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Dealing with dad's depression
I think that my father is depressed, and I feel like he has anger management issues. I am 18 and I live under my parents roof. I have siblings that are 20, 15, 12, 12, and 4.
For the longest my dad has wanted to restart his own business. He wants to own an air conditioning businesses. he used to own a warehouse resale business. He would resell items in bulk. That was when I was a toddler. He lost his business and had to start taking up various jobs. He has said several times that he wishes we were born earlier so that he could be living his own life (He had us when he was 39 and up.) He has said that it's our fault that he can't start his own business. He has said it's our fault that he's in debt. I've suggested to him to find janitorial jobs and start a cleaning business but he ignores me. He is not savy with technology at all. he does not know how to send his own emails or use Microsoft word. He does not try to learn.
Ever since my brother and I got jobs and started making our own money he's gotten more angry. He get's mad when we call it our own money, yet growing up he'd always call his house his domain and say that we had to do whatever he wanted.
Growing up my dad treated my brother different than me. My brother could make many mistakes and my dad would do nothing. My brother has snuck out many times when in middles school, he crashed my mothers car, and took my parents money to pay for other things while lying and saying that it's for school. My dad paid for him to take a $300 summer class and he failed without care.
On the other hand I would get beat for talking to a friend after school. I had my phone taken away even though my brother ran up the cell phone bill. My dad tried to drown me in a sink full of water because I brushed my teeth in his restroom even though all the other restrooms were occupied. When I was under 18 he'd beat me with broom sticks and kick me for having a face book, yet do nothing to my brother. One night my brother and i went to a park. i was 15 and he was 16. I came after 8PM and my brother came 30 minutes later. My dad made me stand in a corner and he let my brother go do what he wanted to do.
Now that we're a bit older my brother isn't doing good. he's always dating someone new. he works two jobs. His GPA in college is a 2.4. He recently crashed into the front bumper of my dad's truck. My dad complains to me about what he doesn't like about my brother. personally I don't give two shits. I've told him many times that he allowed my brother to be the way it is. He refuses to get my brothers new cell phone number and he hasn't made my brother pay for the both times that he has caused damaged to the cars.
I feel like my father is depressed, but I really do not care. he has said many heartless mean things over the years. he still acts like a brat. He got mad when i told him that there is no paper towel in the house. he told me to clean my hands with my clothes. When i was working he would ALWAYS pick me up late from work. The house is a 5 minute drive from my job, and he would still be 30 minutes late.I tried to speak to him about it but he told me that he's slap me and told me to shut up. He barely does anything in the house but sit around and boss people around.
Am i wrong for not caring about my fathers depression and issues with my brother? I plan to leave in 2016 and transfer.
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No. You aren't wrong to talk deep breath, and ignore your father's misplaced blame and anger.
You have your own life to worry about and you can't solve his mistakes or help him accept his situation. You are his kid, that isn't your job.
Try to have some sympathy for him - he's obviously very unhappy - but don't make that unhappiness your problem. You can't solve it for him.
Your only responsibility at this, besides to yourself, is to make sure your younger siblings are as safe and well-cared as you can. If you see him abuse your younger siblings, you should be prepared to intervene and report him to proper authorities. You are his kid, but you aren't a child anymore, and you have a responsibility to act to protect any minor children you know to be in danger of abuse.
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