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I dont think my parents love me
I don't think my parents love me rather my mom I'm always getting bashed for doing something "wrong" for example I'm on the computer when she says I cant be playing computer games but what I'm doing is I'm reading an article online I GET BASHED FOR NOTHING!!! and it really gets on my nerves what do I do?
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Your mother LOVES you. Honestly she is probably frustrated. Trust me I am 22 and i watch my mother have her "NOT TALKING TO ANYONE" moment once a month. Just because.... noone knows why. She sometimes is just tired. Mothers do alot. Talk to her about it. I feel communication is key too. Let her know that it hurts when she yells at you for something that she misinterprets. Try having an open policy with your mom. I did when I was in middle school and it helped me alot. See if she is okay. See if there are things you can help with around the house so she is not stressed out so much.
LMK how things go. I hope your relationship gets better
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Your parents love you very much. Sometimes as a paren't you get caught up in the day to day snuggle of everyday life and it's struggles and you forget to let the ones you love most know how you feel. Its easy to forget that the little things matter most to those we love. I think you should have a grown up sit down talk. Ask your parents for some separate time for you to talk to them about something important. Remember that the most calm you are the more calm they will be. When confronted sometimes people feel attacked so be sure to delicately explain. Let theme know that you know they love you. They provide food clothes a roof over your head and all the good things you have. And tell them you're thankful for the things you do have because of them (parents love being reminded thay they are doing something right) but tell them that lately you have felt a little set aside and that you're hurt and youre feeling the lack of love from them. Maybe ask for special "you" time every once in a while and ask what you can do for them to improve your relationship. I am so sorry you are going through a rough time right now but I promise you... it will get better.
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I do not know what you mean by bashed and I'm not about to take a guess so I will start with one definition: Bashed as in getting yelled at, not given a chance to explain, your ideas, wants, desires always not taken seriously or pooh-poohed, meaning throw cold water on anything you say or share, trying to negate or destroy every hope you have, etc. If this is the kind of bashing you are talking about, then everything Adviceman said is true. You should have a talk, not blame her but let mom know how you feel, same for dad but you only used mom as an example. Chances are they aren't aware of it. Todays world is stressful not just for teens, but everyone, parents and older people too. It's no wonder in all our stress that some people can be driven to act in ways they never have. For example, if your younger years were all good and the parents didn't 'Bash' you as you described, and it is something more recent like the last couple years or last couple months, then their stress level may have increased. Stress has to go somewhere, Its not healthy to hold up inside. Although some people do the wrong things to get rid of their stress, and it can be lashing out at others or a particular person as often as they are stressed, and may change them to having a very short temper.
Sometimes, just having a teen is stressful enough to parents. Teen girls going thru puberty for example, Find their emotions are all on a hair trigger response and what seems reasonable to them is not to others, who only see a teens anger issues or being really sad weepy or depressed and they feel overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with it. Not every parent is a good parent but most parents love their kids, even if they aren't doing a good job of interacting with and raising them.
NOt saying all this to protect them, just one possible situation happening. If you believe nothing resolved at all after talking to them or their verbal bashing to actually border on verbal abuse, talk to a school counselor and see what help they can get the family put in touch with. Let a professional decide if they are out of line and badly need some parenting help, or if you are simply blowing it all out of proportion in your mind and you gain skills to handle all relationships better, or if its a combo of both.
If you realize by now I haven't given the other description to "Bashing", here it is. Bashing could stand for more than verbal abuse and actually be physical abuse, hitting, slapping, throwing things at, meant to hurt you. This in police terms is 'assault and battery' and it is taken very seriously. So if the bashing you are receiving is of punching and hitting, you need to tell someone else, not a peer but an adult who can help. YOu can talk to the school counselor. Again, professionals need to be called in. There should be counseling and visits from CPS if you are under 18 and still a minor. I know from such an issue in my extended family, that COS prefers to get parents in for psychological review and counseling if it's mental illness that is part of why they lash out at you which can be verbal abuse only, physical abuse or both. They will most likely have to attend parenting classes tailored for the age of the children possibly as well. Many states now will only take kids away from parents only until an improvement is seen in the parents. I've read that even if there's mental illness, there's a big push for rights of parents to get kids back as long as they are on medication for mental illness, depression or whatever if afflicting them and causing them to lose it. So you don't have to worry about your parents getting into trouble and you never seeing them. Thats not how it works. They figure a reformed parent is better to be with their own kids than to ship them off to foster care the rest of the kids, childhood.
Now you have my take on both meanings of bashing and know that in each situation, you need to talk to a school counselor. If they do not talk to the parents or help get the family in touch with counseling at the least for just the constant yelling and such, then talk to a pastor and ask for help, or any other adult in your family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, to get something going. If its truly physical abuse, the counselor should be contacting CPS on your behalf, if they don't, you'll need to do it, knowing they will see this as your parents cry for help and deal with it appropriately and counseling will likely be available to you as the abused child. Don't think abuse doesnt have real true effects in your life. I was abused by my ex husband, just verbally but I know what it did to me. I stayed 30 yrs before leaving and it took its toll on me physically, mostly headaches and migraines which I no longer suffer since I left. But i was an adult do the leaving. Do not think an option for you is to just up and leave the parents. That is a faster way to a more miserable life and possible quicker early death.
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Todays parent many of them still do not understand the computer generation of their children. Even those parent who those parent who themselves are computer literate. "Yes today many of todays school age children spend an inordinate amount of time playing games on the computer. They also spend just as much time on the computer reading and doing homework.
I can't speak to your school district but in mine once you move into the sixth grade you start to really get computer immersed. By high school you don't have any text books, everything is on the computer. Many parents, even young parents are not understanding of this and think anytime there children are on the computer they are is essence goofing off.
If you are doing school work or research for a project when your on the computer you need to let mom know this as it may be foreign to how she went to school.
As to your parents not loving you, I don't think that is the case. Remember children are a product and extension of a parents love. We may not say it but we do love our children. When our children become teenagers it becomes a very trying time for both parent and child. The child wants to spread their wings and fly and the parent wants to keep them in the nest and safe. Arguments ensue and the child feels unloved because he or she is being kept from what friends might be allowed to do. It gets worse when you become of legal age and want to leave the nest entirely and mom doesn't want to cut the apron strings.
What you need to do is talk to mom. Tell her you need a mother/daughter day just the two of you. Go to a mall and go shopping, have lunch together. Over lunch talk to mom and tell her how you feel. IF you feel smothered tell her. If you feel like you can never do anything right in her eyes say so. If you feel un loved say so. I'll make you a bet mom doesn't realize any of this.
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