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what do i do,my boyfriend doesnt care about me?
am sixteen,n my boyfriend is 20,i love my boyfriend alot,but since am kinda egoistic,i pretend nt to care atimes but still i feel i care too much still,his ex girlfriend is my cousin,i asked her bfor i got into d relationship n she said she was cool with it.he doesnt try at all,i text,call even send him airtime,still he doesnt care,sometimes,hes WORLDS MOST CARING BOYFRIEND,other times,hes BIGGESR JERK OF THE YEAR,av tried alot to make our relationship envious enough,hes not even bought me anything sinx we bin datin for 6months nau..i know he doesnt have his eyes on another girl,i evn go through his phone,he allows me...is it that his tired of me or what?last 3days made it the sixth month we've been together,and he forgot our anniversary...av broken up with him once but he pleaded n even told his mum to apologize on his behalf..he was really frustrated,he promised me all would b ok..but i dont see it gettin better...only earlia on he tried...please,what do i do?
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You mentioned ego right up front. Yours or his? I am guessing you meant him. Any person with a big ego is going to be prideful and think the world spins around them and owes them something without their having to put in any serious effort into anything in life...relationships included.
You said you pretend not to care at times and that could mean that
A. you pretend that his ego or anything else you don't like is no big deal. If this is the case read on. If not, skip to B.
Pretense in this case is the wrong thing to do and will actually make your situation worse. When a guy does not come up against any opposition to his behavior, then he will assume its okay, that he can get away with it. However, sometimes when a gal makes her stand and says where she draws the line, that things need to change for the better, a guy won't take her seriously, so she need to break up. He may have to go through a handful or more of strong females training him that what he does is not right or good enough and when he doesnt shape up, they all leave him. Eventually a guy is going to get the message and grow up. I have listened to male relationship experts now turning 40 and they both confessed they made many stupid mistakes in their 20's but due to females who held to their standards, they eventually got it, just not in time to save any old relationship.
B. Your pretending not to care meant you have deep feelings for him but you never show it, act cold and indifferent to him. If this is the case, pretending not to care doesnt help you or him, it gives him no clue how serious you feel about him and the relation. If he treats you well, then don't be afraid to show you care about him.
When it comes to guys and communication via technology, A great majority prefer communication in peyfor rson face to face. With texting, its too easy for him to be distracted by any of his other priorities in life. Girls make a boyfriend their one and only priority, while males juggle several like school, job, friends, sports, family, and of course girl friend. The only time there's a real problem is if you are not one of his top 3 priorities. My guess is that young guys still trying to figure out females, rely alot on body language and facial expression to gauge how a gal is reacting to what he said, is she is really interested in something or pretending, etc. and they can't get that with texting or phone calls.
If he felt he had to go to his mother to smooth things over, then he's got a lot of growing up to do and he better get serious or forever be a mama's boy with no backbone of his own. There's something wrong about a person who can't apologize for themselves and has to send someone else to do it.
Though he may be older, he still sounds like a pretty inexperienced kid. He may have good potential. You said it yourself that half the time he's a great caring boyfriend.
So as has been suggested, have a good talk with him. When you explain how you feel a good conversation tip is to not say something that comes across in an accusatory way such as
'you make me upset when you forget...'
'you are too lazy to answer my calls so thats why I'm in a bad mood'
instead make a statement where you are taking full ownership of your feelings, not saying he caused them but that when certain things do or don't happen, thats how you happen to react emotionally.
This will be useful information to him instead of something he feels he needs to defend himself over. Notice the last two comments started with 'YOU'. Instead use " I "
Heres what you'd say instead using same examples:
'I feel like I am not important enough to you when you don't return any texts or calls. If you are busy, I understand but a short text 'busy, call u later' would show you care. I feel like everything else has a higher priority than me. I dont ask to be the top priority, i know job or friends are important too, but I need a little more than I am getting." See, isn't that a nice way to share how you feel? And for the other
"Special dates and celebrations of them are very important to me so I felt upset when you didn't make any mention of the anniversary of another month of dating gone by. I dont expect you to be interested the same way but if you want to show me how much you care about me, then supporting me in something that I like and is meaningful to me would be terrific. I may not have a great interest in sports but if you wanted my company at a game, I would go to support you in something you have interest in and my going along shows you how much I care about you.
Ask him also angry about his preferance in keeping in touch. Ask if he likes chatting on the phone or likes texting or in person and why. Don't always assume there's bad intent behind any action.
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Sit him down and tell him what you just wrote. Let him know that he's not making you feel hope in the relationship and that it seems like he's not trying. Be very clear and direct if you have too. And still if nothing changes then end it it's not a relationship if Only one person is putting in work and the other is bored. Let him know exactly how you feel and see if it changes
Hope I helped :)
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