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Vegas Trip For My Daughter?
My daughter will be 21 in February and is planning a trip to Las Vegas with her best friend and a few other people in March. I have several problems with this mainly because of the area and what goes on in Vegas. Along with that is a little bit of mistrust with my daughter from previous mistakes. I gave the option of her being able to go it her father and I went but stayed in a separate room from her and her friends. Not to mention her friend's mother is paying for the room. She does not think this is fair and I am looking to hear opinions on wether I should allow her to go parent-free or not. Is my option fair?
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It's not her choice, it's yours.
You don't get to allow her to go or not. It looks like you've realized this to some degree even if you haven't fully accepted it. You get to choose whether you will be the overbearing father who imposes himself upon his daughter, or doesn't. As an adult yourself you have the money to get a room, you can choose to show up, you can even choose to try to follow her around.
Here's the thing. You don't really have a right to impose on her trip. If you weren't her father you'd be stalking her by following against her will, but because you're her dad you'd never get prosecuted for it or anything. It's up to you to choose to be the shit head who can't let go of his daughter, or the father who realizes his time of "allowing" his daughter to do anything is over.
What you haven't realized is that your daughter has the _right_ to make her own mistakes in life, to try to learn from them. Your mistrust is bullshit, you're treating a 21 year old woman like a child because she's your child. Just because it's how you feel about her doesn't mean it's a fact, legally or in reality.
She might well go to vegas and fuck someone. You want to be in the other room when she makes that adult choice, as is her right? You want to be there to see her wasted with her friends?
Daddy isn't going to be there to protect her from the world forever. Just because you think you should doesn't mean you actually should. At some point you will have to let go.
The situation is fucked up. You're making it fucked up. You can choose to go. You can choose not to. But stop giving yourself the illusion of allowing your daughter anything. The only control you have any more is over yourself, whether you impose yourself, your views, your judgments on her.
It sounds like she's got enough of that from you already. As someone who doesn't speak to his parents any more precisely because of the attitudes and perspectives you're displaying, stop before you lose your ability to have the adult relationship your daughter deserves. The time for your judgments, opinions, and attempts to control your daughter are over.
You won't ever establish a loving adult relationship with her if you don't let her come to it on her terms.
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Not really. Your daughter is 21 years old. She is a big girl, and old enough to make her own choices. She may have made mistakes in the past, but that is no reason not to let her go out and have fun with her friends.
Maybe make a deal with her: Let her go with her friends parent-free, but have her call you when she gets there. As long as she calls at least once a day, you have no reason to worry.
I'm sure if you let her go without you, she will agree to call you once a day. Other than that, you really have no reason to not let her go. You have to remember she is 21, not 12.
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I am old enough to be you father so I will dispense some fatherly advice.
As the advertisement says; What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas, hopefully.
Your daughter is 21, legally old enough to make her own decisions and be solely responsible for them. While she may live under your roof and you may feel that this gives you the right to impart your rules upon her they do not. Of course if it is your money she is spending you do not have to finance her trip if you do not want to without explanation.
At 21 your daughter does not need to be chaperoned whenever she leaves the nest. What she needs if the ability to make her own way in the world with her parents being there to offer her advise as to which roads to follow that will lead to success and which road could lead to danger.
As parents we can only offer advice and be there to help our children should they chose the wrong road. Sometimes this means to offer moral support, other times support may mean monetary support or just a shoulder to cry on when her heart is broken.
The wisdom of age unfortunately only comes with the bumps and bruises of age. We can offer our advice but we can't force our children to heed our advice, especially when they become adults. If we have done our jobs as parents and raised our children to become law abiding and respectable citizens; then we must trust them to go out and make their way in the world.
Having been to Las Vegas myself; it is not the sin city it is made out to be. Yes it is a party town if you can afford it.
My advice is to stay home, make sure your daughter has the means to get home and her hotel room is paid in advance. Other than that there is really not to much trouble she and her friends can get into. Just advise all of then to watch out for one another.
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Legally, your daughter is an adult. She is well within her rights to go without your permission. At some point in her life you will have to let her go and do her own thing, regardless of whether or not you agree with her decisions. All you can do is let her know where you stand on the issue and be there to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong.
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Your daughter is an adult. What you think are options are really just your own opinions and hopes.
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