|
Is It Just a Phase?
Hi, I'm a thirteen-year-old girl who likes girls. I just don't see boys in that way. When I think about my future, I see myself marrying a girl rather than a guy.
So, this question is strange, but I'll try my best to have it make sense.
I don't really remember who I had crushes on in elementary school, but I remember that most of them were boys. I had crushes on girls sometimes as well, but when I did, I tried to ignore the feeling.
When I started middle school, I started to become more and more girl-crazy, and I thought about guys less. I decided to embrace my feelings and be myself.
Now I don't like guys at all and only want to be with a girl. I also have a girlfriend now, and I'm so happy to be with her. My previous relationships were with guys, but I always ended it because it didn't feel right at all.
But I also know that I'm only thirteen, and my feelings could change. People sometimes tell me that it's probably just a phase and I will become straight later. But I can't bear for that to happen. I only want to marry a girl, and I cannot see myself in a relationship with a guy. Even the thought of liking a guy disgusts me.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about becoming straight. I don't want that to happen and I don't want my feelings for girls to be "just a phase" like people say.
Thanks for any advice! And I apologize again for the awkward question.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I went through that at your age and in the end I found myself and now I classify myself as bisexual but more attracted to women. It's perfectly normal and it's who you are and may or may not change.
]
The first things I want to say is that sexuality is fluid.
I don't think you should worry about "turning straight" because if you like a boy in the future, it means that you like him even if the gender of the person is male. Sexuality does not have do be something you label; it can be something you figure out as you grow up in life. If you continue to like only girls, that's great! because that's what you wanted. But, if you like boys as well, it shouldn't disgust you because it means that you have positive feelings for this guy. Just go with what your heart leads you.
Right now, you are happy with your girlfriend so spend more time with her without worrying about what could happen in the future. Worrying about it too much could unconsciously distance yourself from the people you care about.
]
Phase can mean a lot of different things especially when used in conjunction to a pubescent teenager. Generally when used in that manner by parents or other adults. It is meant to explain away odd behavior or craziness that we adults do not understand or do not want to understand. The problem with lumping things under the term phase is it is a disservice to the teenager. At one time teenage depression was thought to be "JUST A PHASE," we now know
better.
As to your current writing. It very well could be a temporary situation while you learn more about yourself and your sexuality. Many young girls and boys go through a period when their sexuality and initial sexual experiences are with the same sex. Does this mean they are gay or lesbians. Probably not for most. At this point in their sexual development having sex with a member of the same sex is both safe and a learning experience.
As these young people grow older and more confident in their sexuality some will become heterosexual only. Others will become bi sexual and the remainder will be what they were born to be, which is gay or lesbian.
Lesbians and gays do not just decide to become this way. They are born this way, it is in their genetic make up. I can't say if you were born this way though you will know for sure very soon if not already.
You say in elementary school you had crushes on girls but tried to ignore them. The key words here are; tried to ignore them. This says you tried to conform to what you thought was the norm even though your felt differently.
It is very possible you were born this way. If so embrace it for that is who you are. I would advise, for your own safety, that you do in a manner of speaking stay in the closet with kids at school. Kids your age do not understand and can be very mean and hurtful to gay and lesbian kids in school.
Once you are and adult, over 18 and in college where things are more liberal embrace your sexuality for that is who you are. There is nothing you can do to change it and you would be miserable if you tried.
Just for the record I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I am very liberal when it comes to my views on sex and sexuality. I am married for 42 years to the same women who's views in this are very much like mine.
I've tried to answer your question by telling you like it is, as I understand it. Yes you are confused at this time and it is understandable. Hopefully I have taken some of that confusion out of the situation for you.
Just remember this you are who you are so embrace who you are and be the best you that you can be. My motto has always been; the only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today. You are more than welcome to adopt my motto.
]
When people say a teen is going through a phase, I'm not sure they could actually describe in words that make sense what it really means. Ask a psychologist and they might say that the fact is the part of the brain that helps us make the best and sound decisions for ourselves, does not finish developing until our mid twenties. Thats why sometimes you hear of teens doing something really stupid that gets them in trouble.
Teens bodies develope before their minds.
What we feel our gender is and what we are attracted to I believe is ruled by a different part of our brain and differs from the portion of brain that makes good judgement calls. It's a fine line for some people looking at the subject.
But as far as I can see, both the mature teens and the immature ones once they have those hormones start taking over their body, they both know what their gender is inside despite what they look like on the outside and/or what sex they are attracted to, or both or neither. You obviously know what is right for you. Whatever you feel now is not going to change. The only part of your brain that is still going to change concerns only maturity and good decision makings (like taking into account all the pros and cons) it doesnt affect the part of brain thats telling you that you like girls. So don't worry honey. Enjoy life and listen to your inner voice or gut tell you when someone is saying something important to pay attention to and when its just their personal viewpoint and to not pay it any heed.
]
More Questions: |