|
Will I ever have a chance with anybody?
20,f
Honestly,I'm really frustrated because of my looks. I'm 162 cm tall,65 kg,blonde hair,blue eyes. I am a bit chubby but I'm not fat. I tried dieting,exercising,Herbalife products but nothing helped. Yet I feel like I don't stand a chance next to all those pretty girls out there. I see them always having a boyfriend and nobody notices me. Recently I confessed to a guy on college and he said he likes me too but treats me as just a friend. He is a shy person and he said he needs time but I think that if you like someone you don't need time and excuses such as that. I think he is put off by my body. I have a good face,I dress nice,I know what suits me but I still have no one who likes me in a romantic way. I wish some guy would eventually look beyond my unflattering body. Are there still guys in the world who care about personality? I am caring,reliable,compassionate,funny,smart,helpful and many other good things but it seems it simply doesn't matter.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Girl im going to be so honest with you. I used to judge my size too. I am 150-155 weight goes up and down. But i use to cry cause guys i liked didnt want me they wanted some skinny model girl. I got to college and realized who cares about them. I became so proud of my body and my curves that i started to actually show them off. Yes i am going to start excising to lose some thighs because they are wayyy too big but i want to keep the thickness and curves i have. People and television and dolls used to portray to us these figures that were size 2-4 anything bigger was way to big. And i felt so insecure because of it. But you have to realize that not everyone is going to look that way and when they realized the negative impact it did to alot of people they started embracing the curvy woman and men. You are beautiful because GOD made you beautiful. Trust me when i say that you want to show confidence in yourself and your self esteem needs to be high and you need to walk around with a tall chin and hold your head up high. I did and i feel AMAZING.! I realized guys asking me out or not or liking me or not is not important because i know that God has someone out there for me. I need to learn to love myself first and what ever i don't love i will work hard to change it. Don't let guys bring your self worth and self esteem down because they didn't ask you out or dont like you. Trust me they not worth your time anyways. But YOU need to show to the world that you LOVE you and that nomatter what or when you get a guy you will continue loving you because at the end of the day it's you against the world and you need to show the world that you are still here with your head up high standing tall and your not giving up. There is someone out there for you i know it, BUT before GOD can put him in your life he needs to make sure that you feel confident enough to go out there and meet him and show him that you will help bring him up not down. God wants to see you flourish on your own before you try and flourish and nurture someone else.!! <3 <3
You are beautiful no matter what size dont ever forget that.!! :)
HOpe i helped you.! God Bless hun
]
There is a tendency for us to focus strongly on what we believe are our own flaws and faults and hold up others as 'more perfect examples'. Your eye will be drawn to the 'pretty girls ou there' purely because they will reinforce your negative self-image. Those who disprove it, you will tend to 'ignore'. It is about self-confidence. It is worth noting that professional models (one would think of as the epitome of perfection and self-confidence) are often quite insecure and extremely sensitive to, and aware of their own perceived imperfections. Quite understandable in a business where you stand or fall entirely on looks. You're pulling a lot of positives (good face, dress nice etc). Try not to focus and fix on the things you believe you are 'getting wrong' and concentrate on the many things you are getting right. Attracting attention is more often a case of how you come across than of how closer we resemble an example of visual perfection. Look and act confidently and the world will see confidence. Likewise, we have some strange way of sensing insecurity and lack of confidence in others. Your personality traits sound superb, but you have to get close enough to someone to let them shine, or they may as well not be there. The key I think is to somehow project an image (note I am saying image, not simply a 'look') that will make people want to get to know more about you. Then...you got no worries!
]
Of course you have a chance. Judging from you using metric and the term "confessed" I'm guessing you aren't in the United States, so it's hard to give advice based on cultural norms here. The guy says he likes you but he's shy. Why not take the initiative?
]
Yes you will have a chance with someone. There isn't just one taste in men for a woman. The same goes for women. I am sure you are not attracted to every guy you see. Some may be okay looking, not plain looking, but you don't notice them if they are shy, unsure of themselves or they tend to blend into the background.
Some guys seem to have self confidence and they may have but it could be tied only to their looks and status in society such as being from a rich family.
The guys who are still pleasant looking but not standing out as a model type in looks, may feel they are too ordinary to be able to attract a girl so they don't even begin to try, no matter how much they want it. And these types are more likely to want to search for a girl with a great personality cus it matters as much as her looks.
Everyone has personal taste that varies greatly whether its in food, style of music, humor, clothing etc.... and the same goes for who they are attracted to. At teen and college age, guys usually are not even sure of what they are looking for and haven't developed their own personal taste in women yet because they have not experienced enough different women and situations yet. Some have no particular preferance like thin or chubby because they say what matters most is the personality. Some prefer a woman their height or preferably shorter. But I've seen enough couples where the woman was taller. I have seen skinny beanpole guys with very obese women on several occasions. I wondered briefly what a guy would find to be attracted to in such a girl. As I observed couples like this, I saw something remarkable in the woman, she had an inner glow that came from self confidence, I could see that she did not have a problem with her looks, that she loved herself as she was, and I found that the more I watched her, the more beautiful she looked to me, another female. I saw then how a man could be attracted to her, whereas another overweight female would not be attractive.
You see, we send out certain vibes that others are able to pick up on. They may not consciously realize its happening, only that they feel they don't want to spend time around you.
So to get you started on the self confidence thing, think about your best feature, a cute pixie nose, beautiful eyes, shapely lips, perhaps gorgeous long hair. Pick the one you feel most confident about and now you will borrow some confidence from a famous person to get started. Start researching on the computer of a famous female, whether your age or not that has an equally gorgous nose, eyes, etc... and imagine yourself as having her self confidence as a singer, actress where ever she goes in public and people will notice. I did that regarding my eyes cus I felt I had very expressive alluring eyes. The first time I put that thought in my head and went out with friends dancing, I had strangers both male and female remarking on what beautiful eyes I had. It was almost spooky how it happened so quickly. But hearing those words gave me more self confidence and that was the only boost I needed to continue to gain self confidence about the rest of me, personality included. I am a petite, skinny person and its not hard to find things about myself that I feel are not good enough in looks if i let myself do so. We are always more critical of ourself than others will be is one truth I have learned.
Another is that men if given a choice to choose between a beautiful woman in looks with no self confidence over the plainer looking woman with lots of self confidence, the self confidence will charm him every time. I have heard this from relationship experts on line.
You see, guys don't want a needy woman, drama queen, jealous woman, lacking personality...it scares them away. They may be attracted initially by looks but dump her as soon as they see this stuff. Hope this helps you.
I wasnt sure when you said you confessed to a guy in college, actually what it was you confessed, whether you confessed to liking him or that you confessed that you worried about your weight and looks. Never bring up the subject of how you feel about your looks. He just might be the kind of guy who has no preferance or likes more woman to hug and hold onto and if you say something like that, it signals him you lack self confidence and so he doesnt make a move for you. If you confessed you like him and he said he's shy, then let him know if its okay that he is shy.
Of course he needs time, so do you. The like that you are talking about is mostly going to be the looks, some of their actions, surface stuff you can pick up like maybe their laugh is fun, great voice, how they dress and hold themselves. But it's really nothing in depth where either of you could know if there is really enough in common to be more deeply attracted and whether a friendship could slowly blossom into a romance. It doesnt have to be instant hots for each other at first sight but that can develop in time. Spend time with him as a friend and see where it goes. If theres not enough in common, you dont have to drop him as a friend, just start keeping eyes open for another guy.
Good luck dear
]
If someone won't be with you because of how you look then they aren't worth, they aren't the type of people you want to be with! You would want to be with a guy who loves you for you, not your body.
Your time will come. Maybe somebody likes you and you just don't know it :)
Believe me we've all been there.
Good luck, and love yourself!!
P.S You're beautiful, you just need to show the world who you are! <3
-Hardcore-Band-Geek
]
More Questions: |