This is probably jumbled and random. I'm a little upset, so I apologize. Thank you in advance.
When I was little, my maternal grandmother lived with us a lot. I had a very close relationship with her, as I do with my mother. Her whole life she's had a hard time with personal relationships, and she's moved around and met different men, none of which have been pleasant. Right now she lives with an old man with a farm, and he's a little off his rocker, and doesn't like to go out or be around people, and besides getting anxious sometimes, he isn't that bad of a guy. However, they have this idea that they just cannot leave the farm unless they need something because they might get sick, and of course, they can't afford that. I haven't seen my grandmother in around a year, even though she lives about half an hour away. My step dad and 8 year old brother saw them from across the street at a gas station. They all made eye contact, but couldn't even be bothered to wave. Just last year, when I was still in highschool I had a lead roll in our winter musical, and we were doing South Pacific. It's my grandmother's favorite, and she promised she'd come see. It was the only thing that kept me from dropping out. She didn't come. Graduation rolled around, and I sent out invitations. She sent me a letter saying that she and her boyfriend or whatever he is would "be there in spirit." I cried both times. I know she's never had the best mental health, but it makes me angry. I want to write her a letter, but I don't even know what to say to her. My mother hasn't really ever had the best relationship with her, and it's at it's worst right now. They haven't spoken in months. Grandma sends occasional cards. She doesnt know what my siblings are up to, she doesn't know I moved out, or that I'm seeing someone. I'm so hurt by her lack of action, but I miss her. I know where they live, and I want to go see her, but I don't know if that would be the right course of action. I'm upset right now, so this whole thing is probably very jumbled. I also don't know if I should take how my mom would feel if I went to see her into consideration. I'm 18 and it's not really any of her business, but I love my mother very much. Also, I don't see or talk to my family much, despite living 8 blocks away, and I don't want another confrontation about it..
I want to see my grandmother again. What should I do???
That's very sad that your family is all apart and not in touch much. I think you should take the initiative to talk to your mother and let her know you want to see your grandmother. I believe you should make the first step and go and see your grandmother and see what happens. See if doing that will help her and will help bring you and her closer together and maybe even your mother and her closer together as well. It hurts when you love everyone and you have to be the peacemaker between everyone. I used to be in those kind of spots all the time. It is no fun, but being able to try and be the peacemaker and hoping for the best is better than not doing nothing at all. I am sure she didn't mean to hurt you by not showing up to these important events you wanted and needed her at, but maybe you going to see her will help her open up and you guys can clear the air.
Now if you do go and nothing changes then know it is not your fault and sometimes families just drift apart. You can still love her and care for her while still not being close with her. Maybe in the end if it doesn't work out just send her cards like she does with you.
But I am sure everything will work out. Try going to see her and go from there. Please let me know how everything goes.
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I've just been asked to be part of the bridal party for one of my best friends. While I feel so honoured by her request, I'm very hesitant as she has told me about her intention to ask someone else as well. This person and I do not get along.
This person used to be my friend and former roommate. Our friendship ended 6 months ago when she moved out. Having been friends for over a decade, we had moved in together despite the fact that I was warned by various other friends that it wasn't a good idea. From the day we moved in, the relationship started deteriorating and she started to behave quite badly.
Just a few examples of this included:
- Never washing her dishes or putting them away or putting the garbage out and becoming hostile when I asked her to do so.
- Getting extremely upset with me during the time that my grandfather was dying. I was very sad and withdrawn and she accused me of making her feel as though she had done something wrong.
- Being very angry at me when I told her I felt uncomfortable if she were to sublet her room for a month while she was travelling (I eventually convinced my sister to sublet from her).
- Starting a verbal fight with me and, when a friend came over later, throwing objects around the kitchen and slamming cupboards to the point that we needed to leave the apartment.
- Doing drugs in my room while I was away on vacation.
I'm not innocent in this situation. In a lot of these conflict situations, I would either leave or practice avoidance. However, when I did assert myself or try to communicate, she would become very loud and intimidating. I am usually the 'mother' in any given friend circle and, while she encouraged me to practice boundaries with other friends, she became angry when I wouldn't be flexible with her.
We had come to an understanding that she would move out and I gave her ample time to find a new apartment. After several months of her staying put, I gave her a firm date to leave.
I haven't spoke to her since and had no intention of doing so. I came to the realization that, while I had supported her through many different life situations (losing an immediate family member, a break up, a theft), she had never been there for me or tried to support me in times of need. In addition to this, I developed anxiety during our last few months of living together and I still experience panic when thinking about her.
While the bride was supportive of me during this time, she still remains friends with my previous roommate. We had decided that I shouldn't share my feelings about the previous roommate with her due to the fact that it was very uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle.
When I found out that my best friend was getting married, I was happy for her but felt guilty about the fact that my mind immediately went to the fact that I would have to see my previous roommate again.
To add to this, there has been a lot of heartbreak that occurred between my previous roommate and other mutual friends even prior to our co-habitation. Due to this, the bride decided, out of her own volition to do two sets of events (i.e. bachelorette party, engagement party). This was an unfortunate set of affairs but seemed necessary given the circumstances. At the time, the bride did not want a wedding party.
The bride has now decided to ask her sister, another friend, myself, my previous roommate and my previous roommate's best friend. While I love my best friend and I want to be there for her on her big day, my throat closes when I think about interacting with my previous roommate. But what would be worse is if I bowed out of being in the bridal party and saw my previous roommate involved in my best friend's special day. I feel terrible but I've been fantasizing about skipping out on the entire day.
I haven't said anything about this to the bride and she wants to have a conversation. I don't want to hurt her or make this more difficult than it already is. What should I do?
OMG.!!!! I am so sorry girl. I would be honest. I am a honest person and I would rather talk about something than to boil up and pysch yourself out of not going. You should def. have the conversation with the bride and just calmly tell her you feel uncomfortable around this girl and it is not just you, but it's other people the bride is friends with as well. You are friends with this bride and it is her day. So I think you should go to the party. Trust me it will be worst if you don't go because the other girl will think she won and think 'Oh she didn't come because of me' And she will probably brag that she was there for the bride and had fun while u wasn't and trust me the bride will rub that in your face in the future as well. Whenever you bring up your old roommate she will probably say well atleast she showed up for me. And it is not fun when things like that happen, trust me. So I say just go and have the conversation with the bride and just be honest. Let her know you are honored to be part of her bridal party and You will be going, but you will not associate yourself with this person at all. Don't let one sour patch affect your fun and happiness.
As for the throat closing up and the panic attacks honestly take deep breathes and relax. Get her out of her head. You should also try meditation as well it helps me when I am stressed and panicking. If you try that it will become easier to think about her and not have any panic attacks. But it takes one day at a time.
GoodLuck. And remember you got this.
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I'm in a horrible situation and need help fast. I'm 22 and he is 22, slightly younger than me. I have no one to talk to because I'm not supposed to be talking to him. I met this guy a year ago through a friend when he moved here from another state. He was staying with his friend who lived with my friend. I was also moving into an apartment at the same time. It's my first apartment and I got it all on my own. Me, jumping into adult life quickly, I let this guy stay at my apartment and then lived there and we were dating. Things got real ugly. Long story shot, I've called the cops on him 3 times, had him sent to a mental help place for saying he was going to kill himself, and he's punched a hole through my door and stolen hundreds from me, both cash from my wallet and items that were sold. He's broken 2 or 3 of his phones, smashed electronics I bought, screamed at me making me hyperventilate and lock myself in the bathroom to call the cops.
At one point, I told my parents what happened and my dad came down from another state to stay with me and change my locks because I didn't feel safe. He also pushed me into going to the police station to start the process of a restraining order against this guy.
We had a court date set. To give you an idea of how careless this guy is, he brought over flowers when he knew my dad was here staying with me after all of this. He does NOT think things through or think of consequences.
I didn't know where he was at this time. The court date was probably a week away and I was having second thoughts about a restraining order. I even went to a center for women who are abused to talk to them and get some insight on whether I should go through with it. I was torn. He was my best friend. One night when I was home alone, I started to think a lot and cry and I called him.
He was staying at a friend's apartment not far from me. I told him to just not go to the court date and I wouldn't either. I mostly just felt that he was my best friend and I couldn't do it. I was so close to him. We related a lot. Soon after, the restraining order case was dropped, and the lease was ending at the apartment he was staying at.
I, unfortunately, allowed him in. I told him it was temporary, and that I didn't want to date. But I couldn't let him live on the street or at a shelter. But, he sleeps with me and we act like a couple in secret.
Now, he's gone through MANY jobs and can't keep one. Constantly asks for money and things that I believe he'll pay me back for. He smokes marijuana outside of my apartment (I do NOT smoke). He does not pay rent. I have to watch what I say. I can't bring any friends over. I can't talk to anyone about it. I measure how mad he is by how hard he slams the door. I am CONSTANTLY STRESSED. I work so much and he just stays here.
Out of fear, I can't say too much how I don't want to be kissing him or talking sweet to him because he gets extremely upset and cries and will scream. So I live, just, carefully and it's the same stuff every day.
I'm so sorry this is long. I really, really need help. I am SO stuck.
My dad is moving down here and he cannot be here. But he has no where to go. So I told him a month ago he needed to be out. It's now that time and only now he is messaging people for somewhere to live and no one is answering. Do I just stand my ground and say he needs to be out by tomorrow night regardless? He's saying he'll live in his car, but he doesn't realize what that all entails. His parents won't even take him back. No friends. I can't do this anymore. I want to be free. What would you do?
Yes leave him alone. He is abusive and you shouldn't have taken him back into your home and your life, but since u did I think it is time to get rid of him. Let him know the time has come and he has to go. Trust me you don't want that in your life. You seem to be someone who moves very quickly and that isn't a good thing. Get rid of him and do you. And be careful. Be careful with who you let into your life and your home. There is a reason why noone is accepting him back into their lives'. Trust me do yourself a favor and just get him completely out of your life and enjoy your life with him out of it. Nothing will come of it with you letting him stay in your life.
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Ok, so I'm friends with this girl and this boy who have been dating for a few years now. Let's call the boy V and the girl J. J is bipolar, but somewhat high functioning, from an abusive family, and is recovering from a drug addiction. V, even before they started dating, has helped her with everything. He paid for her to get into rehab, for her mental health, helped her press charges against her abusive parents, and has overall been extremely emotionally supportive. I know V really well and he loves her to death.
For some reason J decided to cheat on him. I noticed her hanging with some other guy. At first I brushed it off, thinking that perhaps they were working on something for school or something. But then I figured out she was sleeping with him. I asked her about it, and apparently she isn't as in love with V as he is with her. But she warned me not to tell him, and claims that if I do nothing good will come out of it because his heart will be broken.
I agree that V will be so depressed because he really does love and respect her. He always talks so highly of her and even when he's had a god awful day she makes him happier. I'm honestly so angry that J would do something like this and to make matters worse I've figured out she's been sleeping with this other guy for two and a half years! So while V has been comforting her, helping her through hard times, and saving her from abuse, she's been going behind his back.
Should I tell him what she's doing or should I keep it a secret?
ABSOLUTELY.!!!
Yes his heart will be broken, but it is better to deal with heart break now then later on in life. He will be more heartbroken if he finds out that you knew and decided to spare him for NOW because that is what you are doing, than to tell him the truth. Truth is always better and trust me you don,t want to lose him protecting a cheater. And the guy she is sleeping with will get his karma too. Unless he doesn't know either then i feel very sorry for her.
You should tell him because if you don't not only will you lose a friend, but you will resent yourself and the girl for this because you know about it and you are just smiling and having convos with him while you know his gf is doing things behind his back and then there will be a change between you and the girl and he can and will tell the difference. And plus you don't want someone else to tell him and then you get in more trouble for not being honest with him as his friend.
Tell him and let the stitches come apart and they need to, but you will be there for him and slowly you can help sew them back
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Hi 18 F.. My mom tends to get jealous of my relationships. I have been dating a guy for about a month now. He is 9 years older than me and she was fine with it. She told me recently that she doesn't know what it is but he is a bad person and now she won't let me see him. I feel I'm old enough to make my own dicisions. I'm to afraid to talk to he because she is really aggressive. Please help me?
Trust me when I say a mother knows.
I had friends who would use me or just weren't good for me and i couldn't see it back then, but my mom could. She helped me alot when I was 18 and even younger.
You are 18 so you are an adult and can see him she can't stop you, but you also have to realize that she is a mother protecting her child. And also if you are living in HER house you also can't just go out and do whatever you want because since you are old enough she can kick you out as well.
I think you should talk to your mother and ask her why she feels how she feels. Maybe she will tell you some insight into something she saw or some bad feeling she is having. It could be that she does get a feeling about him but doesn't know what it is or how to tell you. Also try inviting him to dinner so you all can sit down and get to know eachother. Maybe go out for dinner or lunch if she doesn't want him around. Just try and see why your mother is feeling this way.
It can also be because you are 18 and will soon be leaving and moving out and she can be progressing that onto anything. But I say just talk to her and try to get them to do something where you guys are all together so you can both get to know him. You only been with him for a month so you both can try and get to know more about him.
Hope this helps. Keep me posted
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So there's this really cute guy in my program and he was in 3 of my classes last year and from observing him in lecture he was always alone and very quiet. From time to time I caught him glancing at me and my friends (I feel like it's cause of my friend). He was also in one of my tutorial classes (the classes are up to 15 people) and whenever the teacher would ask him a question he would answer, it would be a very smart answer. So now I know he's quiet and smart. I want to get to know him but I'm scared to go up to him, he's caught my friend talking about him a few times but he doesn't say anything. I don't really know what to say to him cause I'm awkward and if you've seen my previous posts you'd know I lack a lot of confidence. Before I thought last school year he would glance at me because he thought I was cute but now I think he's been looking at my friend the whole time. Here's the reason, one time before lecture I was telling my friends a story about high school, I think I was pretty loud because he turned around and started smiling at me and then my friend was like "that guy just looked at you" I guess she put the idea in my head and I think he heard her say that too because after that he would look back sometimes but rarely. Then one day in the library we were handing something in, I was with two of my friends, so one of my friends walked by him first, he didn't do anything then my second friend (the one I'm always with let's call her Alex) walked by him second and his head turned following her, and I don't know if he watched me but I doubt it, ever since then I've been starting to think he's been looking at her. Now this school year he's in 2 of my classes, a random dude came up to him about the homework now they've been inseparable ever since (now it's gonna be harder to talk to him). Looking back maybe if I asked him about the homework we would've been friends. But anyways Alex doesn't know how to lower her voice every time he walks by /sits by us she always has to talk about him. "Hey look that's our best friend" or "he remind me of..." So I know he knows we talk about him, but anyways how should I approach him? Do you think he thinks Alex is cute or is this all in my head or is it because she talks about him that he looks at her?
Boy trouble is the hardest. I say just talk to him to really know. I would say hi since he is shy. Both of you can't be shy together lols. So i would just go up and talk to him if you really can't do it then go with the friend that you think he has an eye for that way you can do it together so you wont be so shy and also you can find out if he likes your friend by body language. Does he only look at her when he speaks does he get closer to her. Small things while also getting to know this boy and seeing if he is someone you want to become friends with or not. Trust me I am 22 about to be 23 and I would see guys that I believed were cute but then I get to know them and they were not my type.
Hope this advice helps you.
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I'm really shy and awkward. The interviewer makes me nervous. My legs shake and I forget about what I'm going to say. Someone told me I don't seem confident when I answer their questions. I'm not outgoing and I don't know how to fake that.
I've been on thousands of interviews and still get nervous. Just breathe and FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. Honestly arrive about 10 mins before and relax before you go in. Check out the place you are being interviewed for. Get a feel of the employees and the place. I say just be comfortable and relax. Don't overthink anything tbh. Just know your resume/application was good enough to get you to this next step... Interview. Now you have to basically sell yourself. Let them know about you which is usually all they care about. What did you put on your resume.? Explain those topics and what makes you great to even have those on your resume and once you start talking trust me you start to feel more relaxed and okay. Practice in front of the mirror talking to yourself and being positive and outgoing. Roleplay with a friend or family member so they can also help you as well. You will be fine and do great on all your interviews and will get jobs left and right.
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I'm a virgin, my boyfriend is also a virgin. Since we are in a long distance relationship, we got to meet again last month. We've had series of make out and all, and we were close to having sex. Last Saturday, I was at his place and we tried having sex, when he tried penetrating, twas painful and we stopped. Now, I told him I'm not ready for sex for now and all he said was that we should not think about sex in our relationship again.. It's not like I don't want it, but my mind and body is not ready. I don't wanna loose him I told him to get another girl, but he said he wants to wait for me. I need advice
How old are you guys.?
Now if you aren't ready that is OKAY.! Don't ever feel like you have to for ANYONE.! Now if he wants to wait and don't want to move on that says alot about his character to wait for you. Make sure that he is waiting and not just saying that. Now I think you should get checked out by a doctor to make sure he didn't penetrate, but again depends on your age because under 18 you will have to tell your guardian. Talk to him and let him know you do care about him, but you aren't ready yet and make sure he is really okay with that. I hope you still are a virgin so when you are ready it can be a very special first time and with either him or someone special.
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I don't think my parents love me rather my mom I'm always getting bashed for doing something "wrong" for example I'm on the computer when she says I cant be playing computer games but what I'm doing is I'm reading an article online I GET BASHED FOR NOTHING!!! and it really gets on my nerves what do I do?
Your mother LOVES you. Honestly she is probably frustrated. Trust me I am 22 and i watch my mother have her "NOT TALKING TO ANYONE" moment once a month. Just because.... noone knows why. She sometimes is just tired. Mothers do alot. Talk to her about it. I feel communication is key too. Let her know that it hurts when she yells at you for something that she misinterprets. Try having an open policy with your mom. I did when I was in middle school and it helped me alot. See if she is okay. See if there are things you can help with around the house so she is not stressed out so much.
LMK how things go. I hope your relationship gets better
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I love my cat dearly, but recently I moved into an apartment with a roommate and now he's turned into a little monster. He has plenty of space between my master bedroom and very large bathroom. Everything he needs are in the two. Yet he keeps crying at the doors constantly wanting to get out and be in the living room. Then when he's in the living room he cries there too. He never stops. It's relentless and for the past two weeks I haven't gotten any sleep as every time he meows I have to chase him under the bed and throw pillows at him to get him to shut up only for him to start again a few minutes later.
I've become increasingly angrier about this and found myself pinning him down today and threatening to hit him with my shoe. I didn't do it of course, I'm not an abuser, but I'm afraid with the lack of sleep I'm going to break one day and actually hit him.
He seems to understand he's making me angry as he often jumps on the bed after these bouts of crying and tries to cuddle with me and lay in my arms purring. Yet he keeps doing it!
I also can't seem to break this habit of his as when I'm not home and he starts meowing my roommate says "she has to let him out" because he meows so loud she's afraid the neighbors will complain.
I don't know what to do. Ir breaks my heart, but I'm about to take him back to the SPCA. I can't deal with this much longer.
I had two cats who were causing problems. We just recently moved and was thinking about bringing them but put them in a shelter instead. They were climbing onto our counters and eating our food smh. They were beautiful loving cats especially my girl cat, she always loves to cuddle but she was too bad. She was the ring leader. We ended up getting a cage to put them in at night. Try doing that an hour before you go to bed or at a certain time so the cat can become accustomed to it like ours did. Also take it to the vet something can be wrong with the cat as well. But it can also just be the move sometimes it takes animals a while for them to cope with changes. If he's let out the cat prob has flees too. So try taking him to the vet so they can examine him and also talk to the vet about this problem and see what they say. Vets are very helpful. Helped us with ours. Ultimately we had to give them to a shelter because of sanitary reasons.
I hope this advice helps. LMK how everything goes with the vet. Just be a little more patient.
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Ok so I've been best friends with this girl since I was 8 ( I'm now almost 14 ) here's a little bit about her she's adopted and her birth parents were abusive to her. Before she met me she was friends with this girl Who was super mean to me and this girl told her if she wanted to be friends with her she could not talk to me or be friends with me she told this girl that she was best friends with her and then when that girl wasn't around she told me I was her best friend but when this girl was around she just ignored me and when I asked her about it she said she was not friends with her anymore but to this day she still is friends with this girl ( this was happening when I was only ten and it still happens ) She also lies about random this and I think it's because she wants to make her life sound better for example she once told me that she was have this amazing birthday party but I found out from her mom that it was never happening another time she said she had a boyfriend and I found out that the was also not true and that she doesn't even talk to boys so basically she just lies about almost everything. I'm so confused about are friendship and I'm not sure what to do please help me!!
I am 22 years old and let me tell you I had to drop ALOT of friends because of lies. Now this can stem from her birth parents not showing her respect and care and love that every child should feel. She felt abandoned and like noone loved her. She probably lied to people when she showed up to school or ANYWHERE with bruises. So lying is the only thing she knows how to do. Now I say sit down and talk to her. Let her know that you are a true friend and really care about her. Let her know that she doesn't need to lie to you about anything that you love and care for her, her true self. Also let her know how you feel about the lying about the other girl and how she should come clean. If the other girl don't want her to talk to you that is when she needs to either be a friend and say then I won't talk to you or choose the other girl. Either way lying to have both is not an option anymore and never should have been after that girl said what she said. Talk to her let her know that you will always care about her because you are her friend. And that she can't pretend she isn't friends with you anymore around the other girl or you can't be her friend at all. I feel either be real and true to you to attract truthful loving people or keep lying and see where that gets you.... Not far.! But definitely sit her down and really have a heart to heart with her and see what happens. And go from there. But don't just write her off just yet. See if she will change and if not then you have to do what is good for your sanity.
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Dear Vikki
I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.
Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!
Thanks!
O my God the guy before you was horrible. That wasnt very polite or nice of him to say. I have a friend who was insecure about herself and relationships too. Literally she will be like i don't know why he's with me there are people with bigger boobs and ass whose are sexier and she always compared herself with the models in magazines. I told her the same thing im going to tell you dont feel bad about yourself. Trust me when I say God didnt make you ugly. Im sure you are very beautiful and that your boyfriend loves you. I know it is hard because you are living in a long distant relationship (just like she was) but you have to put your all in it and trust him completely or dont be in it at all. One guy was rude and distasteful and just plain disrespectful to you BUT that does not mean all guys are like that. I believe insecurities come with clingyness. I think you being clingy is because of the insecurities. You not being able to love all of you and appreciate the love that is being given to u is probabw making you more clingy because you are afraid he will leave and u think if you hold on and cling to him he will stay. Trust me guys hate that. They hate all those clingyness and insecurities all the time. They dont think it's sexy. And it's not. You were hurt before and it's okay to feel those ways afterwards but if you are going to get in a relationship you need to be able to let those go. You said it wasnt in the beginning but just started so maybe him saying he loves you is bringing up painful memories from the ex. You have to trust that he loves you. You are going to get hurt at times and it will be painful believe me but you have to trust that he loves you and that if you both work hard on it it will last. But you need to be willing to let those insecurities and clingyness go because if you dont the relationship wont go far. Trust what you feel. You said you know he loves you so trust that and if you still feel insecure then maybe you should take time to be alone and figure out how to better yourself so you wont feel like that anymore.
Hope this helps you out :) Goodluck
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I want to meet up with an old friend of mine. We've not spoken or met up in just under a year-however she did say on Facebook on my birthday she misses me.
What's the best thing to arrange to meet up again? Coffee? Meal? I'm unsure and don't want to scare her away as I thought she'd moved on until now!
You should definitely meet up for lunch. See how she's been and just talk about some light things. EX- school, family, just her life and yours. Let the conversation move you. Then move on from there. Do lunch again or have a meal after and keep in touch. :)
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20,f
Honestly,I'm really frustrated because of my looks. I'm 162 cm tall,65 kg,blonde hair,blue eyes. I am a bit chubby but I'm not fat. I tried dieting,exercising,Herbalife products but nothing helped. Yet I feel like I don't stand a chance next to all those pretty girls out there. I see them always having a boyfriend and nobody notices me. Recently I confessed to a guy on college and he said he likes me too but treats me as just a friend. He is a shy person and he said he needs time but I think that if you like someone you don't need time and excuses such as that. I think he is put off by my body. I have a good face,I dress nice,I know what suits me but I still have no one who likes me in a romantic way. I wish some guy would eventually look beyond my unflattering body. Are there still guys in the world who care about personality? I am caring,reliable,compassionate,funny,smart,helpful and many other good things but it seems it simply doesn't matter.
Girl im going to be so honest with you. I used to judge my size too. I am 150-155 weight goes up and down. But i use to cry cause guys i liked didnt want me they wanted some skinny model girl. I got to college and realized who cares about them. I became so proud of my body and my curves that i started to actually show them off. Yes i am going to start excising to lose some thighs because they are wayyy too big but i want to keep the thickness and curves i have. People and television and dolls used to portray to us these figures that were size 2-4 anything bigger was way to big. And i felt so insecure because of it. But you have to realize that not everyone is going to look that way and when they realized the negative impact it did to alot of people they started embracing the curvy woman and men. You are beautiful because GOD made you beautiful. Trust me when i say that you want to show confidence in yourself and your self esteem needs to be high and you need to walk around with a tall chin and hold your head up high. I did and i feel AMAZING.! I realized guys asking me out or not or liking me or not is not important because i know that God has someone out there for me. I need to learn to love myself first and what ever i don't love i will work hard to change it. Don't let guys bring your self worth and self esteem down because they didn't ask you out or dont like you. Trust me they not worth your time anyways. But YOU need to show to the world that you LOVE you and that nomatter what or when you get a guy you will continue loving you because at the end of the day it's you against the world and you need to show the world that you are still here with your head up high standing tall and your not giving up. There is someone out there for you i know it, BUT before GOD can put him in your life he needs to make sure that you feel confident enough to go out there and meet him and show him that you will help bring him up not down. God wants to see you flourish on your own before you try and flourish and nurture someone else.!!
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So... my boyfriend and I (I'm a 21 year old female in Australia) have been together for 13months(which isn't really that long) but I have known him all through highschool etc. and he is actually my older brothers best-friend. In fact my brother was the one who found out he liked me and encouraged us to get together (weirdly my brother was dating my now boyfriends sister at the time just to make things more random. They've since broken up and my brother is now dating a close friend of ours from highschool and we all hang out together.We are all in our 20's)
Problems started around our 1 year anniversary with the relationship were I basically had our first fight (and by I, I mean that. Just me. I got really upset because he rejected me sexually ON PURPOSE and he told me I was being irrational for getting upset.) and after a few days apart we slept together and things went back to normal.
For the past three weeks we have been on a break. One which I instigated as I've been focusing a lot on my health lately, quit smoking started sports etc. All of which my bf is "supportive" though I get the feeling he is sick and tired of hearing me talk about it. Hence I withdrew and stopped talking about it. He recently quit his job and is figuring out what he wants to do with himself.
So I figured a mutual break would do us both some good.
We have still been talking. But everytime we broach on the subject of our relationship things get awkward. Also the last few weeks before our break, sex had become awkward. I have always been a very confident sexual person whilst my partner wasn't. Though we managed to get past this early in the relationship its becoming a problem again. and sometimes mid-way through sex we both just stop and cant get into it again.I haven't enjoyed sex with him since before our anniversary and have become less confident in the bedroom because of this.
My bf is a very steady person. who enjoys his routine and doesn't cope well with change. Whilst I am a strong opposite constantly seeking out new experiences and challenging myself. My partner often says he would like to join me if/when I travel but he never makes plans for these things and I have never seen him take any initiative. Lately I have been trying to get his opinion about us as a couple and what he sees of our relationship in future. Its not so much that I'm planning to get married and have babies(actually I'd rather be travelling) but I want to share my experiences and journey with someone. Thing is that I want to take his opinions and goals into account because I want to support his growth as much as my own. I consistently get the feeling that I'm being needy and nagging him. I don't know if I am demanding too much from the relationship or he is just being square. For instance if I ask him what he thinks about us in a relationship hes says "I don't know. I mean I want to stay a couple.But yer" But it feels like I am just part of his routine now. As I said my self-confidence is starting to drop because I feel he just doesn't care.
I'm the main person responsible for decisions in our relationship, though I've always tried to keep it 50/50 and give him chance to make the choices.
A lot of our early relationship was me needing his help as I moved into the city for a new job and we actually broke up for a few weeks, as I thought it would be to difficult to manage and he was the one who argued we should continue it so I said we could try. It worked out and I have since moved back home and am about to start uni.
I was kind of hoping maybe he might instigate some changes in our relationship but he hasn't. I have tried 'being there for him' when I moved back but I just feel motherly (he's the type of guy who'll let you make him lunch, dinner and do his laundry etc. even help out with paying his phone bill because he doesn't know how) and like I am being overbearing. So I stopped and started focusing on myself and things have progressed to this stage.
I have no idea how I should be approaching this situation and I'm starting to feel like our relationships already over.
I would really like someone elses opinion about this. Should I confront him again? Am I doing the right thing giving him some space? Has anyone been in a similar situation with a partner and it did/didn't work out?
Your honesty is welcome guys.
Thanks.
You like to travel o my God me too. I want the same thing you are looking for. I want someone i can travel with and explore the world with. I feel you should talk to him again one last time and see what happens and if nothing changes then you need to let that go. It's not good to be in a relationship just because you are used to it. You need to branch out and widen your horizon. Go to college and see what's out there and whose out there. Trust me when i say that when you go away to college you will find so much more than what you thought you was looking for. You will find someone who wants to be with you just as equally you do with him. You need to have someone whose in the relationship with you and will treat you with respect and like a queen. It seems he just wants you around so you can mother him back to health and fortune. Which is fine but if he don't help you then that's where the problem needs to end. U have to ask yourself are you worth way more.? And that answer better be yes. Im sure you are worth way more than that. He needs to be on his own and learn to get up and do for himself. Letting others do for him wont get him nowhere. Go to school travel the world and trust you will find someone either at school or from traveling and this will become nothing but a distant memory.
I hoped i helped. E-mail me if you have any other questions. :) God Bless
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13/m
So last Friday was a dance at my school and I went with a girl i like. She and all of her freinds know i like her and her freinds told me if i was to ask her out, shed say yes. So i took the chance and asked her out and she said yes. So now we are dating and this has been my first relationship in well over a year so im a little rusty. This being said im a little reluctantbto saying that i love her or calling her "babe" because i dont want to rush things if you know what i mean. So I was wondering when it would be a good time to start with this and ill take any other relationship tips that you can give me. Thank you for your help and have a nice day.
Awwes well congrats on your first relationship. And it's good to take things slow. But don't be afraid to take things up a speed. Call her babe see how she reacts to it. If she don't like that then don't call her that, but since you guys are dating i doubt she will mind that at all. Gurls hate it when guys are slow with everything it bored the relationship. Be creative and make her smile everyday and spice things up. NOW DONT DO NOTHING CRAZYY but hold her hand. give her a kiss on the cheek and walk her to class. Take it slow and see if she appreciates and likes these things and if she does then keep doing that and grow from there.! :)
Good Luck you will be fine.!
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Hii 15F... I am single. I have 2 bestfriends and both of them have loving bf's... So every break at school they kiss and cuddle and I just stand there. I really like tgis bpy but I'm to ugly(I get told) a guy told me I was fat yesterday and it broke "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ heart... Yea I know I'm a bit over weight vut I'm not that fat!! Please help me :( what should I do?
Boys are jerks. Don't listen to them. I'm a bit over the wright im supposed to weigh too. I'm heavy and it sucks at times because alot of guys like those thin model 2 packs gurls and i remember when i was in hs i would always cry cause guys i liked didn't like me and they would call me names. Now in college guys look at me and regret things they said. Guys like me and even talk to me more.
The key is confidence hunn. I wasn't confident in h.s. but now im like hell yeaa screw them. I stopped trying to dress in things that don't fit my body type. Let me tell you something okay don't try and be those thin looking gurls with no meat on their body's okay.? Be your beautiful self because God made you to be the way you are so a special person can come and grab you up. Dress to impress yourself. Buy clothes nothing expensive(i go to rainbow and buy clothes for like 24$) and nothing too revealing but buy something you like and nothing showing to much don't wanna be called a slut too u know.?
But it's not about just the nice clothes and shoes you get it's about how you wear and work yourself. SHOW CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. REAL GUYS like that. When a girl can wear something that isn't all that sexy but wears it with so much confidence that it doesn't even matter with anything else. Go to school smiling and proud of your body and don't let NOONE PUT YOU DOWN FOR ANYTHING.! What matters is how you carry yourself and what's on the inside and once you do that rite i promise you the rite guy will be asking you to prom and to be your bf too.! ;)
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Hi im english and i want to know the differnece between "making out" and french kissing....us english dnt use da term makin out lol
Simple french kissing is a quick peck on the lips and sometimes just cheek kiss. Making out is just kissing all over the body, but you don't have any type of sex.
Hope this helped.! :)
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12 yr old girl~
This is a long story:my mom said that i was grounded for sleepovers for the rest of the school year.Well my two friends were having a sleepover at friend #1's house. i was told i was able to go over there to watch catching fire(the hunger games). so went over there and friend #1 said that this boy was over there and that they'd come get me when they are going to watch the movie at 7. so i waited.7:30 came around and no one had come down.so i went down there(she forgets a lot). well i went down there and she said that the boy's mom was out w/ her mom.and that no more kids were allowed in the house. i'm not sure if she's lieing but still,she really wanted me to come over and now she thinks that she is to cool to hang out with me. I don't know what to do and i really feel like a third wheel. PLEASE ANSWER!!!!!
My sister just turned 13 and trust me she has similar problems. There is always that friend that is going to have a crush/bf and is going to feel to good with themselves. Trust me it happens alot even when your older. Honestly you guys are so young and haven't experienced anything yet.! It sounds like maybe they were tryna be sneaky and make it seem like they were doing a sleepover and tryna have you guys "go over" so they can be left alone, but in actuality they probably did not want u there. It does sound a little sneaky, but it's also her first crush/bf. They are 12 and shouldn't be doing anything crazy anyways, but maybe talk to her about it. Let her know that if she wants to hang with her bf/crush or whoever he is to her don't involve u because things can go wrong and you can get in trouble for just being there and being involved.
My sister always has those types of friends and i tell her that it's their first bf and they are new to these things and probably don't know how to react to having guys around them and having a bf. Now don't misinterupt what im saying. Don't have her talking rude to you but let her have her "in love with my first bf" moment and just be her friend and let her know that your there for her if anything. But also let her know that you won't always be cast aside for a guy she likes 24/7.
It's okay hunn it happens to everyone at any age. People get a bf or gf and other people feel left out. I always do but i let my friends know and i reason with them and things work out well.! :)
Good Luck.!
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am sixteen,n my boyfriend is 20,i love my boyfriend alot,but since am kinda egoistic,i pretend nt to care atimes but still i feel i care too much still,his ex girlfriend is my cousin,i asked her bfor i got into d relationship n she said she was cool with it.he doesnt try at all,i text,call even send him airtime,still he doesnt care,sometimes,hes WORLDS MOST CARING BOYFRIEND,other times,hes BIGGESR JERK OF THE YEAR,av tried alot to make our relationship envious enough,hes not even bought me anything sinx we bin datin for 6months nau..i know he doesnt have his eyes on another girl,i evn go through his phone,he allows me...is it that his tired of me or what?last 3days made it the sixth month we've been together,and he forgot our anniversary...av broken up with him once but he pleaded n even told his mum to apologize on his behalf..he was really frustrated,he promised me all would b ok..but i dont see it gettin better...only earlia on he tried...please,what do i do?
Sit him down and tell him what you just wrote. Let him know that he's not making you feel hope in the relationship and that it seems like he's not trying. Be very clear and direct if you have too. And still if nothing changes then end it it's not a relationship if Only one person is putting in work and the other is bored. Let him know exactly how you feel and see if it changes
Hope I helped :)
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