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Friendship Problems
I'm having constant fights with my best friend. We've been friends for 3 years. All the previous school year and this summer we were seeing each other every day. We were inseparable. Now this school year started and I got a boyfriend. We've been unofficial for a few months and now for half a month we're official. I believe that she is jealous cause she is single for over a year and that she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. But she is showing it wrong. She keeps making scenes of jealousy, she won't talk to me, she is not even calling me to hang out anymore. I only see her at school. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her as a friend but she needs to understand that she's not right and that even though I have a boyfriend I still love her and she's my best friend. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Also if reasonable talk and reassurance doesnt work, it may be that on top of jealousy, there's hormonal issues too if we are talking middle school or high school instead of college.
The hormones of going through puberty is hard enough to handle without the extra hormones we pick up living in today's society. I've read that plastics leak hormones into our food and environment so when the Hormones of puberty hit it becomes overload on the emotions and some gals react much deeper and stronger than others do. Once she's at the end of her teen years, if the age is correct, then this should subside.
If she won't talk to you, write a nice email letter or post in private chat window to her Facebook. Just don't post public where everyone can see. And let her know that you still care about her. Then you'll have to just wait for her to come around, it may be weeks, months or even a year but if she values your friendship, eventually she'll come around. Dont try contact too often, it'll just irritate her more if she's jealous, having no boyfriend. Let a couple months go by and try calling and if she wont answer, leave another letter that you're thinking of her, that you will always welcome her back as best friend no matter how much time you haven't been together. When a person excludes you from their life and is in the wrong and too much time goes by, often they will feel to embarassed or sheepish to make the first move at reconcilliation. My sister believed someone else's story about something I said or did and decided not to speak to me for months. I gave her some time and tried contact. Too soon, she didn't answer. It took about 4,5 months before I called one day, she answered and I shared something cute the kids had done. She laughed and continued talking as if nothing ever happened. Never brought up why she stopped talking, and never apologized. I would advise that the day she finally answers you, you start talking about anything but the friendship breakup and do not expect any apology. It doesn't matter. She's your best friend and thats the equivilent of my sis in my story. She's human, bound to make some bad judgements in life, just as you will do. Don't hold it against her, just accept her back when she does come around, always keeping the doors open, that's what a best friend would do, even if wronged by their best friend.
Good luck dear!
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You should talk to her. Let her know that you love her and you want to keep her as a friend.
Like the other adviser said, you don't need to point out why you're right and she's wrong.
Just communicate with her and make sure she knows you're not losing a friend. That you want to make time for both her and your boyfriend.
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It sounds like she needs reassurance. I would explain to her that you love her, because regardless of how obvious it might seem, she might not know. I would tell her that you'll make time to hang out if she wants that and then do it. While having a boyfriend changes things for you, it won't change what she means to you. Let her know that.
I wouldn't discuss what she's done wrong at all. That might aggravate the hurt feelings she seems to already feel, making things worse. You might feel tempted to point it out because you're right and she's in the wrong, but salvaging the friendship is the end goal here. Not proving who is right and who is wrong.
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