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Can this be my happy ever after
i'm 22 f and my bf is 24 we've been together for 4 months but were friends for 2 years before. resently conversations about the future have been coming up. he says that he would love to marry me and be with me always but wants to be together for longer before he makes that comitment. however when the subject of kids came up he was more excited. i want to have kids with him but i feel that this is more important to him then marriage. which doesn't fly in my books. i'm a little old fashioned that way. is this just me being crazy or should i really worry about it.
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Your definitley not crazy, but if the topic of kids comes up, bring up marriage. Tell him that if you want to hanve children, you will have to marry first.
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lol your not crazy i feel the same way,you shouldnt worry about it just let him know when the subject comes up:)
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I would say that there is nothing to worry about, only time can tell if you are meant to be together as 4 months really is not a long time even if you were friends before hand there is a big difference between the two. I would suggest that the next time a conversation about the future comes up you should just explain that you do not want kids until you are married if he loves you the way you think he does I'm sure he will understand. I hope this helped, Good Luck.
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Keep it that way , the old fashioned way. Its being you by doing that. If he really loves you and talks about marriage too then don't worry about it too much. Just make sure the marriage comes first. Your not crazy this is really reasonable. If you to love eachother something like this should not get in the way . The best of luck for you two <3
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This is roughly how my Dad proposed to my Mum, about two months after they met: 'Do you wanna have a baby with me? We'd better get married then.' Not the most romantic but 20 years down the line, they're still together. There's two morals here. The first is that my parents certainly hadn't been together very long and nearly everyone thought they were rushing into things. However, moving fast isn't always a bad thing. I have friends who are 19 and already thinking about marriage with their girlfriends and boyfriends. For them, they know this is it.
The other moral to my parents story is that being more excited about kids than marriage is fine. Like someone below mentioned, although marriage is a traditional institution that symbolises a committed relationship, it does not make or break it. Of course my parents were in love when they decided to get married but they were much more excited about having a baby together. Kids are a much, much bigger commitment than a marriage, which sadly do not necessarily last forever. Kids really are for life.
Different people have different priorities. It's okay for your husband to be more excited about having children. Marriage has an important place but beyond a wedding day it doesn't quite bring the joy and excitement that having your own children do. However, it's also perfectly okay for you to have a moral standpoint on marriage.
It's really important that you are open and honest with your boyfriend. Let him know that you are excited about having kids but that you feel that marriage should come first.
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I have been married for 40 years. I knew my wife for 6 months before I asked her to marry me.
Even before we started to talk about marriage we talked about children, whether we both wanted them and how many. I think it would be wrong to go into a marriage or even to get engaged without knowing if the two of you are on the same page as far as something so important as children can be.
The fact that your boyfriend gets so excited about on the subject of children does not necessarily mean he wants to put the cart in front of the horse. I think his excitement is telling you how much having children means to him.
Most women spend their entire childhood and more dreaming and planning for their wedding day. Have you ever noticed people never refer to the wedding day as his wedding day; it is always her wedding day.
When it comes to marriage and the wedding, men don't really think of these things until they find the right women and then it is still all for her. For most men a quick trip to the Justice of the Peace satisfies the legalities and then off to the honeymoon.
My wife and I were married by a Judge in his Chambers right after he sentenced some guy to Life in Prison. Before the ceremony he looked at us and said: "Two life sentences in one day, I'm on role". I don't know if the person he sent to jail is still in jail but my wife and I are still married. The Wedding is what she wanted. We wanted to go to Vegas to get married but my wife settled for the Judges Chambers to satisfy our parents.
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Kids are kinda more important than marriage. Marriage is your relationship together, kids are an entirely separate life you're both equally responsible for.
Guys aren't taught to look forward to their wedding day from a young age. We're too busy playing space cowboys and sports to even think about that stuff as children. Being a father, however, is a primal, elemental drive which can be present in a guy naturally.
Taking marriage seriously is a good thing. Kids are easy to get excited about, the prospect of having little bundles of joy and annoyance is something most people can get excited about easily. Marriage is not something we're hard wired to desire, it's a societal construct that people learn to value (or don't) based on their own personal histories, desire, and personality.
You're being crazy, and your relationship is four months old. Further, there's a big leap for a guy from "Bachelor" to "husband" mentally. It's a weird place, I speak from experience. I was kinda disconcerted when the idea of "I'm someone's husband" sunk in. It's an outward sign of "adulthood" that guys don't usually think about until we're wearing the label, and then it's kind of a dizzying idea.
I don't really know how to quantify it better than that. I'm 26 and married. It still feels weird sometimes. People see the ring on my finger and look at me differently, expect different things of me automatically. It changes the ways people see you as a person when you may not see yourself as that person internally yet. I got married, and I didn't feel like a different person. But I definitely get different reactions.
Also, kinda like when the year changes and you still say it's 2010, it took a ridiculously long time to transition out of the five years of "my girlfriend" to start saying "My wife".
It's just a big mental jump that guys aren't taught to mentally prepare for the way girls are. We don't have men's magazines that talk about getting married. We've got magazines which assume you're single, or that assume you're married. The transition isn't something heavily emphasized in our culture, and so it clubs most of us guys upside the head when it happens.
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It's fun to talk about your future, isn't it? I'm sure your boyfriend is just excited at the prospect of children, which is a good quality in a husband. That doesn't mean he wants to have kids out of wedlock or before you are ready.
Enjoy your relationship the way it is now and let it develop. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we've talked about marriage and the future (not really in a serious tone) but I still can't imagine it being a possibility, at least not for YEARS down the road. In these 7 months I've loved learning more about my boyfriend and becoming more open to him. The longer you are together the deeper your relationship can get, in ways you can't imagine right now. Don't rush anything. You have to be with your boyfriend through the good, the bad, the fights, the fun, everything before you can decide he's the one. It has to be an unconditional love, meaning you still feel that way for him even if you fight or he makes a mistake.
What I'm saying is, it's great that you are old fashioned and he wants to wait longer before making that commitment. Enjoy this time in your lives, because it may be that time you look back on when you two grow old together ;)
Good luck,
-Abby
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You shouldn't really worry about it. Every guy wants to have kids who likes kids of course. He probably is really excited to get married to you but he isn't really thinking about that right now. Marriage is a big thing and you have to know who the right person is. If you feel that he isn't the one and all he wants is kids because that's all hes going to talk about then don't marry him. Being old fashioned is good these days because girls don't know marriage and dating and how it all goes. You should defintely not talk about marriage though in your relationship until your ready. It's kind of the last thing you want to talk about not the first. He will ask you to marry him when he has made a choice. But the time should be soon or really soon. Hope I helped.
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