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Am I a waste of space?
I feel I'm a waste of space I'm an older person and yet I get yelled at by my 27yr old nearly every day. I feel this way also as I was a cleaner and hurt my back nearly 7 years ago. I was on workcover who was suppose to retrain me but all I got was 4 days word 4 days spreadsheets basic computer and yet I am suppose to get an admin job. Well I've tried have had to write down 5jobs a week for over 2years now and no one is willing to give me a go. In August workcover decided to not pay me anymore so I went on a centerlink payment which lost me nearly $200 a fortnight can't pay my bills, I was going to a psychologist which they no longer pay for yet I feel I need as I have felt quite often suicidal in the last few months and I can't even buy anything to end it all. I have decided now some ways I do not need to buy anything and I have made a time limit on when this will happen as I feel my children and granddaughters will be better off. After this November I probably won't have enough food to survive, I can't pay my bills, I can't get a job because of my bad back, my daughter yells at me, NO ONE cares about me and workcover has made my life hell. I feel I,m just exsisting. I have a court case against workcover where the judge was suppose to give an answer before christmas and here it is the 10th Jan and no answer.
I just can't deal with this anymore, I can,t afford anything there will be no christmas presents this year and probably no birthday present I feel so bad about this but I have tried time and time again for a job.My emotions are out of control so am I a waste of space?
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Sounds like everything has got on top of you and for good reason I know you feel your in an impossible situation at the moment but let me assure you that things will change for the better. Firstly can I suggest that when your 27yr old decides to shout at you tell him/her that your not going to put up with their behaviour and suggest they move out. Afterall why put up with somebody who is making you feel undervalued. Secondly contact those concerned who are keeping you waiting and insist the court gives you a date. If you phone daily its likely they will get fed up of hearing from you. Thirdly can I suggest you spend about 20 minutes per day on your own and try to visualise yourself living in better circumstances - this is to free your mind of worrying as sadly worrying about problems never solves anything.I want to take this opportunity of wishing you all the best and although the thought of suicide may enter your mind from time to time its merely a sign that things have to change and you need to take control of those changes. Good luck
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After reading your letter I was struck by how it sounded as if I could have written it.
From your writing it sound like you are either from Canada, England or Australia. So I am not familiar with what you are calling workcover. It sounds very much like what we call workers compensation. It also sounds like there is not a lot a difference between the two.
I have been where you are and I can tell you suicide is not the answer. I have had the depression, still have, still receiving treatment, the pain form my accident, the same problems you describe. What kept me going was the decision not to let the bastards win. The bastards being workers compensation. I held out and fought them at every turn. I made sure I got what ever treatment I needed regardless of whether they paid for it. In the end they did.
If you are feeling suicidal please pick up the phone call the emergency number for where you live and tell them you need help or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Each of the countries I mentioned have National Health, they will cover your treatment should the hospital certify you require it.
Don't let the bastards win. Let that be your mantra.
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your a stronger person than that! and honestly i dont think you children and granddaughters are better off without you. i cant believe that someone would even think that. i am a daughter myself and i am telling you this no matter how bad i behave towards my mom i will always want her in my life! and if anything happened to her i would feel so guilty and so bad! and you really dont want your children feeling that way, right?! no one wants their kids to hurt like that and there is nothing more hurtful than loosing a mum! so please drop that thought completely from your mind! death is not an option!!!! you are not thinking clearly at the moment! so just take a deep breathe, be optimistic and look again for jobs. there are tons of things you can do, you can apply to be a receptionist, you can try telecalls thing you know the one that sells products through phones. you can try tons of things am sure there is a job waiting for you out there you just need time and effort to find it. and i really think all you need is a good support system, you should talk to your daughter honestly about your feelings shes old enough to understand. and tell her that her helling although you know she doesnt mean it make it harder. so just please try again its not over yet. "i always think that there is nothing impossible and there are no dead ends, there is always a way" and so far it works for me whenever i get desperate, have faith, you'll get rewarded. great things dont come easy you have to keep trying to get them :).
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NO! You are not a waste of space. No one is a waste of space. You need to talk to your daughther. You are her mother and she needs to show you some respect.
I am truly sorry about your back and you whole situation. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Truly.
This isn't great advice, but it's hard to give advice when people feel suicidal. Please just keep your chin up and remember you can talk to me!
Hope it all gets better. ♥
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