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I'm curious about BDSM, and am I weird for being interested in it?
21 / Female
This is also going to elaborate on my preferences in the bedroom since I'm shy about how I wish I could be in bed.
I secretly want to lose all inhibition, and have the most amazing sex ever. Just to be a total freak. But I wouldn't want to scare a guy. And I have never, not even once, had an orgasm during sex. I have while masturbating, but no man has ever given me one. I want to be dominated. I'd also like to find out if I'm capable of squirting. I know I can orgasm because I get myself off all the time, so that's not the problem. I have seriously become so incredibly interested in passionate and freaky sex as well as my ability to have an orgasm by someone other than myself. But, most importantly, I've started to be really into and curious about BDSM. Am I weird? I want to be tied up and dominated. Like, in every way possible. I feel like I'd be looked at like I'm crazy for being interested in this sort of thing; I can't even tell any of my closest friends because I'm nervous about it. What makes it an uncomfortable topic for me is that I'm the girl everyone knows as sweet and conservative; I've had sex with seven men total since right before I turned 16 (and I'll be 22 in December), five of which I was in a relationship with. So I have never been the type to just sleep around or act like a whore. But I feel like I am, though. Secretly. Like in the privacy of a bedroom I just become this vixen and I get so into it. I love pleasing and being pleased. I especially love being teased with foreplay - I want to ache for it, to beg for it. And I'm SO curious about being tied up and such. All of this makes me scared to tell anyone for fear of being looked at like a weirdo. Is it common to feel like a slut without actually being one? I can't help but feel slutty because that the thought of being completely dominated is so arousing to me. And I've never even done anal before, but I'm completely open to it because that's about the most dominating thing you could do to someone and, because I'm into being dominated, I find it so sexy. It freaks me out that I've become so into this, and I have even been watching BDSM porn a lot lately. I never watch porn, so maybe me watching it is due to the fact that I haven't actually been able to try it out yet? I don't know. But, anyway, how exactly do I find someone who's also into this, and how do I begin this sexual lifestyle? Am I weird for everything I just confessed? And how often do people judge when they hear someone is into BDSM?
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Hello dear. You sound like a younger version of me. I have been to clubs that cater to BDSM and have the equipment for tying people up, but only as an observer. While there are some wild forceful things I liked sexually, what I liked to me was still borderline, not really BDSM. I remember one younger lady, petite like me giving anyone who wanted to try, her hand whip to try on her or her husbands behind. I couldn't seriously do it without cracking up laughing. My daughter, a bit older than you, surprised me this past year by telling me that she and her husband started attended a sex positive club that caters to BDSM. She found them on the computer by doing a search.
So you could do the same, but before you rush off to check out such a place, may I give my opinion on what I think your situation might be?
I have a high libido, and like you come across as miss goody two shoes, no one could imagine that I was a vixen who tired the men out before they tired me out. And I am able to have g spot orgasms and squirt (female ejaculation) Every female is able to have g-spot orgasms, not every one can squirt due to how their genitals forms while in utero (so I'm told from a Univ. med school video..I will share the link) Most guys your age do not know anything about how to give a female a g-spot orgasm and very few females know the the part of their vagina he needs to massage in order to achieve this is wrapped around your urethra, which means when stimulated, you feel eventually feel like you have to pee. Your bladder can be empty if you do so before sex and still feel this, you have to just let go as if peeing and thats when you have your orgasm. Even though I gush, I don't so do everytime, I have no control over when my body does it or not. But I do have those orgasms.
My suggestion is you learn everything you can and then try to teach a guy with on line videos, with good text book pics of how to do it for you. Once you have found a guy who loves pleasing you this way, then mention to him that you would like being tied up, maybe having him grab your hair firmly and pull on it. Yes, lots of guys are intimidate sexually by a woman who has a greater sexual appetite than them. Libido's vary. Some young guys these days have no where near the sexual appetite as men decades older. They can get hard faster and stay hard longer but the sexual drive is not as great. We have a daugther who complains that she finds lots of guys she likes but not a one yet that has any sexual desires. And she's had partners like you in the past.
Here is my own words is what I think your situation may be:
“I think with women, me included, what appeals to us is a man whose sexual approach to us isn't weak, boring, or routine. Something about the wild animal side which the Tarzan character has from living in the wild is attractive simply for the unpredictable-ness of it. There is also a force of strength, a natural desire to satisfy a hunger. With animals, it's kill or be killed, you're on the food chain. When it comes to sexual attraction, women want their man to look at them as the only thing on the sexual “food chain” that is going to satisfy their needs and their hunger and go after her in an according manner. It may be this aspect of the wildness, forcefulness and tieing up that has you interested. If's it's not there, I am not interested in the guy, plain and simple. And hon, that does not make us sluts or whores. What a guy wants is a tiger behind closed doors, a woman with great sexual appetite who lets him dominate sometimes and other times, she calls the shots but out in public she is the proper girlfriend or wife that no one would ever have a clue is like that in private and that kind of gal is hard to find, believe it or not. Guys your age may not appreciate that yet but they will soon enough.
As for how to find someone who likes exactly what you do, I had the same problem when looking to find some after I was divorced. I decided on interdating and specifically listed that i was looking for someone my sexual equal, same high libido, and i was known to tire guys out in bed. I wasnt boasting. It was a subtle signal to the right guy who was having trouble finding someone like me. Many guys wrote who said they could tire me out in bed before I could them and took it as a challenge. You don't want one of those guys. Their focus is already on themselves, their male pride, roosters strutting around into themselves. The man who knows who to please a woman and give her orgasms doesnt even bring up the subject, he writes her because he knows he has things in common with her and would like the opportunity to meet. Then let her discover for herself exactly what he's like in bed. And thats what my 2nd husband was like, not a comment to what I listed sexually, we actually spoke more of spirituality.
The internet is a scary place to meet someone and you have to weed through so many duds 95 % of them are. But you might do a search for sex positive clubs. If you cant find one, check with all the shops that sell sex toys and ask there if they know where you can look for local BDSM groups to join. While you might get your w curiousities satisfied, the likelihood of finding yourself a partner you really hit it off with for more than sex may not happen. Its hard to tell you to try just one thing. I have been to the swing club scene, if the club is run safely, then its a good place to experience some of what you want. Single women can get in easily but you may have to attend a beginners meeting or orientation. Mostly dating or married couples go. In most cases by my own polls asked, it was the wife idea to attend, not the man. Bi women like the place, there are some people who like BDSM but generally as a rule they attend a club strictly for BDSM. I'd say, try a little of everything and find the niche where you feel most happy, safe secure and get your needs met and to learn and explore. there's lots of info on the net so start searching. If you need help finding any more sites, let me know but heres the one I promised. first 2 are from the univ. med school
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And this one is by a gal named laci green who had lots of sex positive videos. SHe's about your age. This ones on g-spot stuff.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If I can help you in any other way, let me know dear, just write to my columns in box.
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