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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Im a preteen so I understand this might b a little weird for my age.Well I hav this cousin and shes like in her 20's . Well any ways shes my favorite cousin and we used to spend a lot of time together. But now that shes starting a family I cant spend any time with her and plus she lives in a different city than I do now. She haves a new born and i dont want to tell her that i feel like we dont spend any time together anymore. I just dont know what to do. And I hav no cousins my age to tlk to or to b my favorite cousin. I need some help plz and thank u
I think we all have or had a favorite cousin that at some point; time and distance or changing family obligations has come between us. Today with the Internet and emails and cell phones it is a lot easier to stay in touch when distance separates us.
I think from what you have written that your cousins changing family situation means she has many more family obligations then she has had in the past. It does not mean she feels any less towards you. It is just you have your family and your obligations, even as a preteen, to them and she as a wife and new mother has many more obligations to her family then she has had in the past.
My thought is that you can stay in touch with each other through emails. This way she can answer your emails when she has a few moments, after she has put the baby to bed, to answer you when it is convenient. You can also arrange for a time each week where you two can talk by phone while baby is napping. It may even be possible, not knowing the transportation situation, for you to arrange to visit once a month and help out with the baby.
This would be a wonderful thing to do for her as the one thing a new mother needs is some time to take care of herself. If you could take time maybe once a month to take care of the baby while she relaxes in the bath or takes a nap you would be doing her a great favor. Then when she is finished in the bath or with her nap the baby could be put down for a nap and the two of you would have time to spend together to talk or whatever. Just a thought.
Family relationships are just like any other relationships. You have to work at them to be successful. Right now with the new baby and all I can assure you she has her hands full. Anything you can do to help out will be well received and at the same time you can work at spending more quality time together.
I'm almost 19. Im madly in love with my bf. He treats me like gold and would never hurt me in any way. He's the most kind hearted gentle man in the whole world. We have sex 3-4 times a week, hes very respectful he stops at anytime if i ask him or need him too. I tend to feel ashamed, guilty and scared during sex even though he tries to make me as comfortable as possible is that normal? I want to have sex with him without these terrible feelings. Also, sex always hurts me we have to stop most times because it hurts so badly hes not being rough or going to hard or fast or anything so whys it hurt? How can i have a normal healthy non painful sexual relationship with the love of my life?
Being 19, unmarried and feeling guilty or ashamed during sex is normal. It is your upbringing getting in the way of your enjoyment. You need to understand you are an adult now and entitled to adult pleasures if you want them. Sex is an adult pleasure that most if not all of us are taught is taboo until marriage.
As for the pain you feel during sex it may be for the same reasons you feel ashamed and guilty. This feeling is not allowing you to relax and lubricate properly; hence the pain you feel. Another reason may be medical and should be discussed with your gynecologist though I am more of the feeling that your feelings of shame and guilt are the cause.
Now I am a parent old enough to be your grandparent. My views on sex for people your age are most likely more liberal than most parents. I believe if you take away the taboo there is less of a chance of unwanted pregnancy which is part of what your fears are.
Now that your an adult if you were my daughter I would suggest to you, since I know I can't stop you from having sex. To visit your gynecologist and discus what form of birth control is right for you. I would also talk with you on the proper way to protect yourself from certain forms of STDs and AIDS.
Always have the boy were a condom until you are married. A condom is effective at preventing most of the STDS but not all from being transferred. It is also a great back up to other forms of birth control you may be using.
Would I let you bring a boy into your bedroom for the night. Frankly I wouldn't like it but since I let my son do so and I deplore double standards I guess I would relent. But I am not your father and if you live in his house you must live by his rules, at least while in the house. While visiting your boyfriend remember you're and adult responsible for yourself.
You have every right to see a doctor and get proper birth control. As an adult you have a right to live your life. You have no reason to feel guilty about anything you do as long as you obey the laws of the land. This is all any parent can ask of their children.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and we just started having sex. It seem though that every time we have sex I build up with worry and anxieties of the possibility of getting pregnant. We use protection and spermicide but it doesn't seem to cut my worrying. I'm only two years younger than him, but I still feel like I'm too young for kids if anything backfires. I love him and I trust him but I just can't relieve the constant worry after we have sex. What can I do to help with these anxieties?
Welcome to the wonderful world of sexual intercourse. I don't mean to make light of your question; your normal for an unmarried woman and since you did not give your age. All teenagers that engage in sexual intercourse.
Other than total abstinence there is not much you can do about these worries. They will always be their; even when you are married and may not yet be ready or wanting of, another, a child.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to make sure you are taking the proper precautions to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Condoms and spermicides are effective forms of prevention but they are not 100%, no birth control is. They are also not as good as if you were on the pill or some of the other forms of birth control. Also the spermicide causes coitus interruptus as it needs to be inserted just prior to intercourse.
If I assume you are a teenager and using the birth control methods you are using, as they are available over the counter without parental permission to purchase. Then the you may find the following information help full.
If you are over 14 years of age you can seek birth control from a doctor or clinic without parental permission. Under a federal law once a teenager reaches the age of 14 he or she may see any doctor for any reason relating to their sexual reproductive system without perental permission.
For you this means you can make appointments to see a gynecologist without moms permission. Be treated by the doctor without mom being in the exam room and the doctor can not tell mom what you have been seen for, treated for or prescribed for without your written permission.
The law is known as HIPPA: Health Information Personal Protection Act. The specific section on teenage sexual reproduction systems was written so that young women mostly would see a doctor and have the confidentiality needed to tell the doctor or answer the doctor in total truth when they need to. This can only be done if mom or dad is in the waiting room. To be totally frank a parent can stand on their head and make the biggest scene ever, the doctor cannot release any information without your written permission. To do so the doctor faces not only the loss of their medical license but 5 years in jail.
So long way to end of story. Birth control pills would be available to you if you are 14 years of age or older and your doctor has no medical reason not to prescribe them. The pharmacy must fill the prescription and even they cannot release information as to what the prescription is for.
You should still insist that the boy use a condom as a second line of defence as well as protection from some of the STDS that condoms can protect you from.
Hi Sir
I really need to talk to someone that really knows about life. My father hates my boyfriend of 2years en 6months, but he does not even know we are together. It's personal, so please if you can help let me know.
I'm a 22year old femaile.
There is very little information here to go on which to offer any help. I do have a question though? How can you date someone for 2 1/2 years and not have members of your family not know him.
I will offer this one piece of advice. While a son is expected to grow in to a man and go out in the world. To a father a daughter will always be daddy's little girl even when she is all grown up and has a family of her own.
For the longest time I thought I did not have my father in-laws approval until his brother told me I did, conditional as it were. He told me my father in-law did approve of me to an extent, though full approval I would never have as I was the man that slept with his daughter. Seems to validate what I said above.
You are an adult now and have been for some time. You are responsible for your own decisions. Yes it would be nice to have your parents approval for everything you do. This is the real world, your parents are not going to approve of everything you do for various reasons.
Mostly it is not because they think your wrong. It is because the world moves so fast they are lost in the modern changes and don't understand why you may do something they wouldn't think to do.
You may think the last statement does not answer your question. Maybe not directly. I can't say your dad hates your boyfriend; I mean how can you hate someone you haven't met. So in there may lie the key to the answer you are seeking.
If you can supply more information I will be glad to try and help you.
Hi everyone so I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months ( i am 16 and he just turned 19) and we have not had sex and we both want too. But neither of us try. We've been friends for a few years but I am very very self conscience of myself. I don't know why but I am. How do I build up confidence in myself? And one other thing which I know is strange and bizarre but you know how some girls shave everything off? Well... What do girls do with their butt ... Hole... Hair? Do u shave that too? I don't know how to word that with out sounding like a Moron or disgusting .. Sorry! But please help me!
I cannot answer your question though I so want to offer you something to think about.
In most places in this world and most states in the U.S. you are under the age of consent. Meaning you cannot consent to having sex with this man. I have purposely used the word man because he is an adult. To engage in any sexual activity with him would put him in a dire legal situation called statutory rape. Anyone could report him not just your parents and he could, depending on the state you live in, face up to life in prison.
some states do have what is called an age exception to protect him, most do not.
If by chance you happen to live near the border of your state with another. The simple act of you two crossing the board for any innocent reason also puts him in peril as a federal law called the Mann act is being violated. The law reads taking a minor across the border for purpose of illicit reasons. Fact is they do not have to prove any illicit act was done, they can simply infer it and obtain a conviction.
This is the problems of dating some one over the age of 18 by someone under the age of consent and under the age of 18 as well as some states the age of consent is also the age of majority which is 18.
Have the laws fallen behind the times. I really can't say. I do think that someone 19 should be able to find someone within his own age group to date and not subject himself to the perils of dating an under age girl. When I was a teenager we were all well versed in the perils of dating an under age girl.
Given all that is being reported to day about pedophiles one has to wonder about anyone that dates so much younger than them selves at this age group. This has nothing to do with the 3 year difference in age. If you were 18 and he 21 no one would say a thing. But you are 16 and he is 19 and that makes for many questions.
It is also understood that as a female you are more mature than a boy your same age by about 2 years. When you factor this in to what this is all about it is understandable that a 19 year old would be more attractive to you than a 16 or 17 year old.
To sum up what I am saying here is. Before you take any further steps in your relationship with this person you have to give legitimate pause to the legal peril he will face if anyone should report your relations. Also you need to give serious consideration as to why he wants to have sex with you and not someone his own age. Meaning is he a pedophile in the making.
Just something I felt you needed to know to protect yourself.
Hello. This is a little bit embarrassing. I'm 22/f and I recently had sex for the first time back in April. The first time that we did it, we were both nervous, as it was both of our first time. We did the best we could, but it wasn't really successful on both our parts because we didn't really know what we were doing. Then, we started to get the gist of things and at least to him, it was feeling pretty good. I don't really feel anything. It actually hurts a little bit. It hurts quite a bit, actually, for a while. When we get more into it and I start loosening up, I felt a tiny itty bitty bit of pleasure that lasted for about a second. Then, it went away. But, he was feeling pretty good. I didn't wanna say that it was hurting me before cuz I didn't wanna make him feel like he was doing something wrong.
What concerns me is that pain that I feel. When I have pleasured myself, I usually get a pillow and just rub on it. It feels so nice. And it's SO soft. It gives me like this tingling feeling down there. It feels absolutely amazing. Why can't I replicate this feeling during sex?
To be honest, last night, we did it, but there was certainly not enough foreplay. We just dug right into it. And perhaps I wasn't really ready enough to dive right into it. But, regardless, it doesn't feel like what it's suppose to feel. Any suggestions for next time? Am I doing something wrong? He's feeling good, why not me??
The vagina when properly stimulated will accommodate a penis about 6" long and about 2" round. A penis larger than that is going to cause discomfort until the vagina stretches to accommodate the penis. This is why it is so very important that the female be properly stimulated prior to penetration. It may also be important that a lubricant be used as well, regardless of the size of his penis and until your vagina becomes accustomed to accommodate him.
Remember what your vagina is truly meant for? The delivering of a child into this world, so with proper stimulation a large penis will be accommodated.
As you are finding out sex is a learned experience. Fortunately there are handbooks and websites you can go to for help. What is most important is that your partner learn to stimulate you properly. There is an old saying about a man being able to use a knot hole to get off. Unfortunately a women needs stimulation. While men can be stimulated visually most women cannot be stimulated strictly through visual stimulation. They needs to be caressed, they need to feel safe, comfortable and secure. Remove any one of these five and the women will not lubricate properly and will feel pain and discomfort during intercourse. She will most definitely not orgasm.
Sex is meant to be for mutual enjoyment. This means you need to communicate your needs to your partner and he to you. If that means telling him to slow down and spend more time on foreplay then tell him. It also means telling each other what your likes and dislikes are.
This also means one partner should never force the other partner to do something they don't want to do. No absolutely means NO and STOP means STOP. Violate that rule and it is Rape even if the sex started out consenting.
Sex can and is very pleasurable. Just take it slow and talk to each other about what your needs are. What you like and don't like. If you can do this you will have a wonderful sex life with this man or any other man you chose to have sex with.
ok so i am 13 and my brother is 3. a year ago i found out on my dads phone that hes going on to dating websites and talking with other women. and before that i found condoms in his car droor. and i just think he goes to other womens house and you know, does it with them. i dont know what to do. i told my aunt but she told me not to tell anyone. i think when my brother grows up to be my age one day, i will tell him and discuss what to do about it together, but now what do you people think?
It is not your role as a child to inform on your parents. So my advice is to follow your Aunts advice on this. Finding dating websites and condoms is evidence not proof. Unless you have absolutely undeniable proof of something like this you keep it to yourself.
Let you Aunt handle it, she is the adult. If she is your fathers sister she will find away to tell him you are aware of his possible indiscretions. If she is your moms sister she will find a way to let him know she is aware and to knock it off.
This is something for the adults not the children to handle.
18/f
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and generally when we 'fool around' he'll finger me or go down on me. It always feels great but I've never reached an orgasm before and I always feel like I have to fake it because I'm taking too long. I don't want to tell him and hurt his feelings, but at the same time I'd like to reach orgasm! Is there anything that I can do? Thanks!
Sex is like everything else in life; it is a learned experience. One way to learn about sex, specifically about what works for us and doesn't work for us, is through masturbation. When we masturbate we learn what we like and what we don't like. Then we need to teach our partner to do what we like to make sex better for both of us. By the way this goes both ways. Boys and girls both need to learn how they like to be touched and what makes then feel good.
As a boy I only knew that putting my fingers in a girls vagina was suppose to get her off. I married a women who turned out to be more clitoral than vaginal. Which could be your problem. Had she not loved me enough and trusted me enough to show me what worked for her then I don't think we would ever have married and been married 41 years as of last month.
No one teaches us how to make love. As boys we learn from porn magazines and porn movies. If we are real lucky a girl will teach us what they like. For the most part though it is a trial an error learning experience.
You may be more clitoral and need more clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. If so different sex positions may have to be tried. You can find these positions by researching them on the web.
First find out if you can bring yourself to orgasm. Start by going in your room and locking your door so you are not disturbed. Get undressed, turn the lights down and if you want put on some nice music. Then get in bed and make love to yourself. Let your hands wander all over your body. Let yourself find out what caresses feel good. Work your way from your neck to your breasts, nipples, down your stomach and finally to your vagina.
When you get to your vagina pay more attention to your clitoris and see if this doesn't get you to a climax. Use both hands if you want and see if maybe clitoral stimulation and deep fingering is what works.
Once you know what works then you can teach your boyfriend during foreplay. Sex is a foundation for a good marriage. Though sex is not all that goes into marriage. Part of the foundation that sex brings to a marriage is, trust and the ability to teach, share and learn from each other. If your boyfriend is hurt by, or unwilling to learn from you in this manner. Then he may not be the one you should look to to make a life and family with.
hi guys. ok so i am 13 and have a little brother by 3. i have to parents but the thing is i have been abused since i was 10. my mom has called me very rude names, hurt me alot. but my dad is sort of the nice kind supports me and all but sometimes he goes along with my mom because idk. i dont really like family. i use to cut myself but not anymore. i really dont like my life because theyr in it. i just wanna get my mother out of my life i dont care what it takes, she just hurts me and iv had enough. all i have are friends, friends are my family. i find my family annoying and hurtful. i just feel bad for my brothers future. everyone adores him now , not that im jealous, i love him , but still i dont feel like im apart of that family. im always in my room all day whenever im home and my mom complains for the silliest things, what should i do? please help me thanks guys! appreciate it.
I don't know what it is with girls your age and their moms.I watch my sister go through and my nieces with her. Maybe it is something that has to do with girls and puberty. I really just don't know.
Every time we are asked this question, and we get them quite often. One or more of the girl advice-rs will relate her experience with her mom.
I believe that at this time you are at an age now that I refer to as betweeners. You are no longer a child and you are not really and adult. Some of us may refer to you as young adults which is not quite true either. For the next year or so you are a bit lost in your age group. Which I feel is at the heart of the matter.
It is also not uncommon that at this age you are a little closer to dad then mom. Dads and daughters always have something special. No matter how old you get, you will be all grown up with your own family and you will still be his little girl.
The only thing I can suggest other than asking for counseling, which might help, is to ride the storm out. It will pass that I can promise you. My youngest niece could have written this letter when she was your age. She now is married and lives in Texas. She calls her mom at least once a day and they talk constantly throughout the day on facebook.
18/f
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months and can honestly say that I would like to lose my virginity to him. We've done everything but sex, and we've discussed protection and such for when the time comes. It will be his first time as well. I'm at the point where I think I'm ready but I'd just a little bit of advice on what to expect, making sure you're prepared, etc.
Also, we haven't said the L-word yet, and I'd really like to before we have sex. I do honestly love him but I'm nervous about taking that step and telling him so.
Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks so much!
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I found the following website, found at bottom of this page) while answering a very similar question for another young lady. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman must always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, comfortable, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.
Before you make your decision review the website I have included below:
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
is it advisable to have sex with another girl if your virgin girlfriend is not ready.
You use the word "Girlfriend". That to me means you are in a committed relationship with this girl. When you are in a committed relationship you don't go looking for a f*ck buddy because the girl you are committed to is not ready for sex.
Hello,
You answered my question earlier. You asked about age difference, we are 8 years apart. Basically, she is not happy with her life right now and has an alcohol problem. I'm thinking these are all factors to us fighting.
8 years is a big difference. I think your right and if alcohol is a factor I can suggest Al anon meetings for you and to try to get her ino AA.
Al anon is for family of people with dependencies . You can find meeting sites near you on their website. Google al anon then use the locator.
Now getting some one into aa starts with them first admitting they have a problem. If they accept that they have a problem AA will work if they embrace the program. You can't force tem. That is why I am suggesting you attend al anon meetings. To learn from others how they handled their similar sittuations.
My sister and I always argue. I recently got engaged and she didnt seem to care, congratulated me two weeks later by text. She always seems to find excuses for her actions, never apologize for her actions, says hurtful things and really does not care about anyone but herself. I have approached her numerous times to try and fix the tension between her and I, tell her how I feel about things but never works, we will be ok for a couple of days then argue about something. She is always right and thats it, it never goes anywhere, even when shes wrong. I'm not sure at this point what to do but have given up and just fed up with her actions towards me.
With what little information you have provided and not knowing your age difference. The best I can offer is sibling rivalry that has gone past it's time. Some siblings never get past their childhood rivalry. Why, I can't say I'm not a psychologist.
Since you will soon marry have you given any thought to asking your sister to be your maid or matron of honor. Doing so would hopefully show her that you love her and do honor and cherish her as you sister and want to include her in your life.
Of course she may see you offer as a family obligation put forth by you for which you must be prepared to confront head on. IF you have thoughts of asking here and you are not planning to elope. Then you might want to ask her by saying something like; "sis I could ask one of my friends to do this for me but I really want my sister to do this; would you be my maid/matron of honor? Hopefully this tells her up front you are not fulfilling some family obligation in asking her.
I always feel unwell because my parents barely feed me
im shaki g rightnow so its hard to type on this scresn
they havent seemed to care forb3 years and im salways in pain because of it, dizzy, sick, faint
IF you live in Canada, the U.S. or in most of the Eastern Countries and your parents are purposely withholding food from you. Then they are committing a crime.
If school is in session where you live you can go to a trusted teacher or school principal and tell him or her that your parents are not feeding you enough. Thea teacher or principal will know what to do.
Since to morrow is Saturday and in most of the U.S. school is not yet in session you can also call 911 and tell the 911 operator what is happening. Help will be sent to you. IF you cannot use the phone walk to the nearest police or fire station and ask for help. Fire and police stations are safe havens for children.
I would laugh if I could. You are 12 years old and you think you are qualified to give advice as to the right and wrong of suicide? Have you lived through a decade of serious pain? Have your family, wife, and friends walked away from you when you lost your six figure salary? No matter what you pray for: Strength, help, someone to talk to, one day of peace. I get nothing. I don't whine about it. I've withstood years of it and I do not want to be here anymore. You think the other side is like a painful sensation. How do you know there is a god to begin with, let alone you try to scare people out of suicide with a campfire. You have a lot to learn little 12 year old. If you knew anything about someone who has lived a painful life, and I'm sure to you that means something hurts like you got a paper cut. Let me tell you, I have been in enough physical pain to pass out many times. It is awful but can't even compare to the mental pain this world can dish out. Your "hand burn" and video game "Zombie" notions are rediculous. I'm a 39 year old male and have been tortured in one way or another for 37 of them. enough is enough. Grow up. To some of us, it does not get any worse than it is right now. I'll take my chances on the other side if there is one. Why don't you quit trying to talk about things you know nothing about, at least until you're a big high school student! You don't know what real pain even is But I can tell I could easily drive nails through my hands more easily than I can think about spending another year on this planet.
I don't remember answering your original question and you are correct a 12 year old cannot possibly know what it is like to feel as you have said. What I do know is her heart was in the right place trying to help you, trying to keep you from doing something that can't be reversed.
On the other hand I'm 66 years old tomorrow. For the last 9 years I have lived a life somewhat like you describe. I suffer chronic pain from an auto accident. A 3 car accident where I was the only innocent and the only injured. I too lost a high paying job as a resultof the disabilty resulting from the accident. As the innocent I received a nice settlement though it does not replace my income only augmented my disability income.
I adjusted with the help of professionals who helped me through the depression I suffered as a result of the accident. Caused by the pain and everything I had to deal with at the time.
As I do not remember answering your original question I'm not going to try and give you advice other than to say I will not give you permission to kill yourself. That is what I see you are looking for.
What I would like you to do is this. I would like you to reach out to some professionals I know how can help you. First is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis counselor in your area, anytime 24/7. Second is a group called RAINN which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They too operate a 24/7 hotline. that number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
I'm taking a shot in the dark here asking you to contact RAINN. Your saying that; "I'm a 39 year old male and have been tortured in one way or another for 37 of them. enough is enough," leads me to believe that something in your past may be something RAIN can help with.
The only advice I am offering is before you do something that you cannot reverse. That will forever hurt the ones you leave behind. Call these hot lines and ask for help. I may have been where you are now I can't say for sure. What I can say is I'm in a better place now because I sought help. You can get there too if you ask for help.
Is it ok to commit suicide for unselfish reasons. i know the people who love me will be hurting emotionally but if I kill myself they will receive 2 million dollars. Right now we have almost no money left with no income coming in. I'm in constant pain due to a failed surgery and pretty much stay in bed all day ( I am 49 years old). I'm not afraid to die because I know I will see my son who died 3 years ago and I miss him so much, but I am afraid of pain or not succeeding and becoming a vegetable and not having my family collect my insurance. I still have a 17 year old son at home and he has one year left in private school, right now I can't afford his tuition. We won't have money for food soon. My husband of 9 years tries very hard he started a company but hasn't made money in years. I took a look at my policy and it does pay if I kill myself after 2 years. I've had the policy for 6 years. I don't want to die but I want to help my family and this seems like the only way i can help them. I am so afraid of us running out of money. Please help me get the courage I need to do this and help me figure out the best and least painful way to as well.
I too suffer from chronic pain the result of an auto accident in which I was the only innocent in a three car collision. Now in my case I was awarded a nice settlement. Even though I think I can talk to how the pain may be effecting your better judgement.
What I have found and experienced is called the circle of pain. Pain causes depression and depression causes pain. When I was in my depressive state getting out of bed was chore. The pain was real, that is a fact. But it was more real then it should have been. With professional help and proper care from a pain management doctor I am able to live a more normal life. I will never be pain free. But I have learned to recognize when my pain is causing me to be depressed and what I need to do to break the cycle. Will what has worked for me work for you. I really can't say. What I can say is it is better than the irrational alternative you are presently thinking of. Irrational thoughts are part of the depressive cycle.
You say your pain stems from a failed surgery. Doctors never admit to mistakes. Usually doctors bury their mistakes. Have you spoken to a lawyer about a malpractice suit. This type of law suit generally cost you nothing. Lawyers take on these types of cases for a share of the awarded compensation. Generally 33% to 40% depending on whether the case goes to trial.
Did the surgery fail to correct your problem or did the surgeon make a mistake. Were you misinformed, was the surgery beyond the surgeons capability. Not all surgeons are board certified in the areas they do surgery in. IF the surgeon is not board certified in the area he operated in and did not inform you then it could be malpractice. A bad example of what I'm saying is like asking a plumber to work on your air conditioner. He might be able to fix it. Then again he probably will do more harm then good.
I would like you to do two things. First: If you are actively still thinking of suicide I would like you to call this number;1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis counselor in your area, anytime 24/7 at the National Suicide Prevention Center. They can help you find help including a lawyer to look into a malpractice suit for the failed surgery. The second thing I would like you to do is call the lawyer and speak with him/her about a malpractice suit.
I believe you would like to be around to see your 17 year old graduate college, marry and have grandchildren. If a malpractice suit can prove the doctor is the cause of your pain then a settlement will take care of monetary problems as well as treatment for your pain. This is a much better outcome than what you are thinking.
Im pregnant im 15 rite now i was born in november 17 1996 and my boyfriend is currently 18 but its going to turn 19 September 22.. i just found out that im pregnant but i wanna be with him now so i want to marry him we live in virginia..my question is would he get in trouble since we conceived when i was 15? Please help? I dont need telling me i did wrong and blah blah blah all i want is straight answers thakuyou...& oh im also scared Bcuz My social worker once told me that if she found out we.had sex he would go to jail
The age of consent in the state of Virginia as of 2009 is 18. There is no age cap protection either. Meaning if someone older than you were to have sex with you while you were under the age of consent, which you are, they would be committing statutory rape.
Other than admitting your bf has had sex with you. Once paternity is established your boyfriend can be charged with statutory rape. If you have crossed any state lines together he can also be charged under a federal law known as the Mann act. This law has nothing to do with having sex or not. It assumes you were taken across state lines for immoral purposes which do not have to be proven. Both the statutory rape and the Mann act come with very long prison sentences.
As to whether you two can get married. Here again you are under the age of consent in Virginia. This means you must have your parents consent. You mention you have a social worker. If you are a ward of the state, you would need a judges permission to marry.
Now there is one loop hole in this entire problem. While I am unfamiliar with the law in Virginia you can seek the services of a legal aid lawyer to find out if you can be judged and "emancipated minor" If Judged an emancipated minor you are then deemed and adult with all the legal rights of an adult including consent. How this will effect your boyfriends situation I'm not sure. Here again the lawyer would know.
I will warn you; being adjudged an adult at your age is no fun and games. You will be totally responsible for yourself and your baby. Your parents and or the state will no longer be responsible for your well being.
My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a long time without protection because we always trusted each other,and we swore not to ever cheat on each other.The thing is that lately, things are no longer the same and I'm afraid that he might be cheating on me,and that I might be making a mistake.It's no longer a loyalty matter right now,but a healthy matter actually.I don't know what to do cause if I ask him to wear a condom,I know that he'll feel frustated and he won't trust me either at the same time.Is it wrong what I am thinking?I need some advice,thanks!
Your boyfriend is being extremely selfish. Not wearing a condom in this day and age has nothing to do with cheating and everything to do with safe sex. While condoms do not prevent the transmission of all STDS the do prevent many of them. They are also about 85% effective in preventing pregnancy when worn correctly.
Your boyfriend is being selfish as condoms do restrict some of the feelings he will receive during sex, boo hoo. He is being disrespectful to you regardless of fidelity by not using a condom. He may not be cheating while dating you, what about previous relationships. Having unprotected sex with means you are having sex with each of his past partners and each of their past partners so on and so on.
Some STDS do not materialize immediately but take months even years as they lie dormant for a long period. This is why condoms are a must until you are married or in a long term arrangement.
My advise: Back in my day, which was long before AIDS and other STDS the girls had a saying; "No rubber no Lover". So keep you panties and pants on and tell this guy to take a hike. As I said this is not a matter of trust, it is a matter of respect and he does not have the respect he should have for you and that you deserve. There are men or boys out there who will cherish you and have the proper respect for you.
So my fiance wants us to take a shower together. Which I don't know how to feel about it, I don't know what we would do. Can you give me some tips on what to do or something. This whole thing just boggles my mind! Thanks.
Taking a shower together can be fun. Contrary to the other writers sex can be done in the shower but more likely foreplay is more in order as washing your lover is very sexy.
Like anything else that has to do with sex it requires consent of both parties. It sounds like you may willing to give it a try so consent could be there. Consent can be withdrawn at any time by simply saying no or stop. That goes for this or anything you and your fiance decide to experiment with in the future sexually.
My advice is since you may be willing to give it a try then go ahead. As I said it is a fabulous way to make out or method of foreplay with your fiance. If it gets to a point where you are uncomfortable simpe say stop or no. Then if you want you can dry off and finish in the comfort of your bedroom.
Last week i had sex & oral with a guy. The next day my vagina was alittle swollen, but that normal for me since ive barely had sex. The next day the swelling was gone, but about 3 or 4 days ago i noticed my vaginal area was a bit itchy. Afew days ago i looked at my vagina and found that there are about 3 little bumps that are alittle red with a slight white color on top. they are located on one of the inner lips right by the opening and its alittle swollen. Im freaking out and dont know what to do about this or how servire this might be. Someone please help and tell me what i should do about this. Im only 17..
WE are not doctors so we cannot say what if anything is wrong. If you suspect you have an STD, which is very possible, then you need to be looked ant, tested and treated by a doctor.
I know your biggest problem is do you have to tell you mom in order to see a doctor and be tested. That depends; If you are 14 years of age or older; by Federal Law you can make appointments to see a doctor, be seen by a doctor with or without parental permission. When seen by a doctor anything that you say, be examined and treated for is confidential. Meaning no one, including your parents can be told what you have seen the doctor for. This would include any prescriptions you are provided.
This law is called HIPPA and was specifically worded this way so that young people could seek medical assistance for reproductive help without parental knowledge or interference. The problem you are asking about is in the area of your reproductive organs. Hence you can seek medical help under this law as long as you are 14 or older. You can go to your family doctor, hospital or any clinic and be seen.
Should your mother be with you she will be asked to stay in the waiting room while you are examined. Any information she requests can only be released upon written permission from you to the doctor. Without it the doctor or anyone in the doctors employ will not tell anyone what he/she saw you for.
If you are under 14 you have to ask your mother to make an appointment for you. The doctor is free to tell her anything she asks about. If this is an STD you need to be seen by a doctor and be treated especially if you wish to have children later in life. So if you are 14 or older go see a doctor. If your under 14 find away to talk to mom about taking you to a doctor asap.