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Why does it hurt so much?
Hello. This is a little bit embarrassing. I'm 22/f and I recently had sex for the first time back in April. The first time that we did it, we were both nervous, as it was both of our first time. We did the best we could, but it wasn't really successful on both our parts because we didn't really know what we were doing. Then, we started to get the gist of things and at least to him, it was feeling pretty good. I don't really feel anything. It actually hurts a little bit. It hurts quite a bit, actually, for a while. When we get more into it and I start loosening up, I felt a tiny itty bitty bit of pleasure that lasted for about a second. Then, it went away. But, he was feeling pretty good. I didn't wanna say that it was hurting me before cuz I didn't wanna make him feel like he was doing something wrong.
What concerns me is that pain that I feel. When I have pleasured myself, I usually get a pillow and just rub on it. It feels so nice. And it's SO soft. It gives me like this tingling feeling down there. It feels absolutely amazing. Why can't I replicate this feeling during sex?
To be honest, last night, we did it, but there was certainly not enough foreplay. We just dug right into it. And perhaps I wasn't really ready enough to dive right into it. But, regardless, it doesn't feel like what it's suppose to feel. Any suggestions for next time? Am I doing something wrong? He's feeling good, why not me??
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
The vagina when properly stimulated will accommodate a penis about 6" long and about 2" round. A penis larger than that is going to cause discomfort until the vagina stretches to accommodate the penis. This is why it is so very important that the female be properly stimulated prior to penetration. It may also be important that a lubricant be used as well, regardless of the size of his penis and until your vagina becomes accustomed to accommodate him.
Remember what your vagina is truly meant for? The delivering of a child into this world, so with proper stimulation a large penis will be accommodated.
As you are finding out sex is a learned experience. Fortunately there are handbooks and websites you can go to for help. What is most important is that your partner learn to stimulate you properly. There is an old saying about a man being able to use a knot hole to get off. Unfortunately a women needs stimulation. While men can be stimulated visually most women cannot be stimulated strictly through visual stimulation. They needs to be caressed, they need to feel safe, comfortable and secure. Remove any one of these five and the women will not lubricate properly and will feel pain and discomfort during intercourse. She will most definitely not orgasm.
Sex is meant to be for mutual enjoyment. This means you need to communicate your needs to your partner and he to you. If that means telling him to slow down and spend more time on foreplay then tell him. It also means telling each other what your likes and dislikes are.
This also means one partner should never force the other partner to do something they don't want to do. No absolutely means NO and STOP means STOP. Violate that rule and it is Rape even if the sex started out consenting.
Sex can and is very pleasurable. Just take it slow and talk to each other about what your needs are. What you like and don't like. If you can do this you will have a wonderful sex life with this man or any other man you chose to have sex with.
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Your experience is pretty typical for first timers. You're learning how each other responds to different touches and to get that absolutely right can take time and you're sorting out your emotions. The best thing you can do is talk it out honestly with your partner and keep things simple without overthinking.
Because everybody is different there isn't a one size fits all solution, which is why my answer is pretty generic. The pain will disappear once you've had sex a few times because your vagina will be used to penetration. So just relax, look at your first few times as a kind of mutual exploration and, of course, take the responsible steps (birth control pills, condoms or both).
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