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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Im hosting a house party soon where im inviting a lot of people who dont know each other. i would like to know good party drinking/non-drinking games which can act like ice breakers and make the party kickass. also party related songs. and other ideas are welcome.
thanks.

You can find lots of ideas on line. Put in a search for ice breaker games.
Here's one I came across I think you might like as it needs no prep work or tools.
http://www.icebreakergames.org/games/two-truths-and-a-fib/4.aspx
And follow the link back to main page for more ideas.
If friends need examples of what type of things to state about themselves when its their turn give them some. It could be what they dream about consistantly, another state or country they used to live in, an ethnic food they're great at cooking, hobbies are good, or collections they have, such as owning a collection of all of some football teams memorabilia, or a collection of anything to do with butterflies or fairys. Or making a statement about what you believe in such as I believe in the existance of aliens, when you really don't.
Ask each friend to tell you one of their favorite songs, or more specific, party songs or chilling out songs. And put together a variety of all their favorites which will hopefully include many styles of music or you could do that yourself, some techno, house, pop, oldie rock, etc... Just the kind of music that puts everyone in a good mood, not stuff that relaxes too much and puts everyone to sleep. LOL. Good luck.

You give really good advice. I need some help.

How do you know when your friends with benefit partner might be developing feelings for you?

I just want to be sure when to stop and have a conversation about it if something comes up.
What are the signs?

Thank you!

It's difficult to see signals. If your sensing something you have to ask. Or if you develope the feelings first, say, "Hey, I know we promised there'd be no attachments or expectations and I am starting to develope feelings for you and wanting to pursue those feelings with you. So to be fair, I wanted to let you know. That way we can decide if it's best to break up. Or if you feel the same, then we continue the relationship at another level. Yes...Its scary to come out and confess but honesty like that has never freaked out a guy especially if you keep control and dont go begging him to love you or something like that.

Its easy to keep signs of developing feelings hidden when already romantic and sex partners. Some guys dont show much affection signals, in touch and kisses and doing simple little unasked for favors for you, they only show the attention in the bedroom. I would have to say for me, its always been my female inner sensing ability which all females have, you know...that special radar guys joke about, thats what lets me know when something may have changed.

Okay, so like 2 weeks ago I ask this guy I liked to come bowling with me and some of my co-workers. He said yes the firs time I asked him and when he gave me his number and I texted him if he was still coming, he asked what time, I told him and he didn't say anything. So we had to changed the time we were going and I texted him the new time and he never got back to me. So, we still went bowling and I haven't heard from him. I haven't texted him since than, and my friends think that he might think that I'm mad at him for not going but I'm not, its whatever. So, I still really like him, and should I text him, and if I do what should I say? Cuz, I feel like if I don't say anything, nothing is really going to happen...

there's so much more a person can pick up on body language if they were face to face rather than texting. I would suggest trying to catch him in person and give him a cheerful hello and say, "Hey I missed you the other day at bowling."

Then you could follow it with a comment that you use to 'fish' for some kind of response. "I hope it wasn't any kind of emergency that cropped up." Most people would just say yes or no it wasn't. And quite a few are tempted to give a short explanation.
If he doesn't, he could be a very private person and not very talkative. But it helps to see his face expressions. If he looks uncomfortable with coming face to face with you and not happy to see you then if I were you, I would point that out. "You don't look as happy to see me as last time. I can understand if something is going on in your life right now, or if you're not really interested in me as more than just a friend but I don't want to have to guess. I need you to be honest and clear with me. Also, if you're not totally free and have someone else you are dating, then let me know now and I will back away.(As much as it might crush you) Until he speaks up, you won't know what is going on.

If your friendly greeting reassures him that you're not mad and happy to see him, then he should respond favorably. But if you had to make the first approach, even if he is interested still, this may point to him not being a very self assured person...worried and second guessing what another person may be thinking of him, assuming the worst...and that is not a good sign so if you start dating, look for other signs of this cus in the long run, it could lead to issues on the relationship.

You could text him the same things i suggested but as you can see, if he chooses not to respond...you come to a quick dead end by not being able to read his body language.

If its been two weeks and he has not made any sort of gesture towards you, it could also be that he's a friendly person but not all that into you, and you misread his interest. But you won't know for sure until you try to start conversation with him. If its too hard to get him to respond, then let him go now. Try to remember exactly what about him you found attractive, his looks, his smile or laugh, and look for those things in the next guy you come across.

So I'm in a bit of an unusual situation. I'm 26 years old and I have never been in a relationship, I'm not a virgin, having lost my virginity on a one night stand when I was 23 just because I was tired of being a virgin and wanted to see what the fuss was about but since then I have not wanted to do it with anyone. It's not for any moral or religious reasons, it's just that I've never really had to desire to get with anyone beyond kissing and I have been out of work and college the past two years so I haven't had the most normal social life beyond going out clubbing over the past while. Plus I've always been highly independent and have never really met the right person who wasn't attached already. Just recently I started thinking about it all and I can't get it off my mind atm, it's like every thought is "oh but wait you've never been in a relationship or had much sex, you're a freak" It's like I'm filtering everything in life by how much relationship experience I've had and my sex life! It's just a crazy thinking habit that kinda perpetuated over one evening and now for the past 3 weeks I’ve felt so depressed and the constant mental nagging keeps coming back! I also started an advanced entry into a university course the day after all this started and all I can think about is this my lack of relationship and sexual experience and I think that everyone on my course if they find out will think I'm a big freak (And I'm obviously a bit anxious around them since they all know each other already and I'm the newbie so I'm feeling like an outsider)I don't know what I can't get my mind to stop thinking about it and it's making me feel so depressed! It's almost as if it's an obsession but even when I rationalize it all out I still can't get a peace it's like I'm so deeply ashamed about my lack of relationship and sexual experience I hate myself over it, I can't forgive or accept it. It's only since uprooting it as I said I never really let it affect me before (I just ignored/suppressed the fact I'd never been with anyone) and now I've become so down on myself and can think of nothing else and just feel depressed and like I don't care about life at all. My mind is just filled with this thought. I also atm find myself checking men out more than I ever have before. And keep feeling attracted to men all time and am really paranoid it will be obvious that I am not that experienced and am very frustrated (someone had made snide remarks b4 that me checking out everyone means I'm frustrated, "saying gawd, has it been that long?" I'm just fixated on this and I can't let it go, is there any advice ppl cud give me to help me get on with my life! I have a feeling it may not be revolved around my relationship issues but it may just be that I'm the type of person who fixates and thinks too much (I’ve had other mental obsessions in the past and a fixation with thoughts and anxiety) and I just happened to choose this aspect of my life to worry about maybe! It literally fills my head all day long and I just wanna be at peace!

Any advice on what to do would be really appreciated!

Thanks so much!

So sorry to hear about your struggle. But yes, I'd have to agree that you already know you're causing your anxieties and so it grows into a downward spiral. Your subconscious mind is your worst enemy right now. The trick is to retrain your mind to catch each negative thought as it comes into your mind and say to yourself, I reject that thought and then replace it with a positive thought.
The positive thought may only last a few seconds before you are bombarded by the next negative thought. You will find it exhausting work mentally to do this all day long but if you can do this daily all day long, eventually, the positive thoughts will hang in there longer before the negative ones come back, and then eventually after weeks, even months, you will realize that the majority of your thoughts are positive.
Just an aside, there is no way a guy can know whether you have much sexual experience or not. Some cant even tell when a gal is faking orgasm. Most women who have had sex have never had anything but clitoral orgasm from masturbating, non from men. Mostly cus men have never bothered to study and learn how to give it to women and women know very little about their own body.
So my advice while you work on your thoughts, if you aren't alrady doing so, is study all you can about your body and how it works and the same for mens bodies. Too many engaging in sex, know very little, have intercourse and think thats all there is to it. You're actually a perfect age to study up on it and get ready with confidence. Then once you are no longer sending out the self defeatist vibes that guys may have picked up on... you will find that more guys are attracted to you. If you want to take it easy in the beginning and get the sexual needs taken care of and later be concerned with finding the kind of guy to marry, don't feel bad...its very important to get our sexual needs taken care of. So you might be upfront with guys you're sexually attracted to and tell them upfront that you just want to be friends with benefits...(the sexual benefits,) it means you are not commiting to a dating relationship yet. Every guy like every woman has things they like and dont like. Read books on sensuality. Men like being touched too, their skin stroked everywhere on their body and their genital touched and caressed, not talking even about oral sex yet. So start your research on line, and buy books. Learn what you can. If you'd like some links to sites I think may be helpful, let me know by writing to my column and posting there. Good luck.

I am in high school and we are doing a swim unit. Boys and girls are both in the class. I am a very anxious and nervous person but I find myself not caring at all about being in a swimsuit in front of the class especially girls and yet I have some stretch marks? Why is this? How can this happen when I am usually anxious? I am a 15 year old boy by the way

I really can't say but thats a good thing. Sometimes self confidence comes with age. No matter what age i am, i have always found i gained more confidence for more situations as my life as gone on and it hasnt changed yet. Just enjoy it dear. Many people have stretch marks from the body having a change in weight faster than the skin can adjust to. No one person is as perfect looking in Hollywood as made out to be. Camera's and makeup are very deceiving so whether men or women, celebs. come with stretch marks, pimple scars, freckles, sun damage spots and of course various body shapes. What is presented on TV or in magazines is not real life. If you ever find that a girl doesn't think you're good looking enough, she's too shallow and not worth it. Everyone has different tastes in what they are attracted to, same goes for you. So enjoy being you and don't let any anxioties come creeping back ever.

My boyfriend and I have lived together now for about 6 months. We have been together for 4 years. I feel like has changed so much since we got together. He doesn't like the same things anymore, his attitude is different, it's like he's a different person. We can't hold a conversation now because he doesn't care about anything i do anymore, it seems.

He just did this thing where he searched through my facebook messages and found a conversation with an ex, about a year old. This conversation was my ex trying to get back together with me and me saying "i have a boyfriend, its not going to work". And my boyfriend freaked out. He wouldn't talk to me for like 8 hours. I always tell him that if there's something bothering him to please please talk to me. And he just sat in bed for 8 hours and wouldn't look at me, or talk to me or anything. I was about to leave all together because i thought he hated me. and finally at the last second he said something. He won't talk to me about stuff, for some reason he can't communicate when there's a problem. And communication is a huge relationship factor for me. He always says "ill start talking to you when there's a problem" but then he just never does. And I almost walked out because of it!

Last night he was telling me about how he's sooo unhappy because i annoy him. He said that the reason he's unhappy is becaue I leave my tooth floss out sometimes, i drank milk that he bought, i use the tv to watch what I want when i come home from work, and when we're driving together, i comment on his driving. Which to me are very miniscule things, not things to be depressed about. Plus, he has never mentioned them to me before. If he had said something, I wouldnt keep doing it, im not that kind of person.

And furthermore, its my apartment, i pay full rent and bills, he buys food occasionally when his parents give him money. He won't even go apply for food stamps even though we can barely survive on my income. I own the tv and im only home from work for like 3 hours before i go to bed so he has all day to watch tv. And he just learned how to drive my car, it's a stick. So i do comment on his driving, but only when im trying to help him or if he's doing something wrong. When he moved in, we agreed that I would go to work while he looks for a job and he will take care of the apartment (cleaning) in the meantime. Which he does hardly at all. when he "cleans" he just loads the dishwasher. which is great. But then I get home from a long day at work and I have to sweep, vaccum, wipe the counters down, take out the trash, clean the cats' literboxes. And I ask him to do more but he just doesnt.

Lastly, i have always been supportive and encourage him. He doesnt have a job and he gets depressed when he gets turned down for one. And every time, I say "dont worry, you'll get one eventually, stay positive" things like that. I am extremely supportive and wouldnt ever say anything to hurt him. He says that he is depressed, he lacks confidence, he doesnt know how to interact with people anymore, he can't sleep. And I support him through all of it, but I can only sit there and watch someone be unhappy and NOT try to change it for so long. Im the kind of person that if im unhappy, i find out whats making me unhappy and change it. He would rather just wallow in his misery and be a victim. Im so tired of being a mom saying "there there, it will be alright".

Maybe im being a little harsh, i want him to be happy. But equally important, I want to be happy. It's hard to sit here and watch someone you love become a totally different person.

Im just stuck and not sure what i should do :(

In your entire explanation, I could find not one positive thing you had to say about the person he is now.
Until we are tested and challenged in life, we won't really know what our strengths and weaknesses are. The guy you knew before had not yet been tested to know what his strengths and weaknesses are. Now he is crumpling under the pressure. I can't promise that the world economy is going to get better anytime soon. So people need to find ways to still get joy out of life and make do with less and get creative on finding ways to eek out a living. Almost everyone is in the same boat now.
You seem a mature upbeat person. If you want a chance of surviving a tough world future ahead, wouldn't you rather have someone at your side who can carry their own weight emotionally and financially as best as possible? I know you developed feelings for him. But a healthy relationship requires both parties putting in maximum effort to make it so. Right now I'd say you already know the right path to take, your gut feeling is telling you, you just wanted to know whether anyone else saw it too. Good luck dear.

heyy...
i just have a couple of hours to meet my boyfriend..the thing is that i like him so much,i finally met someone like him,he's amazing ..so every time we have sex,it's like a routine,known positions all the time,its getting boring not just for him,for me too ..so i need something new,something creative and wild :3 something that's gonna blew his mind away... plzz help

You can use this anytime in the future if its too late for your next time together.
If neither of you have yet, explore each others g-spots. Males have them too.
If you've never had a g-spot orgasm, if he can learn to give you one over and over, that will blow his mind away not to mention yours. If you've never been left, feeling like a boneless mass after a set of those orgasms, unable to move in bed let alone walk on your two legs, then both of you are missing out on something that will never grow old or boring. Boring happens when its intercourse from someone loving and caring but the mind blowing orgasms are missing.
I will give you a link to 2 videos on both the male and female parts involved in an orgasm and its part of a course taught to med students yet entertaining. Not all women can gush/squirt with g spot orgasms but they all can achieve the orgasms. There's much you can learn on the net. And its fun to learn and explore together. Due to a guys penis size and other things, not all of the Kama Sutra positions will work but you can always get a book on the positions and try them. Another thing you can do is learn how to strengthen your pc muscles, the ones you squeeze to cut off urine flow. Its harder to practice doing so while not peeing and at first you won't feel like you're squeezing, only imagininig it in your mind. But once you've mastered it, keep it up. Its so wonderful and exciting for a male to feel the vagina squeezing him and relaxing and squeezing again. It'll drive him wild, especially if you do it on command from him.
Adding sensual things in is good for a change like massaging each other with body oils made in many exotic scents. I've tried ones I found at natural health stores and sex toy shops.
Almost forgot, not all males like their gspot stroked but its worth a try because for some guys it heightens the feelings of their orgasm if the female either with her finger or with a toy made for the purpose, enters his anus about an inch or two, the prostrate gland is his g-spot, when massaged it is very pleasurable for many if they and you don't mind the anus part. I have worn disposable gloves for this, however pharmacies also sell just finger gloves, a latex cover for just one finger. Some womens fingers may not be long enough to give a real good massage so the toy would be a help here. Its nothing big like a dildo so he doesnt have to freak out. LOL
Another sensual thing that you might like is having small bits of fruit placed on your nude body, anywhere you like for him to eat off of you without using hands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnEJ6bcVFsI&list=TLoW5IytjE5Qs

21 / Female

This is also going to elaborate on my preferences in the bedroom since I'm shy about how I wish I could be in bed.

I secretly want to lose all inhibition, and have the most amazing sex ever. Just to be a total freak. But I wouldn't want to scare a guy. And I have never, not even once, had an orgasm during sex. I have while masturbating, but no man has ever given me one. I want to be dominated. I'd also like to find out if I'm capable of squirting. I know I can orgasm because I get myself off all the time, so that's not the problem. I have seriously become so incredibly interested in passionate and freaky sex as well as my ability to have an orgasm by someone other than myself. But, most importantly, I've started to be really into and curious about BDSM. Am I weird? I want to be tied up and dominated. Like, in every way possible. I feel like I'd be looked at like I'm crazy for being interested in this sort of thing; I can't even tell any of my closest friends because I'm nervous about it. What makes it an uncomfortable topic for me is that I'm the girl everyone knows as sweet and conservative; I've had sex with seven men total since right before I turned 16 (and I'll be 22 in December), five of which I was in a relationship with. So I have never been the type to just sleep around or act like a whore. But I feel like I am, though. Secretly. Like in the privacy of a bedroom I just become this vixen and I get so into it. I love pleasing and being pleased. I especially love being teased with foreplay - I want to ache for it, to beg for it. And I'm SO curious about being tied up and such. All of this makes me scared to tell anyone for fear of being looked at like a weirdo. Is it common to feel like a slut without actually being one? I can't help but feel slutty because that the thought of being completely dominated is so arousing to me. And I've never even done anal before, but I'm completely open to it because that's about the most dominating thing you could do to someone and, because I'm into being dominated, I find it so sexy. It freaks me out that I've become so into this, and I have even been watching BDSM porn a lot lately. I never watch porn, so maybe me watching it is due to the fact that I haven't actually been able to try it out yet? I don't know. But, anyway, how exactly do I find someone who's also into this, and how do I begin this sexual lifestyle? Am I weird for everything I just confessed? And how often do people judge when they hear someone is into BDSM?

Hello dear. You sound like a younger version of me. I have been to clubs that cater to BDSM and have the equipment for tying people up, but only as an observer. While there are some wild forceful things I liked sexually, what I liked to me was still borderline, not really BDSM. I remember one younger lady, petite like me giving anyone who wanted to try, her hand whip to try on her or her husbands behind. I couldn't seriously do it without cracking up laughing. My daughter, a bit older than you, surprised me this past year by telling me that she and her husband started attended a sex positive club that caters to BDSM. She found them on the computer by doing a search.
So you could do the same, but before you rush off to check out such a place, may I give my opinion on what I think your situation might be?

I have a high libido, and like you come across as miss goody two shoes, no one could imagine that I was a vixen who tired the men out before they tired me out. And I am able to have g spot orgasms and squirt (female ejaculation) Every female is able to have g-spot orgasms, not every one can squirt due to how their genitals forms while in utero (so I'm told from a Univ. med school video..I will share the link) Most guys your age do not know anything about how to give a female a g-spot orgasm and very few females know the the part of their vagina he needs to massage in order to achieve this is wrapped around your urethra, which means when stimulated, you feel eventually feel like you have to pee. Your bladder can be empty if you do so before sex and still feel this, you have to just let go as if peeing and thats when you have your orgasm. Even though I gush, I don't so do everytime, I have no control over when my body does it or not. But I do have those orgasms.
My suggestion is you learn everything you can and then try to teach a guy with on line videos, with good text book pics of how to do it for you. Once you have found a guy who loves pleasing you this way, then mention to him that you would like being tied up, maybe having him grab your hair firmly and pull on it. Yes, lots of guys are intimidate sexually by a woman who has a greater sexual appetite than them. Libido's vary. Some young guys these days have no where near the sexual appetite as men decades older. They can get hard faster and stay hard longer but the sexual drive is not as great. We have a daugther who complains that she finds lots of guys she likes but not a one yet that has any sexual desires. And she's had partners like you in the past.
Here is my own words is what I think your situation may be:
“I think with women, me included, what appeals to us is a man whose sexual approach to us isn't weak, boring, or routine. Something about the wild animal side which the Tarzan character has from living in the wild is attractive simply for the unpredictable-ness of it. There is also a force of strength, a natural desire to satisfy a hunger. With animals, it's kill or be killed, you're on the food chain. When it comes to sexual attraction, women want their man to look at them as the only thing on the sexual “food chain” that is going to satisfy their needs and their hunger and go after her in an according manner. It may be this aspect of the wildness, forcefulness and tieing up that has you interested. If's it's not there, I am not interested in the guy, plain and simple. And hon, that does not make us sluts or whores. What a guy wants is a tiger behind closed doors, a woman with great sexual appetite who lets him dominate sometimes and other times, she calls the shots but out in public she is the proper girlfriend or wife that no one would ever have a clue is like that in private and that kind of gal is hard to find, believe it or not. Guys your age may not appreciate that yet but they will soon enough.
As for how to find someone who likes exactly what you do, I had the same problem when looking to find some after I was divorced. I decided on interdating and specifically listed that i was looking for someone my sexual equal, same high libido, and i was known to tire guys out in bed. I wasnt boasting. It was a subtle signal to the right guy who was having trouble finding someone like me. Many guys wrote who said they could tire me out in bed before I could them and took it as a challenge. You don't want one of those guys. Their focus is already on themselves, their male pride, roosters strutting around into themselves. The man who knows who to please a woman and give her orgasms doesnt even bring up the subject, he writes her because he knows he has things in common with her and would like the opportunity to meet. Then let her discover for herself exactly what he's like in bed. And thats what my 2nd husband was like, not a comment to what I listed sexually, we actually spoke more of spirituality.
The internet is a scary place to meet someone and you have to weed through so many duds 95 % of them are. But you might do a search for sex positive clubs. If you cant find one, check with all the shops that sell sex toys and ask there if they know where you can look for local BDSM groups to join. While you might get your w curiousities satisfied, the likelihood of finding yourself a partner you really hit it off with for more than sex may not happen. Its hard to tell you to try just one thing. I have been to the swing club scene, if the club is run safely, then its a good place to experience some of what you want. Single women can get in easily but you may have to attend a beginners meeting or orientation. Mostly dating or married couples go. In most cases by my own polls asked, it was the wife idea to attend, not the man. Bi women like the place, there are some people who like BDSM but generally as a rule they attend a club strictly for BDSM. I'd say, try a little of everything and find the niche where you feel most happy, safe secure and get your needs met and to learn and explore. there's lots of info on the net so start searching. If you need help finding any more sites, let me know but heres the one I promised. first 2 are from the univ. med school
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnEJ6bcVFsI&list=TLoW5IytjE5Qs

And this one is by a gal named laci green who had lots of sex positive videos. SHe's about your age. This ones on g-spot stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz68K2qAlkE&list=PLTXiNEUzXWKTfNYKThSk-kmJdf7AJRP5K

If I can help you in any other way, let me know dear, just write to my columns in box.

Hi. I need some advide. ive been with my partner for 3 years but things have started getting bad as he saw on my phone i have been talking to my childs father. he sais he cant trust me and that we may have to brake up. i need to no if it is wrong to be friendly with my daughters father as there is nothing sexual involved? is he right to be so angry with me and treat me like i have cheated on him. or is he just being paranoid. would really appreciate your advice. thankyou

Not all previous relationships and marriages end on a bad note. There are those who part on friendly terms, still love each other like a family member but not romantically. They just weren't headed in the same direction or had the same goals and dreams, etc...
My new husband is a good example. He has one college age daughter who decided to move with him out of state instead of stay with mom for various reasons. The ex was an orphan no family or siblings so the only people she is close to and has to talk to if she needs some emotional support is him or his dad, thats it. I had to be secure in myself to not take things the wrong way when he answers her maybe once a year crisis call and I hear, "Hi honey. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that baby." If he's the loving thoughtful man I thought I married, then he should be that way. We can't force ourselves to not talk in a caring manner to someone who used to be part of our lives in a different way. She's been out to visit twice. Neither of them have any romantic feelings for each other and I could plainly see they were more like siblings now.
I share my story so you can see that I know what I am talking about. Your guy could handle your talking to your childs daddy, if he was secure in his position with you. Reassurances might help but if he has an extremely low self esteem, nothing is going to help. How often you must speak with the ex may be based on what is going on with the child. I know a guy whose boy is autistic and he is in constant contact with the mom over every new thing that comes up and for a while it was more of the crisis issues. His partner was understanding.

If it's a well adjusted child without any problems that require both parents making constant decisions for her, then the calls are going to depend on how much the dad wants to be involved in hearing about his daughters life. A child is only going to say so much to her dad on the phone. It will take you keeping him updated on all the cute little things he missed out on by not being able to be there with his daughter on a daily basis. And then, if the two of you care about each other as human beings, you will want to know how the other is doing, how was the hike, how did the job interview go, did you try out the recipe i gave you? stuff like that. That is being a caring human being dear, nothing for anyone else to make you feel ashamed of or guilty for doing. If there is no longer any romantic or sexual feelings for the ex, he poses no threat to your new partner.
My only guess is that in 3 years of being with you, your boyfriend never once saw you recieve a call from your childs dad or you telling him you needed some time to make a call to daughters daddy. If you kept the calls private so he had no knowledge of them, out of concern for not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable, he could simply have reacted more to the fact that the phone calls were in private because he thinks that means there is something to hide.
He is making some pretty big judgements saying he cant trust you and that you need to break up if this is a decision he's come to without being able to be an adult and have a good conversation about it.
He may be the type of person who needs to hear how much you love him and why he's a better match for you than the ex was. We don't tend to always ask those things but need to know. Both me and hubby know all about each others ex's and any girl and boyfriends of the past. But we also build each other up daily with compliments, ways of saying how special the partner is, and different loving touches throughout the day. Thats why we both are secure in our status as spouse, no matter what else is going on.

Is your boyfriend needs to feel and hear more of those assurances than the average person, it does not necessarily mean he has low self esteem, you'd see that in other areas of his life as well if that were the case. Its okay to give him reassurances if needed and thats' something you may want to address in a conversation. Don't put it off. Get him to share details, not make broad statements like I cant trust, we might have to break up. Find out whats behind them but he has to feel comfortable and non threatened to even admit to whats driving him to feel this way. talk in a calm voice all the way through. Even when he starts to lose it, say calming things and let him know how much you love him and thats why you want to discuss this because if you have unknowingly hurt him by some action you committed or omitted, you want to know what it really was, and you want him to know what your intentions were and have been all along. If the calls were private and he had no knowledge of them, let him know why and explain it in a positive manner, not a negative one like "I wanted to spare you hearing all my calls of duty to the ex cus my dirty laundry is none of your business anyways. (it is if he's in relationship with you) and instead, "I didn't want to take up any of our private time at home together with talking to my childs father. I've made a promise to be in touch regularly with updates of events in her life. That is the only reason I made the calls at times other than when home together with you. I have nothing to hide so if you really don't mind, then I will make the calls when we're home together." There's lots you can talk about. You can share what kinds of stuff you've talked about. If the examples I gave are things he can't handle you having conversation about, then he's the one with issues and people do not change quickly if ever about something like this during their lifetime. If this one event is something he can get over with explanations and reassurances, then great. If he can't, then it's time for the relationship to end. If he can't trust you in one area, there will be other things he doesnt trust. And trust is one of the essential parts to a healthy relationship. Without it, forcing it, staying together is like carrying around a dead horse. WHY? You ride a healthy horse, and obviously cant ride a dead one, so why put all the effort into carrying around a dead one? It doesn't profit you any.

i gave my bf handjob and after some 20-30 min he fingered me...he wiped out his hand with the cloth and the tool after i gave him handjob..but i am scared if some amount have been left out then can i get pregnant..do give meproper answer plz..i am very tensed nw..need ur advice soon..plz reply as soon as possble..

Advice man gave you good advice. I will add to it, that even if you don't plan to do any intercourse (meaning the penis entering the vagina) it is still a good idea to get on some kind of reliable birth control for reason like this. While in this one case there was next to no chance of getting pregnant, next thing, you or he might not notice or feel a drip of precum that ends up at the entrance of your vagina.
I would suggest you go to planned parenthood to find out about birth control.
All the girls who have worried like you wondering if theres a chance they might have gotten pregnant have also found their period was way overdue so they were sure they were pregnant and they were not. The very worry and stress of just wondering if they might be pregnant is what delayed the period. Stress and illness can delay a periods cycle. For peace of mind, buy a pregnancy test and use it. But for future, enjoyable, stress free sex, get on the pill or something dear.

hii so my mom is allways yelling at me. And I think she is to over protective I can't go to my best friend for a weekend because she have brothers. I told her before that I won't play around like that because im not that sort of person. I try to talk to her but then she is just yelling again.... please help!!

Yes, parents can be overprotective and mainly cus they remember really well their experiences as a teenager so while it may seem blown out of proportion, they are correct to not underestimate what a hormone driven teen boy might be tempted to do. Nothing may ever happen and they may all be well behaved, but your parents don't want to believe that, allow you to go and then something bad happens and they end up blaming themselves for the rest of their lives, feeling guilty that they didn't do a better job of protecting you.
I remember teen sleepovers and how fun that was. It was the sleepover, not the surroundings that made it special. So if you cant go there, if she allowed to come to your house to sleep over?

As far as protecting a daughter from sexual advances or attacks, I remember having 3 daughters. When they had a new friend, I had to meet the parents and get to know them well before I let her go overnight. My concern wasn't as much the brothers as any male in the house, including the dad. The wife could think all is well but husband is not satisfied and always fantasizing about having someone else and decides to go after my daughter while everyone else is asleep. I had to know what the family was like. Everyone of course will be on their best behaviour so my daughters were taught what warning signs to look for when they visited during the day. Disrepect between the parents or towards the children, fighting parents, taking of street drugs or drinking of alcohol while kids were there, etc...
We live in a crazy world dear, there's no such thing as being too careful anymore.

Some day when mom is calm, ask her about her teen years. You want to hear all the good memories and also learn what she did wrong, did any bad things happen to her. If you approach in a calm manner letting her know you want to learn to not repeat the same mistakes, and she doesnt feel threatened, she may tell you some things that might explain why she reacts so emotionally to the thought of you going overnight or whatever other options she over reacts to. My guess is it's based on things she did wrong and learned the hard way or things that were done to her. She won't want you to know thinking that you might think less of her as a parent but many of us learn the hard way. If we don't share what we learned with the next generation and just set rules to protect them without explaining why, we aren't really helping. Thats where your mom may be at, trying to do the right things but not really helping cus she won't volunteer the reason why. So ask her. And when she has explained, don't fight her, just accept what she has said, try to put yourself in her shoes. If you were her, would you be tempted to act the same way? Theres a good chance you would. If you can understand her reasoning, it may help you to not become too frustrated with her, even if she's not doing it the best way possible.

19/f

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. We've recently just been doing the same thing like sitting around his house watching movies.
I want to start doing more with him. I need some creative ideas. Give me as many as you can think of!
I have a small list but I'd like some more.
I also came across one, which is a spa day at home. I don't know if he'd be up for that, he really hates massages but there is more to a spa day than just that right? If we ever did decide to do that, what things do we do?

Also, how often should we have "dates"? Once a week? Once every two weeks? Every month? I want to make sure we make time for each other and do different things but not run out of ideas. I'm sure there would be plenty that would be fun to do again though.

Thank you for all your answers!

Well, there's gonna be things that cost and a list of free things, so I think with what you've mentioned you're looking for ideas for free things.

Can you remember what brought you together in the first place? What was it that attracted each of you to the other. Was it only looks? At first, thats a big one but then you start hanging out to find out more about each other and if you have enough in common to continue to stay together or part ways and look for someone you have more in common with.
After 2 years, you should know him pretty well, and him you. What activities do you have in common? Are you outdoorsy people, do you like gardening? Do you both like hiking, biking, swimming (this time of year theres indoor pools) Do you both enjoy cooking? Maybe take a cooking class together to learn more recipes on your favorite ethnic food. What about dancing? Theres often dance classes, or yoga classes or such offered at the recreation centers where the city pool is. I've taken those kinds of classes and they are not expensive. Do you both like antiques, spending a day wandering through antique shops just for fun is a great way to spend the time. What about things to challenge the mind, doing board games together, jig saw puzzles, what about reading material? My husband is abit dyslexic so I do all the reading but we both get to enjoy a book together and discuss things in it together, especially if it wasnt just a fiction for pleasure but perhaps a study on spirituality or on relationships. Do you have same taste in music?

Here's a point blank question for you. Why do you date? Is it just to have someone for company every once in a while, or are you hoping to find the man who will become your best friend and lover and the two of you remain together long term or for life.
What does your gut feeling tell you about this young man? Is he someone who you and he both could stand being with each other 24/7, thats what it takes for a couple who want to have a happy healthy long term relationship. Yes, everyone will need their personal space at times, but it shouldn't take up the majority of time.
So as to how often you should date, the answer is simple, often enough to find out if he's the right one. If you aren't sure after 2 years, you have either not spent enough time getting to know each other or you do know but aren't ready to admit that he's not the one.
Sitting around watching movies is a fun activity with a loved one. But if thats almost all you are doing, you do not need to interact with each other at all, no conversation, no getting to know what his hopes and dreams are, his goals, what his passions are, who he is at core, his values, morals, beliefs and his personality. You won't learn that just focusing on movies.
You may be focused on work or college and not ready to plunge into a long term relationship. Still, you should be using your time dating to learn what you like and don't like about a person.
Differences may be one is an introvert, ones an extrovert, ones a home buddy, the other likes to get out and do things, one likes to talk alot about anything and everything, the other communicates in few words or not at all, one has a low libido and one has a high sexual libido...the list of differences go on. These few listed already are differences that will put a strain on the relationship and one or the other will not be happy and want to try to change their partner a little or a lot. The more time you spend together, the easier it will be to see if there are differences that would irritate one or the other of you. Even if you find the perfect person for you, don't worry, there will still be plenty of opportunities to learn and to grow in relationship, cus there's always bound to be misunderstandings, a broken promise, etc... opportunities to forgive, to get better at communicating, to control ones temper, to only build up, not tear down.
Only you can answer all these questions. If both your busy schedules is what conflicts with you being able to see each other only once a week or every other week, thats understandable but it sure doesnt help the relationship any. If there is no schedule conflict and its simply your and his choice of how often to see each other, there cant be all that strong of a draw pulling you two together or once a week wouldn't be enough dear.

Even if you have your own homes, if it were me, I'd want to get together more often and the rest of the time be talking lots on the phone. But then I could be wrong, maybe this is all you both want, nothing serious, just a friend as an activity buddy every once in a while.

I am a 14 year old girl and people treat me like I have dyslexic hearing or my ears and my brain are messed up. I've felt this way ever since I was 7. Like today, I came in my classroom and one of the guys said, "shut up, it's her." EVERYONE treats me like this but nobody will tell me what's wrong with me and I'm tired of feeling this way.. People always stare at me, they sometimes kick and punch me. I hate it. I talk to my family but they just tell me to ignore it which is kind of hard to do when these kind of things happen to me EVERYDAY! I'm tired of it. I do have some some friends but they just tell me, they dont think anything is wrong with me. Please, help is much appreciated.

I remember trying to explain to my mom how mean the kids at school were to me and she didn't believe it either. I guess parents just don't think other kids could be so nasty at such a young age already. they would believe it if they saw it though. The advice to ignore being kicked and punched is not good advice. As a parent, I had to go to school and talk to teachers and principals whenever a child had trouble. Of my 3 daughters, it was my oldest that got picked on, not the two younger. It helped that I got involved. Your parents haven't a clue what to do or time to do as I did so they push the responsibility to solve it back on you.
We have to develope thick skin and try to ignore the occasional verbal teases and insults. But a constant flow of it accompanied with putting a hand on you sounds like bullying to me. If they're sly enough to not get caught by teachers, I think the teacher needs to be aware of what is going on behind her/his back if you tell them what is happening and ask them to try extra hard to pay attention to the ones who are the most blatant offenders and try to catch them at it. Until they have proof, its hard to do anything about disciplining any one or several kids for bullying. But either way, it is a good idea to talk to school officials, your counselor. No kid can tell you why they pick on you, someone just starts it and the others mimic and carry it on and dont know why. Never does a person who is picked on or bullied, ever do something that causes it. My daughter was not doing anything that caused her to be picked on. It just took one kid who was popular not liking her personality and convincing their friends to start picking on her. I was picked on all through highschool, name calling and people physically blocking my way so I couldnt travel down the hall to my next class, never hitting me though. There was nothing wrong with me either. If this has gone on for 7 yrs. thats long enough. Talk to school officials. If they are unable to help, I would ask the parents to put you in another school. If they refuse, you may have to talk to other relatives to find someone who will support and listen to you and try to help, an aunt or grandma. I wish you the best dear.

Well, my best friend in the entire world is a guy. He is my everything. Yes, we've dated multiple time on and off for a while but we haven't dated for 7 months and we decided just to be friends. Well, he is a gentleman. He makes me laugh, he is so nice. He sits with me o my bus like i"m the only person her ever sits with and he is plainly awesome. He was my first kiss and it's really hard just to forget about that person. Anyways, his parents are very rude towards me and he dispises his parents for being so mean to me but my parents don't like his parents and his parents don't get along with my parents so I don't want to date him but we can only really hangout on the bus and he lives right next to me. Like 100 feet away from my house. Any ideas I could see him without getting in trouble?

I don't know your ages. If you both are under legal age and not adults yet, your parents get to have a say and set the rules for anything that occurs under their roof. It may not be fair, but they are only required by law to make sure your basic needs of clothing food and housing are taken care of. THere's so law that forces them to like your friends or their parents.

If you are college age and still at home, you can make decisions for yourself and they can not dictate who you date. But if you are living under their roof, adult or not, there are still the rules of the house...the house they pay the bills on. If they say this man is not allowed to enter the house, then that rule must be obeyed.

Since both sets of parents don't like each other, I think there is something up that isn't obvious to you. Perhaps since they're neighbors, they've had occasion to have disagreeances or fights with each other and both sets of people still hold grudges. It could be also be a dislike for peopple of another culture, or religion or some other such thing.
I can see parents not liking who their child is dating but the other set of parents too? Maybe there's a lot of information you left out so we have no clue whats really going on. With what you've told me, I can only say that it looks like you're stuck just being acquiantances with him while riding the bus. If you go to same school, college, then perhaps you will see each other there. Or if you work near each other you can find time to meet for lunch.

I go to a really shitty community college. I don't want to sound like I'm being victimized, but I first want to bring out the fact that I am gay. Once during class my teacher pulled up a website that said I hate fags on it. I'm blatantly gay, and I'm trying to ignore it because there's not much I can do. I feel like he shouldn't be acting so unprofessionally. He doesn't teach in class and I'm wondering how he is going to get grades down if he asked the class if anyone wanted a midterm and no one raised their hand except me. Now we're not having a midterm and he keeps continuing to harrass me about it. Today he said, " So the class decision on midterms is still 30 to 1?" When I raised my hand for the midterm vote, he was really smart about it and said, "So you want a midterm? Okay we'll have one right now." I said no, I obviously would have failed it. He doesn't give us a syllabus, so I don't know what the schedule is. Who am I suppose to talk to about this? What can I do?

Its not just a matter of discrimination against you...but it sounds like the teacher isn't really teaching the students anything and doing poorly as a teacher aside from the discrimination fact. If you say nothing, then whether you take a test or not, he could easily give you a failing grade whether its true or not. You've paid to take the class so you deserve a good chance to learn on whatever subject he is teaching. You need to bring this to the attention of those in charge over him, the principal, and if that doesnt help, the school board.
The majority of people in todays world are afraid to 'rock the boat' so to speak and lack any backbone to say something and try to set things right. It takes a person like you with some personal strength of character to bring this out into the open. I am sorry to hear how you're being treated. May your angels go with you and bring favor to you as you seek justice.

Okay so I'm 15, recently started year 11 and this boy has just asked me to prom (which is not until next July). He's quite shy and I think he only really asked me because his friends convinced him but apparently he REALLY likes me (he does go pretty red when he sees me and I catch his staring at me quite often).

Anyway, people are starting to say that he should ask me out but I'm not sure if he will - or if he even realises that I really like him... Since asking me to prom nothing has changed with us, we still act pretty much the same (although most of the year now gossip about us so we've been discussing that a fair bit).

We're both quite awkward people and I don't think he'll have the courage to say anything but I kind of want him to know I like him. I'm really not sure if he's likely to ask me out or at least ask for my number or something? Not sure what to do...

One body language sign that someone is attracted to you is the constant looking at the person. So since he's doing this and the fact he blushes when caught staring, shows he has an interest. How his friends got him to ask you to prom is beyond me. Did you accept? You say you are attracted to him as well and want him to know. I find it kind of funny that he's asked you to prom but hasn't had the guts to ask you out now. Maybe he could do the other easier cus it is so far in the future. He wont get nervous about that until the time comes closer.
What you could do is ask him if he really likes you and wanted to go to prom with you or if he only asked to get his friends to quit pestering him and he didnt really mean it. And quickly add that you hope he truly is interested in you cus you're interested in him.
Get some kind of confession. If he's too embarassed to say anything like that to you, just tone it down and ask if he'd like at least to hang out with you as friends for now until he gets comfortable with you. He can always decide to tell you later.
All strong healthy relationships have a good friendship between the two people. Longtime happily married couples will say their spouse is their best friend. So try to find out what things you might have in common, a favorite band, type of movie, activities, do you both like dogs, invite him over to meet your pets? Keep trying suggestions until you find one he is comfortable with. Then add a new activity or thing you guys do together whether bike riding or walking the mall, etc. slowly his confidence with you should build.

Hi, I'm a thirteen-year-old girl who likes girls. I just don't see boys in that way. When I think about my future, I see myself marrying a girl rather than a guy.

So, this question is strange, but I'll try my best to have it make sense.

I don't really remember who I had crushes on in elementary school, but I remember that most of them were boys. I had crushes on girls sometimes as well, but when I did, I tried to ignore the feeling.

When I started middle school, I started to become more and more girl-crazy, and I thought about guys less. I decided to embrace my feelings and be myself.

Now I don't like guys at all and only want to be with a girl. I also have a girlfriend now, and I'm so happy to be with her. My previous relationships were with guys, but I always ended it because it didn't feel right at all.

But I also know that I'm only thirteen, and my feelings could change. People sometimes tell me that it's probably just a phase and I will become straight later. But I can't bear for that to happen. I only want to marry a girl, and I cannot see myself in a relationship with a guy. Even the thought of liking a guy disgusts me.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about becoming straight. I don't want that to happen and I don't want my feelings for girls to be "just a phase" like people say.

Thanks for any advice! And I apologize again for the awkward question.

When people say a teen is going through a phase, I'm not sure they could actually describe in words that make sense what it really means. Ask a psychologist and they might say that the fact is the part of the brain that helps us make the best and sound decisions for ourselves, does not finish developing until our mid twenties. Thats why sometimes you hear of teens doing something really stupid that gets them in trouble.
Teens bodies develope before their minds.
What we feel our gender is and what we are attracted to I believe is ruled by a different part of our brain and differs from the portion of brain that makes good judgement calls. It's a fine line for some people looking at the subject.
But as far as I can see, both the mature teens and the immature ones once they have those hormones start taking over their body, they both know what their gender is inside despite what they look like on the outside and/or what sex they are attracted to, or both or neither. You obviously know what is right for you. Whatever you feel now is not going to change. The only part of your brain that is still going to change concerns only maturity and good decision makings (like taking into account all the pros and cons) it doesnt affect the part of brain thats telling you that you like girls. So don't worry honey. Enjoy life and listen to your inner voice or gut tell you when someone is saying something important to pay attention to and when its just their personal viewpoint and to not pay it any heed.

There is a tutor I worked with for math at my university. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. I definitely developed a crush on her but now way would I pursue it or anything because she is already engaged. I guess I must show signs of liking her because she flat out asked me if I like her. I decided to be honest and say yes, and I said it in like a jokey type way making it clear I know she is engaged and nothing can happen, but despite that she now seems to be avoiding me and is somewhat cold to me. Why? Does she think I have no self control? I am not going to try anything. For fricks sake she is the one that asked me in the first place

Your joking may have seemed clear to you but not been clear to her. I don't blame her for not wanting to be near someone who has more than just an attraction to her. It would make any female uncomfortable if she had to work in close proximity with a male that she knows is thinking of her in terms other than just an acquaintance.

Come on, lets be honest, males think about sex a lot. If women knew how often all the males they come into contact with in their normal daily life had a sexual thought about them while near them, some may panic and not want to leave their homes anymore. The rest of us learn how to ignore it unless it is really blatant. Then theres the females who are good at picking up on the vibes and will bring it up.
I was working with a young fellow who was just learning guitar, and one day during the guitar lesson this 26 yr old has that look in his eyes after several lesson that clued me in to what he was thinking. I was single, it was before I met my second husband. He had behaved as a gentleman, not said a word to me, but the air was so thick with the sexual tension I could feel coming off him that I had to say something. I am much older than him and he was attracted to 'cougars' but I told him I sensed how he felt and wanted to make it clear right at the beginning that he was the age of my son in law and I just couldnt see going down that road with him. I was able to continue being a guitar tutor/friend but then, I am way older and more relaxed about situations like this in life.
This girl you're talking about could sense things like me but due to her age, she may not yet learned how to process thru how she feels vs what the situation really is.
Don't let it reflect on you. SHe is doing what is best for herself. There is no "one way ' to handle such a situation.
Lets put the shoe on the other foot and say you have a sister and some co-worker who looks like your sister has been paying a lot of attention to you and always extra friendly and almost stalking you in a nice way. So you finally ask if she likes you and she admits she does. You can feel how strongly she is sexually attracted while the thought of making it with someone that looks like your sister makes your stomach turn. How easy would it be to work close together on a project the boss assigns you both to, 8 hrs every day next to a female you know would love to bed you but she is behaving and making no advances. Now at the very least, wouldnt it make it hard for you to concentrate on your job? Or use a substitute for the scenerio if 'sister' doesnt work, whatever female you could never think of that way.
You've been lovesick over her for some time likely. The reason I know is by how you're reacting to the outcome. You need to let her go in your mind and not place so much importance on her. If she's the only bright light during each of your days, any human picking that up is going to feel uncomfortable around a person like that.

You don't have to say a thing, body language and the vibes that come off us are enough for others to know.

Be honest, if she ceased to exist tomorrow, could you easily go on with life or would you tail spin into depression? You can handle her being engaged but there is still some need inside of you that you are hoping to get filled by her, whether its just catching a glimpse of her or only saying Hi.
If that is the highlight of your day, then its' high time to discover other interests in your life. Join clubs. If you have hobbies or certain interests look online at Meetups.com for your city. Theres groups that meet for many different reasons, some for stay at home moms to get together, those who like to play board games, those into meditation, yoga, etc....start making friends who have common interests. If thats not appealing, then find places where you can volunteer your time and do some volunteer work. As the year continues it will soon be time to get involved in charity work for the Holidays. Focus your attention on helping others. Find a reason other than the one engaged girl to enjoy and look forward to each day. There are so many blessings waiting to be discovered by you. Good luck!

I got my first period in January of this year and it was ok but then in my second period I wore a pad for too long. My mom told me to take a bath and put Desitin. It gave me a rash in the inner thigh by my pubic area. At night it itched so BADLY and I scratched so I peeled it. So I put the cream again and the next night I scratched again. Ever since February I've been scratching and used an anti-itch cream and it worked but didn't heal by rash. Then it itched really bad again one night and put the cream and it doesn't work anymore. In September i started using A+D diaper rash cream and it kinda works but it gives me bumps so I think I'm allergic to it. Now I use both A+D and Desitin. Desitin makes me really chaffed and dry like when your lips are chapped and A+D works for like an hour and then itches again. So when it itches, I scratch and peel it. I wish I didn't buy the itch is really really bad. I've had this rash for like 9 months and it doesn't go away. The colors of the rash are pink/ dark purple oh and the itch goes from the rash to by the vagina. Please help it itches bad and never goes away. What should i use that will take the itch and heal the rash?

I have gotten stress related rashes on my arms or torso and they itch so bad that I scratch and scratching makes it worse causeing it to even spread. But in my sleep when I don't know it, I am scratching.
I would venture to guess that it started out as tenderness from the area being damp or wet too long and developing into the equivalent of a diaper rash. The stress it caused you could easily have caused it to go from that into a stress related rash for which I have not yet found something that relieves it. Luckily I havent had any since last spring. But when I get it, it can last 2 -3 months. Once long ago i had one almost as long as you but of course not same area. BTW, covering the stress rash with ointments made it worse.

With all the scratching, and since the skin there is more tender than anywhere else, I'd be concerned about now having some skin infection that might require an antibiotic to get rid of.
You've given it a good try for 9 months. If you guys can afford to see a dr, I'd go do that.
If not, since it is in the pubic area, I suppose you could always have mom take you to planned parenthood to see if they know whats going on and what would help it. They don't do just birth control but handle any skin related irrition on genitals or near them and period related stuff too.

19/f

So, my best friend since high school and I now attend college together. This summer, we started becoming more physical; ie, holding hands at the movies, putting his arm around me, etc. It was very strange at first, but we both were newly single, so I wrote it off as a nice, platonic human connection.
The other night, we got drunk at a party, and he stayed at my place for the night.
Long story short, we ended up making out on my couch. The next day, we acted as if nothing was amiss, went along with our day, and that night, we were watching a movie. He had his arm around me, and I asked him if everything was ok, and he said that anything more than cuddling probably "wasn't okay". But then about five minutes later, we went at it again.
Nobody knows about this, because we agreed to simply not talk about it. I have no idea how to feel about all this. He's my best friend, and I don't want to be his girlfriend. I would definitely go for round three, but I don't know if this is going the wrong direction/will ruin our relationship.
Help!

I will say that for two people who are not in a relationship at the time with anyone, meaning not having a sex partner and thus no sexual outlet, it is far better to have a best friend for that than just get together with a stranger to take care of those needs. I have had sex partners who were just friends to begin with. In the beginning when we found the attraction going that way sexually, I would make it clear that to me it was a friends with benefits thing, and that there wasn't enough in common to work out for a relationship as a couple.
Although, the successful long term relationships all have couples who are the best friend of their partner. My 2nd husband and I are best friends. And as best friends, we have a lot in common. Having that and the sexual compatibility is what makes a healthy successful relationship.

So I am not sure I understand why in your case you feel he is only best friend material and not anything more.
Often the guy who gets stuck in the "just be friends" category ends up never dating or trying to be never really dating any other girls because the one he is best friends with is the one he wants more with. He is willing to be just friends because he cares so much about her, that at least he has that if not all with her. So what I am saying, is that there is a slight chance that deep down, he's in love with you and wants the whole relationship but is afraid to admit it because in doing so he fears he may jeapordize what he has with you now. If he truly had no sexual desires towards you, and it was just the both of you having sex for sex sake, then why would he be doing the hand holding and arms around each other "signs of affection" if thats not existant.
You need to be honest with yourself as to what about him does not make him a suitable mate, partner. etc... cus to say "Well, he's always been a best friend before so it feels awkward to switch." is not a good enough explanation.

Here's a good example of a good reason.

"We both have lots in common. He's really nice but I don't feel a spark sexually, theres no really sexual chemistry. And we both like too much different stuff in that department."

I'd say the both of you need to have a heart to heart talk, not pretend like nothing happened. You need to make him comfortable to admit if he has more feelings for you than just friend, it may have developed somewhere along the line, in the time you're known him but he is so afraid of losing even your friendship that he doesnt dare discuss what just happened or admit his feelings. Likely, he will deny it if you just point blank ask. At the same time, if he's hanging around hoping that some day your feelings for him might change, its not fair to him to not find that lady who will love him as her bestfriend and lover and want to be a dating couple or in a long term relationship with him. He needs to know how open you are to ever having that kind of relationship with him, and if not...why. It might hurt his feelings, but in the long run, its healthier that he doesnt continue to live a life of false hope being your friend.

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