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my fav cousin
Im a preteen so I understand this might b a little weird for my age.Well I hav this cousin and shes like in her 20's . Well any ways shes my favorite cousin and we used to spend a lot of time together. But now that shes starting a family I cant spend any time with her and plus she lives in a different city than I do now. She haves a new born and i dont want to tell her that i feel like we dont spend any time together anymore. I just dont know what to do. And I hav no cousins my age to tlk to or to b my favorite cousin. I need some help plz and thank u
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This is one of those things that happens in life. Sometimes you or your friends need to move on from past relationships and that seems to be what is occurring here. Your cousin has far more important responsibilities now and so give her the space she needs.
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I think we all have or had a favorite cousin that at some point; time and distance or changing family obligations has come between us. Today with the Internet and emails and cell phones it is a lot easier to stay in touch when distance separates us.
I think from what you have written that your cousins changing family situation means she has many more family obligations then she has had in the past. It does not mean she feels any less towards you. It is just you have your family and your obligations, even as a preteen, to them and she as a wife and new mother has many more obligations to her family then she has had in the past.
My thought is that you can stay in touch with each other through emails. This way she can answer your emails when she has a few moments, after she has put the baby to bed, to answer you when it is convenient. You can also arrange for a time each week where you two can talk by phone while baby is napping. It may even be possible, not knowing the transportation situation, for you to arrange to visit once a month and help out with the baby.
This would be a wonderful thing to do for her as the one thing a new mother needs is some time to take care of herself. If you could take time maybe once a month to take care of the baby while she relaxes in the bath or takes a nap you would be doing her a great favor. Then when she is finished in the bath or with her nap the baby could be put down for a nap and the two of you would have time to spend together to talk or whatever. Just a thought.
Family relationships are just like any other relationships. You have to work at them to be successful. Right now with the new baby and all I can assure you she has her hands full. Anything you can do to help out will be well received and at the same time you can work at spending more quality time together.
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I have a cousin that i spent time with day and night since i was like 5 years old he used to live in brooklyn and i used to get ride down there every day after school. We didnt talk in like 3 years then 4 & 1/2 years ago he came to my bbq and we met up again. He lives 2 towns away now which is closer. At times i feel like i have my cousin but other times it feels like im losing him all over again. Basically i know the feeling. He's 20 also & im 17. There busy and transitioning new phases and positions in their lives. Yours has a new baby and mine is doing the same college im about to go to but also doing his films and movies and struggling with friends and his gf. He gets so much talk from them that i don't bother to tell him how i feel. But when we talked we promised to tell each other how we feel automatically. & I keep it in for the day but i tell him at the end of the day and i feel good about it because it works out just fine. We both understand eachother's point of view.
Basically what im trying to tell you is to talk to your cousin and tell her how you feel. And try to understand that she did just have a new born it's going to be hard for her to hang with anyone for a while. (It's a new born) Honestly if you miss her do what i do when i miss my cousin when he's babysitting his 1 year old niece i go over there & help him and hang w him one time. Go over there and help her out. Maybe she's going through a rough time also. Go to her house and let her get some rest and you help take care of the baby for an hr or two. Put yourself in her shoes and you'll understand the difficulties she's going through. Don't be mad at her just understand her and forgive her. Go over by her help her out. Have someone give you a ride by her or tell her to come by you have her nap for an hr or two while you take care of the baby and when the baby is resting you guys can talk and catch up. Just don't blame her or be upset with her. She's doing her best
Hope i helped :) Goodluck
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Its normal that you guys don't hang out anymore. Shes going through a transition in her life with a new baby, it can be very time consuming. I went through something similer with one of my older cousins. I say you give her alittle time to settle down with her family and then maybe ask her if you can go over her house or if you guys can hang out one day. I'm sure she'd love to spend some time with you. Hope I helped.
~Jani~
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