. They don't try to handle their finances.They make it seem like I'm a bad person when I really can't afford to give them large sums of money. Growing up there was so much that I couldn't get because they didn't have the money, and that's ok. What I hate now is how they don't care to take care of their finances but expect me to bail them out when I don't have a stable job and I'm saving up to get my degree's in speech pathology/audiology without debt. I would be way more happier giving them between $200-$300 a month to help out instead of them randomly asking for $1,000.
Am I being a brat? Am I being greedy? Am i wrong for asking for the money back? I don't need it to go on a shopping spree, but I save it for the future just in case I don't get enough scholarships, or a job my first few months when I transfer to a different college. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You are between a rock and a hard place with your parents. In one sense by constantly loaning them money and bailing them out you are enabling them. In the other sense you are being a good daughter and older sister in helping out with the younger children.
What you should do or what I would say must do is top the enabling. If you want you can give them $250 dollars amount, call it rent money for room and board now that you're 18 and in college. Change passwords on your bank accounts, take your parents signature privileges of your accounts of need be change banks altogether so they cannot raid your bank accounts without your knowledge.
If you wish to or feel the need to purchase clothes for a sibling you make the purchase, do not give the money to your parents to do so. If a school bill needs to be paid and you feel you can do so then make the payment yourself. Once again do not give your parents the money to do so.
There is something else you can do. You can contact children's protective services'(CPS). IF the rent is constantly in the rears as well as the utilities. IF the children do not have proper clothes and shoes or are not getting proper medical and dental attention. Then Children's services' will step in. IT is possible that you and your older brother could be made guardians of the younger children. They would provide funding for you to house and properly care for them. They would do this through a wage garnishment of your parents wages and supplemented through their agencies funding.
You will not be able to teach you parent better financial management. You can provide a better life for your siblings if CPS finds what you have written about is as the find it to be and you and your brother are willing to step up and be the guardian of your siblings. This is the better solution to your situation.
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Nope. You are fine.
But I think you had an awesome idea: Pay them a monthly sum, call it rent or room and board.
You don't have too - of course - unless they ask, but I bet if you tell them "Hey, I want to help out, but I'm done loaning you money. Instead, I will give you X each month, and nothing more."
Then, do that, and give them nothing else but that monthly sum. You might feel stronger and better about saying no, if you can say "No. We agreed on the monthly sum. I budget to give you that amount each month. I cannot give you more. I the rest of my money is for my other financial responsibilities."
You might have to accept that the money you've already given them is just gone - and that really, really sucks - but from now on, if you only talk to them about money in terms of the monthly amount you have agreed to give them, and never speak of anything else, you might find you are able to achieve more peace inside yourself. They will still ask you, but what you need to do is find a place in yourself from which you can say no and be at peace.
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