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Is it normal to feel ashamed and scared during and after sex?
I'm almost 19. Im madly in love with my bf. He treats me like gold and would never hurt me in any way. He's the most kind hearted gentle man in the whole world. We have sex 3-4 times a week, hes very respectful he stops at anytime if i ask him or need him too. I tend to feel ashamed, guilty and scared during sex even though he tries to make me as comfortable as possible is that normal? I want to have sex with him without these terrible feelings. Also, sex always hurts me we have to stop most times because it hurts so badly hes not being rough or going to hard or fast or anything so whys it hurt? How can i have a normal healthy non painful sexual relationship with the love of my life?
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Being 19, unmarried and feeling guilty or ashamed during sex is normal. It is your upbringing getting in the way of your enjoyment. You need to understand you are an adult now and entitled to adult pleasures if you want them. Sex is an adult pleasure that most if not all of us are taught is taboo until marriage.
As for the pain you feel during sex it may be for the same reasons you feel ashamed and guilty. This feeling is not allowing you to relax and lubricate properly; hence the pain you feel. Another reason may be medical and should be discussed with your gynecologist though I am more of the feeling that your feelings of shame and guilt are the cause.
Now I am a parent old enough to be your grandparent. My views on sex for people your age are most likely more liberal than most parents. I believe if you take away the taboo there is less of a chance of unwanted pregnancy which is part of what your fears are.
Now that your an adult if you were my daughter I would suggest to you, since I know I can't stop you from having sex. To visit your gynecologist and discus what form of birth control is right for you. I would also talk with you on the proper way to protect yourself from certain forms of STDs and AIDS.
Always have the boy were a condom until you are married. A condom is effective at preventing most of the STDS but not all from being transferred. It is also a great back up to other forms of birth control you may be using.
Would I let you bring a boy into your bedroom for the night. Frankly I wouldn't like it but since I let my son do so and I deplore double standards I guess I would relent. But I am not your father and if you live in his house you must live by his rules, at least while in the house. While visiting your boyfriend remember you're and adult responsible for yourself.
You have every right to see a doctor and get proper birth control. As an adult you have a right to live your life. You have no reason to feel guilty about anything you do as long as you obey the laws of the land. This is all any parent can ask of their children.
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For pain, you should ensure the entrance is gently stretched. This can be done by fingering.
Basically, you just want to relax. Make foreplay last an hour+, to get you both relaxed and in the mood. Make it a two-way street. Kiss, play, etc, etc.
If you still feel these emotions, then it may be something else. You may benefit from seeing a professional, such as a psychiatrist or the such. It's nothing to be ashamed about, and they may be able to help you!
Good luck!
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you might just be one of those slow maturing girls. im almost fourteen and I haven't even had my period! you may be ready, but that choice is really up to your body. i hope you eventually get it right.
ps: condoms only work 97% of the time
:)
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