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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi doll,thanks again for responding.We were flirty,and all that,starting out,but were also friends.As of the past 10 months,excluding a month ago,when we parted ways,he was yes,very serious,as was I and yes,he admitted to have feelings for me,and he did say ''I love You'' more than a few times. We had talked about meeting each other and seeing one another for a week first,staying with him and his family. The visit was initially because we wanted to see one another and to see how we could really be in person,and we agreed that we would move in when he got his new apartment,and all.
During these past months he showed he was very crazy about me,sending me videos seranading me,and all sorts of stuff.
This relationship he had with this woman was 17 months ago,and Im wondering if it should even count,considering they are long over,and the woman he was with has a boyfriend and has moved in with him.My peeve about all that is that he never bothered to tell me.
And in our 3 years times,we were never officially official.So,he may be off the hook there,during this part of 2013,we werent as close as we were when we first reconnected,but the past 10 months were just bliss.So refreshing to me,and he made me very happy,and we shared our whole lives,and really had something wonderful,and I miss that.
I was always honest with him,I never ever lied to him,I give my honor there.
But,my mom had other ideas also,and she absolutely hates him,due to a little spat they had 3 years ago.Its so petty,and my refuses to acknowledge anything else until she gets an apology from which she wont.She says I will got to eternal hell if I ever was to be with him.
And she will have no heathen for a son-in law.
As for his promises,he did say,if everything worked well,he definately considered getting married,and men usually,as a norm dont mention that much.And he was not afraid of commitment. And neither am I.
I axed it off due to peace in the family,my mother would have hated me forever and ever.Im 15,and my mom throws the Bible in my face for everything.The hell was I thinking for being with him? I feel so lost.And stuck.
I have never been away from home before.Like never. Ive always dedicated my life to mom and religion,but Im cracking under pressure.
My mom gets so uptight when my guy was mention,she immediately gets in angry mode.She scares me,and I just dont have the balls to talk to her.
I know Im young,and I try to be as smart as I can.And Ive struggled alot in my life.And I have always been in some kind of heartache,and I felt,I finally had something wonderful,and I felt it was just taken away from me from my hands.And it made it next to impossible.Just too much.Its all just too much for me,and I strugge so much as an individual.Im not brave enough to face my mom,or life,or anything.
My mother is still pouting and pissed that my guy never came to see me.Because in her opinion he is ''Obligated,and he is the man'' therefore,I have no buisness as a woman to see him at all.She says one day she will ''Grant me my freedom'' Im not a slave,I am human being and her daughter,you grant me nothing,it should never be her choice,but I felt much much pressure,and I reached a breaking point.My sister goes along with watever mom wants,and she started gaining on me andtheir both cancers,so Im damn out numbered.
Regardless,its been hard. I dont want to leave my mom,but I feel stuck too!
My birthday is in a week,and I sure wish I could be there to see ''the guy'' or watever.
Thanks in advanced!! I really appreciate your time that youve spent with me regarding this!! Thanks so much!!
Parents do the best they can. But I see issues arising because no matter what guy you're dating in the future, if he isn't Christian or of the same church, she may say no. When a person is 18 or older, they are an adult and can make their own decisions and who they date or marry isn't someone you choose to please parents. Honoring parents would mean asking their opinion as you make decisions in adults life, getting their input just as you are getting mine.
The only problem is that not all parents can be objective like a stranger. Your mom is a parent, but just because we are a parent, doesn't mean we actually automatically have our shit together once we have a baby and are raising them. It's a learn as you go process and not all parent actually learn. Some stay stuck in immaturity and don't grow up. Some of the stuff you share about your mom's reactions sound a bit immature.
I will say Mom has a point with a guy not willing to come see and visit the lady he is supposedly crazy about. If one of my daughters had such a guy, I instantly wouldn't have a good feeling about him. However, unless my daughters were asking what i thought of him, I couldnt tell them. It would be unsolicited advice. I can always say, "Would you care to hear some of the things I am seeing in him that give me enough concern to want to point out to you to look for just to be safe and not get hurt later? I've done that. Sometimes my daughters say yes, sometimes no. My role of raising them and instructing them the best I can as the best choices to make is over. That includes who they choose to date. Your mom is in the same spot.
So if you ever have future issues in regards to this and need a friendly ear, you can always write me. I wish you the best. And Happy Birthday. Mines next month.
Hi dragonfly! Thanks for the advice!
However,I dont think I expliand well! I met this young man when I was 12,we were close
Then I moved a few states away and reconnected with him on Facebook 2 years ago
From that time,we always talked about being together as a couple,he was nice to me for the most part
But I always made sure that I said that I loved him and as of over a month ago I split with him
Because I was afraid of flying and couldnt get on the plane.
Of course,I have felt such remorse since splitting with him,because we talked all the time,and we talked about spending our lives together
And of course,me eventually moving over there to be with him.
As of this past week,a friend of mine saw he had an instagram account,and he showed me pictures of him and this young woman
They spent 7 months together,and they are photos of them kissing and the whole bit
I dont personally feel that its wrong of me to be upset over this.
I am upset,because he DID NOT TELL ME! He at any time,could of stop flirting with me and talking to me while he was with this woman.
He couldve and he didnt.I had a feeling he was with someone,and couldnt pin point it,without proof you know.
And my other dilema is that I miss him alot,and miss the closeness of being in contact with him.
And my mother did watever she could to make sure we never were together.
Im 25 now,and he is 26. And my mom on top of all this,wants me to marry relegious.And I cant do that.
My mom would hate me forever if I ever married this guy.
When I was 12,I always followed him around,and his family and mine got together,and the whole bit.
I am disheartened that he never thought to tell me of this woman.
I feel like he thought,since Im not physically there,that I would never know or find out about his relationship with this woman.
And he felt,that I would never know.And he must have done this with a clear conscience in his mind
He in fact,still hangs out with her,and is still his friend.
Now this other woman,has a new boyfriend and everything.Which is fine.
Im sad and upset about the whole bit. He shouldve told me.I wouldve stopped talking to him,if he just told me.
But he didnt. And I feel that what he did was wrong.Fine,long distance. But he knew I could be there,some other way.
He had only to ask of me,to stay away,or tell me.He had many oppourtunities. I dont feel he didnt tell me to spare my feelings
Obviously,7 months,surely he felt something for this woman. It almost makes me wonder,what else he hid from me
Im unsure what to do about this? I still love him very much and I miss him so much.
But am unhappy,he kept a relationship on the side from me.
So,after explaining,do you still feel,he did nothing wrong? Because I feel he did.
Thanks dragonfly,youre a wise lady!!
Well now, this is a much clearer picture.
You still didn't live in or near the same town as him, only a few states closer. But for two years, you and he talked on line about being a couple. Does this mean you were not yet a couple? Was it a vague thing or did he and you have an actual plan you both were following. Was he telling you often how he couldn't stand being apart from you. Talking dirty is one thing, it only gives him release, his orgasm while on the phone, but it is not one and the same with telling you how much he misses you and finding ways to come see you, not making you make your way over to him. A man in love is not able to go long without his girl without going crazy from missing her. How did he confirm he missed you? Think about that.
You also said you told him all the time that you loved him.But you didn't say if he said it in return. That's a big deal.
On the other hand, just saying the 3 magic words, "i love you" doesn't mean a thing if he isn't doing things to prove it by his actions and how he treats you.
he was acting dis-honorable by misleading you with talk of becoming a couple. If he had devious plans like keeping you on the hook as 2nd choice in case his first choice in a girl doesnt work out, that's low and dishonest and not the actions of a man who loves you. So while he's seeing the other woman, he was still making plans for the future? What kind of plans, were there plans to live together? Plans for engagement and a marriage date? i could talk forever about making a trip someday to visit Europe, but all it is, is lots of talk if I am not making any plans, researching on the computer, streamlining my budget and keeping to it so I can save up the funds to make that trip. I don't know what stage you both were at. If there was a promise to marry you, then it was only words and he was lying if he was able to get into a relationship with another woman at the same time he is making plans of real commitment with you.
A good thing to do when meeting a guy is have a list of want you need and want in a guy. It must be very specific. If a guy is willing to ask you out again a third time, there is a certain level of interest. Thats the time to begin asking questions so you don't get your hopes up. "Well Joe, it seems we have fun together and get along pretty well, so at this point, before hanging out with you any further, I'd like to know some things about you. There's no wrong answer, I just want the truth because I am actively looking for my long term partner or the person I marry and have kids with someday. So, tell me what it is you are looking for, just a social companion, a friend with benefits, are you monogamous or not. Do you prefer serial monogamy to making a commitment or are you searching for a woman to be your one and only to love til the day you die, and beyond? It's okay if this talks scares a guy away. It means he was not going to be able to make a commitment any time soon. You want to deliberately be saying and doing things that weed out the losers.
First hubby was a loser. I'm in my 50s now and with my new husband just over 5 years. I tried single dating. It's like hunting for a needle in a haystack to find exactly what i am looking for. yEAH there are a lot of jerks like your guy to weed through but the few jewels are out there and still available. I posted a list of criteria that a guy must meet before he can even write me a message. So many ignored that so I ignored them. But in the end, it was a good tool for weeding out the losers, the guys who lie, the guys who want to cheat on their wife or girlfriend with me.
I had one guy write in his profile something about meeting for first date at a coffeehouse is something he hates but anywhere else is okay. We traded phone numbers. Good looking dude. I was excited. First call he is saying okay lets meet at such and such coffee joint. I pointed out that his profile said he actually hated going to places like that and he didnt have to do that for me. He blew up at me, "I have a right to change my mind if I want to!!" he yelled. For one thing, he is confused and doesnt know what he wants, is not a man of his word, loses his temper easily, hates being corrected or having an error he made pointed out, always has to think he's right, etc. I told him right them I changed my mind and decided not to meet after all. Another dud weeded out. Some are blatant like that, others are not, but they can be caught if you are diligently looking for any inconsistencies, any ways he treats you that you specifically other than what you said you were looking for, etc.
You have to know what you are looking for before you can find the right guy. And the right guy won't mind that you have a list. A lot of guys who weren't perfect for me were drawn to me like bees to honey because a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to make that clear says she is confident and that is like an aphrodisiac to men. They are very very attracted to that. So make your list but know that some of those attracted to you are not going to be perfect for you still.
You also have to be able to explain to guys clearly who you are, whats most important to you. Me, I am spiritual but not religious, into health food, and I wanted someone my sexual equal after first marriage a mismatch. You dont have to do this in a dating site. But the idea of writing your thoughts and making your list is very important. Save it as docs on your pc or in a written journal. go back as you think of more things and add them or make changes. Then memorize what those lists say so when you meet a guy, you can tell him more about who you are and therefore what you are looking for in a guy. If he cannot tell you some detail about himself and what he is looking for or at least the ideal date, it could be he just has never given it any thought. So ask him to think hard about where he is in life and what he wants, single a while longer, single forever, or ready to commit long term, life long if he finds the right woman. Sex is an important topic too for early on.It's very important to guys. But they won't bring it up early for fear of scaring away the girl. This is the time to share if you have a high libido, or low one. How often one wants sex, do you want kids someday, how soon how many, do either of you have herpes, are you willing to get tested IF the relationship gets to that point. I always make it clear I am not saying that i want to have sex with them right off the bat, just don't want to waste time dating someone only to later find when feelings develop and ready for sex that we are a mismatch cus one has fantasys or fetishes i just wont do.
Keep in touch dear and let me know how you are doing as far as being ready to start looking again for Mr Right. This one obviously wasn't.
Hi there,Love Choice girl here again.
I split with the man I wanted to see because I felt so much pressure and guilt from my family for being with him.I axed our relationship,and have felt terrible,depressed,heartbroken ever since.I want to badly to pick up the phone and say Im sorry,because I really am.I really am sorry.I didnt mean to hurt his feelings.But I have never felt so alone or empty in my life.
What do I do,should I say Im sorry with flowers?
Or just leave it alone.
I miss this guy so much,and its near torture,but I am heavily afraid what my family will do to me,if I go to him,I love my family,but love this guy too.
Im stuck in such an impossible place.
Any suggestions?
Hi dear. We've chatted back and forth plenty of times on here. As I've said before, since there's no such thing as a magic wand that can make things as they were before, what is done is done and even if you left the family tomorrow and went searching for him to see if he'll forgive you and take you back....things have happened that affected him too. If a guy did this to you, choosing family over you, would you feel a gift of flowers and an apology makes any difference in your life? No, it wouldn't.
I think the reason you want to pick up the phone, maybe self deliver flowers, is because you want to hear his voice, just once again, or see his face, just once again, hoping that little bit would be enough to help you continue on with your life any better without him.
Do you really think that would work? If you do, then you're not as intelligent as I first thought you to be. You would feel better for a short while, and then need your next "Fix" of former boyfriend, just like a drug addict needs their next fix. Just one more time for a drug addict, isn't going to help them stop using and go on with life, drug free.
So what makes you think that just hearing his voice again would help you go on with life just fine without him. You are as hooked to him as a drug addict is to his drugs.
I am not saying this is bad to want to be with him that bad. Just know that the not knowing of what your relationship could have been will haunt you every day of your life, long after your parents got old and died, long after you married someone you could never fully give your heart to, or become an old maid and never married, and you will still feel this way on your death bed with your only hope to see him maybe in Heaven. And thats nothing like the life you could have had with him on earth.
Because you are unable to go against your family...this is what you have to look forward to. This is your choice so you may as well be resigned to feelings tortured for the rest of your life. But that doesnt mean you have to torture him as well by bringing up things, making contact. Leave him be so he can heal, and go on to meet, fall in love with someone who is willing to be with him at any cost.
am 22 years old and am dating this guy I know through a friend.I had known him since 2009 and met a couple of times. I Had heard a lot about him from my best friend. the sad part is he left for europe to pursue higher studies. we are currently in a long distance relationship and will mostly be for the next one year.He keeps telling me that he really likes me and when we are on the phone we talk real dirty. He told me that distance doesnt matter even though we started a relationship like this. He seems quite honest about his feelings and talks about having kids in the future. my track record in relationships haven't been exactly great.I sometimes feel if its stupid to start a relationship like this or should I just go with the flow.I really like the guy and I think it does have potential to turn into something solid in the near future.I don't want to keep bringing up the distance issue as I don't want him to feel m not in for a relationship. he seems confident and talks about being together in the future all the time. Does this sound stupid?
People who meet in person first and can feel that chemistry of attraction and the sexual desire is a good thing and therefore an LDR of this sort has greater potential of turning out okay in the end compared to one where two meet on line never having met in person. Just in using a dating site myself, short term talking on line before meeting in person, thought the guy was perfect until we met in person and realized we both lacked having the chemistry together. Its' something you feel, not see so its hard for those just starting to date to know.
Since you didn't expand on your track record, I can't help you figure out what it might be that you are doing wrong. Yup....can't blame the bad guys. You had a choice to date them or not. No one twisting your arm to make you do it. I'm right there with you though. At 20, I didn't know better and I made some bad mistakes in innocense of just not knowing any better. And that is how so many women end up hurt by men. Mine was an abusive man I unknowingly married. I married him too quickly. If I had waited , I may have had more opportunity to see his issues coming.
I understood what you said. But I still can't ratoonalize the fact that there was no romantic relationship. We were and still are till two days back, into it. He never stopped from telling me that I was the one. I was always the one afraid of getting serious. And our connection on a sexual level wasn't something that could be turned back into a friendship. Hence, I'm foxed by his decision.
Maybe you were the one afraid of getting serious because your subconscious mind was trying to tell you that he is not a good choice for becoming serious with. Our subconscious minds run things in our body that our conscious minds don't have to give any thought to like thinking about taking our next breath, or the next blink of our eyes. Another things the sub. mind rules is our dreams. And it also had the job of protecting us for hurt or due to past hurts or trauma's will cause you to feel and act a certain way in order to protect, whether it is a bit off in its interpretation, or not. I also feel like my subconscious mind is really my inner child and as such, I can't allow it free rein to run my life but i will listen to it, as if it were another person inside of me. When I talk to myself, I am talking to my subconscious self, and my subconscious will help me figure out problems or situations. Its a psychology thing. I can't explain it any better. OUr sub picks up on some things sooner than our conscious mind. Maybe this is what was going on for you. As to what you do from here on, is up to you dear. Wondering and being perplexed about it isn't going to change the outcome. So either you decide to stop worrying about it, and just accept the situation as is, no questions asked of him or you end it. good luck dear. I know its not as easy as I make it sound.
Hi there.I met this guy from childhood and re-connected with him some time later in my life,about 3 years ago.A month ago,I ended things,and have been feeling miserable.
This past week,however,I found photos of him kissing another woman from about 17 months ago,and the most recent of him and this woman were 11 months ago.From what I saw on his profile,he is still friends with this woman.And they are photos of her in his pics,and the group he hangs with all know each other.And she appears to have a boyfriend as of a few months
My beef with all this is,is that he knew I liked him,and have been pursuing things.3 years we had talked and talked and what I thought,we liked each other. I saw her profile and she has photos of her and him at the beach saying''Were officially official! Hooray! We're having fun at the beach'' And other stuff.I had a feeling he was with her,but couldnt pin point it correctly.
Now,he and I,I thought were going somewhere,so I thought.
Should he have told me,that he was with someone?
And why did he stay friends with her?
Why did he never push me back if he was with her?
And why did he do this?
I just cant get over it.He had photos of them kissing,photo after photo.
All this time,I feel so dumb,because I thought he liked me. Im so angry about this,and its just unwavering to me! Is it wrong of me to feel hurt and outraged? Because I am,I cried alot
Please,any advice?
Thank you in advanced?
I can't help but think that something must be missing in what you wrote me because you ran into this guy you knew in childhood. That alone does not constitute the beginnings of an official relationship (the couple kind-romantic sort)
You reconnect with him. Sorry you have to spell it out for me.. cus my interpretation of re-connecting with someone I knew long ago is to spend lots of time talking to find out whats up in their life. I cant assume this means that he asked you to date him. Nor can I assume you became sex partners or started shacking up together. There is no clue other than "a month ago I ended things." However, I don't know what was ended exactly cus I don't know what was there to start with. I know it might seem clear to you dear but I wouldn't be a good advice giver if I just assumed things now, would I?
For all I know, you only met as friends for a months period, during which you had higher hopes than were called for and assumed because he was willing to meet you often that he was interested in pursuing you as more than friends.
Even if you and he had officially started dating a month ago, it doesn't matter how many photo's he has of him with ex girlfriends, posing or kissing, thats his past dear. Everyone has a past including you. Just because you may not have many ex boyfriends in your past is irrelevant. The only problem you would have is if he had new photo's posted of girls he was with during the same month he was with you. In that case, he's a player and not worth your time unless you like hanging out with the bad guys regardless of the consequences.
Be honest with yourself. Are you the kind of female who is very territorial and easily upset by any other gal showing interest in the same guy as you have interest in? Do you feel jealous and imagine in detail all the things that she must have had going for her to attract him or mad at a guy for noticing another girl but not you?
Guess what? Lots of females are like that. There are a smaller amt. of females who are very self assured, know what they want and are not afraid to go after it and ask for it. But we also dont hang around waiting for a guy to notice us. That is acting desperate. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
It would help you to feel more self assured, have more confidence in yourself as a female if you understood a few things about the reality of men and women as far as interest and relationships go.
I dont know if I can make this short but I 'll do my best.
Some guys haven't figured out that the models and other media representations of what is the ultimate female, is all fake. So much is airbrushed, photo-shopped. And they break many hearts by ignoring what they assume to be just average looking girls. There are other guys who prefer the natural look and are able to find beauty no matter how tall or short she is, how thin or overweight, no matter what color hair, eyes, skin, etc... and find the no makeup, natural girl look preferable. They dont stand out cus they aren't the guys who cat call and whistle and call out Hey baby where've you been all my life. Thats not serious guys looking for a long term relationship, they're just playing around looking to have fun. Another thing about guys, they may not have it figured out yet exactly what they are looking for in a personality of a girl, but as long as the female isn't really deformed looking like from a disease or accident, in a room of average to beautiful model type girls, a guy will find himself attracted to a woman with self confidence over the one with the looks because self confidence on a woman is like an aphrodisiac to men, they get really turned on and attracted to it. I got this info from real men, not the media, from guys on line you tube with dating advice from a man to women, and also from those I dated who confirmed it when I asked when dating, before I met my 2nd husband.
Too much in relationships is assumed or things said that aren't clear, or we just assume what it means when it means something different to the other. It's the same as you and I, with my having my own interpretation of your words.
Two people should never wonder, but be free to and able to ask for clarification. If in meeting with you, you hoped he would soon ask you to date, the best thing to have done is find out first what his relationship status is. It would be okay to say you got on his profile and saw pics of previous girlfriends. Just don't act jealous cus truly there isn't anything to be jealous of. If you act jealous in front of a guy for past relationships he's had or a current girl he's seeing, even though he's meeting with you just as a friend. you quickly lose any respect he might have had for you. girl, jealousy is a killer.
You could have asked, so I'm just curious, what happened with that relationship...looks like the two of you were doing really good, officially dating. If the energy you are giving off is relaxed, and not antagonistic, then he will feel free to update you and give you details. If you're acting nosey and jealous, he'll clam up because one thing guys hate is drama and they will say nothing that could be taken wrong by a woman who is already acting unstable like she's PMS'ing.
I am sure he'd have told you then why they broke up. Then you could have asked if he had hopes to get back together with her and patch things up. As long as a guys heart is still attached to the other girl, you don't want to get involved and be the temporary rebound date or sex partner. In future get togethers, you could ask if anything has changed with the ex. Pay him compliments such as you enjoy talking with him cus he's easy to talk to, you like this trait or that trait and leave that to simmer. Let him think about it, thats a way of showing interest in him.
So unless I totally misunderstood, I can't see where he did anything wrong dear.
Boyfriend of two years broke up with me started dating someone a week later and then came crawling back 4 months later. I took him back but we've been fighting so much lately that I question if I even should be with him. I know I'm still angry with him and that is the reason why I keep trying to find reasons to get mad and leave but he doesn't make it easy. Last night we were talking about trying to have sex again and I asked if he slept with the girl he dated and he got quiet and I told him to answer but he wouldn't. He said it shouldn't matter but it matters a lot to me cause I couldn't even think of another guy let alone have sex with someone. I said it mattered to me and he just got up and went home. He didn't even try to talk about it or reassure me. In fact the last couple days he just makes everything a joke and doesn't take any of my feelings seriously. I think it's time to move on but I just spent almost 6 months being sad over someone that I wanted to come back so bad but now I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. Any advice?
I can't say what is going on inside of him. He could be a player, just more interested in satisfying his baser needs and have no interest in the girls needs and wants. Or perhaps he does love you in his own way but knows zilch about making a commitment or about what makes up a healthy relationship. This is most certainly a possibility when the guy in question is young and inexperienced, and immature, being in his teens or 20's. Some can be very mature and ready for a real true loving relationship at that time but a great many are not.
There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I've experienced the first husband, who finally admitted he loved me as a person, and as mother of our kids but he's never been in love with me. And now in my 2nd marriage, hubby and I are in love with each other. One thing I can tell you right now, being in love...we couldnt dream of ever doing anything to hurt each other. And another, though we may be fair looking to each others eyes, the beauty of youth is fading as we're getting older and neither of us has interest in finding any companion outside of marriage to find someone with different looks or for sexual excitement, because we are so totally satisfied by each other that there is no room left to want to even accomodate flings on the side. We found life is more fun and exciting just because we are at each others side experiencing it together. This is more likely what you are looking for. You must look for a man who already is like that, not one needing change.
The one who needs change must have a desire within himself to change and devote himself heart and soul to one woman. No other person can make him change, not even you. You're welcome to try. But it would be a waste of time. Its basic psychology about humans, change must come from within, not from someone outside.
The feelings you have for him are real, I believe you. But there comes a time when after years and years of having your feelings trampled on by him, that they will die, like a neglected seedling in the garden. Or you could choose to walk away, even though there are feelings and wait for them to slowly go away over time. Both are painful, but trust me, I lived with the trampled on love and feelings and I have also experienced with someone else the pain of having to walk away. The break up walk away is a far easier pain to experience. I'd choose it any day over the other.
I have been dating my boyfriend for one and a half years now. He was in the same college, two years elder. Passed out the year we started dating and started working. We haven't ever had major problems except for once when he couldn't clear a major exam and his parents blamed it on his distraction because of me but we eventually got back because he got a good job and he loved me.
We just spent the last ten days together on a holiday with his friends and a couple of mine and then at his place alone for a couple of days.
We got into a petty fight two days back and he told me he really thinks we should see new people. He feels since I'm just 19 and he's 22 there is a lot more in life then getting serious for each other.
I let him be for a day and when we met next to talk this out he said he doesn't want to see new people. He was just saying that to make me angry. But he feels like we should break up because he thinks relationships are restrictive and he feels bound and he can't be himself. He told me he wants to still be with me and do all the things we used to do like go out for dinners, watch movies etc but he can't be physical with me. He feels when we do he gets too emotionally attached to me and he doesn't want that .We are too into each other.
He accepted that he still loves me and will because I'm a huge part of his life and he doesn't want to feel this way for any other girl. But right now he feels like he isn't fit for relationships and he can't see himself in one ever, even in the future. He knows i'd wait for this to work out but he said he didnt want to give me false hopes. He would try to make this work out too but right now he cant.
He feels now that we are bound by a relationship he would be able to express his feelings better in front of me. He loves me as much as he loves him mom and best friends and he wants me to be there but he said he can live without the sex.
We agreed on neither breaking up or dating. And I couldn't accept calling this a friendship so we just agreed on not defining it till he clears his head. But I can't stop feeling hurt and insecure.
I love him. But I can't understand what happened to him suddenly. What am I supposed to do? I'm in a delimma because I want him and this relationship back. Is there a chance ? Is this just a phase and should I just play along by giving him time?
It looks plain to me, at his age 22, he is not ready to be in any kind of committed relationship, whether for long term or marriage. To him, dating is the same thing, a promise or commitment. It is good that he realizes he isn't ready to give his love to a girl. And so he would prefer to not get involved at all emotionally..or if he senses the girl is getting deep feelings for him, since he can't return that or wont yet, he pulls away. Well, that is his choice to make. I can't say that he will change his mind in a few months, a few years, or maybe never. It could be influence from the type of relationship his parents have, if its not a good one, or break ups of friends he's witnessed, or other marriages that end up in divorce. He may be the kind who when he makes the commitment, he wants it to be for life, with no breaks, no turning back, no divorce. He can't possibly know yet what he is looking for in a woman. He may know partially...there's some things about you he likes.
I do have a concern though about him saying the words, 'I can live without the sex'. Either that's a lie, or he has an extremely low sex drive, or he may not be hetero. The kind of love he says he has for you is real love, it's just not the kind that occurs between a man and woman who commit to each other for long term or life.
If he loves you like mom, sibs or friends, then he loves you just as a friend. Maybe he will never be anything more than a friend. Yes there are plenty men who enjoy best friendship with a female and are afraid of losing the friendship is she finds someone else to fall in love with who feels the same and is ready to commit in marriage. At 19, you still have plenty of time. A great majority of people who marry in their early twenties really have no idea what they are doing and the mate they have chosen ends up not being the best at all or perhaps a terrible one as happened to me, marrying at 20. After 30 yrs finally had the guts to leave and now am remarried to a wonderful man. The reason divorce is so high is because too many people get into relationships that are not the right one for them because they don't have any other experiences or other people they dated to make comparisons with. We may thing what we have is the best thing in the world when on a scale of one to ten, the guy is a 1 or 2 when you should be shooting for 8,9 or 10 to have a great relationship. When we are older, wiser and more experienced, we often have a better idea of what to avoid and what to look for if we've paid attention.
He may be wanting to gain some experience first.
You can keep yourself emotionally available for him in hopes that the day will come when he is finally able to allow himself to fall in love.
If he's spending time with you, even guys who arent kissing and holding their girl, can have great burning desire for them and have a heart full of love, you can't help it. Once it shows up, you can't make it go away by labeling your relationship differently and treating each other as just friends. If he's only known you a month or two, I can understand wanting to wait. But after 18 months? And somehow, I have a feeling his parents have had some influence on him, regarding how having a romantic relationship can distract him from his studies. aND now that schools done, what else are they possibly telling him, that a girl will distract him from gaining things in his career? Thats his problem if he chooses to believe him. I sure as heck wouldn't want them for inlaws if they can influence him that greatly IF that is the case...not sure it is, but its possible.
So, he can live without sex, can you? He can only love you like he loves his mom, but has no deeply in-love with you feelings. If you are okay with him loving you like a sister and getting no emotional and sexual love for the rest of your life, that's your choice, then hang around with him as his buddy, never making your self available to another man who may fall in love and marry you. If you're okay with never being married and never having kids...those are things to think about too.
Just in case he was spooked by having too strong of feelings for you, again this would occur more over a short period of time. But perhaps he didn't get to see you often enough while in school to begin to have those feelings build, and now that he's out, and seeing you, maybe he got spooked with the intensity he was feeling.
If that is true, it can explain him pulling away like this, not wanting to lose you though cus he needs time to get a grip on what he is feeling. Cus a guy knows when he is feeling such intense feelings, they must be acknowledged and pretending to be friends is not going to work. He won't be able to pretend...he'll want to either enjoy the full benefits of and give you the benefits of a loving committed relationship. That or turn his back on those very real feelings cus he's not ready for them or doesnt want to ever acknowledgement them and just plan to walk away from it. You can't really know which way he is going to go.
If you don't want to wait for him to come to his senses, there's a better thing for you to do that will either wake him up and have him come professing his love and saying he wants you in his life forever, or nothing changes with him and another guy meets you and you end up with a wonderful husband in another guy, a just a friendship with him. If he said to see others but doesnt mean it, its cus he knows you're something special and one day another guy will snatch you up, at which point your time and energy goes first to your marriage and any children that result so you'll have lots less time for him as just a friend. You wont be there to be his constant companion as before, it will change and he knows that.
So you might say you'll always be glad to stay in touch and remain friends, but you are looking to experience some real love relationships with great sexual connection so you are going to date others. You aren't asking his permission, just telling him how it is. But you can't say that and not follow through. You should be open to losing him as a romantic love (which you dont have yet with him anyhow) and gaining someone who far surpasses him in your wildest dreams. DON'T settle for less dear.
So this guy I knew for almost 2 months through camp contacted me daily and we talk for an hour or 2 up till this week we only talked twice. Due to examinations. He did tell me after a few days of camp that he liked me and asked for me to be his girlfriend. I said "to take it slow" and he did but recently he told me he as stopped liking me and sees me as something more than a friend but nothing more.so he called today and the first thing he asked was "did you miss me?", he was bent on getting the answer and I just laughed as I did miss him and in the end I just said a bit.
I think he was a bit upset at that response.
My question would be:
1) Does he see me as a friend only?
2) What does it mean when a guy asks if you missed him.
Thank you for taking the time to read this! :)
If a guy is attracted to a girl and keeping in contact pretty much daily even though no one is forcing him to, that is a sign he is very interested, the kind of interest where he wants to get to know you better than he already does.
To learn more about each other, two people need to spend time together...what you call that time together depends on how each of you interprets that process. Some believe as I do that you first hang out together as friends, even though there is the romantic attraction there and get to know each other first much better before commiting to be boyfriend/girlfriend.
Other's don't believe there is an in between stage like that between initial attraction and dating. If there's interest, you date to find out if you really like each other. The problem with that is if dating, there is an implied promise to the other to never want to break up with them, that the commitment is for life. At least thats how many people treat it and why they freak out if their partner ends up discovering they aren't as interested as they thought in the beginning and want out.
So I suppose the best thing is for you to ask him what asking you to be a girlfriend means to him. How does that differ from just knowing each other as friends.
I'll bet your asking to 'take it slow' was not understood by him the way you meant him to understand it. He may have believed you were rejecting him totally.
I find it interesting that immediately after saying what you did, he came back with 'he stopped liking you'. It sounds like a childish response, like a subtle tantrum for not getting what he wanted. He can't possibly get over you if that's what he's implying, that quickly.
So either he's still crazy about you and feeling hurt because of misunderstanding in communicating or he never ever had any feelings of interest in you in particular and was more interested in just in being able to say he had a girlfriend, just for the experience of what it felt like and any girl who said yes would do. That would mean he was not interested in you to begin with.
So when he asked if you missed him, it could be just something he would say to anyone he hasn't had contact with in a while. Or it could mean he is hoping to hear a certain phrase or words from you, something that to him would show you were interested enough in him to have missed contact with him. Laughing and saying maybe a little bit is acting coy. It is basically a move where things are kept somewhat hidden, maybe because a person thinks they are being too forward to answer truthfully, or will sound too desperate if they answer in truth, or that it is too early in a friendship/relationship to speak the truth.
And that is a lot of bull in my books. One can never err with using truthful communication. If the truth is not in his favor and you really can't stand him, then use tact and don't say that but do share that you don't feel any chemistry with him. Make sure you spell it out, I don't feel romantic chemistry with you, I do feel comfortable with you as a friend.
THis is my best guess as to what is going on with him. You'll find out better by asking him yourself. with anything he says, any phrase he uses, don't assume it means what you think it means, ask for clarification. Cus when two people are not sure of anothers feelings for them and dont want to end up embarassed for professing feelings when the other has none, they will resort to all sorts of silly games, and misleading phrases that end up confusing things more.
I am 20 years old girl.2 years ago I met a boy (23 years) on facebook. He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replied me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. One night I asked him,won't you ever love me?He said "you are a very silly girl,stop this childish,it will be good for you and relationship are really trouble thing for me". On reply I said I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else.He didn't say anything.One day I called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but he refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it(There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it.I came to know from someone.) And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.Every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replied. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person talked to me little rudely. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't intentional. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replaid. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. I contacted him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And the next day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited into hospital but he didn't even go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad.I come to know that the girl is back in his life.They talk to each other.But they are just friend. He never tells me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me.
We don't talk like before.He never knocks me. I don't knock him much. I still have that feelings for him. I still like him. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am doing okay in my life. I call him sometimes(like once in a month/months) . And he talk to me nicely like before we used to talk. I wonder he still remembers little things about me. I talk to him like a friend. I never talk about my feelings and all this. But last time when we talked he asked me,do I have a boyfriend now? I said,no. He asked,why? On my mind I was telling,because I told you that I will wait for you. But i didn't tell him that. I told him that you know the answer but may be you don't remember it.I was a little angry.
Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?Forget him totally?
And yes I always feel that he has some feelings for me. May be its not love,but its special.Did/does he have?I accept the fact that he would never love me. But I still love him. And I am okay with that.
Tell me what to do now?
If I am correct, you are the same girl who wrote quite a while back and are from Bangladesh. This same question with a few bits of different info. was posted August 22 2014, 6:07 am and 3 people answered that question. Their answers were good, you gave one a 5. So I know you read them. So hon, I am wondering why you are asking this all over again. The few bits of information that is extra this time would not change anyone's answer.
When we are young, without prior experience in dating and relationships, we don't always make the best decisions...I know I certainly knew practically nothing other than I liked the attention from this guy and married at 20. He was abusive and I stayed 30 years. I am older and know better. I would like to help prevent the same happening to other young girls by giving honest advice, but you know dear, sometimes the best lessons in life learned are by going through situations on our own and making our mistakes, as many mistakes as it takes until we learn from them.
So in answer to your Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?Forget him totally?
Yes, yes, and yes. If you feel you need help understanding why my answers are yes, then you'll have to ask and be willing to seriously look at the answers.
Hello,
I met this girl about three months ago in a club, we danced (close grind) , and exchanged numbers. I was friends with her on facebook and then she unfriended me after about 3 months. I guess since I sat on her number and didn't ask her out. I sent her a message by facebook and she is like I heard you were at this place, you go places and you don't invite. I would like to hit it quickly. Should I let her know by facebook or text that we should go to the hotel or should I invite her for drinks or something and then go for the hotel. When should one communicate ones intentions of having sex? As soon as you meet a girl...I have seen some guys on youtube called simple pickup who do this all the time...or later on after seeing this girl more time?
I told her that we should go to a motel...she told me that she couldn't go... so I told her we should go on another day... she told me that she can't have sex for two weeks and that if I waited then I could hit it and if couldn't wait that I can't hit it. and then she asked me by the way why would take me to this place (the motel)?
What should I answer?
Thanks
Kind Regards
Eins
Well, what's your objective here. Are you only wanting to find girls to have sex with?
Cus if you are hoping to find girls who can be both nice enough to marry and still be exciting in bed...they do exist but you aren't going to get them if you come right out and ask for sex the first thing. If all you want is sex, then keep up with what you're doing. Ask as soon as you want.
However the majority of woman aren't turned on as quick as a man and ready for sex. Woman are more like irons, they take a long time to get em hot, but once hot, they also take a long time to cool back off again. Even if just for sex, you still need to spend some time warming her up and this is done by showing an interest in her, conversation with flirting etc, to attempt to get her ready for sex if that's all she wants. There's instructional videos for guys on 'how to get the girl' and all the possible situations regarding guys seeking girls, on you tube by that title for search. Or look for Stephen Erdman. He does some great video instructions for guys.
Sex is much more rewarding if you actually have feelings for your partner and work hard at nurturing that in her. I would suggest learning how to woo a woman, how to be a supportive man, and learning when and how to bring up topic of sex with a woman who clearly is into you and willing to date you. It is important to have someone with the same sex drive and sexual likes and dislikes but that's gonna vary if you want to only pick up a different girl every time you go out.
can rough sex damage my vagina
No it can't. You can though feel tender for a while after. When aroused, the females uterus and cervix pull up and away lengthening her vagina as well so she can accomodate a bigger man or rougher sex. If he starts right out with that before getting a girl aroused, she can end up feeling sore and tender, nothing more than like getting a bruise on the shin of your leg.
Well, this guy, that I've been spending time with is getting very attracted to me but I'm not sure if I feel the same way. I don't feel phyiscally attracted to him, but I do enjoy being around him and his personality.
I dated his best friend for six months but our relationship ended badly and this new guy helped me get through it. We have been best friends for almost a year now and I don't want to lose him as a friend if we do date. We get along very well and I think we would be good in a relationship but I'm just on the edge.
He really likes me though, just not sure how I feel or if it's the greatest idea?
There are two important components to the foundation upon which a healthy relationship is built.
One: being the best and closest and most perfect best friends ever
Two: Having sexual compatibility. Which starts with having the right chemistry. Each person emits a chemicals called pheromones. If the pheromone is attractive to the other, there will be the physical attraction and the romance and desire along with. I have done internet dating. Met husband that way. Lots of guys sounded promising and when we met in person, many right from the start could tell, just as I could that we were unable to pick up 'that feeling of having chemistry. After a year, you'd know if it was there or not. Sometimes, romantic love blossoms slowly going from friendship to romance however its more because of shyness or desire to not scare off the person you already have some attraction to. And if both can talk and discover they both feel some physical desire, then nurturing it will make it all the stronger.
All he sounds like is friend. That's half the foundation. You can be stubborn and attempt to force it to work. And if one partner has a low sex drive and doesnt need it often, then perhaps it might work for them. But don't be tempted to settle for less cus it can come back and bite you later with one or the other becoming so sexually and/or emotionally frustrated, that you seek fulfillment outside the relationship.
If being the closest of friends is enough, then it would be the same as devoting ones life to hanging with a brother/male twin one is closer than anyone else to, not allowing time for any other relationships with males and of course, since it's your brother, never having romance, the feeling of being in love and being sexually satisfied beyond your wildest dreams. I say that because until you experience, you really won't know to what extent exactly what you are missing.
Can your boyfriend tell if you have sex with someone else if the other person has a bigger dick than your boyfriend?
No. But I wonder why you would stay with the guy if you aren't totally satisfied in sex with? If he's not right for you in that area, Don't keep cheating, break it off. And go to big dick guy.
Remember, a good relationship is about more than just perfect sexual compatibility, you want the kind of person you can be best friends with.
Look for both in a guy. It is not advised to date one for the great friendship if the sex is lacking and see another for the great sex if the friendship is lacking. Find someone where you have both.
I just wish everyone would leave me alone ..
You don't provide enough information for us to know how to best give advice. All I can say is that every person needs some down time or alone time to recoop ones thoughts, energy, just chill, and regain their sense of personal well being. Some need more than others. I suggest you make that need known to others. Find a place indoors or out where you feel you recharge more easily.
If you are struggling with stress, depression, harmful addictions, or something else along these lines, then you can't expect people who care about you to leave you alone. They will intervene because they love you and want to see you better.
So, either you will be asking for alone time. Explain calmly you need this time to recharge and let stress go. All humans should be doing this, not all do.
OR
If you need more time alone than would seem normal, to exclusion of keeping up on ones responsibilities, chores, job, school, family, then you need to examine what is going on inside you. There are loners in the world but they still have responsibilities in the world and must interact with people. You may want to go talk to a counselor and get professional advice if things are out of balance. Cus wishing people would leave you alone is not going to fix your problem in that case.
Can they or is that too young, can a 13 year old where them and how to ask your mom for some?
Most training bra's should have enough padding for nipples to not show through. Your question has nothing to do with age but with your situation.
It's like asking, is it too young for a 12 yr old to wear a sanitary pad? Heck, if she has a period, she should wear it.
If you have nipples showing through clothes and drawing extra, unwanted, embarrassing looks from guys, then yes, it's necessary.
I don't know of any covers, other than nursing pads to catch milk drips. I may be wrong but I've not heard of nipple covers. So ask your Mom. Tell her why you want better coverage. She was once your age, so she should be able to understand that awkward transitional age. I'm in my 50s and still remember mine. My mom said it didn't look like I was showing. I told I still felt uncomfortable and that's why I hunched my shoulders. She allowed me to get my first bra. I was still girls undershirts at that point.
On Monday I have the only chance to be with my family and hang out with them. I had been planning this for like a month and a half now. However, my mom started talking about it with my grandmother and now she wants to come along and drag my little cousin along with her. Let me explain:
Im in college right now and have to be two hours away from home until the weekends, where I only work with my parents or study. This is the only free Monday I have and for many reasons its the perfect family day. My grandmother is not coming with us because she wants to be with me, its because my cousin (he is about 10-11 years old) loves being with us (which I also believe is because of my brother and the fact that mom buys him stuff, people think were rich when were really not at all). She even told mom to ask for my permission, as if I would not want them to go. I love them, the problema is that my cousin is very... reckless. He doesnt listen to anyone, always gets into trouble, and is not satisfied unless everything HE wants to do is done. Im just afraid that whats supposed to be a stress free day will only cause more mayhem and that is not what I need right now. What do I do?
Then make your wishes known to the parents. You called it perfect family day and the two you mentioned ARE family after all. I think what you mean is you want time with just immediate family, a term that means parents and siblings only. Extended family refer's to anyone else related by blood, marriage or adoption, by choice or anything else i may have missed mentioning.
Let the parents know that this time you want to spend time only with them, immediate family. You'd be glad to meet with grandma or others on other weekends, just not this extra Monday you have available. If they aren't willing to arrange that, then find someone else to go hang out with on Monday, perhaps a friend from school. You already have a certain level of stress just from anticipating family woes. If you find it disturbs you so greatly, and you wish not to put yourself through it, make other plans, even if its really not what you wished but it may take only once to get the message across, that you prefer them checking with you first before inviting other people to hang out with you.
So there's this guy I've been crushing on so hard for the past while now. I'm in the US and he's in... Australia (fml). I really like him. Don't know if he sees me the same way. People think I'm crazy. But I was gonna like take it REALLY slow, get to know him a lot then tell him if I still like him as much or even more. Because if you truly like someone and want to be with them, it doesn't matter the distance, how much time you have with them, or how long it'll take to meet them, right? Btw, he said he's going to move to the UK or US when he graduates university. So there's a good chance with that, right?
Your title states you need advice. But you never asked us what kind of advice you want. The only thing is that at the end,you ask if we think there's a good chance of this guy moving to the US or UK after he graduates. There's just as good a chance of him finding work in Australia as there is in the UK or US. Employment has always taken a bearing as to where a person ends up living. If that's all you wanted, you need not read further. If you want more of my opinion regarding your crushing on someone you met on line, then read on.
I remember a daughters first on line crush. He lived 2 states away. She was 14, him 13.
Whether in person or on line, the being attracted to a person and wanting to get to know them better is a normal thing. It's what we do after that, which isn't always normal and productive and may be a good reason why most everyone you know thinks you're crazy. People tend to skip ahead a couple steps in their mind, very easy to do when its an on line person. Our imagination tends to skip ahead and imagine or fill in the stuff we don't know. It's what i call theater of the mind. Like watching a good movie, you can get drawn in and your emotions involved but that doesn't make it any more real or any more or good possibility.
My daughter was 'counting her chicken's before they hatched', so the saying goes. Meaning she was making plans to meet this guy soon in person and had figured out how they would date long distance until he turned 18 and could come to our state and be with her and they would marry. She told me what was up cus at once point, the two kids talking to their parents, something was worked out. His parents had relatives in our state and took a family trip that summer to visit family and while here, came by our house so the kids could meet. They took the daughter with them for a day to our local beach. When she came home it was all, "Mom, it was wonderful. He really liked me and we held hands and kissed and we're gonna be together forever." After he returned home, they hardly wrote and eventually didn't talk anymore. Sometimes just the experience of wanting something is way better than when you actually get something. think of the Beautifully wrapped Christmas gift and based on what in your mind you wanted and made known you wanted, you expect it to be great. Anticipation has you so tied up in knots and feeling such a variety of emotions. Have you ever opened a gift and found it to not be as special as you thought it would be once you had it? yEAH. It happens to all of us. the waiting time for it was more special than the end result. That's what happened with my daughter and that's what happens to many young teens and college age people as well. Often, if there hasn't been a serious relationship or two yet, the one on line can have all your hopes & dreams riding on it, when in reality there is very little chance of anything coming of it.
But it is still important and here's why: All of us need to learn what we like and don't like in the opposite sex, not just in looks, but in behavior, personality traits...and maybe any hidden traits that are harmful or destructive to a relationship. This starts as soon as puberty hits and hopefully we have it figured out by time we're in our 20's, old enough to marry or choose a long term partner. You are attracted to certain things, someone who writes or calls when they promised, meaning they know how to keep promises, they compliment and encourage you, etc... just a couple examples. In real life, not all couples who meet as friends will feel anything more than friendship interest. One can fall in love and the other won't. No romantic spark or chemistry which by the way can't be determined in a LDR, long distance relationship where the two have not met in person yet. I did on line dating to find my 2nd husband. I made sure to not spend too much time building an interest on line without meeting the guy in person. A week max of talking nightly. Too many times, I was so excited. I loved everything about the guy from what i could gather on line. It was important to meet to learn more, like did we have that chemistry in person, the kind where you both feel romantic, sexual desire for each other. I may be older and more experienced as to what it feels like if its there or not but everyone can learn. It's there if when kissing you both feel attraction in the kiss rather than like your'e kissing a sibling that way. Yuk gross...i know. Either you feel that or just nothing if its wrong. No matter how many other things you liked about the person before.
Love is like a tender seedling, it needs lots of loving care to grow. Good intent is well but no, it's not enough if two people love each other but do not have enough time together in person. Until then, a relationship possibility is on hold. If one got to meet but must return home and you're apart again, no matter how much love you feel, it's human nature, the odds are against you. If the two of you don't have a daily relationship where both are putting in equal effort to make it work and grow, then it will eventually die, like the young seedling that cant survive without sun and water and some weeding. Love that isn't fed, nurtured which is best done in person, will die at some point. I loved the first husband when I married him. He was abusive. I still loved him for a while but eventually with him not giving me the very basics I needed for my love to survive and relationship to grow, it eventually died and i felt nothing for him anymore. He was just a roommate, nothing romantic or loving. I hope this gives you something to think about. Enjoy the experience, make notes as to what you like and don't think about or plan the future already. Doing that will cause you to not pay as close attention to what you can pick up and learn daily.
20/f
I don't know how come,but literally every girl is beautiful and I am not. I always ruin photos,they look gorgeous and then there's me. I'm 160 cm tall and I'm plus size but not fat. I just don't feel good being me. I feel ugly and am ugly. Why is everyone blessed with beauty and I am not? I am dressed up most of the time,I have nice clothes on,jewelry,make up,everything. I try to eat healthy,I exercise an hour and a half three times a week. Yet despite all of that I'm still ugly. I can't even get a boyfriend,and my best friend will be married in 2 days. In short I'm simply desperate.
I am not photogenic in photos either, I have the husband take literally about 100 shots just to find 2 or 3 that actually look good.
Just because a person doesnt turn out well in photo's doesn't mean they are ugly. In fact, ugly is a misnomer. There is what can be called the normal or average looks of people in society and then there are those who fall above the normal average in looks and below the average. The only way we could guarantee to be average in looks is to be a clone of whatever look the media says is in at the moment. They keep changing their ideas over the years. Check out for example Marilyn Monroe when she was younger, as a pin up girl. She was a big boned gal, bigger chest and wider hips and more curvy than models today. I would classify her as plus in size due to her bigger frame.
Beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder. Media is unable to convince every human out there that they have to be attracted to only one type of person. There are guys who are attracted to obese women, skinny petites and everything in between. Some are attracted to the natural look. But most males are attracted not just to their personal likes in looks, but also to females who have lots of self confidence and really like themselves. Since you lack that,( I can tell by how you talk about yourself) a man will bypass you in favor of the female with confidence, even if you both had identical looks. It's about liking the package deal which can include many things beyond just ones looks.
At 20, our brains aren't fully done growing yet so we can be prone to not making the best decisions possible. It takes until mid 20's or as late as 30 to be fully capable of making totally mature decisions and getting married is such a major decision. I married at 20. Wished I hadn't. He was abusive.
I have a video for you to watch done by Matthew Hussey. He discusses objective beauty vs perceived beauty, also making the point I am trying to make. He rambles on in the beginning so you might want to forward to about 31/2 minutes in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoBnas-LcG4
As for perceived beauty...what you may perceive to be a certain level of beauty in a model isn't necessarily true and all the women trying to look like her never will cus even the model can't look like her photo shopped image..it's not humanly possible!! Here's a link to adobe photo shop on a model:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17j5QzF3kqE
And lastly, so that you can have some encouragement to change your view of self, that you are not a loser... I include a link to video of Lizzie Velasquez, born with a rare disfiguring disease and yet she is a happy person. Listen to her story here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sohGDfNQV7M
Hello,
Hello my friend and his girlfriend want to learn english at the academy where I teach Should I charge them?
thanks
Kind regards
Besides teaching, is part of your job to sign people up for and take their payment for the class? If it's your own business that you own, you can do what ever you want and bend your usual rules for friends.
However, if you are employed by the academy, and expected to follow their rules guidelines, then you may not want to assume it is okay to offer the class free. If you intend to pay out of your own earnings to the academy for their attendance, then money being exchanged, it doesn't matter who pays, as long as someone does, whether it be a relative of theirs, themselves, or you.
If there is no rule forbiding the allowance of people you know to attend a class without charge because you are the teacher, there may not be such a rule because this situation has not come up before...so you can't assume that means its ok with the employer.
Ask your boss about it. Just say you have friends wanting to take the class and have you teach them. And you want to know if since they are friends, there is any special offer you can make to them.
If you choose to not charge them without checking first and getting permission...you are taking a change on the employer finding out somehow and either being reprimanded or losing your job.