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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
My mom and dad just recently took my phone away[yesterday] they yelled and yelled!They say they can't "trust" me and they also said if I told a fib about texting after 8 I would lie about anything.I am getting my punishment today but last night they went through my whole entire phone. How do I show them that they can trust me again? P.S. It is super hard to be a "good girl". What do I do? *help*
This is a tough question to answer. As someone old enough to be your grandparent I'll give it a try.
You think your parents are strict, making your life miserable because they don't trust you. Part of the problem may be a trust issue; there is a bigger issue at hand. That is the issue of being a parent.
For the moment put yourself in place of your parents. What they see is someone they love more than anything in the world, someone they would walk to hell and back for if necessary. They have brought a child into this world for who they have the responsibility to raise so that he/she can some day make their own way in the world.
Children do not come with handbooks. Parents learn on the job. Partly by falling back on what the learned from their parents, as they were raised and from what they learn as they walk the mine field that has become life today.
By giving you parameters, such as no texting after 8 they are helping you prepare for later life. By helping you see what having self control and self reliance means. To prioritize so that what needs to be done gets done in a timely manner and not rushed just so that its completed. Doing something in a timely manner means doing it right. These are just some of the responsibilities a parent takes on when they decide to have children.
Then there are the nightmares; they come when the child gets older and wants a certain amount of freedom. This is where trust comes in as does curfews.
It is unfortunate but I think we have all read about or know of some one in school that never made it home one night. This is the parents worst nightmare. To hear a knock at the door and find two police officers there advising them they need to go to the hospital. If there lucky their child has only been injured, if not they are going to be asked to identify the body of their child.
As a firefighter I have pulled more teenagers from wrecked cars than I've fought fires. I've listened to parents ask me if their child suffered and hear them cry; "why didn't they call me, I told them I would always come and get them." These are the nightmares, these are the trust issues."
It is not the fact that you texted after 8 that bothers them, it is the fact that you defied them on something so small they feel that when it comes to the bigger issues in life you will defy them again thinking you can get away with just once. Then they may have to confront their biggest nightmare.
Hopefully you now understand that it is more than a trust issue but earning back their trust is still important. To earn back their trust the first thing you need to do is sit down with your parents and thank them for being strict. Yes thank then and say you now understand why they are the way they are. You can ad if you want that a kindly old man took the time to explain dome things to you. You go on to say that now that you understand that it is not meanness but concern for your well being behind their strictness, you can deal with it better.
I've been having like a sharp pain in my side (on the right) and down my thigh. It gets to the point where I cannot get comfortable at all. Any ideas?
This is something that needs to be checked out by a doctor. Any pain that continues for a period of time with out abatement is cause for concern.
A pain as you describe, which is lacking in information when, from where, and how it started, makes it hard to say what type of doctor to even suggest. I would start with you family doctor. Pain that radiates is generally something to do with an injured or entrapped nerve. Your family doctor can test for this and refer you to the proper specialist
I'm 19. He's 18. When we first started going out (over a year ago) and started rounding the bases, he'd try to initiate sex. Like we'd be naked and making out on his bed, and he'd just give me this look, and we both knew what it meant - but I always shot him down because I wasn't ready at the time.
Then, last summer, I didn't turn him down. It didn't happen, however; he lost his erection about two seconds after he put the condom on.
He hasn't tried since. Once I took the initiative and asked if he wanted to do it, but still nothing happened 'cause he didn't have a condom (sigh.). And then he said something along the lines of "I don't have one 'cause I thought you wanted to wait 'til college". I made it clear to him that I was ready.
Well, we're in college now. And still, nothing's happened. I just want to know why he's stopped trying. Is he worried about a repeat performance of last summer? Is HE not ready? (We're both virgins) Is it me?
I want to ask him all this, but I don't know HOW. One time, I decided I'd just bluntly ask him, but the time came and I couldn't get the words out. I don't even know why. Yeah, talking about sex makes me uncomfortable. And I'm basically a girl asking for sex, that makes it worse. Not in my eyes, but in society's eyes, in which it's okay for guys to want sex, but if a girl does, it's whorish.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. So how does a shy, awkward human like me even START on this topic?
This is not a conversation that you two should have in bed, but is a conversation that you two need to have. Performance anxiety will wilt an erection faster than anything you can think of. The reasons for this happening are many; to put it in a nutshell it is the result of realizing something you he has wanted and then fearing failure or even hurting you if you are a virgin.
If he is a virgin, regardless of how often he has masturbated, been the recipient of handjobs of blowjobs, his first trip into a vagina will be uncontrollable and it may be over even before it starts.
If you two can discuss these things before it happens and both of you understand that this is normal, then you can remove the anxiety for you both. When you get past the first time, young men recover extremely fast, change condoms and have s a second go.
i want to know do you take a few pills at a time or should you take the whole bottle i dont want to puke up i want it to stay down and do the job
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 KNOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.
Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. Their number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.
They say you have to walk in someone’s shoes to know how they feel, I don’t, and I’ve been there. Someone who is suicidal is suffering from some form of depression. As someone who has suffered with depression for many years I know a little of how you feel. Depression causes you to misinterpret things, take things the wrong way which adds to the depression. Depression hurts and amplifies all other hurts to a point of desperation. You might be at this point. Killing yourself is not the answer. You have a destiny to fulfill and it is not suicide.
You will also be hurting those that love you the most and those you may not even know; like us. Those of us, who are taking the time to ask you, make that beg you not to kill yourself. Why would we doing this? Because no matter what is bothering you, underneath it all you are a great human being. There is nothing that time cannot heal or make right. You just need to speak to the right people.
Please call the hot line I recommended above. If you feel like hurting yourself before you can get to someone that can help you please call 911. Tell the call taker how you are feeling, they will send help. The normal response is to send both Fire Rescue and the Police. Do not be afraid, the call taker will most likely want to stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The police are there to protect you and the others, not to harm you or arrest you. The fire rescue people are there to take care of you and to take you to the hospital.
Okay today is friday.. Sunday I was very nauses, Monday Nauses with a headache that night I threw up and started having terible stumoch pain, Tuesday I started terrible diareha several times a day and its just like water. I had to call off work that day, I have been having this problem all week and it doesnt seem to get any better at all i have cramps with it and stumoch pain. My stumoch also makes funny noises and i have a lot of gas. I know this it gross but I need some advice its noon and ive been in the bath room 7 times
We are not doctors and it is very easy for any of us to say that you probably have a stomach bug or ate something that hasn't agreed with you. The thing is we are not doctors and cannot an should not be offering diagnoses.
What I will over you is the advice that you need to see your doctor. Being sick this long with diarrhea and vomiting can cause dehydration. Not only will this extend your recovery time it can be very dangerous if you get overly dehydrated as it causes an electrolyte imbalance.
If you are dehydrated there are some over the counter products that can help rehydrate you. If you are to dehydrated you may have to go to the ER for IV re-hydration.
When something hangs on for more than two or three days with no sign of recovering it is always best to at least phone your doctor and see if you should be seen at the office or if they want to monitor you at home for another day or two.
So for those of who are familiar with the term gray rape, I want to explain a situation to you and you can tell me whether or not this is gray rape. I'm 19 and I have a new boyfriend, and he's really great :), but back in October before I met him, I decided to hang out with my ex boyfriend, who at the time had no idea what he wanted.
I had previously text him sexy pictures of myself the day before that he decided that he wanted to hang out with me. He told me that yesterday made him realize what he wanted. I told him that he wasn't getting laid becuase I did not believe in having sex with someone who wasn't my boyfriend, I'm not really for the idea of casual sex. Well, I got my dad to give him a ride to his house, and we went upstairs in his room.
While were upstairs in his room, we were watching the first episode of this anime series on netflix, and I started kissing him. Eventually he decided to take our makeout session onto his bed and we ended up having oral sex or foreplay, which is about as far as I like to go when I'm hooking up with someone. Well, I watched him take things one step forward, and he put on a condom. He had casual sex with me, and I didn't say no, thinking about that makes me feel really violated.
I still feel really violated from that time, because I felt like he went against my moral standards. I plan on talking to my current boyfriend about this. In your opinion is this "gray rape?"
In order for there to have been a rape you would have had to say NO or Stop and your boyfriend continue to have sex with you without stopping or to force himself on you.
Violating your moral, or ethical boundaries and calling it rape is an affront to all the unfortunate women who have been raped. You did not say NO.
Gray Rae, according to Cosmopolitan Magazine is:
"Refers to sex that falls somewhere between consent and denial and is even more confusing than date rape because often both parties are unsure of who wanted what".
According to the article, the part that I read, she said no, but maybe to softly and not convincingly. Call me old fashion if you want, but she said no. That means STOP until and unless she tells you or helps you proceed. That means she was raped by the legal definition.
If you would like to read the article follow this link: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/new-kind-of-date-rape.
As far as Gray Rape is concerned; I'm not convinced there is such a thing. Rape to me is somewhat like being pregnant. You cannot be a little bit pregnant. You either are or not pregnant. Please excuse the analogy, it was the only thing I could think of that fit.
i'm 22 f and my bf is 24 we've been together for 4 months but were friends for 2 years before. resently conversations about the future have been coming up. he says that he would love to marry me and be with me always but wants to be together for longer before he makes that comitment. however when the subject of kids came up he was more excited. i want to have kids with him but i feel that this is more important to him then marriage. which doesn't fly in my books. i'm a little old fashioned that way. is this just me being crazy or should i really worry about it.
I have been married for 40 years. I knew my wife for 6 months before I asked her to marry me.
Even before we started to talk about marriage we talked about children, whether we both wanted them and how many. I think it would be wrong to go into a marriage or even to get engaged without knowing if the two of you are on the same page as far as something so important as children can be.
The fact that your boyfriend gets so excited about on the subject of children does not necessarily mean he wants to put the cart in front of the horse. I think his excitement is telling you how much having children means to him.
Most women spend their entire childhood and more dreaming and planning for their wedding day. Have you ever noticed people never refer to the wedding day as his wedding day; it is always her wedding day.
When it comes to marriage and the wedding, men don't really think of these things until they find the right women and then it is still all for her. For most men a quick trip to the Justice of the Peace satisfies the legalities and then off to the honeymoon.
My wife and I were married by a Judge in his Chambers right after he sentenced some guy to Life in Prison. Before the ceremony he looked at us and said: "Two life sentences in one day, I'm on role". I don't know if the person he sent to jail is still in jail but my wife and I are still married. The Wedding is what she wanted. We wanted to go to Vegas to get married but my wife settled for the Judges Chambers to satisfy our parents.
Ive had millions of gfs. More than most and know more about girls than just about everyone. I have millions of friends come to me about of advice on how to get a girl and my advice always works, but im with this one girl and i cant seem to figure her out. Shes so quite. i mean like ive had plenty of shy gfs before and ive been a talker and im funny so its always been easy to open them up and get them talking but this girl is impossible. We kiss and make-out but Even i (btw im an actor so i have to know how to talk well and come up with stuff on the spot) am having trouble on finding things to talk about. She only shakes her head and shrugs. I think shes afraid she might say something stupid or immature cause im older and shes not used to dating older guys. I'm not used to dating younger girls although shes not that much younger. Im 15 and shes 13. She sure don't look 13 though. She beautiful beyond words. Ive dated chicks that were scared cause they don't think there good enough for me cause they know ive dated around a lot and think my previous gfs are better than them but this is beyond that. She has no interests and is very shy even though shes says shes not. ive never asked for advice on this kind of matter before and in a way feel embarrassed of asking for it now cause ive always given this kind of advice, never received. If anyone has any ideas please share or email me. My adress is
actor.ajthedford@gmail.com. Thank's
Just a shot in the dark here. She is 13 and just may be a little immature to be dating.
All teenagers go through puberty which starts just around or before your teenage years. More goes on during puberty for girls than for boys. For boys puberty means their voice changes, they lose there baby fat and they have a growth spurt. For girls a lot more happens. Your girl friend may be dealing with all these changes along with the social changes that come with puberty.
If my shot in the dark is correct she may not know how to handle these situation. As a parent I would say at 13 she is to young to be dating. If she was my daughter she would be restrict to group dating such as mall dates and such.This would give her time to adjust socially and physically to being a woman.
16/F
I am really worried right now. I'm talking to a friend of my sister's and he seemed like a happy go lucky guy, making jokes. He's a little overweight, really funny, he stutters, but he's still awesome to be around. Well, I've been talking to him privately on facebook and he's talking about killing himself, saying he can't get the girl of his dream, he can't talk right, he's hated, he's reached everything he's capable of and whatnot. He's about 14 or 15. I'm getting worried because he keeps saying he's gonna do it and he's trying to decide which way to do it. I want to tell his mother, someone, ANYONE, but I think I'm the only one he's told and I don't want him to hate me for trying to help. I'm trying to contact his mother. Is this the best thing to do?
I agree with solid advice 4 teens: Tell your parents what you know and show them what your friend has written on facebook. Ask them to contact the local Police or Sheriffs Office. They could also so contact the County Office of Family Services as well. The quicker response will most likely come from law enforcement.
The good news here is your friend is still thinking about suicide, he has not made a plan yet. The time to really worry is if and when he tells you he has a plan on how to kill himself. This is a signal that he has made a decision. Acting now to intervene is the right thing to do for him. If is far better to have a friend an have them hate you for breaking a confidence then a friend that may have killed themself.
I'll let you in on a little secrete here; while your friend does not realize this, by taking you into his confidence about what he is thinking he is really asking for help. So help him by going to your parents and telling them what you know and asking them to intervene.
Your friend is depressed. Teenage depression is more prevalent than most people think. Most parents mistake it for problems with puberty, a phase, one which a teenager will grow out of.
Your friends stuttering probably causes him to be picked upon or bullied at school. This is also the reason for his being overweight. We eat for it gives us comfort.
Mel Tillis is a singer with a beautiful voice. To hear him sing you would never know he stutters badly. At first most people thought his stuttering was part of a comedy routine because that is how it was portrayed in movies. I tell you this because Mel Tiles my age, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Back then there was not much help for stuttering. Today there is, once your boyfriends depression is addressed a speech therapist along with his therapist for the depression can work to help him control his stuttering.
So please go talk to your parent now.
Thank you. My mom said that Im not allowed to stay at a hotel room with Riley anymore. She just now changin her mind; I just don't get it. I hate that they are suffocating me. I always thought that I should be honest with my parents about what Im doing, instead of lying to them about where IM going, just so I can do what I want. But that gets me NOWHERE.
Ther is not much more advice I can offer other than to follow your heart. You may also want to lean on a passage from the Bible tar says; "honor thy parents".
I know I need to lose weight. My doctor prescribed me these pills called phentomine*sp* and I've lost a total of 60lbs within the last 6 months; I'm continuing to exercise, and eat well without the pills.
But my father hasn't read the new message yet. I have a feeling they may let me, but than again they might just keep coming up with excuses and "reasons" that they think are valid. It just doesn't make sense to me because my parents still say that I can get a hotel room that cost $50 and stay with just riley there, but they won't let me stay at his house, with an adult, for free. They complain that I need to save my money, so wouldn't that make them want to let me?? The money is totally worth it to me because I get what I want, and Im satisfied. If I was a parent, I would rather my child stay where an adult is there, than off in a hotel room with no adults at all.
THe difference is all a boat appearances. If you go to hotel it is less likely you will be seen. It also gives them deniability.
I would say if you want to spend the night with Riley take what your parents offer as a compromise position.
Thank you so much for your advice. The thing is, I've already done what you suggested. It's impossible to sit down and talk to my father calmy. He always yells and screams, and cusses. It's pointless. He never listens to what I have to say; he's quick to answer. He will have his answer in his head and stick with it; he won't even bother to listen to how I feel. So in that case; I wrote my mom and my dad both a message on facebook, because than they can't interupt me, and I can say whta I want (both messages fairly similar; moms was more sweeter because we are closer). I started off by saying how much I truly appreciate my dad, and everything he's done; how he's always going to be the number one man in my life; and how I respect all the tough love he has giving me. Than I proceeded with me staying at rileys; and than I talked about college, and how its on the tip of my tongue, and how all ive ever wanted to do was make him proud (my dad isn't a very sweet person; he's never told me he was proud of me; i guess its hard for him) and i told him im not going to stop until i do that; i told him im not going to get pregnant, or even have sex cuz all it takes is one time. my future is about to begin, and im ready for it.
than i said some more stuff about how much i appreciate him; ect.
My mom read it, and looked at me and said "NO YOUR NOT STAYING AT RILEYS, END OF STORY". (and me and my mom are suppose to be bestfriends, ha.) I really though she'd hear me out before dad would. Boy I wias wrong.
he replied back to it, surprisingly. he basically said the reason why he aint letting me stay is because of whta people will say and think of me and riley and what we do; i nailed that topic pretty well; since I am over weight, I have had people talk about me all the time; people are going to talk regardless. Sinec it has happened for nearly 17 years, Im use to it, and it doesn't bother me; its their own insecurities, and i know the truth at the end of the day; Im just not to sure how he's going to reply to this message.
I like the last part of your message. It sounds like you have it all together and that is important. You are right in that it only matters what you think of yourself that counts. It would be nice if you could find away to lose weight, it is for your own good. But that is the only reason to do so not because of what others say or think.
It is a shame your parents are concerned more about what others think. If they are confident they raised you right and that you mean what you say then they should trust you to do as you say. What others say or think should roll of then like water off a ducks back. As long as you and they know the truth that is all that matters.
It is possible that you may not win on the subject of staying over at Riley's house, that is just the way somethings go. You respect your parents and sometimes like it or not you have to follow what they say. You still need to try and convince them that you need to spread your wings in other ways or you will flounder somewhat when you first get to college.
I'm always here to answer questions if you think I can help. I may not always have an answer or have the answer your looking for. I will always answer your question thought with the best advice I have to offer.
Im 18/f and I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months. I still live at home with my parents because Im a Senior in highschool. I have a job, and I've always made good grades.
What I don't understand is my parents. They say I need to learn how to make decisions on my own, and take responsibilty and what not, and I try. They don't let me. For my 18th birthday, my mom let me get a Hotel room with my boyfriend; (my dad didn't know he was staying) and for New Years, BOTH of my parents knew I was stayin at a Hotel with my boyfriend, ONLY. They didn't care.
Well, my boyfriends mom recently asked me if I would be allowed to stay the night; and when I asked my parents, they didn't even hear me out, they said NO immediately. It doesn't make any sense. They will let me stay at a hotel with NO adult, but not at his house or my house WITH adults there. Im 18 years old. I want to be treated like an adult, so I'll be somewhat prepared for when IM on my own. What should I do to make them see it from my point of view? I see it from theres because they don't want me to get knocked up or whatever, but Im not. Im smarter than that. My life is about to begin, im not going to screw it up now. I know the real world isn't easy, But I'd rather get just a lil taste of it now, than go head first, on my own, clueless, ya know?
I'm sure you have heard your parents say to you; "As long as you live in my house, you live by my rules." I know I did; I must have heard my father scream that at me a 100 times and each time I swore I would never say that to my children. Right, this is the parents favorite line to end all conversations when they have no good reason for drawing a line in the sand on any issue. I found myself using it and so will you.
It is a parents job to raise their children to know right from wrong. This job begins on the day we are born. We want to teach our children to become independent and that is where the problem comes in. For our entire lives as children we have been dependant on our parents. If our parents have done their jobs right we are very respectful of them and ask permission before doing something. As parents we have become accustomed to this relationship we are comfortable with it; it is safe. To put it another way child and parent have become co-dependent.
Now I am not suggesting that since you are 18 and legally an adult that you just do as you please; that would be disrespectful. What is happening with most parents is they have trouble letting their children spread their wings or let loose of the apron strings.
What I suggest is that first you sit down with your parents and have a very adult conversation with them. You start by telling them how much you love them and how you appreciate what they have done for them. Then you tell them that you hope to go off to college where you will be on your own without them there to support the decisions you make. You would and need to test what they have taught you with them close at hand to in a sense pick you up if you falter. They need to allow you to make some of your own decisions; if they see you making a very wrong one they should stop and discuss it with you. Otherwise they should allow you in a sense to get bruised up a bit so you learn from your mistakes with them close by.
You should of course use your own words. My son said something very similar to me when I tried to restrict him with under my roof spiel when he was your age. It worked well. Yes I still worry about him and I have good reason as he works as a paramedic/firefighter, but I trust him and I trust him to follow his training. But as a parent I/we will always worry about our children. This is what makes us parents who turn out great sons and daughters like you and my son.
I feel I'm a waste of space I'm an older person and yet I get yelled at by my 27yr old nearly every day. I feel this way also as I was a cleaner and hurt my back nearly 7 years ago. I was on workcover who was suppose to retrain me but all I got was 4 days word 4 days spreadsheets basic computer and yet I am suppose to get an admin job. Well I've tried have had to write down 5jobs a week for over 2years now and no one is willing to give me a go. In August workcover decided to not pay me anymore so I went on a centerlink payment which lost me nearly $200 a fortnight can't pay my bills, I was going to a psychologist which they no longer pay for yet I feel I need as I have felt quite often suicidal in the last few months and I can't even buy anything to end it all. I have decided now some ways I do not need to buy anything and I have made a time limit on when this will happen as I feel my children and granddaughters will be better off. After this November I probably won't have enough food to survive, I can't pay my bills, I can't get a job because of my bad back, my daughter yells at me, NO ONE cares about me and workcover has made my life hell. I feel I,m just exsisting. I have a court case against workcover where the judge was suppose to give an answer before christmas and here it is the 10th Jan and no answer.
I just can't deal with this anymore, I can,t afford anything there will be no christmas presents this year and probably no birthday present I feel so bad about this but I have tried time and time again for a job.My emotions are out of control so am I a waste of space?
After reading your letter I was struck by how it sounded as if I could have written it.
From your writing it sound like you are either from Canada, England or Australia. So I am not familiar with what you are calling workcover. It sounds very much like what we call workers compensation. It also sounds like there is not a lot a difference between the two.
I have been where you are and I can tell you suicide is not the answer. I have had the depression, still have, still receiving treatment, the pain form my accident, the same problems you describe. What kept me going was the decision not to let the bastards win. The bastards being workers compensation. I held out and fought them at every turn. I made sure I got what ever treatment I needed regardless of whether they paid for it. In the end they did.
If you are feeling suicidal please pick up the phone call the emergency number for where you live and tell them you need help or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Each of the countries I mentioned have National Health, they will cover your treatment should the hospital certify you require it.
Don't let the bastards win. Let that be your mantra.
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom?
I agree with DangerNerd. Your daughters confusion is to be expected. A child psychologist would be helpful as this would be someone she could talk to in confidence. Someone that could help her see things in the proper perspective.
If your ex wife could not be a mother to 3 infants being a mother to 2 teenagers is something she is not prepared for either. Under no circumstances should you allow your daughter to move in with her mother.
Your ex does not know how to be a mother and is most likely curring favor with your daughter by being a friend not a mother. This is part of the confusion your daughter is seeing.
This is something that is seen all to often by children who has an absent parent. A parent who now whats a relationship. Please stand your ground for the benefit of your daughter.
My mother and father have been divored for about 7 years and seperated for 9. My mom refuses to talk, speak, see or even be in the same room as my dad. My dad has since remarried by the way. It makes everything very difficult for my children and my sisters. My sister is having a baby and my mom refuses to come to the birth if my dad is even going to be in town. My sister is having an emotional time with it plus just being pregnant. Whats the best way for us to tell her its not ok that she's doing this and making all of walk on eggshells. It's an emotional roller coaster for her children and grandchildren.
You have asked a very tough question, one that children of divorced parents unfortunately must all deal with. I'm not sure I have the right answer for you but as someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I will offer you my best advise.
I would suggest that either you, or you and your sister sit your mother down and talk to her about how her feelings toward your father are effecting you and the family. How what should be joyous occasions are being ruined because you and the rest of the family must chose between her and your father. How this makes everyone feel.
Now since I don't know exactly what has happened between your mother and father I will be somewhat generic in my advice as to how to start this conversation.
You start by saying: Mom you know we all love you, we also love dad and it is breaking our hearts that when we have something to celebrate we cannot celebrate with the two people the mean the most two us. We know the divorce has hurt you, the entire family knows this, both sides know this, still when their is something to celerbrate we either walk on egg shells or have to chose which of you to invite.
None of the family enjoys walking on egg shells or having to make choices. Unfortunately you are forcing us to do so and it is wrong. For a few hours on the holidays or for a special occasion you can act civil and join us in celebration. Allow us to enjoy having you with us. Allow your grandchildren to have all their grandparents to enjoy.
If you cannot do this for us a few times a year you leave us no choice. The family is tired of having joyous occasions ruined because of choices. We just won't make them. You will always be offered the opportunity to attend as will dad, you will then have to make the choice. Don't call us to ask if dad was invited, just know he was and decide if your going to attend.
As I said this is only a suggestion. You are putting the choice to attend on her rather than choosing who to invite on you or the family. It is obvious that you love both your parents and I believe it is wrong for your mother to put such a weight around you as to try and force you to chose between them.
I hope I have helped.
So, I had this band teacher in jr high. Everyone thought something was going on between us but I was 13, 14, 15 when I had him and he was 22, 23, 24 so it was an unlikely thought. People thought this because he would bail me out of classes that I didn't want to go to. He would also bail me out of the class before the class I had a test in so he would help me study in his office, he would always call me my first and last name, never just my first. He would also let me call him by his first name but when someone else did, he told them it wasn't okay. One time I had gotten a musical part down that I have been practicing a while and in lessons, it was me, the teacher and my friend, my teacher and I sat next to eachother while my friend sat 3 seats away, so when I got this part down I had accidentally smacked his thigh and he didn't make my move my hand. Now, I am 16, a junior in high school and I visited this teacher today who is now 25. He was by far my favorite teacher, I always felt so close to him and I relate to him so well. My friend walked into his office and said she had a late christmas present for him and a few minutes later she asked how he liked his present and he said "I love my fantastic present." When we talked, we looked into eachother's eyes, he took my phone out of my hand and when our hands touched, he lingered there for a minute. He also didn't pay much attention to my friend who was in there with me. We hugged when I left, he asked how I got to see him and when I told him I walked he said he felt very honored that I walked through the cold for him. He said he missed me a lot and he said his door is always open, I can visit whenever I want. I told him I will come back and my friend said his face brightened up so much. I wouldn't mind being with him.. I mean, he's cute haha but I won't pursue it. I just wrote this to see if we're attracted to eachother and to see if we are maybe over the student teacher boundary. Please don't answer and tell me I'm wrong or a bad person, just tell me what you think of the boundries. Thanks.
There is a 9 year difference in age between you two and you are a minor. You are infatuated by him and he is in a position of authority over you as a teacher. Even if his attention towards you are that strictly of a teacher, yours towards him place him in real danger.
Your teacher would lose his job if anyone should report what you seem to feel is a relationship between you two. The school system would have to report this to the police and he could be charged with statutory rape. Sexual knowledge of another person is not required for a statutory rape charge. There is the relationship that you profess their to be and the difference in age. He can also be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
These are two very serious felony charges that carry long prison sentences. If you respect this teacher you will have no further contact with him until after you graduate.
im 17 and have ugly boobs. pancake nipples and they sag. its disgusting. i am better at accepting them now than i used to be but even if i saw these boobs on someone else i would prob be disgusted, cant lie. i hate bathing suits, a pushup bra does nothing and never show clevage because all you would see is saggy titts. they are like 2 inches apart from eachother, are not round , perkky oor full. really stretchy skin. i also just lost 50 lbs so i dont think that helped. o have never been with a guy and am really scared to because if my boobs. i would never let someone look at them. I honestly beleive that if i got a boob j.job i wouldnt be so self concious. everyday i worry about my shirt going i little too low and people seeing my boobs, i just dont want to live like this anymore. what do i doÉ im tired of this and i have tried to gain a better self esteem buyt i cant. in reality, no guy can enjoy my boobs the way they are now and its frusrating...
Two things first about boob jobs: First they are expensive and not covered by insurance unless your doctor certifies they are medically necessary. Second: They have to be redone every 10 years.
Most guys could care less what your boobs look like, that is not where they are aiming at (no pun intended). As long as you have nipples to suck on,breast to squeeze and a vagina to pump their penis in they are happy.
For what it is worth I happen to like the breast as you describe yours. I think they are very sexy.
While loosing weight was a good thing and must have been good for your own self-image I agree with you that it may have contributed to the sagging of your breasts.
If you do want to go ahead with a boob job you may have to wait a year. Most plastic surgeons will not do one until a girl is at least 18. When you do have your surgery try not to go for breast enhancement but more of a tuck where the doctor only lifts the breast and removes excess skin. This will eliminate the need for future surgeries and will in most instances still allow you to breast feed your future children should you want to. But still give you the perky breast you are looking for.
Until you have the opportunity to make a change to your breasts, enjoy them. You have a unique set of breasts. So they sag, big deal. If a guy turns away in disgust because of this then he was looking to get laid and not looking to love you. You don't need a guy like that. Someone that is looking to love you will over look tiny imperfections. In actuality it is our imperfections that make us unique.
My daughter will be 21 in February and is planning a trip to Las Vegas with her best friend and a few other people in March. I have several problems with this mainly because of the area and what goes on in Vegas. Along with that is a little bit of mistrust with my daughter from previous mistakes. I gave the option of her being able to go it her father and I went but stayed in a separate room from her and her friends. Not to mention her friend's mother is paying for the room. She does not think this is fair and I am looking to hear opinions on wether I should allow her to go parent-free or not. Is my option fair?
I am old enough to be you father so I will dispense some fatherly advice.
As the advertisement says; What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas, hopefully.
Your daughter is 21, legally old enough to make her own decisions and be solely responsible for them. While she may live under your roof and you may feel that this gives you the right to impart your rules upon her they do not. Of course if it is your money she is spending you do not have to finance her trip if you do not want to without explanation.
At 21 your daughter does not need to be chaperoned whenever she leaves the nest. What she needs if the ability to make her own way in the world with her parents being there to offer her advise as to which roads to follow that will lead to success and which road could lead to danger.
As parents we can only offer advice and be there to help our children should they chose the wrong road. Sometimes this means to offer moral support, other times support may mean monetary support or just a shoulder to cry on when her heart is broken.
The wisdom of age unfortunately only comes with the bumps and bruises of age. We can offer our advice but we can't force our children to heed our advice, especially when they become adults. If we have done our jobs as parents and raised our children to become law abiding and respectable citizens; then we must trust them to go out and make their way in the world.
Having been to Las Vegas myself; it is not the sin city it is made out to be. Yes it is a party town if you can afford it.
My advice is to stay home, make sure your daughter has the means to get home and her hotel room is paid in advance. Other than that there is really not to much trouble she and her friends can get into. Just advise all of then to watch out for one another.
My boss is more then 50yrs old and lives with his parents. He does not have a lot of social skills. I have caught him following me around the office and looking at what I am doing, like what mail I put in the outbox or who am I talking with or where I am going in general. His behavior is creepying me out. I can do my job without even talking or speaking with him for weeks and have tried to stay out of his way to see what would happen and it seems this makes his behavior worsen. I find it creepy to come out of the women's restroom to find him leaning against the wall near the men's waiting for me. He then joins me and walks back with me into the office. He watches my emails through the network server (only mine as he moved my and his email to a separate server from everyone else) and watches the websites I go onto and programs I access.
What is the best way to handle this guy? If I tell him to back off, he tells me I am paranoid. And yet this continues.
You have two choices here as your boss is committing two forms of EEOC violations. The first is he creating a hazardous work environment for you as he has you fearing for your safety by following you around and stalking you. Second; he is sexually harassing you by stalking you.
Your choices are to go to his supervisor or the company HR department and report him. You could skip the first and go directly to the state EEOC agency and file a complaint. If your boss is the owner or someone well up in the company chain of command then my suggestion would be to go directly to the EEOC as they would offer you better job protection once you file a complaint.