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Why is this girl/tutor avoiding me now because I said I liked her, even tho
There is a tutor I worked with for math at my university. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. I definitely developed a crush on her but now way would I pursue it or anything because she is already engaged. I guess I must show signs of liking her because she flat out asked me if I like her. I decided to be honest and say yes, and I said it in like a jokey type way making it clear I know she is engaged and nothing can happen, but despite that she now seems to be avoiding me and is somewhat cold to me. Why? Does she think I have no self control? I am not going to try anything. For fricks sake she is the one that asked me in the first place
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It's simply because she is engaged. People have boundaries.
It doesn't mean that she thinks you're going to try to pursue her or anything but you haven't made it clear that you aren't.
I mean telling her you do like her is getting in the middle of things, even if she asked. It would've been rude of her to avoid you if she only thought that you liked her and you had never told her.
Also, she could have gotten advice from someone else. I mean if I had talked to someone about the situation you guys were in, they probably would have told me to just keep distance.
So you should probably tell her that you're sorry about it and that you have no intentions of getting in the middle of anything.
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She is engaged, Whether or not you had intentions by what you said, It put her in a position where she became uncomfortable.
You implied that you wouldn't interfere but admitting you like her IS interfering with her and her fiance. You admitted it, If you didn't want to get involved then a little white lie may of gone a long way.
She backed off, Why? Maybe she thinks that if she had minimal contact that you would get over this crush. It could also be that she picked up that you liked her and then got a second opinion on it from someone else and she is following the possible advice she was given.
Sometimes it is best to put feelings aside and keep a relationship only what it should be. For her to ask if you liked her, You must of been showing some obvious signs. She may of not of known how to approach the situation so she bluntly came out and asked. All I can say is to apologize the next time you see her for making her feel uncomfortable and to try and put your feelings aside. No more word on how you feel, This is strictly tutoring and that's it.
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Your joking may have seemed clear to you but not been clear to her. I don't blame her for not wanting to be near someone who has more than just an attraction to her. It would make any female uncomfortable if she had to work in close proximity with a male that she knows is thinking of her in terms other than just an acquaintance.
Come on, lets be honest, males think about sex a lot. If women knew how often all the males they come into contact with in their normal daily life had a sexual thought about them while near them, some may panic and not want to leave their homes anymore. The rest of us learn how to ignore it unless it is really blatant. Then theres the females who are good at picking up on the vibes and will bring it up.
I was working with a young fellow who was just learning guitar, and one day during the guitar lesson this 26 yr old has that look in his eyes after several lesson that clued me in to what he was thinking. I was single, it was before I met my second husband. He had behaved as a gentleman, not said a word to me, but the air was so thick with the sexual tension I could feel coming off him that I had to say something. I am much older than him and he was attracted to 'cougars' but I told him I sensed how he felt and wanted to make it clear right at the beginning that he was the age of my son in law and I just couldnt see going down that road with him. I was able to continue being a guitar tutor/friend but then, I am way older and more relaxed about situations like this in life.
This girl you're talking about could sense things like me but due to her age, she may not yet learned how to process thru how she feels vs what the situation really is.
Don't let it reflect on you. SHe is doing what is best for herself. There is no "one way ' to handle such a situation.
Lets put the shoe on the other foot and say you have a sister and some co-worker who looks like your sister has been paying a lot of attention to you and always extra friendly and almost stalking you in a nice way. So you finally ask if she likes you and she admits she does. You can feel how strongly she is sexually attracted while the thought of making it with someone that looks like your sister makes your stomach turn. How easy would it be to work close together on a project the boss assigns you both to, 8 hrs every day next to a female you know would love to bed you but she is behaving and making no advances. Now at the very least, wouldnt it make it hard for you to concentrate on your job? Or use a substitute for the scenerio if 'sister' doesnt work, whatever female you could never think of that way.
You've been lovesick over her for some time likely. The reason I know is by how you're reacting to the outcome. You need to let her go in your mind and not place so much importance on her. If she's the only bright light during each of your days, any human picking that up is going to feel uncomfortable around a person like that.
You don't have to say a thing, body language and the vibes that come off us are enough for others to know.
Be honest, if she ceased to exist tomorrow, could you easily go on with life or would you tail spin into depression? You can handle her being engaged but there is still some need inside of you that you are hoping to get filled by her, whether its just catching a glimpse of her or only saying Hi.
If that is the highlight of your day, then its' high time to discover other interests in your life. Join clubs. If you have hobbies or certain interests look online at Meetups.com for your city. Theres groups that meet for many different reasons, some for stay at home moms to get together, those who like to play board games, those into meditation, yoga, etc....start making friends who have common interests. If thats not appealing, then find places where you can volunteer your time and do some volunteer work. As the year continues it will soon be time to get involved in charity work for the Holidays. Focus your attention on helping others. Find a reason other than the one engaged girl to enjoy and look forward to each day. There are so many blessings waiting to be discovered by you. Good luck!
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